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RdTripgirl

When to bring up you are waiting

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I am curious what works for other, at what point when starting to see someone new do you bring up that you are waiting.  I respect the fact that not everyone is like me and waiting, so is this something you should bring up on a first date, or could it wait a little longer?  What has worked for you?

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I was curious about this too RdTripgirl, but i think bringing it up on the 1st date would come out as awkward. You could get to know the person a little better and when he opens up a bit about himself (ie. when he's comfortable) you could tell him there's something real important you want to let him know. Tell him its personal and see how he reacts. If he reacts negatively you know he just doesn't respect your view whatsoever. If he reacts positively then you could tell him why your doing and it and stuff.

 

For me personally, it took longer. I became good friends with the girl and then i opened up.

 

Hope this helped.

 

Cheers

Joseph

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I will say early enough during the relationship but really not on the first couple of dates. You do not want to share intimate details about yourself on the first date and then you do not hear from that person. If you do not feel that you should disclose your waiting status on the third date, then just wait for a good time to do so. Most importantly, trust your instincts.

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I am curious what works for other, at what point when starting to see someone new do you bring up that you are waiting.  I respect the fact that not everyone is like me and waiting, so is this something you should bring up on a first date, or could it wait a little longer?  What has worked for you?

 

I simply wait for the other person to bring up the subject of sex.  The other WILL bring it up eventually because the other will become confused as to why you never brought it up.  This will require you to carry something important into the relationship: you must learn to open up only a piece of your heart at a time without opening the whole thing.  I think this part is important because it is necessary to enjoy the relationship at different stages without expecting too much in the long run.  If you open up your heart all the way in the beginning, then you might become very disappointed that the other person might not respect waiting.

 

I use the following questions when the suject is finally brought up by the other person.  "Well, if you would like to talk about that, when was your last serious relationship?"  Men who don't wait will interpret what you mean as: "When was the last time had sex?" very often when they are asked that.  If the other person asks, "Why are we talking about the past," then you can say: "I just want to make sure that you are over any past relationship you might have had.  If you have been ready to move on, then you are ready for me."  Follow up questions should include asking about RELATIONSHIPS instead of sex, because you want to make the man feel at ease to tell you difficult things.  Otherwise, he is more likely to lie to you.  The key is: to make the subject of past relationships normal to talk about.  Since people are completely full of shit these days, there is not much of a greater indication that someone is ready to talk about these things until THEY bring it up.  If you open a part of your heart too early that requires this kind of information, then it will drive you crazy until you get the answers you need.  But it won't stop there because you might mistrust him, and that will drive you even more crazy later.  SO just keep only the part of your heart open to a person concerning only the things you trust about him.

 

I guess, in general, the main theme to the questions during such a discussion is to make the man feel comfortable in telling you the truth.  In the meantime, part of waiting is waiting in the relationship to bring things up in strategic, or opportune times.  Timing matters here, and I recommend waiting until the OTHER PERSON is comfortable bringing these subjects up themselves.  Welcome to the world as a waiter.  You don't just wait as a single person, you wait in a relationship too.  Your heart waits just like the rest of your body does for sex.

 

There is a perk to this too.  If all the man wanted was quick sex from you, your waiting for him to bring these things up will frustrate him enough to move on with someone else.  That's good.  You don't want a man like that as a waiter, right?

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I agree with GodsPhysicist. I say either wait until the topic of physical intimacy comes up or wait until the 3rd date to bring it up.  I think the first date is too soon to bring it up.  In my experience, the first date is more about talking about your favorite books, movies, interests, etc. Intimacy doesn't really come up.  

 

I do recommend bringing it up before any commitments to being exclusive are made (i.e. if who you're dating wants to be exclusive/monogamous) then, that way they have all the information before deciding to make a commitment to you. 

 

Hope that helps. :) 

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It can hurt dating someone for months and they break up with you for this reason. The first maybe even the second date could be awkward tho, but I would bring it up as soon as possible because why waste your time and get hurt? I also bring up that I am a strong Christian early maybe even the first date.

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There's no right answer for this question that will work for everyone.

 

Though I think bringing it up when the subject of sex (Of course!) or personal morals and beliefs comes up would be a good time to tell them about being WTM.

 

And if one is good friends with somebody before they start going out then they could probably tell the friend about being WTM very early on (If the friend didn't already know about the WTM thing.).

 

Whatever time one feels is right and one is comfortable about telling someone they are WTM is probably the best. Even though telling someone early on could be awkward, and telling someone later on can hurt if that person doesn't want to WTM. So this is going to be a difficult thing either way.

 

So in the end, I think the best time is when YOU'RE ready and feel the time is right to bring up the WTM thing, just be prepared for any awkwardness and/or rejection or anything else.

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Whatever time one feels is right and one is comfortable about telling someone they are WTM is probably the best.

 

Yep, that's pretty much what I think too. I don't set a particular moment to bring up the subject because it depends on the person, on the situation and on my relationship with them (if we're already very close, if we barely know each other's birthdays and favourite colours, or whatever). I mention it when the subject comes up. I also don't use the term "waiting till marriage" because of its religious and especially Christian connotations. My ideal description would be something along the lines of: "At this point in our relationship I'm not ready to have sex, because I feel like it's the most intimate connection there can be between two people, one that should only be shared with a single special person, and I'd feel more comfortable saving it until we both know that we're that person to each other."

 

I do avoid bringing up the subject during the dating/casual stage of a relationship, because like anything too personal, it can scare people off. I'd rather show who I am as a person first, so that when WTM does come up, the guy in question can think "well, I like her enough that she is worth it anyway".

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