When to Talk About It?

4 posts in this topic

First, I can't believe this site even exists.

Let me get to the point - I have been dating this woman. Our 3rd date was last Sunday. It was simple - we just met at a park and spent about an hour or so talking. I enjoy her company things seem to be going well.

When should I tell her that I don't want sex until marriage?

There has not been any intimacy - just light hugs when we greet each other or say good-bye. My dilemma is that I don't want to waste her time if this would be a deal-breaker for her. At the same time I want things to grow organically between us. I don't want to rush things with questions about the status of the relationship or where things stand. Things like that "freak chicks out" and that conversation isn't necessary at this point. I also feel that a discussion about me being a "waiter" might corner her or pressure her, and I don't want to do that.

I am confident about my decision - I am not a virgin but seven years ago, at age 33-34, I decided after my last "fling" that I had to do what I knew was right, and wait. Waiting has been quite a journey - more the reason why I can't back down from my decision.

At this point, I'll wait to see what your responses are and the discussion can flow from there.

I posted this to the ladies forum but I also want a guy's perspective.


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I think you should be open straight away - I'd personally want to know early on what I was up against.

You never know...she might be a waiter too!

The fact that you've got to the third date and not had much intimacy either means she sees you as a good friend, or she's very serious about you and doesn't want to rush things and screw it up. Either way, you have no more to lose telling her than you would if you didn't.

Either way, good luck and trust your gut feeling - only you can fully know what is the best for the situation!

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well first off welcome to the site. The site DOES exist :-) and exists for the reasons you hope... reality checks, straight talk, straight hope, a little support & inspiration. Good for you for making the decision you did when you did - to have the outlook you did at the point you did speaks volumes... and here you are 7yrs later successful in that choice.

I'm with AussieStig though... you're a grown up and so is she... there may be some sense of inevitable assumption here... so perhaps there is a good moment in expressing some real affection to do a bit of the backstory fill-in everyone does.... and honestly at this stage, no more to lose in telling than not.

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