TheCrowing

How do you maintain hope?

8 posts in this topic

Hi there. I realize there are tons of threads dealing with issues like this, so I apologize if I'm beating a dead horse. I've read through many topics on here but haven't really found the answer I'm looking for.

So... for those hopeless romantics out there, regardless if you're WTM or not, how do maintain hope/faith that someone special will come along?

 

Truth is, it's easy to be told that there's someone out there for everyone, but the scary fact is that I see people from time to time, who are advanced in years, that have never married. Most of them by choice, but you can't help but wonder if they just didn't find their special someone. Do these thoughts ever scare you? Is there anybody else here for whom spending their life alone is absolutely not an option? 

 

While I'm 27, my longest relationship has only been about 6 months, so I've spent a great deal of time alone, and to be frank, I really couldn't really imagine doing it for another 5 or 10 years. Of course I won't settle and marry just for the sake of it either, so it's a really tough position to be in. I have high standards for dating partners, but I wouldn't call them sky-high. I've been on dates with girls whom I consider to be wife material but they just didn't work out, for one reason or another. So the worst part is that I've had a "taste" of what I want but haven't been able to turn it into anything long-term.

So after awhile you start to question yourself, which is the worst thing you can do if deep down you're really happy with yourself and your lifestyle. Sometimes you start questioning the intentions and motives of others (maybe guy waiters aren't attractive, etc.) When having a decent job, a good bit of education, and good "habits" don't feel like enough, it can really start to feel hopeless.

I didn't really want to make this too much about me though, since I know this question will apply to and resonate with a lot of people here.

 

How do you become a hopeFUL romantic?  :)

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I look at older unmarried men a women who have held their convictions over the long haul with respect and reverence, not fear. Whenever I encounter older people who have remained abstinent, which is rarely I admit, it gives me hope that there are other people out there who could be my future wife, regardless of how "old" I feel at the time.

 

It wasn't too long ago that I felt being 17 or 18 and a virgin made me an island unto myself. While I know that isn't true, seeing yourself as alone in this world isn't very healthy to developing strong relationships, emotional or otherwise.

 

As for spending my life alone. I'm a people person. I love interaction, especially when it is one on one where both parties can be open to each other without criticism, it would be very difficult for me to accept a reality where I never marry. Fortunately, I realize that it is a possibility, I may never meet Mrs. Amarillo and have come to terms with it. After all, would I want my ideal spouse to overlook any serious character flaws just because she is afraid of dying alone? Certainly not, she and I deserve a better life without compromise, even if it means we never meet or fall in love.

 

Don't worry about beating a dead horse, nearly every dating/relationship thread here has some variation of this theme occurring somewhere! :lol:
 

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Yeah don't worry too much about the same topics. We've gotten to the point where we're used to beating dead horses. lol

 

We all have that fear, man. Since waiters are fairly rare these days, the thought of never marrying starts to feel like a likely possibility. One of the things I get tired of hearing is "Oh don't worry, you'll find someone when you least expect it." First off, no one can see the future so no one can say for sure. Secondly, the "least expected" part happens to some people but not to everyone. While I know people mean well when they say it, it just comes off as patronizing and insincere sometimes.

 

Yes it is true that some people never get married, but I take comfort in knowing that most people do end up marrying. So the odds are in your favor. But of course we don't want to marry just anybody. We want to find the right one. I think that as long as you are always on the look out for the one while at the same time living your life to the fullest, you'll have a high chance (notice I didn't say you will for sure) of finding someone at some point in your life. 

 

Like Amarillo said, there are tons of older folks who have live most if not all their lives never marrying and they are content. I'm sure their lives would have been even more enriched had they met the right one. But since they didn't, it was best they remained single than marrying the wrong person and have their contentment ruined in heartache.

 

Try to think of your singleness now as a preparation process for your future wife. Keep improving yourself to be a better person so you will be in a state to offer the best to her when the time is right. 

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**Joins in beating dead horse**

I, too, have felt the very same way about never finding "the one". It scares the crap out of me that there is a possibility that I will never marry. That is something I just cannot accept. I want a husband and I want a family. I'm 28 now. I can't even imagine going another 10+ years alone. Everyone around me is getting married and having children. I know, I know, I shouldn't compare myself to others. But it is really difficult when I see other people that are younger than me and have already married and started having a family. I feel like I am being left behind. It sucks when your friends and family members all have someone and you are still alone. Being a third wheel is not my idea of a great time.

 

Ok, that sounds like a lot of complaining and insecurity, but I also have faith. There are a few passages in the Bible that give me hope:

Jer 29:11

Psa 37:4

 

I get weak sometimes and just feel like giving up (on love, not waiting). But then I come to my senses and just tell myself to keep working on making ME the best I can. Even when it feels like it, God has not forgotten about me. He knows the desires of my heart. He is faithful. He said that it is not good for man to be alone. I am holding Him to that :) 

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Those are some helpful verses for those suffering with loneliness or angst. Another favorite of mine is 1 John 3:18 "Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." While the verse is about loving thy neighbor, I feel the decision to WTM is a deed that evokes the ultimate expression of love for another person, who may be unknown in the present, and reveals the true meaning behind what God intended for marriage between a husband and wife.

 

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   I also know that I have similar fears like you crowing445. I have also seen many people in my family find someone, marry and start a family. Plus I also have a number of relatives who are not married (for one reason or another). In my case, I have the thought lingering in the back of my mind that I may not marry. Although, I have coupled this thought with rationalization like "Well, I do not want to marry just to please a desire, but I want to be with someone who in someway complements me, respects me, and who is intended for me and vice-versa."

 

   However, as I wait here and try to not entertain these negative thoughts for too long, I try to be optimistic by working on myself and doing my best to enjoy my single hood.

 

As far as beating a dead horse, I wouldn't worry about it.  A lot of us here have felt similar thoughts and feelings. You are not alone, :).

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My honest answer will be: my belief that everyone has a true love. In Turkish we say, 'I'm waiting for Leyla', implying the true one has not yet come.

Leyla and Mejnun is a legendary love story that really happened and it has become a legend in Turkic and Persian literature, yet few in the Western world know about it. It was the greatest love story ever.

 

Mejnun means literary, 'the madman'. It was not his original name. Mejnun loved Leyla so much that he became crazy of his love after her father refused to give Leyla's hand to Mejnun. Leyla couldn't resist the pain of being apart and eventually died of deep sorrow. She died a virgin.

 

Mejnun went to the deserts, living alone. A man told him that there are more beautiful girls than Leyla. Mejnun said: I don't care.

The man said that Leyla has died.

 

The answer of Mejnun would be epic and that's the line that made this love-story legendary;

 

"Leyla is not dead... I am Leyla".

 

This proved the incomprehensible level of love that Mejnun had reached.
Mejnun transcended into a level of love that didn't need the very physical existence of Leyla anymore.

He dwelled the deserts saying: "Leyla lives withing me, I love you Leyla".

Mejnun later was discovered dead by the grave of Leyla. He too died a virgin.

It is this story that I grew up with and that completely changed my life. This gave me more hope that there is actually a true one. This story motivated me greatly to wait. I would still wait without it... but I don't know if I would have this much hope.

 

I will find her.

Yes, I will find you, Leyla.

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