loyalhero90

Is thinking about skin color offensive?

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I have talked to some guys who have openly said they would not date/marry a girl because of her skin color or race. They believe it is fine to have that type of criteria. When probed further most of the skin color choices stem from either culture or negative stereotypes; mainly the negative stereotypes. For example, some men do not want to date a woman who has darker skin than he does because of the stereotypes that she is provocative, mean, or not intelligent. This does not exclude sex. The guy can still have sex with her (of course) but just will not marry and definitely won't wait for her.

My question is: is thinking about skin color choice for a mate an okay thing to do or do you think it is fine up until a point?

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personally my family has always believed to not marry someone who is of a different race but i know some people have different views on this matter. but to choose not to date someone or marry them based on stereotypes because of their race then yes i see that as wrong. i dont have anything against other races and stereotypes only apply to small groups not the whole race and its wrong to assume one person does something just because some groups of their color do it. everyone makes different choices on how to live their life some choose to be independant and self reliant and go to school and sometimes college. while others choose to live on the street and gain their knowledge there but i realize that some that live on the street are not there by choice but are there because of financial trouble. either way you cant say that a whole race does something just cuz a few have, but i do believe that God has a man or woman out there for each one of us that is of are own color.

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I don't think it matters at all honestly I think it is slightly offensive. The way I see it we're the human race. I probably will end up marrying a white girl don't get me wrong but as long as we're in love and have God and other things in common I'm fine.

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I don't think it is offensive to think about skin color or race in and of itself because it's unavoidable. No matter what, we all have some sort of preconceived notion about a particular person based on his or her race even if it is very subtle. You can't tell me that you've never looked at an Asian dude without thinking, "He's Asian, he must get straight A's so I should sit next to him in class." Does that mean it's true with all Asians? No. Just look at me, I'm a disgrace to my people by almost failing math and science and just sucking at school in general. lol. But it's no secret that as a culture, Asians tend to emphasize heavily on education. Keep in mind these are thoughts, not actions. The fact is that while culture and race are two different things, they are often related. Because of that, cultural trends naturally establish some sort of stereotype among groups. Is it wrong? Maybe, maybe not. But no one is guilt free from it. As long as you don't treat people differently because of their race, then nothing else matters.

Now when it comes to dating/marrying someone of a difference race/culture, it's easy to say the politically correct thing and say it doesn't matter. Ultimately, if the love and commitment is there, then that is what's most important. But to say it doesn't matter at all is simply naive. No one can argue that it's simply easier if you marry someone of the same culture. There is less chance of culture clash between families and I can tell you from personal experience there is a lot of that in my extended family involving interracial couples. Still, that's no reason not to marry someone of a different race. Just understand that it most likely will come with a unique set of challenges that wouldn't be there otherwise.

I personally am open to dating any race provided we love each other and are compatible in our values. I do have preferences though. Generally I find myself mostly attracted to white girls. Mostly because I think I would find more in common with them culturally than others. That's just in general, not in every case obviously. But then again, whoever God blesses me with, I will be happy regardless of her skin color.

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I think it depends. Although to be honest I think of race and culture myself when it comes to marrying. For me, I believe it will be easier to marry a hispanic women, so like how vince says, there will be no clash in culture. On the other hand, I believe in appreciating all kinds of beauty regardless of skin color or culture.To answer your question, I believe it is wrong up until the point where you dont make room to accept anything else other than your preference. ''She has to be black, or I wont marry her'', ''She has to be white,or I wont marry her''. To be honest, when it comes to race, a girl who is asain, spanish, or black are the ones who mostly catch my eyes. Culture-wise, I like girls who come from an urban enviroment (but not super ghetto lol) or a hispanic (preferably Dominican or PR) enviroment. The reason why I say urban is because I love the culture and when I speak in the slang words I grew up on I want my girl to understand me haha. But that doesnt matter anyway since I dont use slang heavily unless I am with my boys. And when I say hispanic, I say this because I want my kids to know where I come from. If I marry a woman who is also hispanic, I will help spread my heritage into the next generation and I feel like she will be able to fit-in easier within my family. Not to mention I wont have to translate for her (translating gets annoying). Those are my main preferences, despite this, I will not let my preference get to a point where I won't consider to accept anything new.

So my answer is, it is wrong up until the point where you wont leave room to compromise.

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I think it depends on what your reason is. If it's stereotypes like you've said, then yes I can see that as being offensive or slightly offensive. But I know many people who would rather marry in their ethnicity, just because they think it'll be culturally easier. Like for example, I'm a brown guy; and I don't mind marrying a woman of any color; but I'd prefer one from my ethnicity, because we already have the same type of culture, the same type of foods, the same type of language, etc. I just think it'd be easier.

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I don't think it is offensive to think about skin color or race in and of itself because it's unavoidable. No matter what, we all have some sort of preconceived notion about a particular person based on his or her race even if it is very subtle. You can't tell me that you've never looked at an Asian dude without thinking, "He's Asian, he must get straight A's so I should sit next to him in class." Does that mean it's true with all Asians? No. Just look at me, I'm a disgrace to my people by almost failing math and science and just sucking at school in general. lol. But it's no secret that as a culture, Asians tend to emphasize heavily on education. Keep in mind these are thoughts, not actions. The fact is that while culture and race are two different things, they are often related. Because of that, cultural trends naturally establish some sort of stereotype among groups. Is it wrong? Maybe, maybe not. But no one is guilt free from it. As long as you don't treat people differently because of their race, then nothing else matters.

Now when it comes to dating/marrying someone of a difference race/culture, it's easy to say the politically correct thing and say it doesn't matter. Ultimately, if the love and commitment is there, then that is what's most important. But to say it doesn't matter at all is simply naive. No one can argue that it's simply easier if you marry someone of the same culture. There is less chance of culture clash between families and I can tell you from personal experience there is a lot of that in my extended family involving interracial couples. Still, that's no reason not to marry someone of a different race. Just understand that it most likely will come with a unique set of challenges that wouldn't be there otherwise.

I personally am open to dating any race provided we love each other and are compatible in our values. I do have preferences though. Generally I find myself mostly attracted to white girls. Mostly because I think I would find more in common with them culturally than others. That's just in general, not in every case obviously. But then again, whoever God blesses me with, I will be happy regardless of her skin color.

I agree with Vince. Cultural differences (which do oftentimes go hand and hand with race) are probably going to impact on a relationship. This might not be an issue if the cultures are not that different or if there is a huge degree of love and commitment. But it can be hard for the families of the couple to integrate which may put a strain on the relationship down the line. Issues may also arise in how children are brought up. So I do think it is valid to consider such issues and decide how to deal with them. It would be naive to ignore them.

That said, if the issue is to do solely with skin colour then I would have a serious problem with that. That to me is ignorant.

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It is important to be cumturally compatible, but I don't think someone having a different culture necessarily makes them incompatible with someone. It depends on the individuals.

Those guys don't sound like they were concerned with culture, though. It sounds like they were concerned with negative stereotypes of black women. They should meet someone instead of automatically assuming they reflect negative stereotypes.

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I have my own personal preferences, mainly that I am generally more attracted to Asian women than any other 'race'. However, if I were single, and found someone of any other race who is an outstandingly attractive person, despite their skin color, I would definitely disregard it. It is unfair and unwise to deny being with someone lovely just because they are not the color of your preference.

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I had this conversation with some of my other african-american female peers and the problem we were having is mostly a weight on stereotypes rather than actual culture. Many of my peers expressed a desire for both inter-racial and traditional relationships but because we have been bogged down by media portrayal of black women (I know other women share this negativity but the focus was on black women at the moment). We were going through one of the "OMG I'm never going to get married because there is such a large amount of people/cultures who dislike dark skin color" after looking at a article that claimed the number of black women inter-racial relationships along with the number of black women marriage period was lower than any other ethnicity.

Actually Vince (with full respect and no offense intended) I have never seen an Asian guy and thought something like that. Actually I would be very open to dating/marrying an Asian guy especially since (on a friend level) there is more of a fit with my personality and my own individual culture. The problem is that I (along with other black females) were brought up with the thought that Asian men would not date any one darker due to the negative stereotypes associated. So both of us share an understanding of negative stereotypes. So I would normally think "Oh an Asian guy...probably is not going to be anymore than a friend due to some type of stereotype that is forever perpetrated by the media or his family". And that view has been true sometimes. And these feelings are not unsubstantiated, many of friends have dated someone who was outside of their race (or even same race) and have experienced some level of prejudice either from the man or the family.

I can honestly say that the person's culture would not matter to me as long as he treats me as an equal and is willing to embrace my culture as I would his. And while a language barrier thing I would see it as "is the cup half empty or half full". If my spouse is willing to learn the language then I would be teaching him something new (if he didn't really learn English) and I would be learning his language also. I guess it would be annoying sometimes but it could also be something that would make us closer.

Of course you guys make me feel better about finding someone but I worry. Even if we try to fully embrace each others culture will the negative stereotypes or family interference destroy a possible chance at happiness? And while culture is important to me I worry that I will not have that type of luxury to focus on and it might be kind of boring?

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I have my own personal preferences, mainly that I am generally more attracted to Asian women than any other 'race'.

That can't possibly have anything to do with you having an Asian gf, could it? Nah, of course not ;)

We were going through one of the "OMG I'm never going to get married because there is such a large amount of people/cultures who dislike dark skin color" after looking at a article that claimed the number of black women inter-racial relationships along with the number of black women marriage period was lower than any other ethnicity.

I've read something like that too. There seems to be a huge difference in terms of "societal desirability" between black men and black women. A lot of women find black men attractive because they tend to exhibit a lot of well defined masculine qualities like being tall, having chiseled facial features and being dark. Unfortunately for black women, the media likes to stereotype them as loud and obnoxious. Which is weird because most black women I know are quiet. lol. I know what that's like. For Asians, it's the exact opposite. A lot of guys love Asian women because they are stereotyped as being exotic, submissive and sexually eager to please. But there was a survey done where Asian guys were the least attractive of all races to many women because we're stereotyped as being shy, socially awkward, short and having small...packages. I used to think I'd never get married either because of the stereotypes around Asian guys.

Actually Vince (with full respect and no offense intended) I have never seen an Asian guy and thought something like that. Actually I would be very open to dating/marrying an Asian guy especially since (on a friend level) there is more of a fit with my personality and my own individual culture. The problem is that I (along with other black females) were brought up with the thought that Asian men would not date any one darker due to the negative stereotypes associated. So both of us share an understanding of negative stereotypes. So I would normally think "Oh an Asian guy...probably is not going to be anymore than a friend due to some type of stereotype that is forever perpetrated by the media or his family". And that view has been true sometimes. And these feelings are not unsubstantiated, many of friends have dated someone who was outside of their race (or even same race) and have experienced some level of prejudice either from the man or the family.

Lol, that was just a hyperbolic example. I just meant we all have certain sub-conscious prejudices in some form or another. But yeah, it is true that many Asian men won't date darker skin girls. Not because we personally are against it, but because of many Asian parents would object to it. Old Asian folk are probably the most racist people on the earth. lol. But the come from a very rigid and super conservative culture. But luckily my parents aren't like that. Though they prefer me marrying another Chinese, they have no problem with me marrying a girl from other races. I think our generation is made society a lot more accepting of interracial couples.

Ultimately, you don't have to worry about not finding a good man. The right guy for you will not care what your skin color is. He's only going to care what a great girl you are :)

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When it comes to having a soul mate then color shouldn't matter. I know that people have preferences and that's understandable but completely excluding someone because of their color (for dating or marriage) is offensive. Besides, if someone is really trying to find THE ONE then excluding anyone based on color decreases the selection from which you might find your special person. Besides I'd much rather decrease my selection based on things like WTM, and religious beliefs, than a little thing like color.

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I think there are attractive women of all ethnicities and I would be surprised if any guy thought something like "All [insert ethnicity here] women are not attractive."

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I think of skin color as just another aspect of the person. I find certain skin tones more attractive than others, just as I find some personality traits more attractive than others. For instance, I like girls with long hair, but that doesn't mean I'm opposed to courting a girl with short hair. It's just that different people find different body types, skin tones, and character traits attractive. It's got nothing to do with racism or prejudice, it's just that everyone's different, and everyone finds a different type of person attractive. It's fine to only want to marry a certain race of person if you simply are more attracted to that type. All are created equal. But, you know, that's just my opinion...

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Do I find it offensive that, for some people, skin color is a factor when choosing a mate? Not at all. People like whom they like. They are attracted to whom they are attracted. They prefer the company of whom they feel most comfortable around. Racial preference, up to a point, doesn't bother me. In fact I believe that, in some ways, it's a healthy component of life. When racial preference becomes racial hatered or racially motivated wrongdoing that's when I start having a problem with it.

As for myself, my primary consideration when it comes to race is cultural differences. If those are compatible with my own cultural quirks and nuances then race isn't something that bothers me. I generally try to keep an open mind. It would be an awful shame if I passed up the love of my life just because she was a different color, ethnicity, culture, or age group.

I've found myself attracted to just about every race and skin color there is. In fact, Christmas day I met a woman with a Korean ethnicity whom I was very attracted to. She just has a beautiful heart and spirit and loves God with all that she is. I find that very attractive. Race didn't even enter into my mind. All I saw was what a wonderful person she is. It didn't matter that she is probably a decade older than I or that her face has a different shape and features than the people that I am normally around.

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I'm just going to leave my opinion and try not to return to this thread because the ignorance is strong here <_< . So far everyone seems to use reason quite well when it comes to other topics but they suddenly lose that ability or unwilling to use it once race/skin color are mentioned :huh: . Its really perplexing to be honest.

I think that in most cases, when someone excludes a particular group of people solely based on race or skin color it is based on stereotypes or their preconceived notions and sometimes there is even some underlying racism there too. I feel the same about fetishes based on race because of some caricature they have in mind. If people want to have a fetish for a certain race or exclude a certain race, I can accept that, but what I hate is when they deny the fact that they're stereotyping, making sweeping generalizations. I can understand this type of ignorance from people from homogenous countries that just don't know any better but if you're from someplace like the US, UK, Canada, etc, its inexcusable. Not only is it ignorant but also immoral and even unethical in certain situations, so it is annoying when people suddenly go into denial mode when you call them out instead of accepting the truth. That's cognitive dissonance for you.

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let me have a moment of silence for those ignorant men. and let me have a moment of silence for all the black girls who can cross those assholes out their pickings.

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Excluding all those that do exclude a whole race from their dating pool based on stereotypes (which I think is more sad than offensive), I think that if someone says he/she isn't attracted to a certain race it is simply because somehow he/she hasn't come across a person of that race to whom he/she is attracted. I personally have been attracted to girls of every race/ethnicity I know of. Attraction for me is very much on an individual basis and independent of race. Would I not consider marrying someone based on race? Of course not! The consensus here seems to be that the biggest worry one might have is cultural differences, but I feel like that is more of a geographical/nationality issue than a race issue. Also, I've been around a lot of Caucasian girls that would clash with me culturally. So I guess I'll stop rambling and answer the question. I feel like if someone excludes an entire race from marriage considerations it is for one of two reasons: 1) He/she hasn't met a person from that race he/she finds attractive and thinks, naively, "I'm not attracted to anyone of this race;" or 2) He/she buys into the stereotypes he/she might have heard. Reason 1 is not offensive, reason 2 is, but more so if the person is willfully ignorant (I'm thinking the stereotypical racist white nut-job one thinks of in association with the KKK) than if he/she is ignorant out of a lack of experience with other races, which can be remedied.

On a personal note, if I were rejected by a non-Caucasian girl and, assuming hypothetically that she actually admits racial reasons, she cited not being attracted to white guys, I'd be a little offended, but no more than if she had said she didn't like my hairiness or body proportions or some other physical trait. If she cited negative stereotypes X, Y and/or Z about white people, then yeah, I'd be offended, but in a "you poor, ignorant soul" kind of way and not an, "Aww, my feeling are hurt. I'm going to go blog about this injustice" kind of way.

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I suppose it can be offensive to some, if it's used (as some have essentially stated it) as a blanket qualifier...as in, "Well, thus and such person is thus and such race, so, no I won't even given them a chance". Now, if it were sub-conscious and not taken in such a prejudiced manner, say, without relying on racial stereotypes...like, say a person just happens to be attracted to girls/guys of a certain skin tone, then no, it's not offensive, as it's not premeditated or based on prejudices.

As for me, I'm far more concerned with if the girl in question (and myself) are both good Muslims and attracted to each other for more than just superficial reasons...though being physically attracted, even by sight, is kind of a prerequisite for anything more to happen, at least in most cases. That being said, I've been attracted to girls of pretty much every ethnicity/race I can think of...their beliefs and morals...as well as interests and lifestyles were what determined whether or not I approached them or not...not the color of their skin. However, I have to say that I kind of have a thing for girls who have some culture...hence why I'm not all that drawn to most American girls (who I guess would qualify as 'white' by most people's standards)...but that's not really due to skin color, it's more due to cultural and religious/moral/philosophical differences, rather than anything skin deep. Just my two cents...

See ya on the flipside,

Altan

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but i do believe that God has a man or woman out there for each one of us that is of are own color.

I'm sorry but wtf...

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According to the make-up companies, I am as white as they come, but I can honestly say that I have found myself to be VERY attracted to people of all colors.

That being said, I come from a small, extremely Caucasian town, and so my exposure to people of other races has been limited at best. I will not deny that I occasionally struggle with stereotypes, simply due to unfamiliarity with other races. I recognize thoughts as stereotypes when they arrive, and I do not believe them to be true; I tell them to go away and leave me alone.

I would happily date and potentially marry someone of a different race. At the beginning of the relationship, I would probably think about his skin color on a fairly regular basis, just because it would be such a new experience for me, and perhaps because I would be scared of doing something "wrong." After a little while, I believe I would become accustomed to it.

If dating someone of a different race, I expect I might feel a little more awkward about meeting his parents, though meeting the parents is always weird anyway. I would wonder what his family thought of me. And when he met my parents, I would be carefully inspecting everything they did and said, paranoid that they would act strange around him. But I believe that if he and I were compatible, this would work out.

I would be more concerned about him meeting my extended family, because many of my relatives are quite racist; not in the harass-people-of-another-culture way, but in the think-less-of-them-and-say-horrible-things-behind-closed-doors way. It is one of the many reasons I do not feel close to my extended family, and do not enjoy spending time with them at holidays. I do not think that they would say anything pointedly rude to him, but I am sure that they would treat him differently than if I were to bring home a white guy. But honestly, if they really had a problem with it, I would not shed a single tear over them not coming to our wedding!

If thinking about skin color is offensive, then I am sorry, because I am sure that I would think about it, just as I would think about education, career choice, breath freshness, sports affiliation, head tilt direction during kissing, fashion sense, humor, and a million other things that may in some way or another affect our relationship. I am a very analytical person. But will noticing skin color make me miss out on the man of my dreams? Heck no! If he's the one for me, I don't care what color he is. I'll even go for green, blue, or purple!

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personally my family has always believed to not marry someone who is of a different race but i know some people have different views on this matter. but to choose not to date someone or marry them based on stereotypes because of their race then yes i see that as wrong. i dont have anything against other races and stereotypes only apply to small groups not the whole race and its wrong to assume one person does something just because some groups of their color do it. everyone makes different choices on how to live their life some choose to be independant and self reliant and go to school and sometimes college. while others choose to live on the street and gain their knowledge there but i realize that some that live on the street are not there by choice but are there because of financial trouble. either way you cant say that a whole race does something just cuz a few have, but i do believe that God has a man or woman out there for each one of us that is of are own color.

I think I am getting a vibe that the family can be an influential factor is color preference and I agree that stereotypes do prevail and can cause a confusion between mere preference and actual racial influence.

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I don't think it matters at all honestly I think it is slightly offensive. The way I see it we're the human race. I probably will end up marrying a white girl don't get me wrong but as long as we're in love and have God and other things in common I'm fine.

I sometimes am confused with skin preference and generally find it offensive at times but I guess it depends on the persons comfort level also. And also agree that for me it does not really matter much.

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So my answer is, it is wrong up until the point where you wont leave room to compromise.

Cultural compatibility can be an important deciding factor and it usually does correlate with race. I agree that it can become a problem when the person does not want to date because of stereotypes and thus won't compromise because of someone's race.

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When it comes to having a soul mate then color shouldn't matter. I know that people have preferences and that's understandable but completely excluding someone because of their color (for dating or marriage) is offensive. Besides, if someone is really trying to find THE ONE then excluding anyone based on color decreases the selection from which you might find your special person. Besides I'd much rather decrease my selection based on things like WTM, and religious beliefs, than a little thing like color.

I agree that skin color should not matter and that their are generally more problems to worry about in a potential mate.

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