Why don't guys ask women out in church?

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*drops two pennies on table*


I agree with the article in some respects.  I grew up reading plenty of Christian dating books, IKDG being one of them.  The books are well-intentioned, but it's easy to read them and go to the logical extreme that dating in itself is to be avoided.  I understand that the ultimate goal of a relationship should be marriage and not casual sex, but the 'purity movement" of the 90's did such a good job of scaring folks out of healthy male/female interaction at a young age.  I think we need to get to a place in Christian culture where we realize that asking someone out on a simple date (as friends) to get to know them isn't the same as proposing to them.  We've gotten so uptight and formulaic about it, yet our grandparents were so simple with it, and their marriages lasted for decades. There's a good article about it here.


That said, I feel that the article places far too much blame on the men in the church.  Yes, the men should be bold enough to ask the ladies out, but the ladies often have these 210 -point bulleted checklists about what their husband should be like.  If a woman is waiting around for 'Mr. Perfect' and rejects a bunch of good, well-intentioned guys in the process, then she really isn't doing herself any favors. Jesus with a high-paying job, George Clooney's charm, and a six-pack may not show up anytime soon lol.

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I happened to read this particular article a few weeks back, thanks for sharing as I reread just now.

It's a very valid dilemma I've noticed in my dealings with the fairer gender within the Christian community.

Now I don't as I've stated here previously, go around casually dating, for many reasons.

Maybe I'm part of the 90's purity brainwashing movement that Buster Cannon stated above.

Which has both pros and cons of course!

But then in the deep recesses of my mind where I ponder such things as the existence of dark matter and where my sock that went into the dryer but didn't come out went.

And if I'll see that sock in heaven when God calls me home.

But I question what would it be like if I had be born a few hundred years ago.

I choose that timeframe to avoid the prominence of the slave trade.

How the Christian Church and the elders played such a huge part in courting/marriage and family planning.

How grandmother's would introduce their sons and daughters early on in life.

How folks got married because they wanted to have sex, and held sex in high esteem, not as a merely physical activity.

How in contrast and this is gonna sound harshly critical, however I am a faithful churchgoing Christian man. Today though the pastors are afraid to speak up about cohabitating, fornicators, and other modern "sins".

And you know why because the church is a business and the pastor and his staff their paychecks depend upon giving a 'feel good' grace filled message about how God is love and Jesus was a cool hippy guy wearing a robe and preaching the good news.

Not the son of the living God that's coming back to judge the world with the literal tattoo on his thigh stating 'Lord of Lords and King of Kings'!

Yup I think about stuff like that, about how Paul in each of the letters of the new testament he wrote to them about many different things.

However he didn't neglect to write to each of them about sexual sin.

Even calling it in 2Corithians a sin that is worst than any other, because every other sin is outside the body and Christian's bodies are the temples of the Holy spirit living inside of us.

I digress, as I'm off topic a bit.

But yes it's great article, and I think another counter to this dilemma in the modern church is that there are many 'born again' virgins within the church.

Now I'm all for the born again, so-called people of the second chance as we all are, right?

However, what I'm gonna say here is again gonna be very frank.

The Young ladies who are now deciding to follow Christ are young in their walk, so I understand.

However, they're also oftentimes the ones with the extraordinarily optimistic, read: unrealistic requirements of a partner.

So most guys steer clear of those types.

I mean from a waiters perspective and again if I offend someone here it's not my intention, and I offer my apology beforehand.

Vince stated this in a post I read months back though, that it's like she's given it away to a guy or several guys freely and now wants to make "me" pay for their collective mistakes.

Or have this as the commenter stated on the link above to Relevant mag, the guy who's a 6-figure earning theologian, with a 6 pack and a 6 bedroom home in Santa Monica, CA on the seashore.

However, again I heard a great retort to that saying above, be careful about all those 6s.

I'll wrap things up saying this, that as I mentioned in days of old the church addressed things like this.

If a man and woman were of a certain age, and spending time together, marriage was encouraged.

Instead some churches condone or at least turn a blind eye to these matters, and yet we ask God, why aren't you answering our prayers.

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I can't speak for others, but one of my female co-workers posted this on her Facebook page.

My response was this: "I feel I'm not ready for dating. I'd like to accomplish a few goals before that (get a well-paying job, a place for myself, be able to afford to take care of a family, etc.)". I want to be presented as responsible. But, then I proceeded into a self-loathing tangent how on how I feel passed-over by members of the opposite gender as in terms of being seen as a man as well as why I don't have friends in the city I live in. It got ugly. I am taking the steps in hopes remedying the situation, but I do not know where it will lead me.

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Personally, I avoid asking girls out in church but for a completely different reason than those mentioned. 

Maybe it's just me but, When I go to church,  I feel guilty if I just distract myself thinking about the girl(Erica in this case) next to me or the girl in the corner or the one in front of me. I go to church to be in the presence of the lord, to honor the sabbath, and to talk to my best friend and I would feel bad if I spent the one hour out of the week that's designed for us to spend time with him, focusing on what I'm going to say to that girl or how I'm going to approach her later. So no, I don't avoid asking a girl out in church because I can't muster up the courage or because I can't just keep it casual, but because of the aforementioned and trust me, being a teenager I easily get distracted by the opposite gender. So for me it's best not to even engage in the thought.

Obviously, That's not to say that you shouldn't pursue women that go to your church and in which you share the same faith. I am 100% for that, but there is a time and a place for everything.

For example, Go to your parish's bible study or weekly meetups or if they have it(which most do) go to the youth(18-28yrs in my parish) group weekly meetups which is basically the church like giving you the opportunity to ask the girl you liked in church out :D because if you want to find someone that shares the same interest and beliefs as you do, the best place to start looking is the place where you can express those interests and beliefs :P

God bless

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I think sometimes that it might be that since church is small community there is much closer competition amongst males.

I also think that the whole church would know right away of the new courting which kind of bothers me because I am more of a private person.

It also might be that we can't find a girl there that we want at church, but it is an ideal place to start. 


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In my experience there are slim pickins in church. I have only (mostly) lived in rural-ish areas. Plus, the article doesn't mention anything about the women in church already having any children.

*The article seemed to present an ideal catch, and a bunch of hapless cowardly men without the whatever to approach her. Hardly the case in my experience.

I should add here that my experience is only with "Born-Again" churches.

But the article paints an ideal woman as an example, baiting men to be more courageous.

I was in a situation where there was only one attractive woman in a small church and there was pressure on me like, "Well your single, and she's single, so get married already whydontcha!" I couldn't get passed this woman's chin. Just couldn't do it. Her chin could kick my chin's ass. Then her mother told me that she wakes up freaking out at night that she thought spider's were crawling on her---> and that she had been to a sleep clinic for it! ...Well let me get down on my knee and propose without further ado, because I want to be married to a woman that wakes me up in terror every friggin' night.

Where is this woman in that article.

How about my friend Justin, who almost got pressured by an entire church to marry a woman over 10 years his senior with 3 kids, right after his divorce. People telling him, "I had a dream..." and what not.

------>I want to exactly quote the article here to show of the overblown description of an ideal female catch painted:    

Sweet Erica is sitting next to you in church. She is brilliant, wise, articulate and principled. And you know you’ve noticed her because you notice every brilliant, wise, etc., woman in your circle. They think you don’t notice, but we know better, don’t we?

You noticed the moment she started her internship at your workplace that she was just wonderful, nice to chat with, attractive, marriage material, the bearer of your progeny, and definitely the one God has sent from on high to satisfy your deepest longing and ...


*End quote.

Well guys, aren't the pews just overflowing with such women. All without kids, all without ex-husbands that are going to be YOUR new burden to deal with. All without that ex's family meddling in your business.

Bogus editorial article in my opinion, and I'll stop here because it's kind of got me riled up, lol!

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