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Bethe

How do you feel about children?

18 posts in this topic

Do you want them? I'm on the fence about it. I ask because it's something I've been thinking about recently. I am an older waiter, who is open to being with a non waiter , and those things considered it's possible I could end up in a relationship where the person has a child or children.

I guess if it was the "right person: it wouldn't matter. But, there is a small part of me that wants the kids thing to be shared only between us. I don't know . I guess it's a bridge I'll cross if ever I come to it.

Would kids be a dealbreaker for you?

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I have thought about this to. I want to think I would be ok with kids that weren’t mine but, I think that would come with a lot of insecurity for me. I think it would be very clear when you are actually in the situation and find someone you love enough it doesn’t matter.

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it would be deal barker for me because i want my husband to be virgin too. and im with mike on that

I at least want to have some good years just enjoying my spouse b4 a drooling, pooping, codependency magnets. (i find it funny how put it that way by the way lol :lol: ) though i do eventual want kids

And @ mike & Bethe

nonsense!, if you waiting your obviously nice guys and have the rite to be picky, just overly so :)

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i would want to marry a water, so it would t be that they had kids it would be that they weren't a water :)

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When you date someone who has children from a previous relationship it is really hard to get over it, so to speak, as children are living proof that your partener loved someone else, or at least had sex with someone else. This feeling will however subside and after a few months it will probably cease to be a problem for you eventually. If you are with someone who has children then the children must always come first, in every decision you make. Remember you partener and their children come as a package, you can't have one without the other, so love them all.

-Aaron

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Lots of interesting responses. I intially posted thinking of a guy that had been married before had kids with wife and wife passed away.

I am actually unsure if I want to be a mother or not. I work with kids for a living and know first hand how fun they can be but also how stressful caring for a child is. I'm just not sure I could take on that responsibility full time.

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When your in that situation ie dating a single parent you tend to adapt quite quickly and to start thinking of the child(ren) first, so it does definately affect your relationship with your partener because your not putting your needs or those of your partener first but a childs needs which are alot more intense needs, especially if they are very young, and that does take up alot of your time caring for them, thinking about what they need, planning things around them and then having to change those plans etc.

I think the reason it seems very stressful when you first start dating someone who has children is because it is like your getting thrown into parenting at the deep end, you don't get 9 months to prepare for being a parent and to learn how to care for a child full time, as the child(ren) are right there, right now. So it is pretty much sink or swim and on top of this you are trying to get to know someone and have a relationship with them and it is hard to do this.

-Aaron

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Hey Bethe!

yes Bethe, kids are a def. deal breaker for me too! I met a doctor who wanted to date me but because he had kids I was uninterested. so no out of the question.

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it would be deal barker for me because i want my husband to be virgin too.

And @ mike & Bethe

nonsense!, if you waiting your obviously nice guys and have the rite to be picky, just overly so :)

I was thinking the same thing Andrea! when I read their part about not being able to be as picky, I was thinking uhh what? you guys have all the more reason BECAUSE you've waited so long! kudos to ya'll! :D & Andrea I like your first sentence too♥

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If I was dating someone who had children again I would love their children as much as I love them because children need to be brought up in a loving family enviroment; and how could I not love a child just because they are not mine? The only thing I would worry about would be after we get married and have children that my step-child would feel like they weren't part of our family as this would really upset me if they felt I loved them less because it would be compleately untrue.

-Aaron

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@one happy girl. In glad u feel the same way :)

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One baby mama is one too many for me. I want my OWN family and not a broken one.

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For a long time, I was convinced that I never wanted to be a father. This is mostly due to my four little cousins and witnessing the hell they give my aunt. But I recently sort of realized that there isn't much sense in getting married today if you don't want a family. I want kids now, but no more than 2.

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Hate kids, if they aren't mine I don't want to personally deal with them, so deal breaker.

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Love kids but only if they are my own and I don't want any baby mama drama. I just a loving family of my own with wife who is in love with me and no one else

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One baby mama is one too many for me. I want my OWN family and not a broken one.

Feel exactly the same

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If I love Her, if I truly madly deeply love Her with all of my heart I will take her kids in as my own. Right now there's no way I could take care of kids, so I probably won't be able to be with a Woman with kids, but not because I was against her children being in the picture. It's a financially issue. 

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