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DHZ

Why do girls seem to isolate themselves with girls and guys with guys at chruch?

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I've been getting more confidence with people lately and it's getting easier to talk to them, but it's still hard at church when the girl just seem to isolate themselves with other girls and not really have any opening for a guy like me to talk to them. I mean don't they want husbands. I don't know about them, but church is really the only place I have to look for a girlfriend.

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Try a different church. In my experience churches that segregate based on sex (or age) do so to teach doctrine that doesn't align with the Bible. Either way men/women shouldn't be treating church as their dating scene as it significantly dilutes the pool of potential suitors who actually want to meet a partner who shares their faith and grow spiritually together. The church I go to now definitely has the "whoops! I graduated college without getting married, what now?" crowd and it definitely shows in how little effort they put into the Bible readings.

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This isn't really something the church is doing, it's happening naturally. And why wouldn't would you want to meet a girl at church where you know there's a lot higher chance of finding a girl that believes in the same thing as you. Do you really think that you'll find a good Christian girl at a bar or something?

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5 minutes ago, DHZ said:

I've been getting more confidence with people lately and it's getting easier to talk to them, but it's still hard at church when the girl just seem to isolate themselves with other girls and not really have any opening for a guy like me to talk to them. I mean don't they want husbands. I don't know about them, but church is really the only place I have to look for a girlfriend.

I personally feel like this is a bit of a loaded post - trying to push the blame on someone else as to why you might not have a girlfriend. 

Firstly don't see it as isolation - it's more of the fact that people tend to hang around the gender that they are more comfortable with. That's normal. 

Secondly, if there isn't an opening - create one, it's as simple as that. You can't just say - because there isn't a "opening"  I can't talk to her? Surely there must be times where she is on her own - try talking to her then. I believe that if a guy really likes a girl, he will pursue her - otherwise I would question how much he likes her. My suggestion would be to try and be her friend first and then go from there. 

Thirdly - I have an issue with the line: "don't they want husbands?" You could very easily flip it and say "How about don't men want wives?" The problem sometimes in the church today is that some men either don't want to take the risk of asking someone out in church for fear of rejection and gossip OR they lack the courage to do so. As singles, women especially are told to embrace their singleness and focus on friendships and other relationships - not just be on the lookout for guys who could be potential husbands and let that take their focus away from God. However due to the fear of gossip, some women may not date men at their church in case it goes wrong. There are many issues it seems and the list varies from person to person - but to generalise that those women don't want husbands is wrong too. 

If church is the only place where you meet people and the segregation between genders continues then maybe you need to find another church. However going to church for the sole purpose of finding a girlfriend will leave you disappointed if it doesn't happen which seems to be the case. Not everyone meets their spouse at church - it's ideal but not likely. My parents met at uni - others meet at work (neither are options for me since I work with my parents and I'm no longer at uni).   My suggestion would be to find other places to go to with an open mind. I tend to go to Comic Cons and rock concerts to meet other people with interests similar to myself - maybe I'll meet someone there and maybe not but at least I'm having fun while doing so.  Focus on making friends instead of finding a girlfriend. I would prefer to go out with someone that I am friends because I've already gotten to know them to a certain level and that would build trust. 

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I can't say that this situation or premise holds true at my church. First it is a large church and the college aged, early 20's singles class that I go to in the church is pretty big. What you speak of doesn't occur. Men and women all interact, are friends, hang out.

The activities via this group are replete and there is always tons to do and a lot going on and the men and women are always interacting with each other.

I've been dating a woman from this class and there was never any "isolation" to have to break through.

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9 hours ago, DHZ said:

This isn't really something the church is doing, it's happening naturally. And why wouldn't would you want to meet a girl at church where you know there's a lot higher chance of finding a girl that believes in the same thing as you. Do you really think that you'll find a good Christian girl at a bar or something?

If it's happening naturally then they aren't going there to meet boys. It's as simple as that.

Church is the best place to meet women and your red herring has nothing to do with what I said. People who go to church to date are neither Christian nor are they a good suitor.

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I've tried talking to the girls a couple of times and they just said a couple things to me, then just ignored me.

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On 5/26/2017 at 2:46 AM, DHZ said:

I've tried talking to the girls a couple of times and they just said a couple things to me, then just ignored me.

You can't force people to befriend you - If they don't want to talk to you then find some other people to talk to. However if no-one is responding then maybe it's the way that you are approaching people that is putting them off. Or maybe the topics you tried to talk to them about weren't engaging enough? Sometimes we have to look critically at ourselves and face some truths. 

I would suggest stop talking to girls - strengthen your relationships with the guys in your church and then maybe they can introduce you to some girls. Possibly the girls might see you as desperate if you are only talking to them to get a girlfriend and that pushes them away faster than you can blink. 

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hmm, becoming friends with guys has never really helped me be able to meet new girls.

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52 minutes ago, DHZ said:

hmm, becoming friends with guys has never really helped me be able to meet new girls.

This will then probably be my last comment to you in this post. Your fatal flaw here is that you want to meet girls so badly. FORGET ABOUT IT. Focus on other things. All the advice seems to conveniently not work so maybe it's you who is the problem. 

Becoming friends with girls may not have introduced me to new guys BUT I have valuable friendships that I wouldn't change for anything. Being focused on only getting a girlfriend is a sad way to live - you miss out on so much that the world has to offer. You should really only get into a relationship if you are happy with yourself.

I would have to say that maybe you should forget meeting people and work critically on yourself. Besides God will only bring you your spouse if: 

A) You are supposed to have one

B) You are ready

If either one or both don't apply - you will not be getting a girlfriend/wife anytime soon. 

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I don't know all the details here nor do I know your specific church.

However I have been in the "church" most all my life and I have seen instances like the one you've described DHZ.

Have you tried as has been suggested befriending some of the young ladies "bridging the gap" between the genders.

Maybe setup and organize a hangout with a group. It seems like this is an ingrained issue or even a safety measure within this specific community.

However hanging out as a group will have many positives, first it'll allow each of you to get to know each other in a comfortable pressure free environment.

Secondly you'll get to know some of the young ladies individually in a way that you cannot at this point from a distance. Where you might find the girl you like from a distance who seems pretty and wonderful is simply not your type once you've gotten to know her and vice versa of course.

To add have you prayed about this issue, take it to God and I believe he'll answer according to his will.

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