charlotteishappy

Courting

7 posts in this topic

Hello fellas :)

I have my friend here who is WTM like us.He has a girlfriend for 4 months already and for now the things are good.

But there is the problem - she is quite shy and also she is supporting the "holding hands" - deosn't want any physical intimacy as kissing or even hugging.

He accepts that but feels a bit worried about the sexual incompability because they haven't even really touched themselfs,he doesn't know how she reacts to him touching her and the sex topic makes her uncomfortable.

I don't know what to say to him,neither my husband.

Thank you for every possible answer.

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Honestly, I think this could  be a red flag. I say "could" because I don't know this girl's reasons for her reservations with physical touch. Maybe it could just be she is REALLY protective of any kind of temptation or she could have some underlying psychological issue and is actually afraid of touch based on childhood abuse. We don't really know. If the ladder is the case, it could be detrimental to their relationship later down the road if she is afraid of physical intimacy even after marriage. Emotional trauma is something extremely difficult to come to terms with. So first, your friend has to accept that this reason may be a real possibility and it if is, would he be okay with enduring the challenges that come with helping her overcome her fears.

 

He needs to acknowledge what he wants and what he's willing to deal with and then he needs to have an open and honest conversation as to why she is this way.

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I agree, I think they need to try to delve a little deeper to find out why she is so averse to physical intimacy (if it is a true aversion and not based on beliefs).

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My brother was like this. I think the idea was to get to know the person better first. I don't know if he was thinking that he'd save it for engagement? Who knows. There's nothing that couldn't be communicated with words, concerning sexual compatibility. Dating only lasts a little while, marriage is forever. Some people are more conservative in dating. I wouldn't write-off a guy who was into courtship, if there was marriage potential.

The same label that this is "weird" and "how would they know" could be applied to everyone on here.

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I wouldn't recommend going all the way to the alter with so little physical contact, especially if they don't believe in touching themselves as well. And it's definitely a problem if she won't even discuss intimacy with him. I do think you can work out pretty much everything re: sexual compatibility without engaging in intercourse, but if the two people in question won't touch themselves or each other in any kind of sexual manner *at all*, and aren't able to discuss it *at all*, I think they are running a huge risk.

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I don't know the girl very well.But according to our friend ,the issue is partly because of her beliefs,partly because of her education.

She is very religious.Our friend not that much - he is waiting because of him and wanting the one true love,not exactly for God (not like me - I waited for God)

She doesn't want to talk about sex - she says that this is something natural ,happening upon the marriage and that's all. About everything else - after the marriage.

I agree with her but at least we have talked before.And still we have problems after it.

 

Actually the biggest concern of the guy is that she could not want to have sex or would do it only to please him.

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Hmm, I don't know about that. I think that you should be able to discuss sex with your partner, even when you're not having it. Somethin' ain't stirring the Kool-Aid....

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