carastarey

thought i found the one... tired of waiting.

14 posts in this topic

I feel so heartbroken 😭 right now. I'm 27 soon to be 28 next Saturday and I'm a virgin waiting til marriage. I haven't dated many guys but it seems like it's relationship after relationship no one wants to wait. No one wants to get married. Meet a guy, trust a guy, develop feelings for a guy, something goes wrong, back to the drawing board. Rinse repeat. I'm about to give up. I don't mean I'm going to go out and have sex. I mean I'm thinking about just saying bump it all together, get artificially insemination and raise some kids alone... After all these men thinking I am crazy for waiting I finally met someone just my type. Virgin. Wants to wait to marriage. Basically everything I want except for one important thing. He doesn't want kids. I want them very much. he says he will not change his mind and I cannot change mine. So either it's forget him and go back to the drawing board once again or give up on a desire of my heart which is babies. Either way I lose something. Sigh. I'm about to say no love zone.

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Please do not give up. If this guy does not want to have children, you should not compromise because he is a virgin. I bet you will met other men who are not virgins but are willing to wait with you and want to have children. You are still young and if I were you, I would wait and break up with this guy. Hope this helps.

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Wow, you sound just like me... except I am 28 now. Happy early birthday by the way. Yeah girl its hard. It's awfully hard to find someone. What I hate most is the judgemental looks you get when u tell a guy, Im a waiting virgin, I swear most act like u told them u got ebola or something. Then I actually met a guy totally willing to wait but soooo focused on his career nothing else was important to him. He says give him a few years.... I hope to be a mom by then. I been thinking about being a choice mom as well. At 1st I put my deadline at 30 to meet someone or else AI, but Im pushing that to 32. I am in process of moving to somewhere in CA. Hoping moving across the country will give me a better dating pool and God willing find my guy. I wish you all the best of luck. Sorry to hear about the boyfriend. But don't give up girl and don't settle.

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I definitely do not think bringing another child into this world without a father is a good idea. It sounds like you are putting your wants ahead of what would be another living person. We're all aware of the increased risk of psychological issues and criminal behaviors that society has been burdened with since single parent homes have become in vogue. Consider the financial effects it would have as well.

 

I wouldn't settle for a spouse who didn't want children. If I gave up my convictions for every "perfect" girl I've met over the years who turned out to be everything but I wouldn't be able to recognize myself.

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I'm a lot like you. Going to be 28 in a couple months. I'm concerned something like this will happen to me, though on the flipside. I absolutely do not want children, not because I don't like them but because the world today is an appallingly violent and apathetic place. Every time I hear of something awful happening to a child, I am relieved to think I will never have them (save for an "accident" of course, in which case I hope I would embrace it). I'm sorry this happened to you. It's hard enough to meet people as it is, and then one has to worry about chemistry and commonality on top of it. Don't give up on love in your life.

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This guy might be great, but don't compromise on your desire for kids.  Artificial insemination is okay or adopt.  Follow your heart.

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We're all aware of the increased risk of psychological issues and criminal behaviors that society has been burdened with since single parent homes have become in vogue.

 

What a bunch of crap.  Single parenting does not equal criminal outcomes.  Criminal behaviors are linked to dysfunctional homes.  And statistics have shown that it is better to raise a child in a single parent home that is peaceful and nurturing than a married household with chaos and fighting.  So there happens to be a lot of single parent homes that are dysfunctional that's probably why they also couldn't make marriage work.  That makes criminality a correlation, not a causation.

And what do you mean "since single parent homes have become in vogue".  It's fashionable now?  No, we are now in a society where we can actually survive in single parent homes so it is now an option!  Thank goodness for this option!  We can leave dysfunctional situations and go at it alone to improve the lives of our children! 

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I definitely do not think bringing another child into this world without a father is a good idea. It sounds like you are putting your wants ahead of what would be another living person. We're all aware of the increased risk of psychological issues and criminal behaviors that society has been burdened with since single parent homes have become in vogue. Consider the financial effects it would have as well.

 

I wouldn't settle for a spouse who didn't want children. If I gave up my convictions for every "perfect" girl I've met over the years who turned out to be everything but I wouldn't be able to recognize myself.

Am totally agree with you !! with all my respect for those raising a child from an existing dad from a previous relationship or an adopted child with a family history track, but no dad at all is kinda selfish as this child have the right to know his dad later even he wont live with him but at least to know who he belonged to .. having kids is a decision that both partners have to agree about, and you totally free to choose the one who shares the same ideas than yours to live in peace and be happy .so dont worry there still exist persons sharing the same interests especially  wanting kids !

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[. . .] but no dad at all is kinda selfish [. . .]

 

Say I adopt a child from an overcrowded orphanage from russia as a single parent.  Now this child actually has a parent compared to none.  Is that... dare I say... selfish?  Do you think this child will be unhappy because he has one parent instead of 2 opposite sex parents?  And what about grandpas? uncles? and other male role models?  Or is the child just doomed without a dad. . .  Sounds like you believe a child with some distant biological father who chose to give up their own child to adoption is better than no traceable father. 

 

SOMETIMES, people are remorseful over the fact they don't have a dad because of self-fulfilling prophecy and societal stigma.  We want to morn the absence of a parent as if it has literally ruined ourselves instead of being grateful we have life itself. 

 

The conclusion, Carastarey, is whatever you decide, you may have to face social stigma.  But you got to do whatever makes you happy and makes sense to you.  Avoid dogma and stereotypes. Don't let people steal your hopes and dreams.  Don't settle.  Good men are hard to find, but they are out there.  It may just be at a later date. Don't wait to live your life.

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Say I adopt a child from an overcrowded orphanage from russia as a single parent.  Now this child actually has a parent compared to none.  Is that... dare I say... selfish?  . 

 

Sounds like you believe a child with some distant biological father who chose to give up their own child to adoption is better than no traceable father. 

 

Don't wait to live your life.

It seems you didnt read my words carefully, or you just interpreted them in a wrong way !
Dont you think that being artificially inseminated isn't a self pleasing ! an unknown donor isnt considered a no dad thing, just you an yourself thing ??
Adopting a child is a good thing as ive said earlier, and i do respect that as the child can have a track to follow to find his roots if ever one day he wished that, even if hes been brought from Russia!! you can live your life as you like its your right, but in the same time the child have at least the right to have a trace !! if not, am sorry to say thats the real selfishness !!

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Thank you Queen for your responses. I absolutely agree with everything you say. And I am happy you touched on those topics before I, for I am sure I may not have been as pleasant.

Know what, nah I still got to comment on this.

I am a choice mom. That make me "selfish" to you? oh well. I am single on top of it... does that a bad mom... to you? Ha, oh well. I am a registered foster mom, I have fostered kids. I know of kids with both parent, kids with one parent, kids who has no parents and now raised by siblings, aunt/uncles and grandparents, all of which were removed from their homes. I guess there are kids with not such great parentals no matter the number, huh? I am in the system as a potential adoptable parent, one day if I did so choose to... but since I am single this somehow will make me a future bad, selfish mom since I don't got a man, huh? Can I take care of a kid and raise them right without a man???... damn right I can... and do. Shorty got a job, shorty got a car and shorty pays her own rent, pretty sure I got parenthood too. Also maybe some research needs to be done on AI, before trying to talk facts. Here, I will give you some facts...Most men now a day agree very willingly to a commited contract in meeting their donor kids once they are 18 and most are anticipating that day. My friend was a donor for 3 years, he got 10 years until the eldest donor child is 18 and he is itching to get to know them. Fact- Did you know they also have the sibling registry where kids can find and get to know their half siblings. I can give hundreds of cases of closed adoptions and sealed records, where kids never find out anything about their ancestry. My aunt and a cousin included. So for you to say AI kids can never find out about their ancestry is completely false and to say kids raised by single parents are doomed to be criminals are so far from the truth it's ridiculous.

Back to Carastarey, do what makes you happy. No one can live your life but you. No one but God know your heart and mind better than you. You will find the right man for your life, regardless of children. If it is meant to be it will work. Just don't settle, do what makes you happy for your life. One day, you will meet your husband. And once you find the best, who cares about the rest.

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Thank you Queen for your responses. I absolutely agree with everything you say. And I am happy you touched on those topics before I, for I am sure I may not have been as pleasant.

Know what, nah I still got to comment on this.

I am a choice mom. That make me "selfish" to you? oh well. I am single on top of it... does that a bad mom... to you? Ha, oh well. I am a registered foster mom, I have fostered kids. I know of kids with both parent, kids with one parent, kids who has no parents and now raised by siblings, aunt/uncles and grandparents, all of which were removed from their homes. I guess there are kids with not such great parentals no matter the number, huh? I am in the system as a potential adoptable parent, one day if I did so choose to... but since I am single this somehow will make me a future bad, selfish mom since I don't got a man, huh? Can I take care of a kid and raise them right without a man???... damn right I can... and do. Shorty got a job, shorty got a car and shorty pays her own rent, pretty sure I got parenthood too. Also maybe some research needs to be done on AI, before trying to talk facts. Here, I will give you some facts...Most men now a day agree very willingly to a commited contract in meeting their donor kids once they are 18 and most are anticipating that day. My friend was a donor for 3 years, he got 10 years until the eldest donor child is 18 and he is itching to get to know them. Fact- Did you know they also have the sibling registry where kids can find and get to know their half siblings. I can give hundreds of cases of closed adoptions and sealed records, where kids never find out anything about their ancestry. My aunt and a cousin included. So for you to say AI kids can never find out about their ancestry is completely false and to say kids raised by single parents are doomed to be criminals are so far from the truth it's ridiculous.

Back to Carastarey, do what makes you happy. No one can live your life but you. No one but God know your heart and mind better than you. You will find the right man for your life, regardless of children. If it is meant to be it will work. Just don't settle, do what makes you happy for your life. One day, you will meet your husband. And once you find the best, who cares about the rest.

I think you are talking to me as you are using the word selfish but i think you are taking
what i wrote to a different direction and putting words on my mouth that i didn't say ..
 
As you may  know some donors in real life, i mean your friend, dont made you the only one who got facts, let me tell you my part,and those are facts:
i personally know few women who dunno their donor kid and even regret having done this choice, with every time the child is growing asking abt his dad !! the worst that one of them got three kids from different donors, and as you confirmed that in your note and am quoting:Most men now a day agree very willingly to a committed contract in meeting their donor kids once they are 18, am afraid so many dont do that to not ruin their private life and block any try to give Inheritance in the future, giving sperm is ok but giving money isnt ok !! if not why the kid gets the moms name and as the donor is known as your friend, why not giving his name to his kids??
 
i see your friend is itching to know his children!! i wonder how many they may be, hundreds ? 
its illegal to have more than one wife as the marriage is a normal way to have kids, but its ok to inseminated as many women as you want and have hundred of illegitimate children as far as the moms are ok abt it?
Its funny to call them his siblings from his known dad from different moms and with different family names.
the donor is selfish to give his sperm without any responsibility or obligation on him and the women is selfish pleasing her motherhood without thinking abt her childs rights even if she got a place and a job that  will never make her capable !! there is things that no money can buy !
 
 
i see you are a registered foster mom,thats good, but i dunno you to judge you, nor have the right to judge anyone but there is so many foster parents and moms who are taking it as a financial income and not a noble thing to do, thats why i said earlier with my respect cuz as there is good people with good intentions there is also bad people hiding under the dress of the good people, and i may say you shall know about them by their fruits !!

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Girl I know how you feel but DO NOT GIVE UP ON LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you believe in God, keep trusting Him. Be joyful in hope, patient in afflictionfaithful in prayer.  Romans 12:12. It's not easy, but  God makes all things work together for our good.

 

Just a few months ago, I was on this forum feeling lonely and was glad I was not the only one in the struggle for purity. (The struggle is real) I have been single most of my life, too, and am a total virgin. I'm 26. There's a lot I have not done (look at my post in the 25+ topic): no oral, anal, fingering, etc. I have been kissed, touched, etc, but have never in a real, quality relationship. I have been passed over by a guy or two b/c of the virginity thing. I have been with 6 guys but the relationships were short-lived or the guy just turned out to be the wrong one. The guys were all willing to wait or waiters too. But for other reasons, it didn't work out.

 

Anyway, about three months ago I was feeling weary of waiting and lonely as heck, when I unexpectedly met an older guy at a restaurant. I usually don't do more than 8 years older, but we exchanged numbers because he was such a gentleman in his approach. He is successful and has a lot going for him. Girl, we are SOOOO into each other. He makes me feel like I am the most beautiful woman in the world, he treats me so special. Everything feels like a dream. I was scared I'd lose him when I told him about WTM, but instead, he's like, "Youre exactly the type of girl I've been looking for, I didn't even think women like you (virtuous, virgins) existed." (He's not a waiter himself, but wanted a girl who was). He likes my small breasts, he likes everything about me. I am so glad I waited and can share everything with him. He is so sweet. He wants to get married by next summer. I am still seeing if he is the one, but I am super happy that I have such an attractive offer! LOVE IS ON ITS WAY. Don't give up. Keep this in mind: You do not need a bunch of guys chasing after you, who love your body type, personality type, who appreciate your style. You just need ONE. You just need one man.

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Girl I know how you feel but DO NOT GIVE UP ON LOVE!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you believe in God, keep trusting Him.

 

. . .

 

...he likes everything about me. I am so glad I waited and can share everything with him. He is so sweet. He wants to get married by next summer. I am still seeing if he is the one, but I am super happy that I have such an attractive offer! LOVE IS ON ITS WAY. Don't give up. Keep this in mind: You do not need a bunch of guys chasing after you, who love your body type, personality type, who appreciate your style. You just need ONE. You just need one man.

 

I find your post especially encouraging because it is truly an honest and personal assessment of finding the love you really needed without having to be someone else.  Well done.  I make a special positive note on your post because I hope that the people on this site can appreciate that revealing personal and honest struggles about finding love is a really great gift to give.  I hope people look at your success described in this post with the reality that came before it for that kind of gift it is.  Thanks for posting it, because this is what its all about.

 

You seem ready to proceed in a most healthy way with your relationship; I will pray your relationship works for the best.  Although we like to make sure Jesus gets what He Wants as fellow christian waiters, I will pray that the whole thing works out anyway.  I mean, each of us here knows how hard it has been waiting, don't we?  Time to cash in...

 

Go gettim'

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