Cora Jay

Have you ever been cornered by impossible standards?

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Do you think movies like the notebook ( :( lhe built a house for her with his own hands), Up( :wub:  took a house across the world for her), the avengers ( :superwaiter: Literally the whole team nuff said), and magic mike ( :blush: even the extra's in the background got abs) cause women to have impossible standards towards men? Have you personally experienced this?

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Yes, but who would be so blind to not see that! This is also how men develop impossible standards they place on women. Sure some men have bodies like Greek gods I mean heck even I have a 6 pack (currently in the developing stages. Well not really six pack yet but I don't know what else to call it 😄) but not all. Certainly not most. Same goes for women. There are those with perfectly tones arms, great hair paired with a seemingly perfectly proportioned figure but those are outliers. Most women are not like that.

I haven't seen those movies but yes movies do bring about impossible standards.

Oh and the most ridiculous standard is that guys should be tall. I'm tall but it's ridiculous. Height is something you can't change so it's very unfair.

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I have dealt with these issues. People expect others to be perfect these days. I recently lost a lot of weight and I'm still losing weight. I've always wore 2 shirts and tried not to move too much, because if I move too much I might jiggle. I notice more girls looking at me since losing weight. However, what happens if I'm not good enough. What happens when we hit the work stage in marriage, where we're working and raising kids (whether ours or adopted), and a guy with a great body and personality starts hitting on her at work or the grocery store. It makes me nervous. I don't really have many physical qualities that are make or break when it comes to girls. When I say that, I mean that I have a few, but I don't care about breast and butt size or hair and eye color I want to think she's beautiful, but beauty comes in different forms. I'm afraid of getting in a relationship with a girl and her saying she likes me the way I am, but in fact she's just settling. So I guess the answer is yes. I think we compare people too much in society, and train people to think one thing is best. When in my opinion, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

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I think a lot of girls have this misconception that we don't like chick flicks or romance novels because they are girly and not masculine. The truth is a lot of guys are hopeless romantics who may enjoy them for it's own sake. The reason I think many of us don't like watching them with a girl is because we hate feeling like we are being compared to the seemingly perfect guys in the movie or novel. We have to understand that those things are marketed towards women for a reason. It's because most women are wired with strong emotions to idealized forms of love. Sometimes it can give them unrealistic expectations on how a guy should act. Yes, it's important to have high standards but unless you yourself have achieved perfection, then you have no right to expect the same. We have to be realistic too. Every girl should find a guy who loves and cherishes her selflessly and who will die protecting her if need be. But he cannot read your mind and he will fail you at some point just like you will fail him. Real relationships take work and there will be tough times along with good times.

 

On 8/16/2016 at 8:34 AM, TtW said:

 I'm afraid of getting in a relationship with a girl and her saying she likes me the way I am, but in fact she's just settling. 

Dude, that is my number one fear when getting into a relationship. I would rather be single than to have a girl tell me she's only with me because I'm simply a better alternative than being alone. It's rather quite insulting really. No one deserves to be a back up option. We all deserve to be loved completely for who we are.

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4 hours ago, Invincible said:

Dude, that is my number one fear when getting into a relationship. I would rather be single than to have a girl tell me she's only with me because I'm simply a better alternative than being alone. It's rather quite insulting really. No one deserves to be a back up option. We all deserve to be loved completely for who we are.

That's similar to my #1 fear. A woman only pretending to be interested, so she has a "useful idiot" that she's not attracted to, but can help her become a mother, and still provide her with money, even if she decides to divorce him and go back to the guys she was really attracted to.

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I'm a pretty sensitive guy to be honest, sensitive in the sense that I'm able to express my emotions very well (which most guys can't do). And I think a large part of that is understanding myself completely. I know who I am and what I want in life. I like chick flicks. I like buying flowers for a woman. I like being romantic and thinking of cute ways to surprise a girl. I write poetry and love letters and in many ways women almost view me as being too sensitive.

I've had personal experience with being the "sure thing" in a relationship, where the woman I dated was only with me because she was tired of dating guys that were athletic, tall, handsome, etc. and she wanted to date someone that she knew would never hurt her like that. So sadly, I was the one she chose. She was gorgeous and had an amazing body and I was no slouch myself. I had a six pack and I lifted weights every day. I was a good looking guy. But everything about that relationship was superficial. After that, I stopped caring about the way a woman looked and cared more about things she couldn't change, like her character and personality.

Sometimes we learn the hard way how having expectations going into a relationship will kill it before it even begins. The sad part is, these days I'm about 25 pounds heavier than I was then and I'm slowly getting back to my 6-pack days. I'm still finishing school and when a beautiful girl asks me what I'm going to school for and I tell her doctor, I can see $$$ in many of their eyes. Sometimes expectations aren't so much physical, they can be financial too. They see a guy who will earn a lot of money some day and they think of all the things they can have as opposed to work for.

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24 minutes ago, Coast830 said:

I'm a pretty sensitive guy to be honest, sensitive in the sense that I'm able to express my emotions very well (which most guys can't do). And I think a large part of that is understanding myself completely. I know who I am and what I want in life. I like chick flicks. I like buying flowers for a woman. I like being romantic and thinking of cute ways to surprise a girl. I write poetry and love letters and in many ways women almost view me as being too sensitive.

I'm kind of the same. I'd say I'm more sensitive than the average guy. I am very open with my emotions and am not afraid to be vulnerable. I'm a hopeless romantic and I like the idea of buying flowers "just because," the good morning and good night texts and planning surprise romantic trips. Though I'm not a fan of chick flicks and I couldn't write poetry to save my life. lol. I'm also kind of a weird mix because I have a lot of "masculine" interests like guns, meat and video games.

 

36 minutes ago, Coast830 said:

I've had personal experience with being the "sure thing" in a relationship, where the woman I dated was only with me because she was tired of dating guys that were athletic, tall, handsome, etc. and she wanted to date someone that she knew would never hurt her like that. So sadly, I was the one she chose. She was gorgeous and had an amazing body and I was no slouch myself. I had a six pack and I lifted weights every day. I was a good looking guy. But everything about that relationship was superficial. After that, I stopped caring about the way a woman looked and cared more about things she couldn't change, like her character and personality.

Sometimes we learn the hard way how having expectations going into a relationship will kill it before it even begins. The sad part is, these days I'm about 25 pounds heavier than I was then and I'm slowly getting back to my 6-pack days. I'm still finishing school and when a beautiful girl asks me what I'm going to school for and I tell her doctor, I can see $$$ in many of their eyes. Sometimes expectations aren't so much physical, they can be financial too. They see a guy who will earn a lot of money some day and they think of all the things they can have as opposed to work for.

Bottom line, every girl is more than her looks and every guy is more than his pocket book. That girl you described sounds like she saw you as the "safe option" or the guy she isn't really attracted to or is excited about. You're just some guy who she views can give her stability. I don't care how amazing she is in every other aspect in her life, all that doesn't matter if she doesn't truly want you for you. No one deserves to be settled for.

Personally, I tend to be drawn to girls who live a minimalist and simple lifestyle. It shows they aren't materialistic and they are more likely to care about a guy's character and values over how much money he makes.

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I

1 hour ago, Invincible said:

Personally, I tend to be drawn to girls who live a minimalist and simple lifestyle. It shows they aren't materialistic and they are more likely to care about a guy's character and values over how much money he makes.

I wouldn't go so far as to say I prefer a minimalist, but I have become pretty minimalistic over the past few years. I've pretty much resigned to the fact that I probably never will marry, so I figure when I do become a doctor and start making boatloads of money I'll create trusts/college funds for all my nieces and nephews. Seeing as how my 3 siblings are all married/having children these days. I've never really been one for money. The way I view it, it comes and goes in this life so why try and hold onto it?

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On 22/10/2016 at 11:14 AM, Invincible said:

Personally, I tend to be drawn to girls who live a minimalist and simple lifestyle. It shows they aren't materialistic and they are more likely to care about a guy's character and values over how much money he makes.

Amen :) 

The materialistic consumer culture is not attractive. I notice it when a girl frequently wears the same dress and its not a bad thing. Mind you her dad has worn the same shirt to church for over two decades. Such frugal habits come in handy if you want to be able to rely on primarily one income to raise your kids yourselves. :wub:

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Maybe when both sexes are younger we do that, but as we become more mature we understand more about the many types of people there are and some standout more than others whether physically or mentally.

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