OneLovelyBabe

Surrogate Parenting

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So after you get married lets say you and your spouse decide to have kids a couple years in, but you discover you're infertile. Surrogate parenting is having someone else have your egg and sperm for you, then you take the baby (Just in case you didn't know). This may be something youll have to consider if you and your spouse are infertile if you dont want to adopt. This is kind of a spinoff from the post on genetically modified babies, but what are everyone's thoughts on this? Im still unsure but I don't believe in abortion and I don't believe in pulling eggs and making them in a petri dish either, (well at least throwing the unused eggs away...) But this topic makes me wonder, if God intended for someone to have kids, wouldn't he make it possible? Like the older lady Elizabeth who had John the Baptist at a late age in the bible. OR, is having a surrogate parent provided for someone (provided you have ten grand) God's way of enabling us and making it possible? The bible says God formed us in the womb but did he form the situation too? Im kind of gray on this area and looking for clarity...something to consider as well there's tons of children in foster care who also don't have homes to go to.

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I'm fine with it, I don't view it as humiliating to the surrogate child to have been concieved that way, I also don't see it as unfair. But if I couldn't have kids, I would just adopt, why have your own when others need your help?

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I've always thought that if God wanted me to have a baby, he would make it happen despite all obstacles. If He doesn't want me to have a child, then I would pray about adoption. That being said, surrogacy is a beautiful thing and if a couple decides on it for their futures, I support them. I, however do not think I will be taking part in it. 

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  I also personally would not want a surrogate if I wasn't able to have a child. I just feel like who ever gave birth to them might want like visitation rights or something....selfish thinking I know lol. But then again if I were to ever adopt and the birth mother wanted to have like an open adoption, I would not say no.

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I dont think its outright wrong nor outright righteous. I'm not sure how I feel about this "if God wants me to have a baby, he will open up my uterus so I can have one myself" thing. I think it's alright to have alternatives to creating a baby. There are many bad parents that can have kids, and many wonderful parents who can't. It's kind of like having cancer, but choosing not to participate in treatment. I don't think that if God doesn't think you shouldn't have kids, that He can control whether or not you do. (of  course he knows you before you are born and creates your soul) I think God can only control the things we give up to him. But sin has brought upon various forms of diseases (morality, physical illnesses, etc) and because of that some things can't be perfect.

 

I hope that doesn't come off the wrong way, I am still learning :)

 

I think that if me and my husband were faced with that obstacle, that we would instead adopt!

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I dont think its outright wrong nor outright righteous. I'm not sure how I feel about this "if God wants me to have a baby, he will open up my uterus so I can have one myself" thing. I think it's alright to have alternatives to creating a baby. There are many bad parents that can have kids, and many wonderful parents who can't. It's kind of like having cancer, but choosing not to participate in treatment. I don't think that if God doesn't think you shouldn't have kids, that He can control whether or not you do. (of  course he knows you before you are born and creates your soul) I think God can only control the things we give up to him. But sin has brought upon various forms of diseases (morality, physical illnesses, etc) and because of that some things can't be perfect.

 

I hope that doesn't come off the wrong way, I am still learning :)

 

I think that if me and my husband were faced with that obstacle, that we would instead adopt!

Of course, I'm going to give it up to Him, first. It is true that he allows bad parents to have kids. 

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I'm against surrogacy for the same reason I'm against IVF. It's going against God's plan for life. Every human being deserves to be conceived via an act of love. That's why making love and making babies are designed to go together.

 

Besides that, of course, IVF is extremely dangerous. It's estimated that for the 5 million people born through IVF, at least 60 million human embryos have died. So that's 12 people dead for every one that survives. And that's immoral by any standard.

 

IVF turns human beings into commodities bought at a price. It means people are created in labs instead of the safety of a mother's womb. And in most cases, unless the parents later have a change of heart and repent for what they've done, it means that those children who die during the process will never even be acknowledged as human persons. And everyone, regardless of how long or short their life, is a human person. Being conceived via IVF is simply not a dignified or respectful way to create human life.

 

For anyone who hasn't read my previous posts on the subject (I think I've mentioned it at least a couple of times), I was conceived using IVF. I have two siblings who died during the process and at this point in time (hopefully this will change in the future), my parents do not consider them to be people, their children. I've been struggling to come to terms with this for years now, and I think it's going to take a lifetime.

 

If I come across as sounding harsh, then I apologise. But I will not apologise for what I've said. I think I've got very good reason to hold this position, since I've experienced it first-hand. If anyone would like ask me questions, or whatever, then I'm fine with that. Just send me a PM, and I can try to answer them.

 

xxx

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Don't apologize I think that makes perfect sense. Im glad to hear from someone who has experienced it firsthand. And you're right they were your siblings and its refreshing to hear that. Im definitely against IVF but Im still debating on whether or not surrogacy in itself is a really great gift to do for someone or as going against Gods plan. But at the same time I would never give my eggs up for money and I feel like that goes hand in hand with having someone else carry my baby and I don't know if I would feel comfortable trusting someone else to carry him or her. And yes, they were human beings and that's got to be hard to deal with that your parents don't believe life happens at conception. It's like okay well a baby doesn't just appear at 3 months or something you know?

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I only want to have my wife to have my kids. If we can't conceive we will discuss the options. I have always abstained from alcohol, drugs and smoking because it harms my body. I want to be a better husband, father and friend

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Honestly, I find the idea of surrogacy to be degrading and pointless at best. Using another woman's body, even if voluntary and for compensation, cheapens the intimacy that is supposed to be between myself and my wife and no one else. There is no reason to choose surrogacy when adoption is a much better alternative. Think about it, either way the child isn't your blood and the desiring mother isn't getting the experience of bearing the child anyways. Even if you're using your own genetic material to impregnate the surrogate mother, the very thought of my sperm in another woman's body just sickens me to no end. The difference is that adoption would be providing a potentially better home for a child who is already in this world and in dire need. There is nothing morally grey about adoption.

 

In regards to IVF, I firmly stand with Jegs. I had no idea what the procedure entailed until I heard from her firsthand and did my own research. I have no qualms about calling it for what it is: evil and selfish. The physical and emotional scars cannot be denied and are very real. It's completely senseless. You're subjecting multiple children at a high risk of death just so one or two could survive. And for what? Just so you say you had the experience of bearing a child? I'm in no way trying to diminish the desire for women to bear their own children, but is that feeling really worth the deaths of your children? I'm all for medical breakthroughs, but the moment it requires sacrifice of lives is where I think it crosses the line. It is contradictory to essence of medicine to force certain people to die so that others can live.

 

For anyone who hasn't read my previous posts on the subject (I think I've mentioned it at least a couple of times), I was conceived using IVF. I have two siblings who died during the process and at this point in time (hopefully this will change in the future), my parents do not consider them to be people, their children. I've been struggling to come to terms with this for years now, and I think it's going to take a lifetime.

 

Jegs, despite the harsh circumstances of your birth, you are no different than the rest of us. You have a wonderful soul and a big heart. This world is a much brighter place because you're in it and you're a prime example of how God can use a bad situation for good. I'm proud and blessed to have you as a good friend. One day you will see your brothers and sisters again with new bodies and new spriits (You may have to go through Purgatory first, but you'll see them eventually ;) )

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Ill just be short an blunt though I could say more; the idea of another woman carrying my child for me under any circumstances just seems wrong. I feel it wouldn't truely be my child no matter how much science can "make it mine" if it didn't come out of my me then it's just like an adoption through a whole different process than going to a foster home. I also feel the husband could get linked to the woman that carried his sperm to make his child, in some kind of way whether he wanted to or not(the linking). To spell it out...it's just an uncomfortable thing for me thinking about that. I hope and pray I'm able to bear my own children naturally with my husband and if not..I don't think surrogate parenting would be an option for me to get children (oh btw as you noticed it wasn't short because I had to get it out there lol :P. )

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Thank you guys for all your input everyone here always has such great points and perspectives and Im pretty sure I don't agree with surrogate parenting at all. And yeah I too would feel the same (jealousy) about my husband feeling something towards the mother @_Egirly_.

So okay now let me ask you guys this and Ill just go ahead and explain why I brought this up. If you were offered a job at a place that did surrogate parenting would you take it? And if not, what if you got offered a job at a regular hospital that offered abortions? Basically I asked this surrogacy question because the other night I had a family member offer me a job at a surrogate parenting office, (where she also works at), and now I have half of my family mad at me and all this stuff...which is fine because for me as long as Im honoring God nothing else matters, but one of their arguments was I can't take a job at a regular hospital now either since they "support abortions." But I kind of feel like that's a little different because its strictly (100%) surrogacy/IVF. And if not, at what percentage would you not take a job? Or would you simply not work in the abortion department?

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What about adopting Children? I always think at night about those poor children that just want a family that loves them and can take care of them.

Heck In that situation id even be open to adopting.

Does the child have to be born from his biological sperm and egg to be considered a persons child?

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Does the child have to be born from his biological sperm and egg to be considered a persons child?

 

No, it does NOT have to be. There are plenty of children with biological "parents" who are absolutely worthless and have no business raising children. IMO, a person's real parents is determined by the willingness to raise and love them unconditionally. Blood relations do not have the same importance to me as most people. It's all about the love that counts.

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If endometriosis doesn't let me have kids, I'd rather adopt already existing kids than try to bring kids into the world through other means. 

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Yeah I agree. So then let me ask you this Nicole what are your views on In Vetro Fertilization?

 

I am against In Vetro for the reasons that Jegsy stated.

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So okay now let me ask you guys this and Ill just go ahead and explain why I brought this up. If you were offered a job at a place that did surrogate parenting would you take it? And if not, what if you got offered a job at a regular hospital that offered abortions? Basically I asked this surrogacy question because the other night I had a family member offer me a job at a surrogate parenting office, (where she also works at), and now I have half of my family mad at me and all this stuff...which is fine because for me as long as Im honoring God nothing else matters, but one of their arguments was I can't take a job at a regular hospital now either since they "support abortions." But I kind of feel like that's a little different because its strictly (100%) surrogacy/IVF. And if not, at what percentage would you not take a job? Or would you simply not work in the abortion department?

This is a rather interesting question and a bit of a predicament. However my answer is simple and I agree with you that if you disagree with surrogate parenting/ IVF then you shouldn't work at that hospital. Now as to weather or not you can work at any hospital since they perform abortions I wouldn't see a reason why not. I don't feel that in such a case you could be 'sinning by association' unless you assisted with the abortion or you worked at an abortion clinic. This to me is a bit of grey as I percieve though The Lord sees all in black and white. So definitely pray about it. However I feel God looks at and judges your heart not where you are at. Think about this too we are living in a sinful world and ate called to be light in it; maybe by working in a hospital The Lord would open a chance for you to convince someone not to have an abortion...you just never know what His plan holds.

Now here is another question: Would you consider being tested for fertility before marriage with your fiancée? Would the result of said test affect your decision to marry that person? If it was you would you not marry? Would you consider testing before accepting a proposal?

For me I'm for it and think its a good thing to find out before hand rather than facing marriage. This way we know that and we don't have to ever wonder if the other person wishes for something different out of our marriage than just us and the option of adopting. That being said I wouldn't leave my girlfriend/fiancée if it was her nor would I leave if it was me. However it would be hard for me to face it being me and asking her to marry me knowing she desires to have her own children. Unless she could convince me she loved me regardless and was fine with adoption.

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Now here is another question: Would you consider being tested for fertility before marriage with your fiancée? Would the result of said test affect your decision to marry that person? If it was you would you not marry? Would you consider testing before accepting a proposal?

 

Whether she is fertile or barren would make no difference in my decision to marry her. In fact, I'd see it as a blessing in a way. That means natural sex all the time :D But seriously though, like I said before, blood relations in and of themselves matter very little to me. If I can't have biological kids, I'll adopt. Simple as that. The only time where it would be a problem is if she didn't want kids at all. Then it would be a deal breaker. If I was sterile and she had a problem with it, then I would not shed any tears if she left me. That would just show that I'm nothing more than seed provider for her fertile soil.

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The result makes now different in my decision. I will marry her whatever the outcome. We are meant to be together. I would never consider testing as I know that if we couldn't have kids I would just enjoy being around her and enjoy someone to listern to me, be there when I get home at night and just enjoy going out together.

Now here is another question: Would you consider being tested for fertility before marriage with your fiancée? Would the result of said test affect your decision to marry that person? If it was you would you not marry? Would you consider testing before accepting a proposal?

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This is a rather interesting question and a bit of a predicament. However my answer is simple and I agree with you that if you disagree with surrogate parenting/ IVF then you shouldn't work at that hospital. Now as to weather or not you can work at any hospital since they perform abortions I wouldn't see a reason why not. I don't feel that in such a case you could be 'sinning by association' unless you assisted with the abortion or you worked at an abortion clinic. This to me is a bit of grey as I percieve though The Lord sees all in black and white. So definitely pray about it. However I feel God looks at and judges your heart not where you are at. Think about this too we are living in a sinful world and ate called to be light in it; maybe by working in a hospital The Lord would open a chance for you to convince someone not to have an abortion...you just never know what His plan holds.

Now here is another question: Would you consider being tested for fertility before marriage with your fiancée? Would the result of said test affect your decision to marry that person? If it was you would you not marry? Would you consider testing before accepting a proposal?

For me I'm for it and think its a good thing to find out before hand rather than facing marriage. This way we know that and we don't have to ever wonder if the other person wishes for something different out of our marriage than just us and the option of adopting. That being said I wouldn't leave my girlfriend/fiancée if it was her nor would I leave if it was me. However it would be hard for me to face it being me and asking her to marry me knowing she desires to have her own children. Unless she could convince me she loved me regardless and was fine with adoption.

See I was thinking that too like convincing people of other options...but yeah I can't see myself explaining that to couples idk. So yeah hospital yes abortion section no.

Fertility wise Ive actually always been scared I will be infertile but I feel like no matter what the outcome is if I found the right person to share that endeavor with it wouldn't make a difference. To me a fertility test seems a little shallow but then again if someone told me right of the bat they couldn't have kids it might make me think twice. Although it could be something to joke about between me and him idk...I don't think it would make a difference.

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Whether or not I would be okay with surrogate parenting would probably depend on exactly how the procedure would work. If it increased the chances of a miscarriage, then I probably wouldn't do it. If it were exactly the same as if my wife and I made the child (minus the sex and fetus not being in her, obviously) then I suppose I would be okay with it. It's something that would require a lot of thought, I'm sure.

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The way I see it, the people who are able to do these medical procedures were given their gifts by God, so why wouldn’t it be okay to use those medical procedures in order to have children? I think a lot of people forget that divine intervention doesn’t only have to be divine. 

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The way I see it, the people who are able to do these medical procedures were given their gifts by God, so why wouldn’t it be okay to use those medical procedures in order to have children? I think a lot of people forget that divine intervention doesn’t only have to be divine. 

 

I think the argument of "we are able to do this, so it must be okay" falls apart when you remember that we also have "doctors" who have the ability to carry out abortion procedures. Just because we know how to do something doesn't make it okay to do it. And I highly doubt that it was by "divine intervention" that my siblings died at just a few days old.

 

Also, we have to remember that we now have treatments for infertility that don't go against God's plan for new life coming from sex between husband and wife. There's NaPro Technology, which instead of just bypassing a couple's infertility with artificial reproductive technologies, actually attempts to fix the problem that's causing that infertility. These techniques have proved very successful for a lot of couples, allowing them to have a baby the natural way. Hopefully in the future we'll be able to find treatments for more and more types of infertility.

 

xxx

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If someone is not capable of having babies then dont think much and adopt a baby,Make future of such babies who need your support and you will feel good about your decision sooner or later.Their is so much happiness you can't even imagine.

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