MaliB79

How do you end a relationship?

14 posts in this topic

This is always sooo difficult for me. When I realize that things just aren't going to work out with a man I'm dating, it is always super hard for me to just break it off. Even if the person was a major jerk, and mistreated me, I still feel bad for ending it (of course feeling bad doesn't stop me; I refuse to be unhappy in a relationship).

I know it's weird, but that's just how I am. I always feel like I owe them some long, drawn out explanation. I think this is also because I want them to know why it isn't working out. Sometimes, my actions will show that I am no longer interested. But, when it comes to breaking it off with a guy, I usually have to have a talk. And, that talk is never straightforward. It usually ends with the guy thinking we're still together! LOL! I don't know...I've just found that guys typically don't get it unless I come out and say: "I'm not interested in dating you anymore!"

Ladies, is this challenging for you? How have you done it in the past?

Guys, would you rather a woman just come out and tell you she's no longer interested, or would you rather she just stop returning your calls?

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Unless the guy is abusive, always be upfront and honest when breaking up and do it in person. I think it's the proper thing to do so that he understands why you are ending things and so that there is no confusion. You don't have to go into great detail, just explain in general why things aren't working out. No matter how you handle it, he's going to be hurt anyways. Best to just be honest and to the point. Eventually he'll get over it.

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I understand you completely! I always feel very bad when I have to break it off. I think it's best to be direct so that it's clear to him that you don't want to continue the relationship. If you just withdraw from him without an explanation or talk to him but don't get to the point, it'll feel like everything is hanging. He won't know where he is standing or what happened and there won't be any kind of closure. I agree with envincebal, the best (for both) is to be honest and to the point.

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I personally go for the gentle let down. Let her know she a great girl but that I don't think there's any future in it for us.

Unless we're on a 1st/2nd/whatever date when i'm still getting to know her and she's acting like a spoilt brat then I'll just say I don't date bratty girls and walk out, but I think for a exclusive relationship then let her down gently.

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This is always sooo difficult for me. When I realize that things just aren't going to work out with a man I'm dating, it is always super hard for me to just break it off. Even if the person was a major jerk, and mistreated me, I still feel bad for ending it (of course feeling bad doesn't stop me; I refuse to be unhappy in a relationship).

I know it's weird, but that's just how I am. I always feel like I owe them some long, drawn out explanation. I think this is also because I want them to know why it isn't working out. Sometimes, my actions will show that I am no longer interested. But, when it comes to breaking it off with a guy, I usually have to have a talk. And, that talk is never straightforward. It usually ends with the guy thinking we're still together! LOL! I don't know...I've just found that guys typically don't get it unless I come out and say: "I'm not interested in dating you anymore!"

Ladies, is this challenging for you? How have you done it in the past?

Guys, would you rather a woman just come out and tell you she's no longer interested, or would you rather she just stop returning your calls?

End? I don't know how to start one! :-P

Though I don't appreciate the fact that you're speaking as though only women have to deal with this problem. Men end relationships, too.

As far as the question, I'd always be upfront when ending a relationship, and I expect the same thing of women. Refusing to return your partner's calls isn't only rude, it also doesn't end the relationship ("officially"). It will lead your significant other to do the dumping for you, however.

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@LFTO, I'm not sure where it's implied in my post that I think that only women end relationships. I'm sorry if you got that impression. I simply asked a question. I didn't make any statement about who's more likely to end a relationship.

I am a woman, so my question/post was from my POV. Of course I know that men end relationships. I can't imagine anyone thinking otherwise...

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@LFTO, I'm not sure where it's implied in my post that I think that only women end relationships. I'm sorry if you got that impression. I simply asked a question. I didn't make any statement about who's more likely to end a relationship.

I am a woman, so my question/post was from my POV. Of course I know that men end relationships. I can't imagine anyone thinking otherwise...

Well, you addressed the men and women differently--asking the women how they end a relationship, while asking men how they prefer to be informed that the relationship is over. I figured that there was an assumption that women do the breaking-up.

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Well, you addressed the men and women differently--asking the women how they end a relationship, while asking men how they prefer to be informed that the relationship is over. I figured that there was an assumption that women do the breaking-up.

LOL! Not at all.

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It sucks when it gets to this point. You feel as if there is no way out and nothing you can do. My last relationship was like this. My girlfriend at the time became very distant. She would not call, not respond on Facebook, or to text messages. It wasn't something that made me angry, just worried. Upon learning her father was terminally ill I felt very saddened. Having gone though this myself.

I tried very hard to be a pillar of support, to be there for her whenever she needed me, to tell her I loved her. She however, had different plans. We had been on the rocks kind of for a while, not really seeing much of each other or really moving in the same direction. Please understand (you the reader) I am not attacking her on this. I think she needed a way out, and her father being ill was that. I don't deny I presume/ I hope she experienced loss from us breaking up as I did, however, I think she just wanted out.

What bothers me most is that if she wanted out, she should have just said so. Now we ended on good terms and still get along well (although we barely ever see each other, and when we do there is distance/ emotional guarding). I am a guy and do not do subtlety well. If you want to break up, say so. I of course tried very hard to work through the issues, but it wasn't enough.

As my mom said to me during my grief period: "You are two wonderful people, just not meant for each other." She was right.

If two people are unable to be in a relationship, they should end it like adults. Talk about why it isn't working and clear up any loose ends. I feel that at least sets the tone moving forward.

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Breakups are always hard to swallow. No matter what.. it sucks. Just like Vince said, he's going to get hurt anyways. But he must accept it. When my ex said she dont love me anymore .. I accepted it.. no matter how much it hurt. And again like Vince and Sarah said.. tell him straight M

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I totally understand! I always feel so bad, and try to circle around the point. I try to be passive...sometimes passive aggressive about it. But like you, the guy still thinks we are together, even though i might have mentioned it in passing. everyone says just be straight forward but its so much easier said than done. i also get really anxious/nervous when it comes down too it, and just ramble on. i know this is the worst way to do it, but i would rather text someone "its over" because its impersonal, and i dont have to be with them at the time. rather than doing it in person. dont text a break up though hahah!

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I used to think the best way was being mean about it in a way - so that the other person could use it as a good valid reason as to why it ended, ad get over it maybe quicker, ya know? a lot of times, if the relationship was pretty good, maybe faded out due to a lack of spark or something, its gonna feel worse if it ends that way - good. but indeed, itll still hurt!!

of the few times i have broken up with someone without a lot of investment - i basically said - lets just be friends, and if they ask why, ill explain it simply. For some people, its something you have to work on and get comfortable with. once i was with a guy for nearly a year, and breaking up with the guy was one of the most difficut things ive done, but i still basically said, lets be friends, only with a little more crying. haha

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