Nene

In Need of Support & Playing Games

5 posts in this topic

Hi I'm Nene, 

I'm a sophomore in college and I'm 20 years old. I have been a romantic from the start. At an early age I just knew that I only wanted one partner. I'm not the planning type either. I don't know what my wedding will look like-no clue. But I know I want to lose my virginity on that night. As I grew up the desire to be close with my parents grew. I told them about how I was waiting till marriage and that my boyfriend and I were abstaining from sex. They simply laughed. Throughout high school anytime I got the stomach flu or vomited my dad would yell, asking if I was pregnant. I had told him previously many times that that would be physically impossible. Holding myself to a higher standard than my own parents is very difficult to maintain. As I lack support in that aspect both my siblings have also chosen the mainstream path and cannot relate. They are both older so it is expected that they might have more sexual experience. My closest friends also have decided to have premarital sex, which I have nothing against, it's just not for me. But it puts up a barrier between my friends and I. It makes it difficult to relate. Meanwhile I have friends that find this hilarious about me and constantly tease me about it. This also takes a toll on me. It doesn't make me rethink my decision in the slightest but it does annoy me. It's just the doubt that is growing whether or not there is anyone out there that wants something real. I don't even particularly want a husband that is also a virgin. I know the odds of that are very slim and I'd almost prefer my husband to have experience so one of us has a clue of what we're doing when we do it the first time after the wedding. But as open as I have been I have still been having a rough go of it lately. It seems all boys my age want is a fake relationship, sex, and to what I commonly refer to as "play games". This becomes increasingly more frustrating as I meet more and more men and history keeps repeating itself. I have had one serious relationship and it was a year and a half long. Although he was good to me and it was a good first relationship, it wasn't meant to be. I had friends telling me all along I deserved better and I had so much exploring to do. There are so many men out there and I had only kissed one. I wanted to date and meet others so it was for the best to end that relationship. Although since we broke up my freshman year, there has been other men, all of which have only played with my heart. They refuse commitment or lead me on. They continue to act like the things I desire are possible if I do what they want. It is leading me to become disgusted with society and my generation. So I just need support and the relief of knowing that there are people that really also want something that is real, that are tired of how society is acting like a child and very irresponsibly. 

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I have similar thoughts about society and deeply resent being teased by others. It would be tough not having support from from your family and friends. I am 29 and I never sought support from anyone for fear of being teased or dismissed. I had other aspects of life to focus on and until recently did I feel like I needed support which led me to this forum. Perhaps the freedom our sex driven society enjoys lets people who are very sexually active be promiscuous and maybe pressures others to also be that way. I was hoping there were more people who wait until marriage but it doesn't seem to be the zeitgeist at the moment. Though waiting until marriage might be making a comeback and until then I let people assume what they will about my sex life or lack there of, it doesn't really come up and they assume I am like everyone else. I am getting older so I have some pride in waiting but also fear of loneliness.

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Build up a wall and protect yourself. The whole playing games thing is stupid but it happens.

If you want a good man, you need to be a good woman and you mustn't compromise on things that the world wants. I can't tell you if you'll ever meet someone, but I can say that very often women shun the very men that they are looking for while going after the ones who seem interesting. Usually interesting guys tend to be the ones who play with girls' hearts.

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Welcome to the forum

I can only imagine how hard it is if your own parents and family do not support you in this :(  There certainly is little support in society for waiting, but at least I always knew I was right. My family and the few friends I had were also on the same page as me. I hope you can meet some new friends that respect you. 

 

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Hi Nene. :) Welcome to the forum!

I think you have demonstrated great strength and conviction in waiting until marriage given all the familial and societal influences you have overcome. Until you can meet peers with similar beliefs on campus who will support you (and they do exist), I hope you find validation in your decision to wait and encouragement to persevere on this forum. We are glad to have you! ^_^ 

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