chittistera4

My Boyfriend and His Friends

5 posts in this topic

Hi, I'm new to these forums but have been reading articles on this site for a while.

As a Catholic, and as someone who believes in the beauty of waiting till marriage, I have made that decision. I started dating my current boyfriend close to seven months ago and whilst this was never a belief he held, he respects my decision. Yet I know it is hard for him. His friends are often talking about the sex they have with their girlfriends. They ask him if he has had it yet, and when he answers 'no', they ask him if there is ever a chance. I think they must feel sorry for him, and the thought that my beliefs are causing this, eats away at me. We are both virgins, yet I am his first everything.

Can anyone tell me: is it crazy of me to expect him to wait for me? Sometimes I think I should just break up with him to give him the chance to experience everything he's missing out on. I love him so much and he loves me too, but I hate that I'm doing this to him.   

If anyone could offer some advice, it would mean so much. I keep thinking that one day he's just going to get tired of it and leave. 

Lastly, we have done everything but sexual intercourse. You can judge me all you want, it isn't something I feel proud of or completely comfortable with. He says he wouldn't leave me if we didn't do these smaller things, but I don't even know. Thank you for reading this. 

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Hi

First of all try to relax.

It sounds like it’s very important to you and you want this to be respected.

I won't talk about him because he's not here to defend himself so to you I'd say if you did go down that road would it possible that you would ever regret doing something you weren’t entirely happy with.

I don’t want to sway you any which way, you've got your own mind but I'd say you need to feel comfortable with whatever you do, I think that is the message they try to get to young girls in relationships, at the moment it sounds like you feel a lot of pressure, guilt, worry for doing something (or lack of) that is important to you.

It shouldn’t necessarily be a right or some kind of pay off that you need to supply in the relationship, again, if you're not comfortable.

Best of luck.

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All I will say is that you shouldn't have to think that you have to do sexual things to keep a guy around. If he truly wants you, he will be with you while maintaining your purity and his. Don't pressure yourself to do sexual things to please someone. stay strong :)

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If he says he's okay with waiting with you, then I think you have to trust him. If he didn't want to wait, then he could be with someone else. But, he's choosing to be with you. Similarly, don't feel bad that you're "making" him wait. You're not actually making him. He's choosing to wait by choosing to date you.

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Can anyone tell me: is it crazy of me to expect him to wait for me? Sometimes I think I should just break up with him to give him the chance to experience everything he's missing out on. I love him so much and he loves me too, but I hate that I'm doing this to him.   

If anyone could offer some advice, it would mean so much. I keep thinking that one day he's just going to get tired of it and leave. 

Lastly, we have done everything but sexual intercourse. You can judge me all you want, it isn't something I feel proud of or completely comfortable with. He says he wouldn't leave me if we didn't do these smaller things, but I don't even know. Thank you for reading this.

You are not crazy to expect that, God expects it too. Don't think that you have to give a guy who you are not married to ANYTHING!

He isn't missing out on anything good. Men don't 'have to sow wild oats'. We don't need to experience casual sex with a range of women as some sort of youthful rite of passage.

You are not doing anything wrong to him by expecting him to be chaste and monogamous, so you shouldn't hate yourself for that; it sounds like you are better for him than all those so called friends he's wasting his time with. I wouldn't hang out with guys who pressured me to have sex so we could all feel like we're some sort of band of brothers and swap sex stories.

If the only thing that keeps a guy around is the physical, then how can you ever hope to find peace with a spouse? I sure hope that my spouse (Lord-willing) doesn't measure me by nothing but a physical interaction - how hollow such a relationship would be.

You don't have to be with a guy to be happy. Guys are not in such short supply that you have to grab the first one you like ASAP and keep him at all costs. Good men are in short supply, but are worth waiting for. A man who truly loves and respects you (and God) would be willing to die for you - and compared to that, abstaining is nowhere near impossible.

I'm not telling you what to do about your guy, I can't know that from a short description; I'm just trying to give you some facts to help you make up your own mind.

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