Guest Ace

Just curious about the actual wedding...

11 posts in this topic

Do you have an issue with the wedding being referred to as "the bride's?"

It just always seems like a bride has a very much "me" mentality, even if she isn't a selfish person. Her flowers, her dress, her colors, her decorations, etc. It may just be me, but I've always thought that was unfair to the groom. You are sharing a special day together, and it isn't just about the bride! Just sayin', in a marriage (or any relationship) decisions should be made together. As a unit. In fact, I'm so used to "calling the shots" that I very much look forward to having someone else's input. Haha, he better be the type to be definite in what he wants. I have ideas, but I actually WANT it to be just as much a part of him/his personality & vision as mine.

Alright, let me know what you think!

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RJ, just the fact that you even asked this question shows you will be an amazing wife :) It's so easy to be selfish in a relationship and clearly you have your future husband's wants and needs in mind which is what love is all about.

TBH, I think most guys couldn't care less if a girl has her way in a wedding. Most guys are actually fine with the girl doing all the planning and if he started calling some of the shots, that would mean he would have to do some of the planning himself and most guys don't care wouldn't care for that. lol. Guys are usually more concerned with actually getting married than the actual wedding itself. That's not to say that we don't care about the wedding but we're more excited about planning the proposal. The planning and dreaming of a wedding is primarily a female desire. Then you have me who would rather just elope and get it over right after engagement. But the reality is, almost all but probably 2 women in the world would break up with me if I said that and my mom would never speak to me again. lol. I mean, I don't mind having a wedding, if it was really important to my future wife (and obviously to my mom) then I would never dream of denying her that. But if we did, I'd prefer a small wedding. Yet again, that would be impossible because I have a huge extended family and a lot of family friends that I would be obligated to invited. That's just my side, who knows how big my future wife's family will be. So given my preferences, it is impossible for me to have any say on a wedding if I have any realistic chance of getting married :)

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I once heard it said that the wedding is for the bride and the wedding night is for the groom :P

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I once heard it said that the wedding is for the bride and the wedding night is for the groom :P

Hey, if I had to choose between having the wedding or the wedding night, I'd take the wedding night too, lol!

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Candyhall beat me to the punch.

Interestingly enough, I was thinking about this concept of "possession" tonight, beyond just weddings or honeymoons. Somehow, I always liked the line by Celine Dion, "I'm your lady, and you are my man."

Somehow, I like the idea of being somebody's, belonging to them and them to me, not being my own anymore.

Just a thought.

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My professor in "Marriage and Family Life" and the Priests in our church told me that the wedding day is actually IS FOR THE BRIDE.

From the word matrimony - matrimonium, matr. meaning mother. It all centers to the bride.

But I do think, that the day of the wedding is for both the bride and the groom. ;)

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Absolutely, I don't like the "me" mentality either..."my" wedding, "my" marriage, "my" children. If/when I get married, it's going to be OUR wedding!

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I think it's easy for girls to get caught up in the fairytale wedding with the white dress and the flowers and the guest list and the venue and the song choices etc etc organising stuff is what women like to do. But I definitely think that the wedding is about the couple and from what my boyfriend says about seeing other couples organising weddings I'm pretty sure he'll want a big role in organising his own wedding.

To be honest, I think it's nicer if the couple does it together and it's not just all left to the bride. Then it truly becomes the couple's day. My cousin's husband was very active in organising their wedding with her and it was soooo cute to see how excited he was about the day! He was talking about it more that she was!!! :D

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I'm of the mindset that teamwork makes the dream work. I want him to have a say in the wedding day, just like I want my say in the wedding night. I'd honestly be all hot and bothered (and not in the way he'd want) if on the wedding night he was like "Well you got to have all you wanted earlier today, so now it's my turn. Lay there like this, touch here, kiss there, then we're going to have sex the way I want and I'm going straight to sleep, okay? I mean that's cool, right babe? I thought you'd love it!"

Uhh... No. Absolutely not.

I don't care if traditionally the day is hers, and the night is his. The new tradition now is to be engaged in pre-marital sex, and obviously I'm bucking that trend.

I get it that he probably doesn't care much for flowers and centerpieces. Of course he won't have a clue about my dress, that's top secret and classified. But as far as colors, his tux or suit, wedding & reception locations... Whatever he does care about, I want his input. I just think it's the joining of two, so why should one have all the say?

Thinking back and a friend of mine wanted to wear a certain college football team printed vest with his tux. His wife completely flipped out and killed that idea. But it was dumb because that's a part of his personality. When someone mentions that team, this guy's face comes to mind. I'm just saying I want my husband's personality to show through in aspects of OUR wedding. As long as it isn't something too absurd, I'm game. I know my traditional, but slightly modern, bright personality will show, shouldn't I afford him the same opportunity? That's all. :)

I will never share my husband, but I'm always willing to share with him.

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Somehow, I like the idea of being somebody's, belonging to them and them to me, not being my own anymore.

I know what you mean. I think it would be sweet to have "I am my Beloved's..." inscribed on the inside of his wedding ring, with "...and my Beloved is mine" inscribed onto my own.

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To be honest I think most guys aren't too fussed about details but more the big things like venue for wedding and reception, tux etc for example there is NO WAY I'd wear a tux that was uncomfortable no matter how nice she thought it looked... I think its great that you're already thinking about your husband which is further than most seem to get even after they're married! I definately agree with teamwork after all marriage is about 2 becoming 1 so you have to take your spouses needs into consideration too after all you're supposed to love one another so much your committing yourself to each other for the rest of your lives. So what if he doesn't like the tux you like he's the one who's got to wear it just like you're the one who chooses your dress (which shouldn't be any other way). As you said she NEEDS to have an input in the wedding night as she'll probably be very nervous and her not having any say in what's happening is not going to be good for her so you'd do what's best for her, take things slow and enjoy each other falling asleep with her cuddled up to you. Marriage is about both of your needs not just hers so I think its great you're starting early :)

I think traditionally it was the brides day as traditionally it was her father who was paying for the wedding.

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