carolyn

why don't churches say that sex before marriage is wrong?

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I mean if it is - and it really is - shouldnt they be helping people and speaking the truth???

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It seems churches today are more about pandering to people's feelings than Biblical truth. Truth is too "oppressive" I guess.

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That's kind of a generalization; a lot of churches (including the church I go to) preach clearly that premarital sex is a sin, but it's still up to the individual not to do it.  I tend to put less blame on the churches and more on the people that don't read the Bible for themselves so that they know what the truth is.  Anything the pastor says should be double-checked against the Bible to make sure that it's accurate.

 

Also, the way our culture is now, the entire notion of "no sex before marriage" sounds completely outlandish to most people, even to those who proclaim to be Christians.

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My church has been talking about sex quite a bit these past couple months. We've been talking about the differences between men and women how we should treat each other biblically. Sex was bound to come up.

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1) A huge number of churches still emphasize no sex before marriage, often so obsessively that it's the only message young people ever hear.

 

2) If a church isn't preaching that regularly, it's not necessarily because that church thinks premarital sex is okay, but maybe because their congregation is older. My home church had a very small youth group when I was there, but a very large and growing number of members who were 50+ and married. That's just one example of why a church might not spend a lot of time preaching against premarital sex. Other reasons could be a need to focus on other problems that are more prevalent in that community.

 

3) Finally, not all Christians believe that premarital sex is a sin. Contrary to popular belief, the Bible is pretty vague, and often contradictory, on many biblical "truths." This redditor outlined some of the problems in the arguments used to say premarital sex is a sin.

 

Anything the pastor says should be double-checked against the Bible to make sure that it's accurate.

 

I agree. If at all possible, we should also try to look at the original Greek and Hebrew, the historical context of when that Bible verse was written, the political motivations of English translations through the years, and anything else we can discover. Then take all that information and prayerfully reflect upon it. We will not all come to the same conclusion, even provided the same texts and exegesis, which is why I ultimately believe that faith and belief systems are a very personal thing.

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Most churches maintain that it is wrong if questioned, but people are so afraid to discuss moral issues these days.

 

I'll use my own church for example. Catholic teaching is very clear about pre-marital sex being wrong, but around 80% of Catholics think pre-marital sex is okay. Some of these Catholics inexplicably use statistics like this to call for a change in Church teaching (which they won't get), claiming that implications like "pre-marital sex is a sin" are out-of-touch with society. I actually do agree with this, unfortunately, but since I accept this particular teaching as Truth at the same time, I therefore disagree when it comes to who/what needs to change.

 

But really, it becomes all about keeping people in church, however possible, and telling 80% of the congregation that they're living in sin isn't exactly a great way to do that. No people = no donations = no money = no church.

 

Kind of sad, really.

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Sex is a very awkward topic for many people and churches aren't excluded. The same way it's weird for many parents to inform their kids deeply about this topic, it's a daunting task for many church leaders to guide their members through it. Also, using the same analogy of parents and children..the parents that don't go into too much detail with their kids just expect the kids to find out through school teaching..I'm guessing the churches figure out grown adults and kids the same can pick up a Bible and read it for themselves.

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It seems churches today are more about pandering to people's feelings than Biblical truth. Truth is too "oppressive" I guess.

I agree with you. Even though not all churches are doing that. I do feel like we are completely sugar coating the Bible to the point of it being unrecognizable. I think we are so afraid of offending everyone and anyone that we are running out of things to talk about.

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"Helping people" and "speaking the truth" are just phrases if there's no plan of action.

 

I think a "waiting until marriage" message should be given in a small group setting. Younger singles/students can talk to those more spiritually mature and experienced, and they can teach, explain and help them understand/internalize the value of WTM.

 

Best case scenario, it's a place where everyone feels safe to ask questions and discuss about sex with people who are more likely to care about their physical, spiritual and mental well-being than random anons online. They will have access to observe the lives of those who have consolidated their faith with their views on sex without being dismissive of their activities and relationships outside the church.

 

There's probably better solutions out there than this. This is the one I can think of off the top of my head.

 

IMO, I've seen some really messed up stuff, and sexual purity - While still an issue - pales dramatically to problems I've encountered in churches these days.

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it's important for churches to talk about it but it's also important that they talk about it properly. Some churches' discussion of sex begins and ends with, "don't do it until marriage. Period." or "Because the Bible says so." Either that or they use false information or fear to keep people from engaging in premarital sex. That is like telling a little kid not to touch the cookie jar that is right across the room. What do you think is going to happen?

 

Some churches will imply that sex is dirty, even within the confines of marriage. That is blatant lie and unbiblical and quite frankly a slap in the face of God. Anyone who has read Song of Solomon knows that God celebrates sex as something good and beautiful when done His way. Even in Genesis, it makes it clear that God meant a man and woman to be "one flesh." If it's so dirty, why did He make it so since the Creation?

 

Sex within marriage is beautiful and that is important to stress that in churches who neglect to do so. Also, all churches should encourage marriage for those who feel called for it. Some churches do a great job in having singles events and such.

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What church are you going to?

 

I go to the Methodists - not often its true...

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It's probably a geographical/denominational matter -- in the American South, the churches are still quite big on that. Like others have said, it's about tailoring their message to their audience. In the deep South, where I'm from, people are extremely conservative, so people are very receptive to hearing about more "old fashioned" values. Plus church attendance is very high here anyway; I think about 50% of the population attends church every single Sunday, so the churches have less to lose by being a little more controversial. In the parts of the world that are much more secular and liberal, they'd drive away their congregations by espousing such views.

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my church does say so but I think they also don't want to offend the majority of their congregation who more often than not have already had sex. my pastor always says there are two things people don't wanna talk about :their money and their honey.

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my church does say so but I think they also don't want to offend the majority of their congregation who more often than not have already had sex. my pastor always says there are two things people don't wanna talk about :their money and their honey.

 

This is what other people have said - I never thought of it that way before. I think that's sad though

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I've been lurking for a while on here, I wanted to give some input regarding this.
It seems to me a lot of church members have been influenced some-what by societal norms.
Although I've met many people who do believe that pre-marital sex is a sin but those people being far less than
the ones I've met whom consider themselves to have a strong faith in Catholicism or Christianity, two religions I know for
sure don't favor pre-marital sex too much.

And Churches typically like to avoid offending anyone and appealing to the most amount of people
available. A large majority of people in the world, regardless of religion have had some type of sex by the time they reach adulthood. I think a big reason is these churches don't want to make the people that didn't wait feel bad as perhaps they may not have known. Although these incidents could possibly be prevented and could make for a culture shift if it was touched on more frequently.

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