maul4014

Giving up

15 posts in this topic

Have you ever felt like just giving up on relationships? I ask because I often get that feeling.I feel like I am not wanted. I know I am not the most handsome guy in the world, and it often seems like no one ever wants to look past that. It feels like the more I try the more my heart gets broken. It really hurts to love someone, and have them say that you are not attractive enough. I really don't know it I can take it much more. Maybe I should just become a hermit.

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No don't give up. I believe you can find some one. I often feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I am not pretty enough, not old enough, not outgoing enough and boring. Sometimes I wonder how any guy would ever want to be with me. I know what a broken heart feels like and it sucks. It was actually a few months ago that I told my brother that I was giving up on relationships because the person I liked didn't like me and I was never putting myself through that again. I feel better now and I feel hopeful. I also wanted to become a hermit and live by myself. I am sorry that people say that its not true. I know you will find some one. I believe that. It may take a year or only a month. Don't give up. I choose to not give up every day because I believe that there is some one our there for me and I believe there is some one out there for you as well.

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Yes, I have felt this way. My last relationship almost ended with the two of us getting married (we were VERY close to that), however, my significant other found another guy while we were still dating... there's nothing worse than getting close to someone and then have them leave you, regardless of the reason.  But what I think you have to keep in mind (and what helped me) is to understand the value you bring to ladies and to have confidence in that fact that you are one of a handful of top shelf guys out there.  You need to realize that you are indeed handsome, and that just because one (or even more than one) girl thinks differently, does not mean that they have the authority to say you are not attractive.  I know young ladies that most guys think are drop dead gorgeous, but I could never date simply because they aren't attractive to me.  The key is finding someone who loves you for you.  Its amazing how attractive someone becomes when you love them and you'll find that someday.  Just don't lose hope and keep your head up.  Have confidence in yourself and what you bring to the table.  As soon as you fully realize how great you are and how lucky your future spouse is going to be to have you in her life, you'll start to know that the ladies that don't want to date you are really missing out and its ultimately their loss, not yours.  You just can't let droughts in love (no matter how long they may be) discourage you to the point of hopelessness - especially when you are one of only a few good guys out there - because you're too valuable to let that happen.  You're going to mean so much to someone someday that when you look back on this time now, you'll be so thankful for that person who is now in your life.  Just hang tight. 

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Yes, I have felt this way. My last relationship almost ended with the two of us getting married (we were VERY close to that), however, my significant other found another guy while we were still dating... there's nothing worse than getting close to someone and then have them leave you, regardless of the reason.  

 

Wow man.. that sucks.  

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Hey, I understand how you feel. my heart has been broken many times and i am beginning to feel that i just don't have that luck when it comes romance. But then I'm a hopeless romantic and so i always give it a chance. However, i believe that my experience has helped me a lot to become a better, wiser and stronger person. 

 

Just today, i prayed to God to help take the bitterness away and keep on believing in love. 

 

Give your heart a rest...

 

Joy

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My husband is not conventionally attractive. Neither is my best friend's fiancé. But I am insanely attracted to my husband. He's totally my type physically (except he got eye surgery right before we met--I loooooove men in glasses). My best friend is extremely attracted to her fiancé. We both find our significant others to be very hot and very sexy, even if other women don't see it.

 

Not all women are going to be attracted to you, but some women will. The frustration comes from finding a woman to whom you're attracted who is also attracted to you. I know it can be a long and arduous process. I ended up marrying my first boyfriend. Before him, I wasn't interested in the guys who liked me, and the guys I liked weren't interested in me.

 

I don't know how to say this without coming across as mean, so please please please know I'm trying to be helpful and sincere. This comes from a place of experience both in my own life and in offering advice to friends.

 

In your pursuit of a relationship, are you aiming out of your league? Do you only notice very attractive girls?

 

I say this only because it's a common complaint that I have come across dozens of times in the last ten years or so. "Average" people are upset that "gorgeous" people don't notice them, not realizing that other "average" people are also being ignored.*

 

Let's just say it's not any fun to hear the object of your affection complain that girls don't notice him when he completely ignores the cute, interested girl listening to him complain. Like I said, this is coming from a place of experience. :unsure:

 

Regardless of your past/current habits in dating, I'd also recommend trying online dating, if you haven't already. That's how I met my husband! Success rates vary wildly by location, but my husband still managed to find me, even when he was living in a small town with few dating prospects.

 

*Like I mentioned in my first paragraph, attractiveness is subjective, and one person's average is another person's gorgeous. But as a society, we have determined some standards of attractiveness, which have been different in the past and will likely change in the future, so that's what I mean with "average" and "gorgeous."

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I sometimes feel the same way Maul, we'd make awesome hermits! But think of all people who would miss out on our awesomeness :D we can't let our fans down lol

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You're still just a kid. But it's good that you're finding out about what you want at this stage. 
 

Belle Femme had some good advice. I'd say, be open to someone who is about as attractive as you, a little more attractive, or a little less attractive, conventionally-speaking. That's about your league. If you seem to have a shot with someone outside of it, by all means try, but you have a lower chance of meeting someone that way.

I also agree with her point on relationships. She was very serious about entering one and didn't rush it. Have I ever thought about giving-up on relationships? Well, yes, I don't personally see the need for one. What even are they? You're not married or engaged, but still committed? When two people like each other, there's generally that understanding to begin with. The only difference I see a "relationship" making, is that you can't get to know other people in a potentially romantic way while you're in one.

Alright, I have a very unconventional view about relationships, but at least don't feel like there's any merit by rushing into one. Get to know people first!  :)

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You're still just a kid. But it's good that you're finding out about what you want at this stage. 

 

Maul, I just saw that you're only 16. Being a teenager can be rough, I know. It feels like everyone is pairing up, and even if your friends aren't in relationships, they all seem to have exes or potential significant others. But I promise you are not the only person to feel this way! I was almost 20 when I had my first kiss. I didn't start dating my husband until I was 24--and like I said, he was my first boyfriend, when it felt like all my friends had a string of past relationships. Some of my friends, who are 25-28, still haven't had their first kiss or their first boyfriend, because they're not interested in casual physical intimacy or just so-so relationships. You have the rest of your life to date! Don't feel discouraged just because it hasn't happened yet.

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I actually did give up looking last year.

 

I've confessed to some of my male friends. I was shot down every time. It would take me a good while to get over them and move on, but I managed to.

 

When I started dating through OKC and friends of friends, nothing worked out. Either the guy seemed normal and ended up rejecting me for a super-contrived reason, or they were outright rude. Or something didn't feel right, so I cut him loose.

 

After about a year or two of this, I was exhausted by the thought of needing a year to get to know someone well enough to marry them. So I gave up of marriage completely last year. I had good friends. I had a more-or-less fulfilling job, and if God was fine with me if I was single, then other people just had to deal with it.

 

And I was OK. Accepting the fact that the single life was what I was meant for was actually liberating. I wasn't trying so hard to fulfill this unspoken requirement that I needed to get married or had to have a boyfriend (something I never had in my life). I wasn't stressed about it anymore, and I could focus on more important things, like debates on morality with friends and drawing pretty girls in frilly dresses.

 

Except my debate opponent ruined that by asking me out a few weeks later and somehow we're getting married this year...?

 

So yeah. Even if you give up, sometimes that doesn't work out either :/a

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Okay, after reading the first post of the thread and then learning that you're only 16, I have one key piece of advice...Chill.

 

Seriously, at your age, I'd recommend putting dating/relationships on the backburner.  In High School, people are far more shallow, they don't know what they really want, they don't truly know themselves, they think they know everything but they don't...you have a ton of time to grow and mature as a person before jumping into one.  It gets better as you get older since people tend to be less shallow as a whole, and by then have a good idea of who they are and what they want.  This is a tough stage in your life, no doubt, but things will start looking up.  ^_^

 

Shoot, I'm 23, haven't been in a relationship yet, and honestly I regret absolutely nothing in regards to not dating when I was in HS/College.  For me there's no point in entering into a relationship if I don't see it leading to marriage down the line, and for that to happen I need to be prepared mentally, spiritually, and financially.  Anything I could have initiated at a younger age would have gone essentially nowhere, just a waste of time (mine and hers).  No need to rush things, just work hard and enjoy life.

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Yeah, just chill. I'm 17 so we're close in age, and I see it as I have my entire life ahead of me to figure things out. HS relationships are a pain in the butt, just live your life and stop worrying about what will happen.

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By winter of my sophomore year of high school, I was the only one of my friends who had never gone on a date, never been kissed, and never had a boyfriend. Three of my closest friends were paired up in relationships that had been going on for months. I felt totally alone and undateable, and even had a few crying fits because I thought I'd never find someone to love me, and I'd never be able to get married or have kids.

 

That spring, I started dating my current boyfriend. Our relationship has lasted five years -- far outliving the relationships my peers were in at the time. It seems quite likely that we will be the first out of our friends to get married.

 

Things change pretty dramatically in your teens and early twenties.

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I feel like a lot of people on this website really understand how you feel. We have all felt that terrible feeling of not being wanted, or not being enough. For me, I often feel this way because certain men want nothing to do with me because I am waiting until marriage. It feels like rejection and inadequacy. I know it feels hopeless, but it isn't. You just haven't found a person worthy of your heart. If someone is only valuing you based solely on your appearance, what does that say about them? You have to keep your head up and wait for a quality individual to come a long and see your true value. I recommend that you don't worry over people who don't deserve you. Their opinions hurt, but that is natural. Try not to let it stop you from valuing yourself. Everyone has a different perception about what is beautiful! (:

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