Guest

Has anyone ever felt this way???

7 posts in this topic

Hi everyone!

I really hope i'm not alone in this, and I'm pretty positive i'm not, but I find it really hard to meet people in my current situation. To start off my situation is two-fold. The first part is meeting a woman with the hectic lifestyle i have and the second part is finding a woman that accepts my rather unique religious views.

I'm a 27 years old male, a virgin, and still attending college. I attend a major state university and am majoring in Chemistry and Psychology. I still have around 2 years to go before i graduate with 2 degrees. After which time I plan to attend Medical School. I also work as a manager (48+ hours) in a grocery store and several of my hobbies take up many hours of my time (photography, writing, fitness, martial arts). Much of this takes up over 100+ hours of my week which makes spending time with a woman almost impossible. The hard part about a relationship right now is I don't want to have to choose between a woman and my schooling. God makes people who they are and he made me to become a doctor. God will always come first in my life and this includes my desire to help others. The problem lies in my not wanted my future wife to come second in life behind God and my work.

The second part of my situation makes finding a woman (and Church) a little more difficult. I was born and raised Roman-Catholic but converted to Christianity about 5 years ago. Most of my family believes in God but don't practice on a daily basis (Church, prayer, Bible study, etc.) except my brother, who happens to be Muslim. Which makes things a little difficult. I left a campus ministry a few years back, where I was an intern, because we shared differing views on faith and God. It kinda led me away from the whole reasoning for needing Church really. So i'm very cautious when discussing religious matters with others. I've never met a woman who was Christian and understanding enough to accept that Islam, although not a part of my personal belief, will always be a part of my life. I know some may feel what I'm about to say is damning, but I would like to read the Quran someday. Not because it's what I believe, but to better understand my brother and his faith.

I've always believed that love transcends all religion, and no act of God could ever make me hate my brother.

So I guess my question is this, am I hopeless? I would really appreciate your opinion, however honest, however long or short it may be, in this matter. Thank you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I hope you don't ACTUALLY think you're "hopeless", because there's nothing here to suggest you would be. If your wishes were inappropriate, far too demanding, etc., then maybe. But they're not. So you're not.

 

With regards to both of these hopes - finding a woman who (a) can understand your busy lifestyle and devotion, and (B) can understand your desire to explore your faith - they are not unreasonable at all.

 

Many girls I know want to spend every free minute they have with their boyfriend. But there will be some who don't need that.

The way you're going about this all is good - you have figured out who you are, and want to find someone who will respect that. Not the other way around. You're very wise for that.

With your devotion to medicine (I'm assuming you're managing the grocery store to pay for medical school), it's important for this woman to understand that God's calling of you is so important.  I think there may be two worries - maybe she would be worried about your putting work (which seems here inseparable from your devotion to God) above her, while YOU would be worried that she'd expect you not to.

 

I can relate to this struggle very much. I'm still trying to figure out where I'm going in life, but whatever it is - counselor, detective, hostage negotiator, psychiatrist, lawyer - I know that God has put me here to save the lives of others, and empathize with those who would not typically seem deserving of receiving empathy. That is my mission, and I want to find someone who will support me in that mission.

 

Your mission to help others as a doctor should come first.  Medicine would have you saving or improving thousands of lives; marriage would have you improving ONE life.  And while I'm not completely a utilitarian, it is more important to invest your time and resources to help the many hurt and defenseless than to invest time in your partner - it's more important to be selfless than selfish.

You need to find someone who will understand that, who won't make you choose her over your mission.  And to many women, it might seem unreasonable. But to the one God has in mind for you... it won't seem unreasonable. She'll only love you more for it.

You always want to make sure to treasure your partner, and love her infinitely. But she will love your devotion - it will not be something you need to sacrifice to make your wife happy; rather, you'd earn her love by sticking to your guns and focusing on your mission of compassion, on your higher calling.

 

With regards to your faith, I think finding a woman who supports your mission as a doctor will also be open-minded enough to accept your exploration of Islam. All religions are different perspectives on God.  As humans are limited, we can not know God without our own subjectivity.

If someone is comfortable enough with their faith, and it is a GENUINE faith, s/he will not feel threatened when asked to explore other religions.

 

You will find someone open-minded enough, my friend. Trust me.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You sound like quite the catch. If I wasn't in a relationship myself, I'd say, holla @ me. LOL!

Honestly, you seem open minded. Your beliefs are not "out there". I think any Christian who is interested in the Qu'Ran, or Buddhism, or any other belief system, and is strong enough to read it, should go for it. It is awesome to be so open minded and to read or research other religions in order to better understand others. There is nothing wrong with you. But I know that anxiety all too well of not knowing if someone will mesh with your beliefs....I have a hard time meeting other Christians who are not religious, traditional, do not have a broom up their behind, and also believe in the supernatural like me. Meeting a like minded believer is going to truly be a miracle and part of my testimony!!

3 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hey :)

 

dont know if its the same boat, but im from a multi faith family where dad and bro are muslim, mum and sis are christian and i (the youngest sister) am smack in the middle. dont feel hopeless. you have the opportunity to understand god in so many more added dimensions, thus, appreciating his glory,beauty and others with more ways than one.

 

its very admirable that you accept your brother's view, and you stick by your own. and take it fro me it aint easy anyways to have a personal identity in this world..

 

im actually gonna kick myself writing this because i wish i would take the very advice ill give...which is : hope.

 

guess to elaborate (and sorry if its rambling):

 

ive been through 4 years of hoping and falling, because i truly dont feel i belong with a complete muslim, or a christian. let alone christmases with my family where one side arguing the other's bound for hell, and the other thinking the other side is evil (super fun times lol ). thats given me a spirituality, where whatever happens, i know god exists and i choose to ask for his intervention.

 

god doesnt need a path to find someone, or a particular religion to intervene and make them happy (with work, marriage etc). in the quran it says "ive created you of different tribes and nations so you know each other". as for the bible, its one big testimony to love one another. so lets say theyre both inspiring to the same universal spirit, he's saying "im here, ive created you to love each other,ive got a plan". 

 

so trust that time will show you, every day youre alive on this earth.

 

besides despair, all we have is hope. that god is working in the bg and in your case as well, that youll find the suitable woman in the right time who will match you.

 

maybe god's waiting till you complete this current stage of your life and youre ready for her. hey...maybe she's in the amazon at the moment and needs to decide to move to your city...or she's looking for a job and will be crossing your path on the way to her interview.

 

have hope. :)

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi my friend, while you are studying to be doctor its nice to see you as a patient   :) ,being busy will not stop you from finding the person you are looking for, knowing your interests wil help you to meet that person who shares the same view as you even time gonna solve that so keep the faith...

As a muslim with many faiths in my big family, i can say the diversity is never a bad thing, the respect and love is always a key for peace and happy life, my advice to you is to talk with your bro , hes the right one to explain abt islam , other than that some research would help just know where to look as so many books or sites are giving a fake idea of it, or you even can watch some debates that i personaly recommand for a better understanding, being muslim or christian doesnt matter , folowing the light is our mission in our journey to reach the final destination..

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah Cavalier, I totally agree with the others. You sound like a pretty good catch. Any women of intelligence who appreciate a man who is ambitious and a drive for success. Your driven and passionate for your career goals. Yes granted, women are attention seeking time-sucking love people. I don't want a man's money, just his time. So as your time is scarce finding time to date and get to know someone could be tricky. But you have great hobbies, sharing one or some of those are great way to multi-task, hey take pic of her. And I see nothing wrong with wanting to know more about the Islamic religion. Your brother is important to you and gets getting to know a part of who he is. And there are parts of the Islamic religion that are similar to Christianity. Some similarities that could bring yall closer. So, you sir, I have confidence will find a girl that peaks your interest. I am sure their are many girls who you will peak theirs.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

...So I guess my question is this, am I hopeless? I would really appreciate your opinion, however honest, however long or short it may be, in this matter...

 

You're not hopeless.  I can relate to both your educational and professional aspirations, as well as your maturation in faith.  I've long since left "the traditional Church" and I often find I have a hard time finding Christians that are accepting of my views on God, faith, and spirituality.  For the betterment of most involved, I usually keep my opinions to myself, but I'm open to learning and knowing about all religions, and I think it says something about your own faith and commitment if you're too afraid to read another book written for another religious sect! (FYI: Please don't take "you" personally here. It's not meant for you, I'm using it in the more general sense).

 

All that being said, I think it would be awesome to read the Quran, as well as reading different versions of the Christian Bible, and the Torah!  I've read sections of each, as well as other religious texts, but nothing cover-to-cover, as I've read the Bible.

 

So, to your first issue of being really busy, and not having enough time for the right lady: People make time for things that are important to them.  Also, the right woman isn't going to let your studies decline simply to be with her, she'll support your professional aspirations and help you get there.  It seems inconceivable to me to even think of having anyone else!

 

On the second issue of finding a woman that accepts where you are in your faith: We're out here.  You may have to search a bit harder for us, since we won't be "wearing our religion on our sleeves" like your more fervent religious zealot, but it's possible to find us.  Even where you live; with your busy schedule! ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now