Cora Jay

Are you worth it?

35 posts in this topic

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I've struggled with this one a LOT, honestly it's the one hesitation that I've had in regards to dating. I graduated from college 2 years ago and I have a steady job, but I also live with my parents. I'm paying student loans off and the cost of living in my area is sky high! At this point I think there's something to be said about a couple that's willing to endure the growing financial pains of starting a career together. Society has us jumping through all these hoops before we're "ready for marriage", but I don't believe that it's supposed to be this way, especially since true 'stability' may not come for some folks until their early 30's. This is especially hard for waiters, as we're holding ourselves off while our hormones have been ready to go for years lol.

 

Yeah exactly. With the current economic situation, it's taking our generation a lot longer to be stable than in the past. Yet the expectations still largely remain. I think one way around this is to find a girl who's also in the same boat because they are more likely to understand the situation.

 

Now that I think about it, almost every girl I know personally would have no problem dating a guy who's still at home yet working on bettering our situation. lol. Even with that positive reinforcement, it's still hard to not to question our worth. It's kind of like no matter how many times you tell a girl she's beautiful, she may not believe it. :P

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I don't think people fall in love because of some check list. I mean if I were beautiful, wealthy, perfectly zen, a bikini model and world-famous chef who donated all my profits to charity, I'm sure I'd be on more men's radar. But does that mean it would work? That among all those men, I would find one who made me feel something warm and comfortable and right?

 

Maybe it's because I get along with people but don't connect with very many. I don't want to be worth it. I don't want him to be worth it. I want to meet that person who has some indefinable thing in his soul that makes him feel like he's found home when he gets to know me. I want to feel that way about him. I don't want to get caught up in "am I good enough, is this good enough," because that's how people write resumes. It's not how they fall in love. Love is unpredictable, lightning in a bottle.

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Do believe I'm worth it. I believe all of us are worth it. Though we share many common traits as human being we still carry an individualism. You are the only you like you and should be treasured because of it. And we should be able to find mates that value this in us and we should be able to do the same for them.

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I do whatever I can to continue to BECOME "worth it."  I believe that's the best anyone can do anyway.  Some things in my life are finished, others are still being built.  My approach to becoming "worth it" is to always improve...

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I believe I'm unworthy of love. I'm a college student, live with my parents and don't make enough money to support myself let alone a family. I am as unworthy as it gets. I finish school in December. So hopefully next year the money will come and I can have the ability to move out if I want (I'll live with my parents to save money but will move out if I fall in love). I'm just very unqualified to be a suitable partner at the moment for financial reasons.

 

I would be quite careful to let the whims of financial giants who choose to be incredibly unfair to your generation also invade your love life.  It has become increasingly evident that our financial predicaments are not really the common person's fault...

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THIS x 100! It drives me crazy! There are a couple of girls I know who were party animals, slept with every guy that offered and cheated in previous relationships, and yet they've managed to find husbands. SMH, I don't know what I'm doing wrong, lol! 

Whatever you might be doing wrong, at least its not "slept with every guy that offered and cheated in previous relationships" ;)

 

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Do you believe you deserve the best of love?

If I were to be truly honest with myself, I would say that I am nowhere near deserving the kind of love that I seek. Just ask some of the women that I have hurt in the past. No amount of 'good' qualities could ever make up for all the hurt that I have brought to others, whether to make myself feel better or to say that I was a better person. Most of the time I hurt women because I myself was hurting, and I never gave myself the proper time to heal. 

Sometimes I can be fiercely loving and passionate, and that doesn't always resonate well in the ways I choose to show it. Sometimes I feel as if my love is suffocating, and with every day that I come closer to meeting the woman I am to marry, the more I feel like I will push her away. 

I feel like I do have great characteristics to be a good husband/father, and I hope to one day spend the rest of my life proving that to just one woman, my wife. I hope to prove that I am loyal, and committed, and trustworthy, and intimate, and gentle, and kind, and loving. And I hope that she is also able to see my 'worth' in her eyes. 

 

What do you have that no one else does?

There is absolutely nothing remarkable about me. I am an ordinary man with ordinary dreams, unworthy of something truly beautiful. 

In short, am I worth it? Maybe.

Do I deserve it? No. Not even close. 

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