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Phoenix posted a topic in Topics About Waiting and/or RelationshipsI thought I'd share this here because it's been on my mind and my conscience a lot and I appreciate the insight and commentary I get from everyone on here. It's also somewhat related to the topic of relationships as the way we experience relationships with our parents has been shown to directly effect the way we experience love relationships in adulthood. And I have definitely seen this cause & effect in my life; via some unfavorable and unhealthy relationship circumstances I've lead myself into at times. So I have one of those fathers who happened upon fatherhood. He was never really interested in more than money, hot rods, beer and sleazy women. Before the divorce he never really payed attention to his wife and kids then after the divorce... did the "weekend visitation" thing for a short time in which we (my siblings and myself) were exposed to porn and other trashy scenes and people... then slowly disappeared completely for years, no support or visitation. He vanished and moved out of state to start a new business, leaving behind 3 kids and a single mother with little job experience and no college education to fend for ourselves. Thank fully I have a morally and intellectually strong woman for a mother. It was difficult but we made it by through the years.. We struggled but we grew up with reliance on each other and building independence in ourselves. I'm a grown woman now with a career and independence and now a few months ago, that father of mine contacted me through a short letter in the mail and gave me his contact information asking if I'd correspond. I waited a while, but did. I don't tell him anything about my siblings when he asks... they want nothing to do with him, understandably and I don't feel he has a right to know what's going on in their lives. I correspond with him in relatively short conversations on casual friendly terms (about music usually), infrequently over text messages... regarding him as a distant relative or friend I suppose. He thanked me for allowing him to be in contact with me. See, now his business has failed, his most recent girlfriend has left him and he's alone with nothing... which usually results with the sort of path he chose for his life.. we (my family and I) predicted that. Part of me wants to correspond and be in touch, because my compassion and/or my desire to know him in some way, I suppose, gets the best of me on occasion. This would continue to be with limits of course ( i don't consider him a father). But much of the time I remember what it was to grow up struggling much of the time and not understand why he didn't care about us.. I remember what he put my mother through, how unfaithful and selfish he was. And I wonder why I am in contact with him again. Though my mother is aware and just wishes that I do what is best for me whether that's knowing him or not... I still feel that I am being untrue to myself and my family by doing so and want away from the mental/emotional conflict it's causing me. I recently changed my number due to some (unrelated) issues I was having with the last number, and I've not given the new number to him. I don't think I will. I think I will move on with my life with out him... I think it's wrong to feel guilty about doing so. He made his choices to do what made him happy, now I suppose I am evermore entitled to do the same. It's sort of a Cats in the Cradle (Harry Chapin) circumstance really, but somehow I'm finding it's morally conflicting to me. I'm wondering now what others' thoughts on the matter might be.