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How do you Men control yourselves?

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I may not be the most welcome here, but I do have a question.

How do you guys control ourselves from acting on your "urges"? Especially enough not to say something utterly idiotic to a girl/woman when graced with their presence and interest.

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The same way women control their urges and keep from saying something stupid when a man graces them with his presence.

By using the brain. Mind blown.

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I'm one of those men that are always eloquent. There are quite a few of us outside of the female consumerism that drives mass media today. :)

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I may not be the most welcome here, but I do have a question.

I'm not understanding why you're not welcomed..... did I miss something?

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I may not be the most welcome here, but I do have a question.

How do you guys control ourselves from acting on your "urges"? Especially enough not to say something utterly idiotic to a girl/woman when graced with their presence and interest.

 

Acting on urges to do what exactly?

If I run in to a similar situation, the old saying of "do not speak unless spoken to" would be the best course of action. Besides, cat calls pretty are a death nail in first impressions. Unless, of course, you're saying if a guy says something idiotic on purpose, then its usual for laughs.

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We just wear big trousers so you can't see our hands rapidly moving around the groin.... :P

Because as men, we're basically beasts. We're ruled by our other head, viewing women only a sexual objects...

 

Seriously, why would we start saying idiotic things because we're attracted to a woman? I think you might have a rather low opinion of men!!  If a girl we like starts talking to us we just talk back. And especially guys on here aren't going to give in. On only my second date with a girl she took her clothes off and when I said I wasn't interested and didn't want casual sex and was waiting she went ballistic and said some pretty nasty things. I didn't have any reaction because there wasn't any emotion involved. My only reaction was 'how did she get undressed so quick??! I've got to go'!!

And you're reminding me of her. An expectation that men are always up for it, desiring sex only.

 

I saw a good video on Youtube, two 'hot' girls pretended to offer random guys a threesome. A lot very politely declined. We're not animalistic in our desires, most of us want something more. (although there were a few that were like 'ok, let's go' :lol:)

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I'm not understanding why you're not welcomed..... did I miss something?

 

Right? I'm really confused....

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What urges?

If you feel the urge to say lewd, unsavory and/or, disrespectful things to females when you are around them, I would reccommend you begin working on yourself so that you can grow and mature into a man.  I'm inclined to believe most of the guys on here do their best to keep a clean, wholesome, respectful mind -- particularly when it comes to women.  That's where it starts.

A good place to begin is to rebuke yourself any time you catch your mind thinking less than admirable thoughts about anything, not just women.  If you are not proud of the filth that's floating around in your mind then clean it up.  If what you watch on TV or the music you listen to influences your thoughts in a direction you don't like then, stop putting that garbage into your consciousness.  If the people you hang around have conversation and lifestyles that are less than laudable, change that area of your life as well.

If you don't have trash thoughts in your mind about women to begin with then, you won't have to worry about hiding who you are and accidentally revealing to women what you truly think about them.

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I'm not understanding why you're not welcomed..... did I miss something?

 

 

Right? I'm really confused....

 

I'm thinking the original poster thinks that since he is not waiting till marriage that he may not be welcome here but wonders how guys who are WTM control their urge to have sex with women when presented with the opportunity.

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I struggle to understand how people don't control themselves. We aren't barbarians, a man should be able to be in the presence of a woman without losing it.

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I struggle to understand how people don't control themselves. We aren't barbarians, a man should be able to be in the presence of a woman without losing it.

I second this

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@Mstr Josh  Perhaps he's referring to a physical reaction? Certainly would give the phrase ''rears it's ugly head'' a new meaning.... :lol:

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I'm not trying to derail the topic or anything but I've been noticing that it's often the men who say sexist stuff like "it's a man's world" that are the ones who have the most trouble keeping their dicks in their pants and are easily influenced by a woman's sexuality.  lol

from my point of view it's like how are you gonna say it's a man's world when you're constantly controlled by pu$$y? lol I never understood that lol

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I suppose all I wanted to know were techniques that you guys use to control yourselves? I don't know. I really admire the self-control you all posses. In my own mind I'm battling myself on whether to wait or not to wait.

Part of me says that if I do wait then I'll regret it and that I should partake in as much sex as possible because I certainly wouldn't want to be less experienced than any future partner.

The other part says that I should wait until I meet my precious wife and that it'd be so much more special.

Another part says that I only want a virgin wife.

Another part notes the hypocrisy that if I sleep with one million women I shouldn't expect a virgin wife because "you only should expect to receive what you give". Therefore if I do "sleep around" I can't get married.

Yet again another part tries to rationalize it by saying that a lot of people expect spouses with higher incomes and the such and that is not inherently wrong so why can't I do the same?

I've only had sex with one person and that was years ago. Am I already damaged goods?

Maybe if I can just achieve the level of self-control you Men have, then everything will become clearer.

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Another part notes the hypocrisy that if I sleep with one million women I shouldn't expect a virgin wife because "you only should expect to receive what you give". Therefore if I do "sleep around" I can't get married.

I've only had sex with one person and that was years ago. Am I already damaged goods?

 

You know that non-virgin people marry each other and have perfectly fine marriages all the time, right? So you don't have to resign yourself to a marriage-less life if you decide not to wait and if you decide that you don't want to insist on a virginal wife due to the acknowledged hypocrisy of such a standard.

 

Since you have already had sex, you are in a position to make a very informed choice on this matter. Based on that experience, do you think you would regret not doing more of that, or do you think that it was a mistake and it is best to hold out until you meet 'the One'?

 

Also, if you've spent years voluntarily abstaining I don't really see how self-control is an issue for you...that's way more than a lot of people are able to do.

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You know that non-virgin people marry each other and have perfectly fine marriages all the time, right? So you don't have to resign yourself to a marriage-less life if you decide not to wait and if you decide that you don't want to insist on a virginal wife due to the acknowledged hypocrisy of such a standard.

 

Not an option for me. Can't do it.

that a lot of people expect spouses with higher incomes and the such and that is not inherently wrong so why can't I do the same?

 

Isn't that situation hypocrisy as well?

 

 

Also, if you've spent years voluntarily abstaining I don't really see how self-control is an issue for you...that's way more than a lot of people are able to do.

I still have that urge to get "relief", it's that urge that I want to control.

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Not an option for me. Can't do it.

 

I recommend you don't sleep around then.

 

Isn't that situation hypocrisy as well?

 

Depends on the motivation. I plan to be a stay-at-home mom for a few years, so obviously my husband would have a higher income during that time in our lives. But I would see us as providing different, yet equally valuable services to the family as a whole. If someone wants a rich spouse because they want a cushy lifestyle without having to put in any work themselves? Yeah, I think that's kinda gross. Wanting to sleep around so you have no 'regrets' while expecting your future spouse to forgo those experiences to wait only for you seems much more like the latter than the former.

 

I still have that urge to get "relief", it's that urge that I want to control.

 

I'm sure every man (and woman) here has those urges. It's not really something you can get rid of.

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I suppose all I wanted to know were techniques that you guys use to control yourselves? I don't know. I really admire the self-control you all posses. In my own mind I'm battling myself on whether to wait or not to wait.

Part of me says that if I do wait then I'll regret it and that I should partake in as much sex as possible because I certainly wouldn't want to be less experienced than any future partner.

The other part says that I should wait until I meet my precious wife and that it'd be so much more special.

Another part says that I only want a virgin wife.

Another part notes the hypocrisy that if I sleep with one million women I shouldn't expect a virgin wife because "you only should expect to receive what you give". Therefore if I do "sleep around" I can't get married.

Yet again another part tries to rationalize it by saying that a lot of people expect spouses with higher incomes and the such and that is not inherently wrong so why can't I do the same?

I've only had sex with one person and that was years ago. Am I already damaged goods?

Maybe if I can just achieve the level of self-control you Men have, then everything will become clearer.

Ok so you had sex with one person...... the question is are you waiting or are you a non waiter? If you've already been waiting my advice is that if you want a virgin wife keep waiting for her if you can't wait for you. How can you expect something of someone else when you can't give them the same? Some if not almost all women can and will look past that one partner especially if you're honest with them about it. If you can't control your urges and need "relief"... instead of having sex do something vigorous such as play a sport like basketball or football or maybe go for long runs and go workout. No one said that you are damaged goods nor can you marry because you're not and you can. You just have to get you mind set on if you're a waiter or non waiter and go from there. My advice is keep "it" in your pants and learn to control yourself by focusing on other things and take yourself a cold shower. But I will say this (again) you cannot ask for a virgin wife if you start having sex with thousands of women or eve hundreds or more than one. It's definitely hypocrisy. Just my opinion.

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I suppose all I wanted to know were techniques that you guys use to control yourselves? I don't know. I really admire the self-control you all posses. In my own mind I'm battling myself on whether to wait or not to wait.

Part of me says that if I do wait then I'll regret it and that I should partake in as much sex as possible because I certainly wouldn't want to be less experienced than any future partner.

The other part says that I should wait until I meet my precious wife and that it'd be so much more special.

Another part says that I only want a virgin wife.

Another part notes the hypocrisy that if I sleep with one million women I shouldn't expect a virgin wife because "you only should expect to receive what you give". Therefore if I do "sleep around" I can't get married.

Yet again another part tries to rationalize it by saying that a lot of people expect spouses with higher incomes and the such and that is not inherently wrong so why can't I do the same?

I've only had sex with one person and that was years ago. Am I already damaged goods?

Maybe if I can just achieve the level of self-control you Men have, then everything will become clearer.

 

First of all, I'm going to say that having had sex does NOT make you damaged goods. Our actions, and what we've been, in life, do not determine who we are, or become... how we REACT, or USE our experience, determines that. For instance, I was sexually abused as a child. Though I've gone through a LOT of hard times because of it, I've used it to help better myself as a person, and to try and be there for others who've been through similar experience... and I also consider myself a virgin, and most people on this site have the same view (that if it wasn't consensual, you are still a virgin... virginity cannot be stolen, only given).

 

I would like to point out, though, that you are saying that you don't want to be less experienced than your future partner. Even though this is, I suppose, a valid concern, you could look at it a different way. You COULD look on it as something to discuss with her and use it as a learning experience. However, If she is a virgin, and you've had this ONE experience, is that not hypocrisy? I feel like you can't really expect someone to overlook your past if you aren't willing to do the same for them. However, as I believe has been stated, I believe a lot of women would overlook it. If you're sincere in yourself with her, and open up about what you've been through (and done), and about who you are (and who you plan on working towards being), most women will show compassion. However, it would be harder to overlook if you went and slept with anything that gave you the chance, if you expected her to be a virgin. However, being a virgin, does not mean perfections. Perfection does not exist. I'm a virgin, and I do my best at being the best possible version of myself, but I am, by far, not perfect. We all make mistakes.

 

I'm not sure why you feel you are 'unwelcome' but I hope you get the support you are looking for. Like I said, waiting is really difficult but, if you're committed to it, you will find a way to stay true to yourself and your reasons. As I think has been stated, I think that you need to figure out, for yourself, if waiting is what you want. Self reflect, pray, whatever it is that you do.

 

Even though that was a long paragraph, the part I'd like to emphasise the most (which is why I mention is last), is the part that I have made bold and italics from your response. She is PRECIOUS... and, do you want to know something? She will see YOU as precious. How you live your life, now, should be how you'd want her to see you living (and, more importantly, if you believe in God, how you think HE would want you to be living). Everyone has different ideas of what it means, and different ideas of how to handle it.

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You've been with a girl, therefore how can you judge a woman for doing the same? I'm waiting, if I meet a fellow waiter then that would be fantastic. Great, that's what I really want. But I'd take a really nice, funny, empathetic girl who had been with 15 guys and was fine with my choices and patient with me... over a virgin girl who was a real piece of work, a shallow, superficial, narcissist.

 

You're not dating a woman's privates. You're going to be with the whole of her, saying there's no way you could be with someone who has done the same as you.... is hypocritical and unfair. Are you really telling me if you meet the girl of your dreams, someone who feels as if they were created for you, and you find out they've been with 4 guys you'd push her aside and make for the virgin who you're not compatible with in any way? That seems crazy to me. We'd all like to be with one person and one person only and find someone that thinks the same way. And that's why we're waiting.

 

Although I understand the point about finances. It seems absurd to me in this day and age women still want to be with the stereotypical provider. And that some guys are terrified of successful women. Personally I couldn't give a damn if I marry a dirt poor girl or a millionaire. It's not the age of the caveman. It's unfair on men that they still have to be the 'provider' it's sexist as far as i'm concerned. We've moved on from a guy going to hunt to provide!  The whole, who brings home the bacon?, thing is strange to me. I could be the one working all the time, or where we both work... or the house husband :lol::P That's a topic for another time!

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As for relief. You're on the internet, relief is never more than a page away :lol:!

 

I've brought the whole tone of the discussion down!!

 

Seriously though, the thoughts you have about a non-virgin girl how do you know a virgin girl won't have the same thoughts about you? How would you feel if you do meet a virgin and she doesn't want to be with you because of your sexual history?

 

It's ok to want a similar girl in terms of sexual experience but ridiculous for that to be the only priority. If you're going to fall in love It will be around whether or not they make you laugh, can they make you really think, teach you things, do they get your heart going, can they befuddle and bewitch you, amaze you, make you terrified at the thought of losing them, make you smile with their presence alone? If they can do all that and much, much, much more and you're still thinking of not being with them due to them being more experienced... then I don't know what to say! Good luck with whatever your choice!

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Ok so you had sex with one person...... the question is are you waiting or are you a non waiter? If you've already been waiting my advice is that if you want a virgin wife keep waiting for her if you can't wait for you. How can you expect something of someone else when you can't give them the same? Some if not almost all women can and will look past that one partner especially if you're honest with them about it. If you can't control your urges and need "relief"... instead of having sex do something vigorous such as play a sport like basketball or football or maybe go for long runs and go workout. No one said that you are damaged goods nor can you marry because you're not and you can. You just have to get you mind set on if you're a waiter or non waiter and go from there. My advice is keep "it" in your pants and learn to control yourself by focusing on other things and take yourself a cold shower. But I will say this (again) you cannot ask for a virgin wife if you start having sex with thousands of women or eve hundreds or more than one. It's definitely hypocrisy. Just my opinion.

I have read this a million times and it is so calming yet so troubling.

First of all, I'm going to say that having had sex does NOT make you damaged goods. Our actions, and what we've been, in life, do not determine who we are, or become... how we REACT, or USE our experience, determines that. For instance, I was sexually abused as a child. Though I've gone through a LOT of hard times because of it, I've used it to help better myself as a person, and to try and be there for others who've been through similar experience... and I also consider myself a virgin, and most people on this site have the same view (that if it wasn't consensual, you are still a virgin... virginity cannot be stolen, only given).

 

I would like to point out, though, that you are saying that you don't want to be less experienced than your future partner. Even though this is, I suppose, a valid concern, you could look at it a different way. You COULD look on it as something to discuss with her and use it as a learning experience. However, If she is a virgin, and you've had this ONE experience, is that not hypocrisy? I feel like you can't really expect someone to overlook your past if you aren't willing to do the same for them. However, as I believe has been stated, I believe a lot of women would overlook it. If you're sincere in yourself with her, and open up about what you've been through (and done), and about who you are (and who you plan on working towards being), most women will show compassion. However, it would be harder to overlook if you went and slept with anything that gave you the chance, if you expected her to be a virgin. However, being a virgin, does not mean perfections. Perfection does not exist. I'm a virgin, and I do my best at being the best possible version of myself, but I am, by far, not perfect. We all make mistakes.

 

I'm not sure why you feel you are 'unwelcome' but I hope you get the support you are looking for. Like I said, waiting is really difficult but, if you're committed to it, you will find a way to stay true to yourself and your reasons. As I think has been stated, I think that you need to figure out, for yourself, if waiting is what you want. Self reflect, pray, whatever it is that you do.

 

Even though that was a long paragraph, the part I'd like to emphasise the most (which is why I mention is last), is the part that I have made bold and italics from your response. She is PRECIOUS... and, do you want to know something? She will see YOU as precious. How you live your life, now, should be how you'd want her to see you living (and, more importantly, if you believe in God, how you think HE would want you to be living). Everyone has different ideas of what it means, and different ideas of how to handle it.

I've sorry to hear that, if I could give my arm for you to not have been through that, I would.

Part of it also is, I don't even know if she EXISTS. What if I'm waiting for no one? I've already limited myself to an extremely small percent of the population.

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