Invincible

What is your biggest regret in life?

62 posts in this topic

For those that feel 'regret nothing' is a good position don't be disappointed if you marry a non-virgin and they don't regret their past sexual experiences.

Why would they regret them? You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward. That's how I feel.

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Why would they regret them? You can never regret anything you do in life. You kind of have to learn the lesson from whatever the experience is and take it with you on your journey forward. That's how I feel.

 

I made no mention of whether they should or shouldn't regret it. Just making a very singular point is all.

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I see regret and knowing you made a mistake as two separate things. I know I've made mistakes, and I work hard to avoid repeating them. But I've forgiven myself for those mistakes, and I don't let the things that can't be changed haunt me into the future.

 

Regrets are different. They're mistakes I haven't forgiven myself for making. The 'what-ifs' haunt me, and steadily eat away at my soul. Knowing I can't ever undo them is torture.

 

Recognizing that you've made mistakes is vital for personal growth. Regret is one of the ugliest emotions a human being can feel, and it's no way to live.

See, THAT makes sense. This is rational. I disagree in definitions, though - obviously, I consider knowing you made a mistake a regret. A regret is something you wish didn't happen, and if you consider it a mistake, it's a regret. But I get what you mean, the "dwelling" is what you consider the regret. The disagreement in what terms represent what concepts is just technical. I totally get what you're saying.

 

I oppose the naive laissez-faire attitude many people have, which is what I'm trying to argue against. Saying one doesn't wish to take back anything they've done gets tricky when it has to do with other people - if you hurt someone, you should acknowledge it was a mistake and wish to take it back. If it's something in your life that really only affects you (e.g., studying the wrong program in college), that's different.

 

Honestly, what you said makes total sense. I'm Paul Bruce, and I approve your message.

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I made no mention of whether they should or shouldn't regret it. Just making a very singular point is all.

But that point doesn't make sense to me. We make our choices for a reason

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I feel like I've wasted my potential in a lot of areas. If I could do things over I would take more advantage of opportunities and not let my social/general anxiety make my decisions. And I'd be less lazy. And I'd have started taking piano at like 6.

I agree, this is my biggest one too.....minus the piano thing.

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Easily my biggest regret is going too far with a guy I thought I loved. We never had sex, but we were damn close to it. It was an intense and terrible relationship to put it mildly and I thank the heavens everyday that I never gave myself to him. 

 

Regrets are important. I made a mistake and suffered the consequences, and because of that, I know that I won't repeat it. 

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I think a big regret was taking time off from school to be in a relationship, and an even bigger regret was waiting so long to finish school. The relationship never panned out and now I'm 29 years old still trying to get my bachelor's degree. I also plan to attend medical school so that just puts finding a wife even further back on my timeline.

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I regret not going away for college and missing out on the social experiences there. But I do not regret not having the financial burden it comes with.

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The word "regret" gives me such a heavy, heavy feeling. I guess because I have a couple profound regrets in my life...

(1) My deepest regret is not treating someone with the love they deserved. I even have a few memories that gave me flashbacks for a long time, many years. I know they never think about it anymore, but ultimately hurting other people causes rifts in your own soul.

Lesson- Always fully express love and appreciation of people in the present, never act to harm another in the slightest or take anyone for granted for a moment, and be attentive and considerate of others at all times. Never be too proud to tell someone you love them.

(2) I regret a plethora of health mistakes that have lead me to my current condition. I blamed my well-meaning but misguided parents (another regret), the money-driven truth-forsaken medical profession, and most of all I blame myself. I was actually quite convinced for awhile I was being punished with poor health for regret #1 above.

Lesson- Never take your health for granted. Every facet of your life depends on your health, and you should safeguard it like it's your greatest treasure (it is). Don't necessarily follow the advice of a medical authority just because it is "mainstream" and "harmless" and they're the "experts." You are in control- question everything.

Edited by redgrapes
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Wow Red, I'm sorry you had to experience that. I have some personal experience myself with both of those same regrets.

On the first one, I was actually on the receiving end and I can tell you there are times where it does still hurt. The words "You'll never be happy or find happiness" still ring out in my ears like I heard them just yesterday and it's been almost 5 years now since they were spoken. There are times we do things out of anger, and I do them occasionally, especially to the people I love the most. It's something that will probably haunt me forever and it actually makes me question every situation I have whenever I meet someone new. It's like hearing from someone that you're not good enough, and hearing it from multiple people on multiple occasions, really makes you question just whether or not you'll ever be good enough. I think that is one piece of baggage I will always carry with me, even into marriage. It's that feeling of knowing that I had failed before so the probability will always still be there. The hardest part was when that person wanted to reconnect recently, and all those emotions and feelings just came flooding back.

There were days after she told me how she felt and how I wasn't good enough where I just felt vacant, and lifeless. Where nothing mattered and everything that I had done and had shared with her meant nothing. What made it harder was two of my best friends grew up with her, so I had to see her all the time. I've never carried so much hate in my heart for a person and that's really sad to admit, because I love being with people, being around people, helping others. I wanted to become a doctor to help people and after she told me that I felt like she took that passion away from me. I felt like she robbed me of so many of the things that I loved about myself.

I'm not trying to make you feel worse, I'm really not. Your situation and mine are completely different. But I can assure you that even through all that pain there were days where we had the most amazing time and shared so many laughs. I still think about her from time to time, but more as a friend, and in a way where I hope she is having a good, happy life. I don't want to be with her and I know I made SO MANY mistakes in that relationship that the blame isn't all on her. I am partly to blame for everything that happened to me. But trust me when I say he does still think about you, and not all of it will be bad. It may not be as frequently as you think, but the thoughts are there; along with all the smiles and laughs and cries.

On the second one, I understand your health issues are very personal and completely different from mine. But I had health issues that were caused by my own doing as well as some that were caused from blatant neglect after a relationship ended. While I was dating my first ex (in college) I was the healthiest I had ever been. I ate somewhat healthy, I exercised every day, I worked out and was active in sports (Soccer & Basketball), I enjoyed running every other day, and as shallow as this sounds I was a pretty good looking guy. After my ex cheated on me, I kind of just stopped caring about all that stuff. I drank heavily (for the next few years) and just kind of went through life coasting. I went from 160 to 185 at my heaviest, and I'm only 5' 6". At 160 I was incredibly muscular and since then I have never gotten back to that kind of shape.

That relationship was entirely based on looks and after it ended I swore I would never date another woman for the way she looked. But at the same time I also didn't care about my own health and my own looks. Since then I've started going back to the gym and running again and slowly getting back into the swing of the way I used to be. I love hiking with all the mountains here and Tucson is a "silver" rated city for bike enthusiasts I guess. Looks really don't matter to me, but I do believe in living a somewhat healthy life, both physically and mentally. I don't want to necessarily look good as much as I want to live healthy now, and there is a HUGE difference between the two.

Not sure if any of this helped at all, but it let me vent a little about some of my past that I have had pent up in me. :)

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@Jorge I'm so sorry you have similar regrets in life. :( I guess intense memories never go away. If it helps, I have noticed they come back less frequently and with less fervor over time. I try not to dwell on it beyond altering my future behavior.

Edited by redgrapes

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Another big thing that I dealt with was depression, but that started well before her and I began dating. Although after it ended I would say it intensified for the coming years. I've since grown out of being depressed and function pretty fairly these days, but the thoughts are always there, as are the memories. But like you said, they become less and less prevalent as time goes on. :)

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