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College/High School relationship

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I know I've been rather chatty on these boards the last few days. I'm always like that when I join a new forum.

 

Anyways, I've got a relationship question. My girlfriend is a grade above me. This year she's a senior and I'm a junior. I've got to thinking about next year when she goes on to college.

 

I'll be blunt and say I'm afraid of cheating.

 

I know our relationship is healthy now, and I know she won't cheat with me while we're still in school together. I'm just afraid of when she goes to college. She'll be hours away, with a lot of guys that are older than I am, probably more attractive, share more of her interests, and they're going to hit on her.

 

Is it likely she'll remain faithful? I mean, would the knowledge I'd never know make her more likely to cheat on me? She's WTM now, but could her opinion on that change while in college? That would just crush me for her to lose her virginity to someone who just wanted sex out of her.

 

I've looked this up, but everyone talks about college boyfriends and high school girls. There isn't much info on the opposite scenario. Everyone says cheating is inevitable in the aforementioned scenario so I wonder if the latter is any different.

 

She won't cheat while I'm around, but Hollywood and our culture has created this image that you're supposed to cheat and have lots of sex in college. It's utterly disgusting, and I'm afraid the peer pressure could cause her to do things she normally wouldn't.

 

What steps can I take to maintain a happy and healthy relationship without being able to see her but every few weeks? Are there any tell tale signs she's cheating?

 

For me non-virginity is a deal breaker. Your opinion may vary and that's fine. If she cheated I could forgive her as long as she still came back as WTM.

 

It's not that I don't trust her; it's just that I know people make mistakes. I just don't think that kind of mistake I could forgive.

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She will probably remain faithful, if your that paranoid of her cheating, just break up now.

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1. Discuss this with her. Let her know that you are completely committed to her and that you have concerns that college may lead her astray. I think if you talk about this with her, sincerely, before she goes away for college, that this makes it less likely to occur.

 

2. I think it would also be helpful to discuss your plan with her for being with her once this year is up. That way you increase her motivation to stay faithful to you.

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She will probably remain faithful, if your that paranoid of her cheating, just break up now.

I know I've made other posts like this. It's not that I don't trust her; it's an issue of self-esteem. I have rather low self-esteem, and I always feel like she'll easily find someone better than I am, or that she doesn't care for me like I care for her. I know it's absolute rubbish, but it isn't a feeling I can get rid of on my own. I can't afford any sort of counseling or help, so I'm trying to just talk out my issues. It has helped immensely. I can tell I've tried your patience with my complaining, and that is entirely understandable. I just love her to bits, and I hate this constant nagging at the back of my mind.

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I'd also have a talk with her about alcohol. I've heard from someone personally who cheated on her boyfriend as a result of drinking and I've read stories about girls drinking alcohol and then ending up doing something they otherwise wouldn't have. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel comfortable if my girl was drinking. Not sure how I'd feel if she agreed to keep it to a certain minimum simply because what if she doesn't? 

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I'd also have a talk with her about alcohol. I've heard from someone personally who cheated on her boyfriend as a result of drinking and I've read stories about girls drinking alcohol and then ending up doing something they otherwise wouldn't have. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn't feel comfortable if my girl was drinking. Not sure how I'd feel if she agreed to keep it to a certain minimum simply because what if she doesn't? 

I know at the moment she personally is against alcohol comsumption, but there again comes the issue of peer pressure.

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I know at the moment she personally is against alcohol comsumption, but there again comes the issue of peer pressure.

 

Make sure you discuss this with her, in a sincere and loving way, prior to her leaving to college. Again, if you discuss all this before she leaves there is more likelihood that she will remain faithful in the various ways.

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yeah, definitely discuss all of this and definitely look into Skype and schedule regular Skype days. It does a miracle for long distance. You also have to be a little bit creative with what you do when you are away from each other, but its still possible to have a good time. What my current boyfriend and I do is play D&D through this OpenRPG program with our mutual friends. I think it can definitely work out if you are willing to take the time and dedication

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Tell her about all of your worries and just keep the communication open! She likely has fears too so you guys can be a source of comfort and the other person's rock while you're apart. Skype is absolutely amazing!! I have used in many times seeing as I'm long distance, too. Sometimes we also use G-chat which is gmail's version, but we like Skype better.

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Can I just say WHOA I was not expecting that you were in high school -- you seem so well spoken, quite wise and mature for your age!

 

Now, I totally understand your fear of her changing and/or giving into peer pressure. I reinforce what everyone else says -- it;s unlikely she'll cheat and you definitely need to keep the communication free and open. But do tell us (unless I missed it in one of your previous posts) how long have you dated? How close are you guys? Only you can really judge from your personal knowledge of her.

 

I also wanted to touch in on a few points you mentioned and give a little advice if you don't mind. You say you have low self esteem and that's the main problem in this case. Now, I know you don't want to burden your girlfriend with that, but at the same time she does need to reassure you that she cares for you and will remain faithful. Be fair to yourself (it;s complicated and sounds wrong, but you can get 'comfortable' in this state) and her. Finding that balance is difficult but necessary. Explain to her what you feel you need to be reassured, but be reasonable too.  Communication is absolutely KEY, that cannot be emphasized enough -- again, you seem very mature and well spoken so I don't think that will be a problem, so that is just a reminder.

 

I've had my problems with self esteem and I'm extending an offer to help you personally if you would like. I'm here to support :) send me a message anytime. 

 

:)

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I just wanted to say that I have been in a very similar situation and it has been working out really well for me and my bf. I don't think going away to college automatically means she will cheat. My boyfriend and I (although he is a grade older than me) have been dating since my junior year of high school (and I am about to be a senior in college, my bf just graduated) and we have both been faithful to each other despite being long distance (even longer now. We are currently 7 hours drive apart.. while both in school it was 3.5) I have never worried about him cheating, and I don't think he has worried about that with me either. I never felt like just because we were hours apart in college that we were more tempted to cheat. If she does choose to give her virginity to someone else, then she isn't the right girl for you anyway.

 

Before my bf left for college we had only been dating a few months but neither of us wanted to just give up because he was leaving and we knew we had a very hard road ahead of us. Especially if your relationship is going well now, give it a chance :) You never know! If you two are meant to be, you will find a way to make it work out despite some distance apart. Right at the beginning of my freshman year of college someone told me that if me and my bf could make our relationship work, then we would probably have the best relationship ever. That is pretty much true :) Its been really hard sometimes, but completely worth it. Hopefully, we only have a little under a year left of being long distance after 4.5 years together, most of it with distance. It can work :) Good luck!

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