Sophie

Why do guys react so badly to girls crying?

10 posts in this topic

When I was really young I played a lot with my cousin (I'll call him Jamie.) Sometimes I would get upset or frustrated because he was better at stuff than me, and I would start to cry. He was really good at cheering me up - he'd act all goofy and pretend to hurt himself, or he and his friends would have a fake, comical fight to make me laugh. But the last time he saw me cry (I was 14) he freaked out and charged out of the room like he was Superman and someone was screaming for help.

This is just a random example. My dad is also very bad at dealing with me crying - he tells me to stop and to "grow up," and just isn't sympathetic at all. Most of my friends' dads are like this. A few of my friends have dated and they all say that their boyfriends "freeze up" when they start to cry.

Is there any reason for this? Cuz from what I'm seen, guys are just so awkward around crying girls, even their friends/sisters/girlfriends.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it's because a lot of guys simply don't know what to do when they see a girl cry. Yeah we expect girls to cry more often than guys at least, yet it scares many of us. Guys don't normally interact with each other through emotions in the way that girls do, so I just think we're not used to it.

Seeing a girl cry doesn't scare me, but it does make me feel for her though. It's so easy for guys to try to think of some way to try to fix whatever is bothering her. However from personal experience, I found the best way is to simply be there to listen to her vent. If I saw a girl crying I'd offer tissue, give her a hug, say nothing and hear her out.

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
However from personal experience, I found the best way is to simply be there to listen to her vent. If I saw a girl crying I'd offer tissue, give her a hug, say nothing and hear her out.

This.

5 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know the stoic man is the cultural expectation, but I do know some sensitive men. In a way, I think it takes a bigger man to show his emotions. I agree with Vince -- just being there and listening is sometimes the best thing.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Seeing a girl cry doesn't scare me, but it does make me feel for her though. It's so easy for guys to try to think of some way to try to fix whatever is bothering her. However from personal experience, I found the best way is to simply be there to listen to her vent. If I saw a girl crying I'd offer tissue, give her a hug, say nothing and hear her out.

You hit the nail on the head big brother :)

That's exactly what you do.

@Sophie, I think that they're not sure what to say to the girl. So they run out of the room to get away from the confusion. But I totally agree with what EB said. I think that would be a case where your action (Staying with her, listening to what's she's saying and understanding her, giving her comfort that she's not alone) speaks louder than words.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me it depends if she has a genuine reason to be upset then I'll give her a hug and listen to her but if she's trying to manipulate me using emotional blackmail then I'll leave her to it and she can come and apologise when she's ready to start acting like an adult... Harsh maybe but I've got better things to be doing with my time.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me it depends if she has a genuine reason to be upset then I'll give her a hug and listen to her but if she's trying to manipulate me using emotional blackmail then I'll leave her to it and she can come and apologise when she's ready to start acting like an adult... Harsh maybe but I've got better things to be doing with my time.

Yeah that's true.

I was speaking of a girl who is genuinely upset (Like you said). Otherwise....... it really is a mess.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I can't speak for other men, but I actually transform into a doting grandmother when confronted with a woman (or anyone, really) that's in tears. It must be genetic, because my dad as the same way.

As envincebal stated, men tend to look at sadness in purely mechanical terms: as a problem that needs to be solved. Sometimes, especially when deep-seated emotions are involved, there is no solution to a problem. In such a case, the only effective response is genuine empathy.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

All I would/can do is comfort her, give her a hug, and listen to her and not say one word

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My guess is, most men freeze up because they have no idea how to fix it. And guys feel like it's their job to fix it.

I have a very compassionate side. I hug a lot, encourage a lot, listen a lot. I can't wait to spend those abilities on my bride...especially when I know how low some men have set the bar.

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now