WanderingWashingtonian

What are your deal-breakers?

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I like the word "deal breakers". Dating is now dealing!

I am generally pretty open minded but I wont date/propose a woman who has got any of these:

1. Smoker/Alcoholic/Addicted to Drugs [but if she is willing to quit these, it's okay]

2. Has incurable infections, HIV, Herpes, STDs etc [and tries to hide these, big red flag]

3. Still in love with an ex

4. Only needs a man to bear children [go to a sperm bank please!]

5. Is excessively religious [Religion should be your faith, not occupation!]

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Okay, I'm going to have to add a few things to my list of dealbreakers. First off, if the girl in question holds views on religion, morality, politics, etc. that are far too divergent from my own, I'd have to let her go. My ex-gf was an atheist and very, very liberal, in the most naive of senses. This led to a lot of pointless argumentation and contributed to our breakup. I could see such things creating problems in a marriage, especially when it comes to raising kids. I'm moderately conservative (more to the middle than a lot of conservatives) and a Muslim. If the girl in question held views that ran counter to what's traditionally taught and believed in Islam, especially with regards to lifestyle choices and such, there would be issues, as while I want to give my (future) kids enough freedom to choose their own path, I don't want to have two conflicting opinions on things like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, drug usage, and the like. My wife and I should be of the same mind on major issues like that. It'll make getting to sleep at night much, much easier and make for less arguments and more working together. Also, the usual dislike of someone with a past of cheating, lying (even to parents), etc. is definitely a part of my means for deciding whether or not a person is relationship/marriage material, etc.

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Oh boy I don't even know where to start

Deal Breakers

-Current alcohol and/or drug abuse

-Unwillingness to WTM

-Non-virgin isn't necessarily a deal breaker, but history of ONS and FWB definitely is.

-Inability or unwillingness to live life in accordance with reason

-Lack of integrity (which alone basically covers everything I listed)

-Obesity

-Anger management issues/hotheaded

-Animal hater

-Racist and/or racist family

-Sexist

-Lazy/lackadaisical

-Unsupportive

-Disrespectful (not just towards me but also others, especially parents)

-Uneducated

-Anti-religion

-History of criminal activity

-Still in love with ex (wouldn't have thought of that one if I hadn't saw someone else mention it, but I would not be able to overlook that)

Preferences

-Taller than me (5'9" or taller)

-Physically fit

-Captivating eyes

-Cat Person

-Virgin

-Neat and tidy (but by no means a neat freak)

-Playfulness and aegyo

-Not reckless

-Willingness to teach and learn

-Sense of humor (I like dry humor is my favorite for some reason)

-Healthy eating habits

-Outgoingness (I'm shy so I think someone who is outgoing would complement me)

-Doesn't mind when I'm either too clingy or too distant (but will check on me when I am distant)

-Doesn't mind my innocence and child-like qualities

-Someone who will hold me and let me cry on their shoulder

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This probably isn't a complete list, but here is what comes to mind.

Has gone beyond kissing and light touching over full clothes

Religious incompatibilities

Financial plans are too different

To be general, we have too little in common

Too big of an age difference

She's not willing to work a job (unless I end up making way more than I expect to)-I guess this ties into having a similar financial plan

Educated

Preferences

Has happy, married parents. My parents are divorced and my family doesn't get along, so I would love to be part of a happy family.

Has not done anything at all with a guy (though I don't think light kissing would really bother me much)

I actually think there are more, but I'm on my phone and it's hard to post on it.

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I actually think there are more, but I'm on my phone and it's hard to post on it.

I'll say. You just listed education as a deal-breaker.

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I just remembered another important dealbreaker. I will not tolerate being someone's "second choice." In the past, I've had girls who have rejected me for some other guy only to come crying and asking for me back when their ex left them with tons of emotional baggage, kids and trust issues. Sorry, but the moment a girl makes me a back up guy, she will not get another chance with be ever again. Why would I want to be with someone who just takes advantage of me and only wants me because it's convenient. I do not have patience for users.

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I feel like some people are a little strict, I just want a girl who is chasing God, compatible to my humor....

.

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@April: Then you won't mind if I cook up and bring over a nice venison steak I've been saving for you? ;) Would make for a nice dinner, eh? :P

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my deal breakers:

not a christian

hates hunting

fat (im fine with a few extra pounds but it really depends on the person body type, so its hard to specify exactly when someones too large for me)

not giving me time a day ( what i mean by this is someone who like says they like me and yet like never talk to me, i mean i understand ya know people live busy lives, i understand that, but if you like someone, you will find time to talk to them even if its just five minutes a day)

honestly its hard to figure out what my deal breakers are, it easier just to explain the kind of person i look for. the kind of girl i look for has to be a christian and believes in waiting till marriage, i will accept a non virgin but they have to admit not to me but to god that their past sexual experiances were wrong. if someone is honest and true and puts christ at the center of their lives then im ok with any sexual past. yes i prefer a virgin, but i realize in this shall i say "sex crazed point in time", i understand its nearly impossible to find a virgin. also they dont have to like hunting even though id prefer a countrygirl but they cant hate it cuz god put wild animals on this earth for us to eat, deer hunting is one of my biggest passions in life and honestly i feel guilty if i dont go cuz its the way i help my family get by in this tough economy. as a matter of fact your actually better off eating deer meat than beef, its a whole lot healthier because you dont have all that fat, deer are constantly on the run and not just during deer season but all year long, thats why their meat is so lean. any wild game is better for you than store bought meat cuz of all the preservatives and stuff they put in it. the reason beef is so fatty is cuz all a cow does is eat, sleep and get milked, thats it, they dont do anything to work it off. but food, thats another thread, sorry i got off topic.

anyways yeah and i prefer someone who is bout average for their height in wieght, im fine with them being skinny but like i said the person just cant be fat, a few extra pounds is fine but not overly fat. one last thing i have to be at least somewhat attracted to the person, it not like i expect a supermodel ha ha, not hardly, but i believe there has to be some level of attraction. i know looks are only skin deep and theres much more beauty on the inside of a person that will last a lifetime and looks will just fade over time but theres gotta be something i find attractive in the person whether its their eyes, smile, hair or really any facial feature that sticks out and just drives me crazy. sorry this was so long, anyways i really cant think of anything else, i mean i really dont care about politics, as long it doesnt affect me or anything im doing or believe in i dont care lol.

as far as drugs, drinking, smoking, that sort of thing, i figure if they are a christian we can work those problems out together with gods help cuz i have my own problems to work out too, mainly smoking and porn, yes ok i admit it im a porn addict, but if i truely loved someone and they wanted me to stop watching it, even though it might be hard, i would definitely do everything in my power to stop cuz i dont want my lover to think less of me and i dont want to hurt them in any way, same goes with the smoking. i will definitely though give up porn before we'd get married though whether shed ask for it or not id still do it cuz i agree if your married the porn should stop no question, cuz if you dont then obviuosly your not sexually satisfied by your mate and i believe that that is cheating within marriage. as for me though right now i feel its a release of those urges and tension while you wait but some view it differently, im not saying it isnt wrong to do while you wait cuz by gods law it is wrong and i know that but its an addiction and its hard to break but i will keep trying to get away from it but that also is another thread ha ha, sorry again for being so long, so im gonna stop right now lol.

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my list is pretty short I think:

can't be intolerant of others: I can get along with somebody regardless of their political or religious viewpoints and I would expect my spouse to be the same way. The same goes for lifestyle choices, I think it is unfair to believe everybody should make the same decisions as me since we are all different in so many ways. There is no right answer for any of these areas of life. It is most likely that I will marry somebody who shares some or most of my beliefs, so I guess this applies to how he would treat other people.

can't be racist: I have a brother that shares the same mom as me, but who had a black dad. I can't accept somebody if they are racist and discriminate against those who are different than them (kind of goes along with my first one I guess), I don't think one human being should consider themselves superior to another human being, we all deserve to be treated with the same dignity and respect. I was kind of like the "playground police" when I was in elementary school, I never have been able to stand by and let people get away with treating other people like garbage just because they think they can.

can't abuse illegal substances or smoke: I think it is impossible to have a healthy relationship if one person is controlled by an addiction. The reason I couldn't be with somebody who smokes is because the smell of smoke gives me headache, and there is a strong genetic predisposition in my family for lung cancer. Literally every person in my family that has smoked has died of lung cancer. So no second-hand smoke for me please.

can't be abusive: This applies to both being emotionally and physically abusive. You better believe if my husband ever hit me the cops would be called ASAP. I want to enjoy my life, not live in fear and dread going home every night.

has to want kids: I absolutely adore children, and 100% want to have my own one day.

has to have a sense of humor: I dearly love to laugh, even if it is at myself sometimes, so my husband would need to be the same way. Life is too short to take every minute of it seriously. I don't know how you can enjoy life if you can't have a good laugh every now and then. I have actually met people that never laugh, they do exist!!!

I guess maybe it isn't so short. lol. I'm with some of you guys on the hunting, I don't see anything wrong with it if you eat what you kill. I lived above a vet clinic in south GA for a whole summer, and had dinner with the veterinarian and his family every night. I only ate something he killed or caught himself, and it was some of the most delicious stuff I've eaten. I developed a real love of venison (such lean meat!) and fresh fish truly does taste the best.

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I have 3 categories, Dealbreakers, Must Work through before Marriage, and Preferences.

First, any man I married I would need to respect, so he would have to have certain qualities: loyalty, integrity, and a compassionate heart.

DBs:
Has Cheated ever
Has any incurable STDs
Still in love with another girl (I will never be anyone's second choice, unless he was widowed)
Will force me to take birth control pills
Obesity


MWtbM:
Any Drug Use (he has to stop completely)
Smoking (I can't stand it and it gets into every fabric, he would have to stop, or reduce considerably)
Non-Waiter (he would need to become a waiter and respect my boundaries)


Preferences:
Virgin
Financially stable (However, if I end up having enough money by myself, and if he has a job he works at really hard with all his heart, but it just doesn't make money, I might be okay with that, I'm not sure)


I had more than I thought actually.

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Dealbreakers:

mean & not Alec Baldwin.

:)

Umm, is Alec Baldwin.....hot or something?

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Dealbreakers:

mean & not Alec Baldwin.

:)

Umm, is Alec Baldwin.....hot or something?

Or did you mean the only man you would be okay dating who was mean... is Alec Baldwin?

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WHY YES, markb4, but Im pretty much the only one who thinks that in the entire universe. Lol

Jenny, Alec is a grumpy old guy but he's not mean ;) I put down a general dealbreaker for a guy who is mean, but since my other dealbreaker is he's not Mr Baldwin, then I wont date anyone but him. Tee hee :D I'm just messin'...or am I?

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Oh no, I'm sorry if I offend anyone. :(  I think I'm one of the few agnostics on here, even though I was raised Catholic.

 

Deal Breakers

Not a virgin/Had multiple BJs

Too religious/frequent church goer (sorry >.<)

Homophobic/Xenophobic/Racist/Sexist/Close-minded

Alcohol/Drugs/Smoking/Theft/Criminal

Cheater

Doesn't plan to work

Liar/Keeps secrets

Not intelligent/Didn't go to college

Too serious/boring

Lives in another country

Hates my friends

Doesn't consider me his equal

Not considerate

Thinks jewlery/chocolate/flowers are the key to a girl's heart (I want a guy who instead of buying me expensive junk that has no meaning, will leave a little post-it note on the door saying how much he loves me :wub: )

Not willing to try new things

Not willing to have healthy debates

Doesn't like the fact that I don't wear makeup

 

 

Preference

Likes classical music (my favorite is Canon in D :wub: )

Anime/manga fan

Likes animals/ feels bad when killing insects (they're living creatures too after all- though mosquitoes are a different story :disapproval: )

Enjoys how beautiful the moon/sun/scenery can be

Appreciates the little things in life

Likes video games

Has a tiny bit of a perverted sense of humor- not full on dirty jokes mind you, just acknowedging a "that's what she said" joke with a giggle or something and not being completely horrified  :lol:

I don't really want kids right now, but if my soul mate wanted them, then I' be more than happy to have children with him. ^_^  (He better freaking hold my hand through childbirth though!! :disapproval: )

It would be nice if he tried horseback riding with me :D (Then we can literally ride off into the sunset lol.)

 

I'm sure there is more, but this is just what I'm thinking right now~ :)

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I have been thinking about my “deal breakers†since I was in grade school, anyway here are mine: Deal Breakers: Not a virgin/ not WTM Militant atheist/ religious zealot/ Scientologist Extremely ignorant/ not intelligent/ racist Very rude/ very mean to others/ Lies Doesn't want kids Smokes/ does drugs My Preferences: Likes to play video games and reads Likes dogs and cats Doesn't drink alcohol Likes to stay home instead of going out, but likes going on drives I’m forgetting some, but those are most of mine.

 

Edit- Why does my post come out in a paragraph instead of a list?

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My deal breakers are...

• Does drugs

• Religious fanatic who never stops preaching to me

• Racist

•Just a mean personality in general

• Doesn't let me partake in my interests

• A very jealous person is a very huge deal breaker

• Boring and afraid to try new things

• Homophobic

• Hard core republican

• Won't accept other people for who they are

• Can't deal with other people's different opinions

• Severe mental issues like bipolar, super bad depression, bad mental disorders

• Some one who doesn't appreciate life

• Obseity

• Doesn't take care of themselves

• Non intelligent

• Can't make me laugh

• Didn't go to college

• Can NOT be intolerant of others

There are more for me but those are my big ones. I actually wouldn't care if the person I'm with is a virgin or not, or WTM or not.

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I realize we all have deal-breakers and that some of them are important. Several extremes would be doing drugs or smoking. These are tangible. However, having a long list limits the potential amount of partners. While I encourage everyone to remain steadfast in your value structure, I have said before that having too high standards may mean you remain single for quite a long time.

 

Again, importance of values notwithstanding, we all need to realize that people lived their life prior to meeting you. While some of their decisions may have been questionable, some of your decisions may have been too (in their eyes). Also, one person's outlook on life can be narcissistic and crazy to another because they have not walked in their shoes.

 

The fundamental point I am trying to make is none of us are perfect and we need to understand that there is a measurable difference between life and fairytale. That difference being that people do what they want to do, and it is your call to accept them. If we have such incredibly high standards of people, perhaps the other person who is looking for us is doing the same. Understand that standards are okay, but you have to balance rationality with realism.

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I realize we all have deal-breakers and that some of them are important. Several extremes would be doing drugs or smoking. These are tangible. However, having a long list limits the potential amount of partners. While I encourage everyone to remain steadfast in your value structure, I have said before that having too high standards may mean you remain single for quite a long time.

Again, importance of values notwithstanding, we all need to realize that people lived their life prior to meeting you. While some of their decisions may have been questionable, some of your decisions may have been too (in their eyes). Also, one person's outlook on life can be narcissistic and crazy to another because they have not walked in their shoes.

The fundamental point I am trying to make is none of us are perfect and we need to understand that there is a measurable difference between life and fairytale. That difference being that people do what they want to do, and it is your call to accept them. If we have such incredibly high standards of people, perhaps the other person who is looking for us is doing the same. Understand that standards are okay, but you have to balance rationality with realism.

Yes, no ones perfect and not all of my deal breakers aren't 100 percent deal breakers, I could get past some of them

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I realize we all have deal-breakers and that some of them are important. Several extremes would be doing drugs or smoking. These are tangible. However, having a long list limits the potential amount of partners. While I encourage everyone to remain steadfast in your value structure, I have said before that having too high standards may mean you remain single for quite a long time.

 

Again, importance of values notwithstanding, we all need to realize that people lived their life prior to meeting you. While some of their decisions may have been questionable, some of your decisions may have been too (in their eyes). Also, one person's outlook on life can be narcissistic and crazy to another because they have not walked in their shoes.

 

The fundamental point I am trying to make is none of us are perfect and we need to understand that there is a measurable difference between life and fairytale. That difference being that people do what they want to do, and it is your call to accept them. If we have such incredibly high standards of people, perhaps the other person who is looking for us is doing the same. Understand that standards are okay, but you have to balance rationality with realism.

Having requirements does limit partners. But, would it really be better to be with someone you don't want to be with than be single? Also, I get that people have pasts, but sometimes the past is relevant to the future. In my case, for instance, if a woman is no longer a virgin then she is no longer a virgin. It happened in the past, sure, but it is still true today. Nothing can change that and it is a dealbreaker. It does not matter to me why it happened. It has nothing to do with not understanding that she has a past.

 

As to your last point, people have different ideas about what is realistic. What is unrealistic to one person is realistic to another.

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Dealbreakers:

 

Smoker

Non-Virgin

Not female

Isn't active/doesn't like exercise/doesn't like doing squats

No goals in life

 

Preferences:

 

Female

Long hair

Pale skin

Sense of humor (Dirty too)

Good diet

 

That's pretty much it.

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As far as hunting goes. I want someone who can hunt as I do. In my opinion there are so many diseases that wild animals can get if they are not thinned down. One coyote with mange if not hunted can spread it to others and then they literally itch to death or freeze because they have no fur. Also, I've been in a place where I could not afford food and would have starved if not for hunting. Just my opinion.

Deal breakers: current smoker. Heavy alcohol use. Not willing to wait for marriage. Doesn't want kids. Not accepting of others. Extreme swearing

Much preferred: virgin, Christian. Be willing to go with me when I do mission work. Doesn't drink.

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Making a list of my 'dealreakers' would be close to impossible, since it includes being a psychopath, criminal, close-minded, etc. and basically every bad thing you could imagine. On top of that its way more fun to talk about what I like instead of what I hate!

 

1. Has to be my best friend - looks will fade, but being able to laugh together about the stupidist things will never fade!

2. Sexual, Emotional, Physical attraction - Duh.

3. Loves God as much (if not more) than I do.

 

That's it :) This whole list kind of implies every preference I have. (romantic, WTM, kind etc.)

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