wny

Why do you Think more Men want Only Virgins?

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Because they can't love a woman unconditionally. They can't accept her fully for who she is and what she's been through. "She had sex. So I can't be with her." That's conditional love and in essence is not a full love. You're valuing her worth based on factors and not based on her the human being.

That's an example of why a guy can only be with a virgin. It's also an example of a very negative reason to not be with someone of experience.

Oh QQ, it also means that you wouldn't marry someone with the same values as you, you know like views on sex, religion, politics, etc. 

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This... YES!!

 

If we are truly asking God for HIS WILL, then we can put NO limitations on what He can and will do! If we are waiting on what He has in store for us, then we have to be open to the unlimited possibilities. Keep your heart open and trust in Him.

 

Once again, Mat, very very well said.

 

Thank-you Brenda.

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Hi Jegsy - You make good points. I could have and should have chosen my words more carefully. To a degree, I was showing that I'm not Catholic and made some statements that were a bit extreme, but I don't think completely wrong. How about if I had said the Catholic Church is "interested" in virginity, not obsessed.

 

 

That's okay! The question was just sort of out-of-the-blue to me, I guess. No offence taken!

 

Don't you have to admit that the Catholic Church has called some attention on the concept of virginity, especially regarding the Virgin Mary? Do we really know that it was a virgin birth, and if so, why did it have to be a virgin birth?

 

 

Well, the Church calls attention to the fact Mary was a virgin, but it's not her virginity per se that's so important. She didn't have to be a virgin, nor did Jesus have to be virginally conceived. He could have designed the Incarnation to take place within a normal conception and pregnancy. But having the Messiah born to a virgin woman, therefore having no human father, emphasises how He was just an ordinary human being: He was the Son of God. Catholics also believe that Mary remained a virgin her whole life. Again, she didn't have to be. But again, it underlines how Joseph was not Jesus's biological father. If Mary had gone on to have other children with Joseph, it'd be easier for people to say, "Well, her other sons were conceived by her and Joseph, so is it really true that her first son wasn't?" And it also emphasises that Mary's ultimate spouse was the Holy Spirit, not Joseph.

 

As for, do we really know that it was a virgin birth...Well, the writers of the Gospels agreed that it was a virgin birth, there are lots of references in the Old Testament that prefigure the Christ being born of a virgin, and it's a matter of Church Tradition (in other words, the apostles, early Church fathers, and so on all taught that Jesus was born of a virgin). But you're right, I guess you can't prove it. I mean, no one was there. Even in the Gospels, the Annunciation is just the angel Gabriel and Mary with no witnesses. It's a matter of faith. We're assuming that at some point, Jesus also told His apostles that He was virginally conceived because His real father is God, so we've also got Jesus's word for it.

 

I don't want to completely hijack this thread, so I hope that's kind of helpful. I've also got a thread in Religious topics:

 

http://forums.waitingtillmarriage.org/topic/1579-ask-a-catholic-ie-me/

 

So if you've got any more questions about whatever, then I'm happy to answer them there, or you can send me a private message. :)

 

xxx

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Disclaimer: The following theories are not necessarily my views on the matter, nor are they meant to be critical of anyone's preferences. I'm simply offering possible theories to explain the posed question.

 

1. Women are generally more empathetic than men, therefore making it easier to accept a man's past. Also, women seem to be more concerned with having their emotional needs met and less concerned with sexual needs. While men are more physically wired and may more concerned with a "sexual ideal" than women are.

 

2. Sense of entitlement. One could argue that it is generally harder for most guys to WTM because society expects men to sleep around and the physical urges may be stronger than most women. By resisting societal pressures and bodily urges, he may feel such an achievement can only be appropriately rewarded by another virgin.

...

 

4. Because female virginity is more valued than male virginity, the appeal of being the one to be given that gift is too great for it not to be a deal breaker for men.

I know what you mean. Yeah, I mean physically speaking, a man's body doesn't change long term after sex, but a woman's (provided she has one to begin with) hymen does. I think it's def a societal pressure for women to value their innocence more than men's.

 

I had a dream last night I finally had a boy (a dream boy, not one with a counterpart in the real world) who I liked romantically ask me out. But then he wanted to have sex and I cried because I worried he would leave me, but ultimately I knew it's a good filter. Someone who really cares about me should respect my values. But I woke up before finding out if he waited with me or broke it off.

 

I am a feminist, which by that I mean I'm for equal pay and stuff among genders, but personally, I like following gender norms. I like saving that part of myself for the person who will committ to me 100%. I would be honored if he did the same, but, realistically, I just don't expect him to. And even though it's a standard I hold myself to, it's not one I hold other people to. It makes the type of girl who isn't meant for a fling or just another girlfriend, but someone who will be someone's wife.

 

Also, I personally fall 100% men. I've been in love twice, with two boys who didn't love me back. If I had sex with them, I would be saving nothing for the man who loves me the way I love him.

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Aww, that is sad. I am sure that no man is that bad. I never do that because I was brought up to respect women and ensure that she is safe and will never be lonely. Hope you find your dream guy who will love with all their heart soon.

I had a dream last night I finally had a boy (a dream boy, not one with a counterpart in the real world) who I liked romantically ask me out. But then he wanted to have sex and I cried because I worried he would leave me.

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That's okay! The question was just sort of out-of-the-blue to me, I guess. No offence taken!

 

 

Well, the Church calls attention to the fact Mary was a virgin, but it's not her virginity per se that's so important. She didn't have to be a virgin, nor did Jesus have to be virginally conceived. He could have designed the Incarnation to take place within a normal conception and pregnancy. But having the Messiah born to a virgin woman, therefore having no human father, emphasises how He was just an ordinary human being: He was the Son of God. Catholics also believe that Mary remained a virgin her whole life. Again, she didn't have to be. But again, it underlines how Joseph was not Jesus's biological father. If Mary had gone on to have other children with Joseph, it'd be easier for people to say, "Well, her other sons were conceived by her and Joseph, so is it really true that her first son wasn't?" And it also emphasises that Mary's ultimate spouse was the Holy Spirit, not Joseph.

 

As for, do we really know that it was a virgin birth...Well, the writers of the Gospels agreed that it was a virgin birth, there are lots of references in the Old Testament that prefigure the Christ being born of a virgin, and it's a matter of Church Tradition (in other words, the apostles, early Church fathers, and so on all taught that Jesus was born of a virgin). But you're right, I guess you can't prove it. I mean, no one was there. Even in the Gospels, the Annunciation is just the angel Gabriel and Mary with no witnesses. It's a matter of faith. We're assuming that at some point, Jesus also told His apostles that He was virginally conceived because His real father is God, so we've also got Jesus's word for it.

 

I don't want to completely hijack this thread, so I hope that's kind of helpful. I've also got a thread in Religious topics:

 

http://forums.waitingtillmarriage.org/topic/1579-ask-a-catholic-ie-me/

 

So if you've got any more questions about whatever, then I'm happy to answer them there, or you can send me a private message. :)

 

xxx

Hi Jegsy - Thank you for the interesting explanation. As I have said, I am not very learned in Christianity, Catholicism or religion in general, but I am well aware that virginity is valued and recognized in Christianity. That was really the point I was trying to make and I got caught up in inappropriate adjectives. As I said also, I am interested to try to see if there is an historical basis for the attitudes and respect for virginity. I think I came up with 2 possibilities, though the religious example is a little more complicated than I realized at first blush. Someone on this thread mentioned that other religions and earlier societies also venerate virginity. A quick search http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virginity#Religious_views confirms this. So the thought that virginity is desirable apparently pre-dates Christianity, in some cultures. This makes me wonder what prompted the pre-Christian religions and societies to venerate virginity. Would you be surprised to hear that my college degree is History?! 

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Because virgins (male or female) are the epitome. While waiting, I was actually an extremely picky girl. I have an OCD thing which makes me very particular so my future husband had best been a virgin was the way I saw it. I understand not all girls and guys are extremely picky about the partners sexual past but for me, it was a big deal. As a successful waiter whose partner also waited, we both can say are bond intensified. It’s so funny because my husband was rather accepting of a girls sexual past before we got married. He was like some of the guys on here who would still love and accept their partner regardless of what they had done when he’d tell me that, while still dating, it kind of hurt my feelings because I really didn’t feel very valued for waiting. I understand it was his beliefs but it didn’t change the way I felt. I wanted someone who understood where I was coming from and why waiting was important. I was like chucks. See, the partner I had before, who was a male-waiter at the time and older, adored me and thought it was very special and felt he’d hit the lottery as he’d found a virgin girl and I certainly felt the same. Very sweet and romantic.♥ Well, my husband and I obviously ended up getting married and while he still has the same tolerance level he is very grateful we waited. On our Honeymoon, he was looking outside one day and said, “Man, I’m glad I waited.†It makes a difference and when ya’ll get married maybe ya’ll will be able to share ya’lls POV. Maybe it’ll be the same maybe different but I can say I truly feel like it’s 100X more special to be your partners first because you truly are each other’s one and only♥ See, the epitome♥

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Well,I thought I was in the minority in waiting and wanting my wife to be a virgin. I will be like your husband and be like I won a million pounds

On my honeymoon, I will like your husband and look at the sunset and say" I am so lucky to be with you and happy I waited"

Because virgins (male or female) are the epitome. While waiting, I was actually an extremely picky girl. I have an OCD thing which makes me very particular so my future husband had best been a virgin was the way I saw it. I understand not all girls and guys are extremely picky about the partners sexual past but for me, it was a big deal. As a successful waiter whose partner also waited, we both can say are bond intensified. It’s so funny because my husband was rather accepting of a girls sexual past before we got married. He was like some of the guys on here who would still love and accept their partner regardless of what they had done when he’d tell me that, while still dating, it kind of hurt my feelings because I really didn’t feel very valued for waiting. I understand it was his beliefs but it didn’t change the way I felt. I wanted someone who understood where I was coming from and why waiting was important. I was like chucks. See, the partner I had before, who was a male-waiter at the time and older, adored me and thought it was very special and felt he’d hit the lottery as he’d found a virgin girl and I certainly felt the same. Very sweet and romantic.♥ Well, my husband and I obviously ended up getting married and while he still has the same tolerance level he is very grateful we waited. On our Honeymoon, he was looking outside one day and said, “Man, I’m glad I waited.†It makes a difference and when ya’ll get married maybe ya’ll will be able to share ya’lls POV. Maybe it’ll be the same maybe different but I can say I truly feel like it’s 100X more special to be your partners first because you truly are each other’s one and only♥ See, the epitome♥

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Aww, that is sad. I am sure that no man is that bad. I never do that because I was brought up to respect women and ensure that she is safe and will never be lonely. Hope you find your dream guy who will love with all their heart soon.

 

men def do that, as do women. But, honestly, I don't think  that makes them bad. being honest is important. and if sex is more important to them then their partner's values, then honestly, it's better to end the relationship at the start rather than creating strong emotional ties

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So true, i must be a unique guy who value a partner's views and intelligence more than sex. Her companionship and just going out with is more important to me then sleeping with her. Most of my college friends are married and they just enjoy their wife's company.
 

being honest is important. and if sex is more important to them then their partner's values, then honestly, it's better to end the relationship at the start rather than creating strong emotional ties

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So true, I must be a unique guy who value a partner's vaules more than sex. Her companionship and just going out with is more important to me then sleeping with her. Most of my college friends are married and they just enjoy their wife's company.

being honest is important. and if sex is more important to them then their partner's values, then honestly, it's better to end the relationship at the start rather than creating strong emotional ties

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Because virgins (male or female) are the epitome. While waiting, I was actually an extremely picky girl. I have an OCD thing which makes me very particular so my future husband had best been a virgin was the way I saw it. I understand not all girls and guys are extremely picky about the partners sexual past but for me, it was a big deal. As a successful waiter whose partner also waited, we both can say are bond intensified. It’s so funny because my husband was rather accepting of a girls sexual past before we got married. He was like some of the guys on here who would still love and accept their partner regardless of what they had done when he’d tell me that, while still dating, it kind of hurt my feelings because I really didn’t feel very valued for waiting. I understand it was his beliefs but it didn’t change the way I felt. I wanted someone who understood where I was coming from and why waiting was important. I was like chucks. See, the partner I had before, who was a male-waiter at the time and older, adored me and thought it was very special and felt he’d hit the lottery as he’d found a virgin girl and I certainly felt the same. Very sweet and romantic.♥ Well, my husband and I obviously ended up getting married and while he still has the same tolerance level he is very grateful we waited. On our Honeymoon, he was looking outside one day and said, “Man, I’m glad I waited.†It makes a difference and when ya’ll get married maybe ya’ll will be able to share ya’lls POV. Maybe it’ll be the same maybe different but I can say I truly feel like it’s 100X more special to be your partners first because you truly are each other’s one and only♥ See, the epitome♥

I feel pretty much exactly the same way you do. I also would feel disappointed if my partner wasn't pretty thrilled that I was also a virgin. It wouldn't be a dealbreaker, but I would prefer for her to also appreciate how special it is that we're each other's onlys.

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I feel pretty much exactly the same way you do. I also would feel disappointed if my partner wasn't pretty thrilled that I was also a virgin. It wouldn't be a dealbreaker, but I would prefer for her to also appreciate how special it is that we're each other's onlys.

So you'd appreciate if she appreciated your wait. But would you appreciate that she appreciated you appreciating her appreciation of your wait? 

 

(You don't have to answer that, I'm just being silly) lol

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Yes I would appreciate if both my wife and I waited.

So you'd appreciate if she appreciated your wait. But would you appreciate that she appreciated you appreciating her appreciation of your wait? 

 

(You don't have to answer that, I'm just being silly) lol

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I know, Just got bored watching tv and had my iPad to hand to so just chimed in :)

 

 

(You don't have to answer that, I'm just being silly) lol

 

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So you'd appreciate if she appreciated your wait. But would you appreciate that she appreciated you appreciating her appreciation of your wait? 

 

(You don't have to answer that, I'm just being silly) lol

I have to get out some diagrams and stuff to figure out how to answer this.

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I truly feel like it’s 100X more special to be your partners first because you truly are each other’s one and only

I hope that you are right and girl I marry will be a waiting because I am so sick of waiting. Target marriage date sometime in my early 30s

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I hope that you are right and girl I marry will be a waiting because I am so sick of waiting. Target marriage date sometime in my early 30s

 

I understand totally where you are coming from and as long you are living and able you still have the chance to! :)

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Simple. A virgin has had no one to compare her husband to sexually, and if she waited it shows commendable strength of character.  That's a woman I'd feel truly secure with. Not that non-virgins can't have successful marriages, they do everyday, its just a matter of a man maximizing his chances --at least that's how I see it. Experienced women just have a greater risk of wanting to be with other men again. The virgin wife will always be a sound preference. 

 

Brilliant. 

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So true and very well put.

Simple. A virgin has had no one to compare her husband to sexually, and if she waited it shows commendable strength of character. That's a woman I'd feel truly secure with. Not that non-virgins can't have successful marriages, they do everyday, its just a matter of a man maximizing his chances --at least that's how I see it. Experienced women just have a greater risk of wanting to be with other men again. The virgin wife will always be a sound preference.

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I am not claiming this is true for everyone…just the some background behind my reasoning.

1)      I used to have a lot of female friends who were extremely sexually active. Many openly talked about their new hookups, one night stands, partners, the best and worst sex and why etc. Their level sexually satisfaction was not due to heartfelt emotions (although, for some women that can play a big part.) but rather their chemistry for the guy and physical criteria. Generally these were things a guy has no control over and can’t change. The greater number of sexual partners a women has, the more she will know what truly turns her on, feels better and what will satisfy her needs the best.

I have found that men who lack confidence in their appearance/bodies generally want a virgin for two main reasons:

-          She will not know for sure what she needs from a man physically, to be sexually satisfied.

-          A virgin eliminates his fears of not being able to satisfy her as well as previous partners.  

Most of my sexually active guy friends are much different. Their level of sexual satisfaction is mostly determined by the woman’s attitude and technique (While I’ve had one sexual partner, I 100% agree and I believe this is true for most men). These are things a women can learn or has control over. Women who know this would understandable be less concerned about a man’s history because satisfying him is within their control and it’s really easy….so they might care more about his love/commitment to her. 

(*Side Note – This is one reason why I feel it is very important in most situations for a non-virgin female to date a confident man…Otherwise, he will focus on his insecurities/fears and it will usually become toxic for the relationship.  As long as a women is not settling, a confident man will not worry over her sexual history. He will hope she was treated well during those times, focus on being the best husband he can be for her and happy he found someone to spend the rest of his life with.)

2)      Some religions/cultures believe it is really taboo/a bad sin to have sex outside marriage. If you’re from this background, understandably you’re going to have reservations. You don’t want to marry someone you think is truly a bad person. Perhaps this is similar to dating someone with a criminal background?

On 3/22/2013 at 5:22 AM, Flor said:

Other women prefer experience because they want the guy to know what he's doing.

This was so true for me when I was a virgin and dating. The vast majority of women from Christian Mingle would never talk to me after I told them I was a virgin...A few women responded back and said the same thing about experience or they want a guy who has gotten that out of his system and they feel I would regret only sleeping with one women.

Not sure if this mean anything but usually I found that women I met in church were more accepting of my virginity...they still found it very strange but at least they would still go on dates and get to know me.

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I believe there are many virgins waiting  including myself and many of my friends. However many of us have not come on this site. We manage on a different circle and do not really come on these sites. I believe you will find others by opening up your window. I meet many people through gaming on consoles and PC. 

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