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Found 34 results

  1. Hey guys, I'm back after close to a year away. I guess the point of this thread is to just update you guys and look for some support. I'm having a really tough time again right now emotionally. For those who don't know, I struggle with depression and anxiety and it seems to be almost entirely linked to "relationships". Up until I first discovered what love kind of was for myself, I never had any issues at all with depression or anxiety. I was a motivated, successful, happy go lucky guy and had very little interest in relationships or anything. That all changed about the time I turned 18 though. Rambling story for context: I'm 25 years old now and I've never had any kind of successful romantic relationship with anyone. I had a couple naive ones when I was 18 and 19 and just figuring out kind of what love is, but they honestly weren't anything to speak of. Technically, they were my "girlfriends" but it was pretty dumb. I saw the first girl in person like once during the 2 weeks we went out and I never kissed her or anything. The second girl lasted a little longer and I saw her a little more (in secret because her parents did not allow her to date). She was my first kiss and that was an amazing feeling at the time, but I honestly never should have went out with her. That only came about because she helped me recover from the first girl. During the time between the first girl and second girl, I went through a really dark period. The pain was really strong and it lasted for probably about 6 months. Functioning day-to-day was a really difficult thing for me. Anyway, ever since then, any time I begin to crush on a girl or have feelings towards them (reciprocated or not), I begin to get really anxious. And if things don't go well and she doesn't reciprocate, I become very depressed. It's become a pattern that just keeps repeating itself. Most of the time, if feelings are removed from the situation (i.e. after I recover from the heartbreak), I question myself as to how I could be so dumb and to let myself fall into the same trap. More often than not, I crush on someone that I have an extremely small likelihood of ever having any sort of chance of being involved with in the first place. Too often I fall for girls that live way too far away. When I was 22, I even crushed on a girl that wasn't quite 18 yet. Heck, I've even crushed on a lesbian before, though I began liking her before I knew about this. Not all of these crushes have led me to becoming severely depressed, but more often than not I fall into bad anxiety and depression that lasts for at least a couple weeks and as long as a few months. It's so frustrating that I can never learn. I just want to have a chance with the girls I crush on so badly because at the time they feel so right for me and so perfect in my mind. In between these crushes, I almost "swear off" feelings or relationships or anything because I don't want to feel the horrible pain inside ever again. But sure enough, my heart lets it happen again despite my mind knowing that it's probably a bad idea. I end up praying very hard that this is the girl for me, but it never works out no matter what I do. I just don't understand how it can be so easy for some people. Maybe my standards are too high or I'm too shy. Maybe I'm just really unlucky. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know. Well anyway, as you've guessed, here we are again. I've got a huge crush on a girl I met online, who lives across the entire country. After only a few weeks of really talking, I'm already really into her. We've talked for many hours on video chat and I care about her a lot. She has her flaws and own mental health issues, I can see that. But I am willing to do anything to help her because she is a very good and very special person who had some tough breaks in life. I told myself not to get emotionally invested, but I just can't help it. I know she cares about me, but I don't know how much honestly or if it’s in the same kind of way I care about her (probably not yet, but I feel like there is strong potential). I don't really feel like this would be the best time for her to get involved, but I am willing to wait until that time, if I ever were to get the opportunity. As I said, she lives far away, however she does have family close enough to where I live, to where a meetup could be possible. She's talked about it possibly before, but as for when, we have no idea about that. I really wish I could have taken a "wait and see" approach here. Just being friends and enjoying talking to each other with no real hope or desire for anything more until the potential meetup would be a much better approach. However, my heart has threw that out the window at this point lol. I honestly might just be completely irrational right now and she might not feel anything at all close to what I feel. However, she obviously cares about me to an extent and we have a lot of fun talking to each other for many hours. I should also mention, given what site this is, that she is also a virgin like me. Waiting until marriage is really important to me, and I believe it is to her as well. While she isn't a Christian like me, her religion also stresses the importance of waiting until marriage. While we haven't ever spoken about it, she's made quite a few comments indicating that she is very serious about doing just that also. Anyway, I'm very sorry for the extremely long, rambly post, but I'm hurting pretty badly right now. I don't know how likely this could end up being. Based on recent history, I don't think very much. But I desire a real chance so very badly. I am really starting to think that it may never happen for me and that just kills me. I know the conventional solution is to just go after girls living near me, but I really don't enjoy the random dating game, nor am I very skilled or interested in it. I feel like the type of girls around where I live just aren't as desirable, aren't on the market, or things just never progress to a natural point where I go out with them. I don't even know what I need or what I should do. I've tried therapy before and it was helpful to an extent, but it never helped solve whatever deep, underlying issues I have. Anyway, thanks for listening to me vent. If you have any comments, questions or recommendations, please feel free to reply. I need help and I would love to hear everyone's thoughts! I value them very much! EDIT: Also, I’m not sure if/when/how I should tell her about my beliefs and virginity. I feel like she would really like that and respond well to it but I don’t usually mention that to girls I like and I don’t want it to be weird or hurt my chances. Depending on how I do it, I feel like it could be weird and out of place lol. What do you guys think?
  2. Sorry if the question I ask is a bit deep or personal, but I wonder if people here realize that some of you sound like you have fallen in love with an idea so much that you forget that you are looking to fall in love with a person. I use to work in a shelter with domestic violence victims, and some would go back to the abuser. The reason was usually because they were in love with the security of saying they weren't alone. They were in love with the memories of the person, not the person themselves anymore. We all have preferences, that's normal. But when we let the preferences control us, then we miss out on so many things life has to offer. This all came to me after seeing the comic and it made me realize the things that come and go in our lives. People of all sorts come into our lives, and everyone has something to teach us and we have something to teach them. We learn and grow from those around us, and if we focus so much on what we want in life, we miss out of what we might need in life to learn and live. But, this is just a thought that came to me, so what do you think: do we fall in love with our ideas more than the person?
  3. Possessive boyfriends

    I have been told that a boyfriend should never act like they own you. I have seen this sadly. Especially in Hs you see guys act like their girl is theirs. Since when? Why do some guys act like this? It drives me up the wall.
  4. Here it is, the big question. What is love? What does it feel like? What does it look like? What does it taste, smell, and sound like? Why do we want it so badly?! Why do we sometimes put aside common sense and logic to make room for love? Why does love make you crazy? Love seems to control many other emotions; it elicits ecstasy, yet it can drive one to depression. Over the last two years with my girlfriend, I learned much as the infatuation faded. I moved away to school in September and I ask myself everyday why I am still with a woman who I have to see on a schedule only a few times a month. She never had to sleep with me, bribe me, or "show me" anything to keep my loyalty. There are so many girls here, so many "fish in the sea" waiting for me, but I don't care. I only want whom I already have. For me, love means commitment. What does love mean to you?
  5. Letters To My Wife...

    Hello Ladies, For the past few years I've been writing letters to my wife in this journal of mine in the hopes that one day I would give them to her on our wedding day, but currently I'm still struggling with whether or not God wants me to remain single. I began writing them with the understanding that I would someday find a spouse, but after about 5 years things continue to look pretty bleak. A few months back I began reading many of them and I thought they were quite good and considered publishing them. I currently have a few people interested in helping me find a publisher and I'm debating whether or not to publish them out of fear that if I do find someone, she will be upset with me revealing some of my most intimate and revealing moments with everyone instead of just her. A few months back I began publishing them on my blog. I have over 70 letters so far and still continue to write them out of habit and hope. I guess my questions are: How would you feel about your future spouse revealing he had written letters to only you and kept them all in a journal/notebook to give to you on your wedding day? How would you feel about him publishing them for the world to see? Would you still consider them as intimate and sacred to you?
  6. How comfortable are you with physical affection? Is it off putting if someone you like has problems with physical contact? What comes to your mind when you notice someone seems to have this problem? So I ran into one of my old roommates today and she approached me for a hug but it was so awkward and even though I am really fond of her and think she's super sweet I did not want to hug her. I think she could sense this so she instead went for one of those one armed side hugs (the only hugs I give even though I'm not comfortable with it). The last time I was approached for a hug was months ago by a guy I liked and he asked me so many times for a hug but I wouldn't hug him.Again, I really wanted to hug this person but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I was very uncomfortable with the idea. And the way he gestured with his arms all the way open meant that he wanted a real hug, a full embrace. He told me that he love hugging and touching and he always seemed to find a reason to touch me or brush up against me, but I never touched him or attempted to touch him once. I'm wondering if this helped drive him away. Also a while back, a friend once told me that I give the worst hugs. Which may be true, because I never know how to hug but it made a lasting impression on me because it kinda made me more self conscious about it since then. In short I'm just not used to physical contact. I have mentioned a couple of times on this site how my family doesn't, really show much physical affection. As a child I wasn't held a lot (my family doesn't think you should coddle a child because it makes them too dependent and attached). Then I've also never had touchy-feely friends growing up (I use to see other girls doing things like hugging, linking arms, etc. with friends, and I just never had friends that did that), So I am now realizing that I have a potential serious problem. I am very worried about my future relationships and wonder if this has caused people to turn away from me (like my second example there).
  7. Original article : Do you remember the first time it happened? You caught one another’s eyes, and then you looked a second time. Something inside you wanted to glance a third time, followed quickly by a fourth lingering look. You didn’t want to stare, but something irresistibly drew you to that other person. When you were introduced, your palms were sweaty and you hoped no one noticed the increased perspiration under your arms. Your heart began to race as an exhilarating but unfamiliar feeling swept over you. You were suddenly afraid to say anything because you knew that if you opened your mouth, out would flow incomprehensible babble. The experience was exciting and terrifying at the same time. As the other person began to speak, you felt drawn like a magnet to a steel ingot. You didn’t know her or where she came from, but something about the way she looked and the aura that she projected triggered an unexplainable feeling of euphoria and excitement. Her smile or a tiny gesture became instantly engraved in your mind. You knew you would never forget her. For an instant you wondered how you would describe this moment to a friend. Then a phrase came to mind, as if by magic, provided by countless hours of exposure to the Hollywood formula—“I think I’m falling in love.†You’ve been there. I’ve been there. No doubt we all agree that those are thrilling moments, especially if we sense a similar response from the other person. But is it really love? How do you know whether what I just described is the beginning of the greatest relationship you will ever experience on earth or simply an episode of infatuation? How do you know if you’re really in love or simply physically attracted to a member of the opposite sex? The following 12 tests will help you understand if you are truly in love. But this is not just for single people who are dating or those who are engaged. If you’re married and you are tempted to say, “I’ve been married for 27 years, so what’s this got to do with me?†please think again. Failure to understand the difference between love and infatuation goes well beyond finding the right person. Unless you understand the radical difference between love and infatuation, you may set yourself up for devastation in your future years of marriage. If you believe that what we will call infatuation is the real test of love, you may be in a very good relationship but feel unloved. Your skewed expectations may be robbing you of a rich, warm, and deep relationship. Furthermore, if you are unclear about the difference between love and infatuation, you may find yourself getting unintentionally connected to a member of the opposite sex who is not your spouse, naively concluding that you’ve now found “true love.†Each of the following tests is designed to help you discern and distinguish between love and infatuation. After you read each statement, apply it to your present relationship, or to your expectations of what a love relationship should include. Ask yourself: Is my current relationship or my view of relationships more in alignment with love or with infatuation in this particular area? 1. The test of time. Love benefits and grows through time; infatuation ebbs and diminishes with time. Are you in a rush to label certain feelings “love,†or do you have other words to describe these feelings? Do you save the word love for something better than feelings? If you find yourself “falling in love†often and early, only to be later disappointed, perhaps remembering this first test of real love will save you future heartache. 2. The test of knowledge. Love grows out of an appraisal of all the known characteristics of the other person. How well do you expect to know the person you marry? Or how well do you know your spouse? Infatuation quickly decides it knows everything it needs to know. Genuine love creates an atmosphere of such interest that the other person opens like a flower. 3. The test of focus. Genuine love is other-person centered. Infatuation is self-centered.In your most important relationships, to what degree is your attention focused on what you are receiving from them and to what degree is your attention focused on meeting the other’s needs? 4. The test of singularity. Genuine love is focused on only one person. An infatuated individual may be “in love†with two or more persons simultaneously. In what ways have you realized that it’s much easier to work on problems in an existing relationship where singularity and faithfulness are maintained than to create a whole new set of problems with another person? 5. The test of security. Genuine love requires and fosters a sense of security and feelings of trust. An infatuated individual seems to have a blind sense of security, based upon wishful thinking rather than careful consideration; infatuation is blind to problems. Security grows and flows out of deep awareness of the other person’s character, values, and track record. 6. The test of work. An individual in love works for the other person, for his or her mutual benefit. People in infatuation only think of their own misery. They often daydream of unrealistic objectives and ideals that neither they nor their partner could ever actually attain. 7. The test of problem solving. A couple in love faces problems frankly and tries to solve them. Infatuated people tend to disregard or try to ignore problems. How good are you and your partner at seeing problems and working on them? Do you find that you gloss over hard issues in your relationship or face them squarely? 8. The test of distance. Love knows the importance of distance. Infatuation imagines love to be intense closeness, 24/7, all the time. If circumstances require you to be temporarily separated from the one you love, that will teach you a lot about the quality of your relationship. If there is not a sense of separateness, a distinct life, relationships with other people, and healthy balance, then the relationship is probably a lot more infatuation than love. 9. The test of physical attraction. Physical attraction is a relatively small part of genuine love, but it is the center focus of infatuation. Now don’t read “small part†to mean “not a part†in what I just stated. If your heart doesn’t skip a beat now and then and you don’t feel real attraction for your mate or the person you plan to marry, I’d call that a problem. 10. The test of affection. In love, affection is expressed later in the relationship, involving the external expression of the physical attraction we just described. In infatuation affection is expressed earlier, sometimes at the very beginning. Affection tends to push toward greater physical intimacy. Without the control of the other aspects of genuine love, affection spends itself quickly. It gives the appearance of making the relationship “close,†but the closeness is artificial and fragile. 11. The test of stability. Love tends to endure. Infatuation may change suddenly and unpredictably. In infatuation the wind blows here and you’re in love. The wind blows there and you’re in love. Not so with real love. Real love is stable. There is a commitment. The test of stability can hardly be applied to a relationship measured in days or weeks. 12. The test of delayed gratification. A couple in genuine love is not indifferent to the timing of their wedding, but they do not feel an irresistible drive toward it. An infatuated couple tends to feel an urge to get married—instantly. Postponement for the infatuated is intolerable. Lasting love Isn’t it amazing how much Hollywood has influenced your thinking and mine? I hope these tests helped you see more clearly the differences between love and infatuation. They will continue to offer you help in your present relationships, your future ones, and your marriage. One of the amazing things about my relationship with my wife is that I keep falling in love with her. In fact, the longer and the better I learn to love her, the more I discover that the brain chemicals work in ways I never could have predicted even 10 years ago. It’s not that we’re pitting love against infatuation—it’s simply that we want to understand the difference so we can enjoy each one in its special place in a relationship. You see, love in a lasting relationship is not a long, gradual decline from the peak of our heady initial romance. Lasting love is more like standing where the ocean meets the shore—the waves keep coming in. Not every wave of emotion is the same, and that turns out to be very interesting and exciting. But it takes time and commitment to discover the wonder of a lasting relationship. Yes, the waves and tides ebb and flow. But when we know what love really is, we also know that the waves and the tide will return. So stay at the beach! Learn to “read the waves.†Work through the relational issues and enjoy the varied sounds and passion of the crashing or softly lapping surf. Too many people walk away from relationships without ever getting their feet wet! Taken from Love, Sex, and Lasting Relationships by Chip Ingram. Used by permission of Baker Books, a division of Baker Publishing Group, www.bakerpublishing, copyright © 2003. All rights to this material are reserved. Material is not to be reproduced, scanned, copied, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without written permission from Baker Publishing Group. Website visitors may not copy, transfer, or download the material. FamilyLife is a donor-supported ministry offering practical and biblical resources and events to help you build a godly marriage and family.
  8. I have a lot of "specific" things I want in a man. Not physical, but I don't want a buff man really. 1: Must love Jesus as God and be a holy man. Pentacostal but not "United Petacostal" cause God never said a woman wearing pants was a sin. 2: Must be sweet, funny, gentle and understanding. 3: Must love animals and my crazy family. 4: Must be okay with my medical problems and the fack I may not be able to have kids. Only maybe. 5: Must be like my prayer so I can be the best wife for him as he will be the best husband for me. "My prayer to my future husband." Post "Amen" if you agree. I pray my future husband will be gentleman, but still know how to make me laugh. I pray that he will love me and ONLY me, that he will love me FOR me, that he will never cheat on me or lie to me. I pray that he will know me very well, that he will RESPECT me, that he will understand and EXCEPT my epilepsy. I pray that he will be a great husband to me, and a great father to our children. I pray that he is a Godly man who lives a Godly life and will grow closer to God with me. I pray that we will truly love each other with all our hearts, but love God more. I pray that our love and relationship will last till death do us part, and that we will be able to have happy, healthy children together. I pray that God will help me to be a great wife to my husband, and a great mother to our children. I pray that God will help me to never cheat on my husband or lie to him. Amen." By Amber Kathleen Henley My post on Facebook.
  9. Waiting in England?

    So I just turned seventeen and I've been a bit worried about my future... Its the time when we are applying to college and struggling to find summer jobs, but thats not really what im worried about. Im pursuing modeling and its working out pretty well for me, so jobs in the future dont worry me. I'm moving to England this coming school year and i'm nervous about finding love there... I most likely wont be returning to America after that, and if I do it will be for vacation. I'm looked all over online and I cant find the percent of people who are waiting until marriage in the uk. I dont care if he looks like a foot. I dont care if he smells like eggs. I just want him to be waiting until marriage. My life dream is to marry a wonderful virgin man and raise our children teaching them the values of waiting and the importance of morals. I dont care if I find an amazing guy who has everything. None of it matters if he isnt a waiter. Please help ;-;
  10. I feel like its alot easier for guys to get a girl to wait then a girl who is commited. How should us girls approach the idea of getting a man to wait for us?
  11. ok guys and girls i have seen the recent pages about physical attractiviness and i thought i would make one about personality, values, and mental traits. (if there is a page for this i am sorry lol couldnt find one) now this is for more of the unusual trait that you will want or are attractived too. Ok for me i personaly love a women who is kind and caring, sweet and gentle. loves children, a nationalist, conservative. now to the unusual ones, i love a women who is bossy, i know wierd, one who takes charge and likes to TRY to tell me what to do, i love when they are wierd, and or nerdy, shy who nit picks over the lilltlest things, who isnt afraid to go shoooting without me, a women who knows her place(right beside me) and isnt afraid to speak her mind. I want her to be intelligent( this is wierd because most guys i know only want a dumb blonde(not saying blondes are dumb just using an analogy) ) i want a women who truely is an independent women but wants to be dependent on me. who isnt afraid to sacrifice herself for me. one who truly is an incredible women. proverbs 31:10-31, this is the women i want.
  12. Hey, it's the resident WTM pessimist I've been seeing a lot of "it will only happen if you believe it will happen" statements. I'm just curious...what are the facts backing these statements up? So you're saying that if I believe I will be the Premier of China, or if I believe I'll own a Bugatti Veyron (a $1.4 million car), it'll happen? Are there really forces of nature that control what happens based on what a person believes? If that's the case, then I'll never find another woman for the rest of my life, since it's what I believe based on past and current experiences. And another one that confused me, people also always say that you have to give up on love to find love. How does that make any sense? If everyone gives up on love and isn't looking for someone, then how can anyone find love? Since both parties are not looking because it's the only way to find it, they also cannot find it because neither of them are looking. Also, how can one truly give up, when it's essentially an instinct to find someone. So technically, you can never truly give up anyways. It's like one of those time-travel-kill-your-grandfather-type of situations I guess... Just curious about what you guys think.
  13. This is something I'd really like to know ... If one of your guy friends one day went out on a limb and told you he liked you as more than just a friend, but you did not feel the same way toward him, would you still be able to be the same kind of friend to him after he spoke up as you were before? Or would you now find it awkward to be around him because you know he likes you? I guess the question is, would you be able to just say, "Aw, thanks, but I really just like you as a friend" and keep on going like normal, or would his having made his feelings known essentially have wrecked the friendship you had?
  14. So I recently discovered that I was emotionally unavailable. I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops because I feel like this is so prevalent. For the last two weeks it's all I can talk about to my friends and family. Naturally I'm drawn to emotionally unavailable of COURSE Im going to try to help them out as well as this community. Indicative of this condition I feel a little uncomfortable putting this out there, hahahah. But regardless, how is nobody talking about this?! I even went through psychology courses discussing attachment styles and had no IDEA you had to have a secure attachment to BOTH a male and a female to feel alright about yourself. But glad to say, I have learned about the matrix and I hope to see you all on the other side. If all you like is jerks and witches, read on my friends. Dun dun dun... So here's how it all happened... Basically I've had failed relationship after failed relationship, always wanting what I couldn't have, never wanting what I could. I'm not going to talk about my personal relationship currently too much...but we are both unavailable emotionally, and my hope is that me and my boyfriend will become available in our lives, personal relationships and together, and he knows he's unavailable now that I spilled the beans. So anyway, I had heard from a friend that my current boyfriend was emotionally unavailable. I looked into it, thought oh okay that's nice but that's not him. Many months later... I'm wondering, How is it that this guy cancels, doesn't want to talk much on the phone, but doesn't want me talking to other guys or have an open relationship? Why would someone even care if they didn't want to get close to me? So I told him "You're emotionally unavailable, I can wait for you for X amount of time, then move on, etc etc." I became obsessed with figuring out what this guy wanted and how to be with an emotionally unavailable person. NONE of the things I read SEEMED to apply to me, Yada yada yada. Shortly thereafter, my boyfriend breaks up with me, I take a personal week to figure things out, I'm realizing my God relationship is lacking and maybe it had something to do with my father-daughter relationship. So Im like, wow I have this hole for a male that has been building up. Oh wait, I like guys like my dad, they're all emotionally unavailable, MAYBE I am too? No...So I dig and I dig, and I FINALLY come to the realization that I'm emotionally unavailable. And when I think about it, when this guy did come around a couple times it freaked me out, as with every other emotionally unavailable boyfriend who came around at some point and freaked me out, and BAM! I'm exactly what this guy is. So what is emotional unavailability??? Emotional unavailability is a fantasy-like relationship. When I first heard it I thought "Nooooo I do have relationships with people..." What I had was glimpses of relationships. I had an idea in my head that there was this perfect guy for me, look-wise, style-wise, music-wise, etc. Even when I would find someone like that, if they were "TOO" into me, it would scare me off. But the problem is when you start talking to someone you admire from afar, IF they're into you they get ugly all of a sudden. You start to make excuses as to why they're not for you, when really, maybe they're just more emotionally available than you. If they're not available, you make excuses TO be with them. It's basically like the difference between porn and real sex. Women aren't perfect like that, but they are real. Best example I can make. There are also situational and chronic types of unavailability. I have chronic (because of my father-daughter relationship) and when I break up with someone Im even more unavailable for a period of time, then I go back to my original limitation of availability. Situational being after a breakup...and/or loss. The rationalization for the chronic is when you admire either your male or female parent from afar, the type of insecure relationship you have with that parent is insecure. There are different types of insecurity but you model that in your own personal relationships (romantically or platonically). Your view of the world is changed as well, the risks you take, choices you make and relationships you make. It's almost like a forced relationship, and what your parent lacks in relationship, your mind makes up for in fantasy. Either way, this is how you see the world: inconsistent, unsafe and stressful, and yourself with low self-esteem. As a defense mechanism your body closes you off from anything or anyone that is too close, conflictual, or consistent. When you choose people more emotionally unavailable than you, or at least within your range of availability, it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. That way, when/if you do decide to put yourself out there, the person backs off from you, thus confirming your prophecy that you're worthless and unworthy of a loving, attentive, working relationship. If the other person decides to open up to you, you back off and that confirms their self-fulfilling prophecy of feeling unloved as well. When you see people too closely you have absolutely no idea how to effectively deal with conflict, care for someone or connect on a deeper level with someone in an actual real life relationship. So basically I'm trying to 'stomach' dating an ugly dude because people like me are shallow and see relationships and the world in general from afar. Never letting anyone in, never taking much risk, never getting hurt or having fun to my full potential. But the thing that gets me is the times I've done anything to swallow my pride and said to myself, "Why are you doing this? You're better than this you have to stop this." But feel compelled to fill the male hole in my life. THAT feeling is the one I aim to get rid of so I can have a loving, fulfilling relationship where I'm valued and respected, even though at this point I feel like that will never happen. How do you become available? I listed a bunch of risks and I'm working my way up to doing all of those. If you want to read online there is a whole list of things, as well as youtube videos which I've DEVOURED. But some random characteristics are me/these people avoid anything consistent, can be late, but just because they're on time doesn't mean they're not unavailable, inconsistent in what we/they say and do, avoid conflict, avoid risk, glorify exes (since they're unattainable) etc etc...I talked to my dad recently, he's in denial of his own unavailability. So I'm going to a therapist this week for one session, and asking that he come with me for the second. Im so done being like this and am SPRINTING in the other direction. The last two days all I do is try new things, deal with conflict instead of avoid it, deal with things instead of avoid them. Here is my own personal list, but as Im getting through my day, I'm realizing this whole thing affects EVERYTHING in my life. Best of luck to you out there who can't find relationships!!!!!! Look into it online if any of this sounds familiar, I had a hard time swallowing it too and best of luck. List of things I do to avoid rejection or conflict because of my emotional unavailability: -Buying clothing online so I don't have to return it if it doesn't fit and deal with the company or I have to get packaging etc etc -Changing to the left if theres merging in the right line of the freeway -Being on time so I can put off the pressures of socializing, if someone flakes out or my work asking me to clock in early if they see me at work early and I look bad for saying no or I get bored when I get there But sometimes it's still not that and I just have bad time management >< LOL -Calling to follow up or applying in person for jobs -Doing anything on a consistent basis to avoid monotony or the feeling of being trapped in a routine or obligated AKA church, working out, practicing piano, calling or texting people on a consistent basis who don't avoid me -Dancing in public -Car dancing -Having my music loud around other people in case they think it's stupid -Leaving my curtains open so people don't see me from the street and judge me -Talking to customers at my work randomly in case they think Im stupid -New songs for fear of not liking them -New foods for fear of not liking them -Staying in the room if someone's rude or threatening to me unless they are more unavailable than me -Singing in public -Getting rides with other people to places or avoid being stuck far with friends or others in case I want to leave and they don't or I just get stuck somewhere -Goingto a workout class in case I get stuck and everyone looks at me funny and makes fun of me for leaving -Staying on the phone too long so I don't get left on the phone by myself -Staying at hangouts too long so I'm not left Procrastinate: -Important things because at least I know something is waiting for me versus doing it and risking having no one to hang out with or nothing to do if I do it right away -Important things in case it doesn't work out and I have to have persistence -Doing the other half of my eye-makeup -Feeding my pets I also build myself up to other people and brag about guys wanting me said in joke form to make people think Im desirable. These are only the negative ones or things I wish I could do some are positive and functional SURPRISINGLY ENOUGH. And anyone else feel free to add to this or correct me on anything.
  15. hey im Josh

    whats up everybody? my name is Josh and im 19. i'm so glad i found this sight, its really great to know that i'm not the only one, haha. I'm from Toronto, Ontario (that's in Canada) and ill be starting university this September. the main reason why i'm deciding to wait is because of my own personal beliefs and my christian faith. i believe that love between 2 individuals is the most beautiful thing imaginable. i don't want to ruin that by being selfish and thinking only about my own needs. i really want to share that intimate experience only with the one person i truly love and want to spend the rest of my life with. i'm also a strong christian. I've recently decided to get serious with my faith and seek Jesus. i find it terrible how society puts so much pressure on us to have sex outside marriage. society tells us that its impressive if you have a high "kill count" people feel that if you haven't lost it at a certain age something is wrong with you. i never met anyone who made this commitment where i'm from. I feel embarrassed telling people that i'm waiting until marriage, but thank God i found this sight so i have hope and i know that i'm not alone! sorry for the long post, feel free to message or email me if you want to chat, stay strong brothers and sisters, take care, and God bless, -josh
  16. Okay, so I thought this might be fun! Gentlemen: Have you ever thought about ideas for "popping the question" someday? What are some of the unique and romantic ideas you've had? Ladies: Do you have any dream proposals you wish you could be surprised with? Any dreams in that regard? Now, I know some of ya'll might not want to spill the beans on your big plans, but do you have any old ideas? Surely I'm not the only one who thinks about how I might go about asking for her hand. Do any of you successful waiters want to share how you proposed? Ready? Set? Go!
  17. Just asking as I'm feeling very down at the moment and need some affirmation that I'm not just an out of touch person on this issue. I'm the only person I know barring a few people who abstain for purely cultural reasons, that holds true to the idea of abstinence. I'm 23,good looking handsome man (I was crowned most handsome at school prom) with good personality , therefore, I have a lot of chances and I mean it , with a lot of hot girls , I must confess that my faith is being tested here , my problem is I can't hold my self any more, I broke up with my last girlfriend because our relationship was developing very fast and she's welcoming having sex , the problem is I can't have sex before marriage , not because I like her a little mean I can have sex with her , I wanna wait for the right person for me , to develop my love correctly having sex after marriage ... I was bought up by religious parents. They were easy going, allowed me to make my own decisions etc, so the decision to actually abstain from sex has been a cross I've made for my own back. I believe wholeheartedly in the idea of love, with which comes of holding yourself for that one special person. I still do, and even though I am in a very promiscuous setting (university) and though temptation has very nearly gotten hold of me manys a time, I've been able to keep to it as I said before , but its getting harder and harder , I'm a man , and there is this need , you know .. However as mentioned before, I haven't met ANYONE who holds the same values as me, the suitable one .. the one I truly love from the bottom of my heart. And I began questioning my way of living , Is it right or NOT …. The only thing I'm thinking of right now is Having sex .. Its now 4 months .. I locked up myself in my room , wasting my time watching dramas over and over and other stuff , passing time .. I've become antisocial , I guess .. switched off my mobile , talking to my friends through Facebook chat ,, thats my life now .. I know it sounds very petty and selfish to be thinking about myself in such a way, but it's gnawing away at me insidiously. Making me doubt myself. The odd reactions and jokes I get from people I can take, but I want to know that I'm doing the right thing, not just some childlike notion of love. And alot of questions I need someone to answer me , comfort me !!! Does anyone of my generation still believe in the idea of no sex before marriage, or am I a relic with antiquated views? I also need to know about u guyz ur experiences , ur culture , ur country views each !! what if I'll never meet my soulmate , the one true love , wait till 30s , or 40s ... For me marrying a virgin girl who believes in what I believe is important for me , I don't know If I can accept a girl with previous sexual relations even once , even if she has regrets .. so its like impossible for me to meet someone .. I'm deeply dark depressed , I'm afraid of the future .. help .. I need to talk to someone .. I'm going insane .. Thanks
  18. Who here besides myself is still a virgin waiting for marriage and why? Just curious... Thanks lol Born agains are welcome too Feel free to friend me / add me / google chat with me / whatevs lol - I'm friendly!
  19. TOP 3 REASONS WHY I STOPPED DATING by Christi Luv (originally published 2/22/14) 1 - The Exhausting Lies 2 - The Annoying Games 3 - The Insulting Objectification Greetings. You may be an avid dater, or you may not. You may have sought a date with me, or you may not. You may be single, or you may not. But either way, recent events with multiple individuals have compelled me to write this little opinion / experience blog, and share with anyone whom it might interest just why I stopped dating a while ago, and why I'm not convinced that I should resume any time soon. You're welcomed and encouraged to give me your honest feedback! I - The exhausting lies are too tiring and time wasting to sort out and filter through. II - The annoying games are too frustrating and stressful to play defense against. III - The insulting objectification is too disrespectful and demoralizing to tolerate. I - The lies and language that I have to decode when trying to get to know guys is so exhausting and time consuming that I lose interest (and patience) for the whole dating process. Here are just a few examples of such tiring translation toil discoveries: "I own my own business" = "I'm unemployed" "I'm GREAT with kids" = "I have 10 kids and you look like their next sexy baby mama" "I'm 6 feet" = "I'm 5'9 and 1/2" "I'm a photographer" = "I shoot my own collection of porn with any dumb dingbat who'll take her clothes off for me" "I'm a rapper" = "I'm a delusional wannabe who never had a strong positive male role model in my life, growing up as a child" "I'm mature" = "I'm a dirty child molesty pervert, old enough to be your daddy, with 3 ex-wives who all hate me with a passionate venom that would scare Hitler" "She cheated on me because I work hard" = "She cheated on me because I ignored the crap out of her and I would like the opportunity to ignore the crap out of you too" "Oh awesome! I'm saving myself for marriage too!" = "I started saving myself for marriage 5 seconds ago, when you told me you were saving yourself for marriage, but really I'm gonna try my damndest to get you to go as far as possible in the opposite direction of chastity" "I don't like girls who need attention" = "I don't like being in a relationship" "I don't have facebook" = "I don't want you to know who I really am or see that I may still be in a relationship with someone else, while I'm hitting on you..." "How bout you come over to my place?" = "How bout I rape you?" or "I'm a serial killer" "I work from home" = "My mom still does my laundry" "I'm a business traveler" = "I'm a settled married man with 3 clueless kids and a clinically depressed wife and I was hoping you'd be one of my young pretty dumb whores in this city" "Meet me where I live" = "I don't have a ride and I plan to charm you into becoming one of my various female chauffeurs..." "I like younger women" = "I like clueless objects that I can control" and "I'm a very small man inside, yes, younger men are braver than I am" "Drama follows me wherever I go" = "I keep pursuing the wrong people" "I, I, I, I, I" = "I'm a chronic narcissist, so there's no room in my world for anyone but meeeeeeeeee" "I saw this girl do this thing that wasn't nice or got her in trouble..." = "Please don't do that-- Oh and I kinda suck at direct communication, cause I coulda just said that, and that woulda been an enlightening conversation that would have deepened and developed our relationship, but instead I had to passively aggressively give you this 3rd person story for you to pick up the subtle hints on, which is a lot more work than anyone should feel they have to do in a friendship or romance... See how many minutes of our lives this type of communication just wasted?" "Everyone's a pervert, so stop looking for good people..." = "I'm the biggest pervert in the world, but I'm insecure about it, because I know it's f*d up, so I have to rationalize and justify it, by convincing you, me and everyone else that everyone's a sick perverted f* like me, which is absolutely NOT true, but it makes me feel better about my crusty self, to force my pervert ideology onto you" "Damn you're gorgeous!" = "Damn I wanna f* you!!!" "I LOVE your innocence" = "I would LOVE to destroy your innocence" "Girls are too complicated" = "Relationships are too hard" "I own 3 vacation houses" = "I will pay you for sex" "I'd love to be your sugar daddy" = "I will pay you for sex" "I want to spoil you" = "I will pay you for sex" "The ladies love me" = "I'm a whore" or "I want you to think I'm a whore" "Casual sex is healthy" = "I'm still definitely a whore" "I use to be a player" = "I use to be a whore, but now I'm getting old and I need a wife, so I won't die alone. So can I please pour all my gross old ugly baggage onto a pretty, sweet, young thang like you now?" "I want a girl who can take care of herself" = "I want a girl who can take care of me" "I want a woman who stays busy" = "I don't really want a relationship, I just want a shallow, superficial business arrangement that involves a lot of physical connection and very little emotional connection, but I don't want her to notice that that's all it is, to avoid the risk of her cutting me loose at any given moment, when she actually finds something real with another guy" "I like it when a woman chases me instead" = "I'm gay" "I do a lot of computer work" = "I'm a gaming fanatic" "I don't know why nobody likes me" = "I don't know how to fix my painfully annoying (or scary) personality" "I look like Blair Underwood" = "I look like Flava Flav" "I look like Michael Ealy" = "I look like Rihanna" "I look like Zac Efron" = "I look like Jonah Hill" "I look like Taylor Lautner" = "I look like Megan Fox" "I look like Mario Lopez" = "I look like George Lopez" "I look like Bruce Lee" = "I look like that naked Asian guy from The Hangover movies and Community" "I'll NEVER leave you hangin" = "I'll ALWAYS leave you hangin" And the list goes on and on till the break of dawn... It starts off entertaining, but then it just becomes draining. And as a famous viral video star once said, "Aint nobody got time for that!" II - Now lets talk about the annoying games: A ) The Chasing Game B ) The Dating Game C ) The Claiming Game The Chasing Game {(A) Game #1} is when the guy tries to manipulate a girl into dating him (or dating him again), instead of actually listening to her wants, needs or comfort preferences. So instead of molding his game to fit her, he tries to mold her to fit his game. BIG mistake. Many guys do this. There are 3 levels of it. Level 1 - The Fake Connection Level 2 - The Sales Pitch Level 3 - The New Girl 1st - The guy pretends to connect with the girl on things that interest or matter to her, but he doesn't really care about these things or have serious interest in them. It's all just a blind, calculated tactic to trick her into thinking they share a connection. 2nd - The guy blindly pitches himself to the girl without really hearing or understanding her objection, and without truly understanding the objection, you can't effectively overcome it. So instead of hearing her problem and looking for a way to solve it (or wait it out), he just tries to blindly bash her over the head with his thoughts, feelings and desires, and then, just like all the other guys, who failed to realize they weren't the first to try this angle and fall flat, he gets surprised when it doesn't work. 3rd - Finally, the guy brings another female (or a fake non-existent female) into the equation, thinking the grass is always greener, and since women are known for their jealousy, and people are known for their superficiality (meaning the shallowness of not seeing, liking or fully appreciating someone until you see that someone else wants them), he tries to manipulate the girl that he REALLY wants into thinking that he's dating somebody else, who is usually either made up, OR an easy girl who's always been available to him, who he doesn't really want that badly, but might settle for if he can't get the girl he really wants. NOTE: But this tactic only works on smart girls AFTER they've gotten to know you, spent time with you, been romanced by you, and have decided, for sure, that they actually want and like you like that. A smart girl is NOT going to like you more just for being wanted by another woman, when she hasn't even decided that she trusts you enough to take you seriously like that for herself, or she simply hasn't let you all the way inside her heart yet. A smart girl has to know who you are, connect with you, and take you seriously, before she can be truly possessive over you. You have to build a relationship of some kind for that to happen. There must be an emotional bond first. A history with each other. Otherwise, she'll just cast you off into the friend zone for an eternity, assuming you were never seriously interested in getting to know her, as a long term romantic prospect. She certainly won't like you for acting like a prick to her, under ANY circumstances. If anything she'll hold your rude behavior and deceptive acts against you. And it's never good to lose the respect or trust of a smart girl... Cause then it's hard to win her back. So The Chasing Game = FAIL. Then there's The Dating Game {(B ) Game #2}. This is when the guy actually gets the girl on a date with him, be it an exclusive date, or (usually) unexclusive date, just to get to know each other. This is when the guy tries to manipulate the girl into either being exclusive with him, or sleeping with him, or both, by acting like someone he's not, or by molding himself to fit her likes, or both, instead of just experiencing the dating process naturally, and getting to know each other honestly. So instead of seeing if they click mutually, he tries to force the click and fool her into thinking they're a perfect match-- which is both dishonest, dangerous, and a big waste of everybody's time-- if you're not really a good match for each other. Level 1 - The Fake Wealth Level 2 - The Clone Likes Level 3 - The Hidden Emotions 1st - The guy goes broke spending all his cash to impress the girl, which is truly sweet, but he's not honest about it. He pretends this is a normal, common date for him, fooling her into thinking he's always going to romance her like this, then he holds it against her later when she expects something he set her up to expect. Meanwhile she resents his dishonesty and bait-n-switch routine, plus he acts miserable, cause he's broke now lol. 2nd - Then the guy acts like he's deeply connected to all the things the girl likes or cares about, pinpointing specific hot button issues that he knows or suspects that she holds dear-- and he copies and pastes her real personality profile data into his false personality profile template, acting like her twin, to fake compatibility with her. It's admirably ambitious, yes, but disturbingly fraudulent as well. 3rd - Finally, and this is the most common level of the dating game, because unlike the 2 more ambitious positives to reach for, this is a very easy negative to simply fall into. In an effort to seem cool, or to manipulate her into thinking he's a big, emotionless tough guy (which doesn't really exist unless you're a hitman or a sociopath), the guy will hide his emotions and true feelings on matters, from the girl, instead of honestly, directly communicating to her, how he feels, what he thinks, or what he's been through. He deliberately hides his own personal truth from her, likely out of fear that she won't think he's a man, if he opens up to her honestly and directly, which is a real issue with dumb girls and mean girls, but smart girls and nice girls will NOT *EVER* hold your humanity against you, or think less of you for being honest about the depths of your true feelings. We will ALWAYS appreciate and respect you for opening up to us and being honest, sensitive and emotionally intimate with us. ALWAYS. Because we crave emotional intimacy, we thrive on it. Plus that's one big way to get a special place in our overly emotional hearts lol. We'll even understand you better and be more consciously gentle with your heart-- once you reveal to us that you have one Too many guys are too insecure to expose their hearts, even to nice girls, thus the girl never lets him into her heart. Because trust is a 2-way street. I know, it's a vicious cycle, right? I guess timing really is everything... So The Dating Game = FAIL. Now we have The Claiming Game {© Game #3} - Yes, the Claim Game begins. This is when the guy tries to manipulate the girl into being exclusive with him, usually before he's truly bothered to get to know her. He just sees her (maybe even dates her briefly), but he decides that he wants her aaaaaaaaaall to himself (often when he sees that other guys want her or like her), yet he hasn't bothered to get to know her properly, and in too many cases, he hasn't even taken her out on a date yet, and sometimes they haven't even met face2face yet. But yet he just wants to stuff her in his pocket, before spending any real quality time and/or romance with her, and then he often holds it against her when she refuses to go along with this oppressive, often 1-sided pathology. Level 1 - The Scary Guilt Story Level 2 - The Secret Spy Ops Level 3 - The Insulting Style Offense 1st - The guy tries to scare and guilt the girl into not socializing with any other members of the male species, by telling her a scary or sad (or both) story, about the bad behavior of another girl, and how she either hurt or embarrassed her boyfriend. This is to do a couple things. This is to 1 - Manipulate the girl into thinking of the guy who is telling the story as her boyfriend, before he's actually reached that level of the video game, 2 - Shame the girl into feeling bad about hanging out with her current male friends, so she'll stop it, and 3 - Frighten her away from making any new male friends, even if romance never develops, and the guy and girl have not even solidified an exclusive relationship with each other yet. 2nd - The guy goes into recon mode on the girl, using soft interrogation, like asking deliberate questions in the frame of casual conversation, stalking her online, monitoring her actions, spying on her secretly, and looking for any evidence of her reaching out to others in any social capacity, especially if she looks attractive to guys. It's considered manipulation because he pretends he's not doing it or that he's too busy to call her back or text her, yet he's following her around online, watching her every move, leaving fingerprints of his presence without realizing it. This is undoubtedly the creepiest level of The Claim Game. But there's more... 3rd - The guy styles on the girl. He basically acts like a douche to her, usually without saying why, if he can even put it into words, but also, if he admits to her that he's reacting to her innocent behavior that he saw whilst he was spying on her (or playing her) like a creep, then he would have to then finally come clean and admit to her that he's been spying on her (or playing her), which is actually much worse than what he's acting mad about, and it makes him the bad guy, thus taking away his staggeringly hypocritical right to feign self-righteous angst, and instead, giving HER the right to be pissed at HIM, on at least 2 counts (1 - spying on her and 2 - styling on her + maybe 3 - playing her). NOTE: This can mean purposely ignoring her, purposely breaking your word to her, purposely embarrassing her, or purposely lashing out at her via conversation, like a hip-hop reality TV star or athlete, trying to save face in a rap battle / cast reunion show or the big game, instead of being real with her, like a sane, honest, mature individual. It's hard to get a girl to ever consider claiming you or letting you claim her once you break this trust barrier or make her feel unjustifiably disrespected. It's easy to get her to despise you or simply lose interest in you though. So guys, never get to this point. Nice girls will find it hard to forgive, tolerate or like you again after this level of emotional retardation has been reached. Plus, come on, nobody likes to feel insulted or be disrespected, and nice girls, just like nice guys, do NOT deserve that kind of treatment-- EVER. So The Claiming Game = FAIL. All these various games stress me out, absorb massive amounts of my emotional energy and deter me from wanting to be bothered with relationships at all. Because the audition process is so draining, complicated and frustrating. Even just for friendship, which is what it usually ends up as. This is only one of the many reasons why I have a love/hate relationship with humanity lol. III - So now finally we come to: The Insulting Objectification issue. First, we had The Exhausting Lies to sort through. Then we had The Annoying Games to battle against. Now we have The Insulting Objectification to escape. I put this one last because even when the lies are filtered through, and the games are paused or squashed, usually the shallow superficiality of trophy wife objectification remains -- and this is where most of my marriage proposals from guys come from. Many guys have told me they wanted to marry me. Many guys have told me they loved me. Many guys have told me they never wanted anyone more than me. Many guys have told me what every girl wants and needs to hear at least once her life. Repeatedly. So why don't I appreciate it? Because I don't believe them. I believe THEY believe them, when they say these things to me. But guys lie to themselves more than women do. So if you don't ever bother to get to know me, then you don't ever deserve to own me. I will resent you for trying to keep me all to yourself, like a pet rock, if you don't do the real work of getting to know me and deeply connect with me. Either we're in this together, or you're in this alone, buddy! But either way-- you are not gonna take me off the throne in my life, just so I can be a footstool in yours. Either we're a team, or you're a bachelor and I'm a free agent. Either we will conquer the world together, or I will conquer it without you, and eventually with someone else. But either way, I'm not gonna stop being a shooting rock star in my world, to be nothing more than a pet rock in yours. I would rather actually be alone, then to feel alone in a relationship. Because at least when you're single, you can mingle with your admirers and other single friends. But when you're alone, by yourself, in a relationship-- that's the loneliest, most painful, hard-to-explain, diminishing, and self-esteem-shattering feeling in the world. And I know this from the personal experience of being there. That is quicksand swamp that I will NOT go back to. So I'm flattered by your desire for me, but I will hate you if try to make me your trophy wife. Because I'm not a thing. I'm not a doll. I'm not a rock, plant or pet. I'm not a friggin stray cat. I'm also not your child. I'm a human being. I'm a person. But I'm also your mutual equal-- Your softer, gentler, prettier team-mate lol. And if you don't treat me like that, all the flattery and money in the world won't get me to love you, like you or keep you in my life. It's exciting when guys compete for my hand. But it's insulting when guys try to bag me like a lifeless prize, like I'm just an expensive sports car, without knowing or caring about my heart, soul or mind. Because chasing me when you know me, is the highest most flattering honor. But just trying to collect me, with no aggressive interest in learning who I am, just because I'm pretty or talented or wanted or I sparkle more than the other girls do, is the most egocentric, shallow, superficial, annoying, exhausting, insulting and pointless excuse for a loving relationship that I have ever encountered. I was tricked into that by my 1st bf-- I will NOT be duped into it again. I LEARN from MY mistakes. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I'm so happy and grateful to be wanted. But I'm so tired of almost nobody who claims to want me ever really truly trying to know who the BEEP I am! They want the gift without opening the box! Just because it's wrapped so pretty or cool and fun-looking. But I will not be your gift if you refuse to open me. I will never be ANYONE'S gift-- until they bother to unwrap the paper. That is my protest. That is my lament. That is my LITERAL "boy"-cott. That is my emotional cause. I am passionate about never again being "owned" by anyone who refuses to look under the hood and see what or who is actually inside. Take it or leave it. But that's my stance. IN SUMMARY: 1 - You don't get to own me until you get to know me. 2 - If you use manipulative games to catch me, your manipulative games will lose me-- And that is too much work to constantly be doing in a romance when relationships are already work as it is. Why you wanna add more work with silly games? And I assure you, if you gotta play games to catch a fish-- you gotta keep playing games to keep that fish-- and that is way too draining and exhausting, as time carries on, especially if either of you actually has a LIFE. 3 - I don't date liars, and I don't even prefer them as friends either. I prefer to keep my distance from liars because I don't want their disease of deception to infect any part of my life. Also, remember this: You cannot hide who you are from somebody and then expect them to like you for who you are, when all you've done your entire time with them is pretend to be someone you're not. Now look-- I don't know who's a serious gentlemen or just a really convincing fool, but I do know that I'm not actively seeking any romance in my life with anyone right now. I was really just looking for a Valentines Date lol. Or a Valentine Friend. Not a boyfriend or a part time lover. But now I have all these seemingly decent guys knocking down my door, and I don't know what to say to any of you. Cause I don't have anything to give you. I'm drained and busy and not interested in the exhaustive audition process that is dating, which is the basic way that you get to know if someone may match you well in a romantic context. Yes, I'm usually curious about meeting new people with the laidback awareness that it could (though most likely won't) later lead to a long term romance, or (more likely) a close friendship. But right now, I have a lot of creative projects, family matters, and a social club to deal with, so I don't have the emotional energy to give to the exhausting lies, annoying games, and insulting objectification, that is the dating and romance world (AKA the people world-- cause honestly, even "friends" stress me out.) And I'm not even a hi-strung person at all. I have a Taurus Moon for pete's sake! My emotions can tolerate a lot lol. But its been my experience that whenever I rely on people, they let me down. Bad. But whenever I rely on ideas, God and myself, I succeed. See, the 1st phase of my life I spent trying to be understood and make best friends. The 2nd phase of my life I spent trying to save my generation and lead my fellow youth to the promised land. The 3rd phase of my life I spent trying to be liked and connect with new people, as the closer, familiar people in my life either moved away, got sick, or died. Then most of the new people I connected with either let me down, or vexed me. I have nothing to show for any of it. Now the wise old soul in me calls that, "Valuable Lessons Learned". But the ambitious young mind in me calls that, "Valuable Time Lost". Time I can't recoup. A wasted investment. But when I create, share and market recorded independent self-contained projects that don't require social loyalty to move forward, I always have something to show for my time spent on this planet. I always have proof of my natural contributions to this universe, that God put me in, for some reason. So now, in this phase of my life-- I'm building my kingdom. And it will be MAGNIFICENT. A kingdom that will last and won't get knocked down or washed away by the ocean shore, in a split second, like all the other types of kingdoms do. This is why I've consciously decided to put most or all of my energy into building my kingdom of the creative soul, the moral intelligence, the life education, and the altruistic humanitarian help that I believe I was put on this earth to give. I hate to sound jaded or mathematical about it, but relationships are untrustworthy, fickle, unpredictable and can fall apart like a house of cards, at a moment's notice, if you haven't thoroughly vetted your partner, yourself or your circumstances. And I'm not the master of vetting people, trust me. "People" are not my strength. "Ideas" are my strength. "People" are just my interest and need. But not my strength. Because People = Politics-- and I suck at politics lol. So in this phase of my life, I'm going to play to my strengths, which is IDEAS, and if I happen to fall in love along the way, fine. But until then, or until vetting is properly executed, the only lover I belong to is me, and no one is allowed inside my bed besides my future husband. PERIOD. That is all why I stopped dating. And I'm not convinced I should bother with it again, until I'm independently rich and famous lol Or secretly rich and unknown... Thank you. Come again. Have a lovely day! ♥
  20. Thought you were gonna read about the reasons why I'm waiting until I'm married to DD to have sex?? Sorry, this is actually by the founder of Made in His Image. Still really good though. Great for those of you who are waiting and Christian. ~Sally
  21. Hello everyone!

    Hello, WTM community! So my name's 'Aurora', and I'm a 19 year old virgin. I decided to join this website because I found that I need somebody to talk to about this, aside from my boyfriend. It feels nice knowing that there's a community of people out there who, like me, believe that sex is a part of the true commitment of marriage, and not just something that should be thrown around and offered to everybody. Up until about 8 months ago, when I met my boyfriend, let's call him 'Phillip', I would have thought everybody on here was a little crazy. I would have gone against this website solely for the sake of doing so. It wasn't that I was against waiting until marriage, just that I had never really thought about it. In my community, everybody is so open about talking about sex, and not really worried about virginity. In fact, my parents have offered to help me get birth control when I needed it. For some reason, I think it was part of God's plan for me, I have always been single. Aside from Phillip, I have only ever called one other guy my boyfriend, and we never did anything more than a quick peck on the lips, mainly because we were early high school students. If I had had a boyfriend before meeting Phillip, and he had wanted to have sex, I probably would have, mainly because my beliefs kind of fluctuated. Sometimes I wondered, is sex really that good that some people can't wait for it? Isn't it just for the creation of children? Why is it so important? The first person that I new that was waiting until marriage was an old boss of mine. She was 25 at the time. I never actually found out why she was waiting, just that she was. Then there was another co-worker at that job who didn't believe in premarital sex or birth control. She got married while I worked there, and soon after was pregnant. Near the end of my first year of University, I met Philip there. I instantly liked him a lot, and we started dating. After a few dates, he sat me down for a serious talk. He gave me a 'heads-up' that he was waiting until marriage (because it was part of his religion, and the beliefs of his community), and that, due to this, he wasn't moving in with anyone before marriage. I told him that that sounded fine to me, and that I understood where he was coming from. I've never been a religious person. I'd always just been like many other people-believing in God, but not partaking in prayer or church groups. After meeting Phillip though, my perspective on life changed. Now I regularly attend church with a co-worker of mine, and can't imagine any other way of living. I don't think that, even if I wasn't with Phillip, I could ever partake in premarital sex now. It just doesn't seem right. Now, I view sex as the ultimate connection between man and wife. It's something that, after meeting Phillip, I know that I desire, but something that I know we will wait for. It's just too important for us not to wait. I've rambled on enough for now. I'm just happy that I found you guys! So once again, hello everyone! Aurora
  22. Hey Waiters! I wasn't really sure which section to put this under, so I just kind of put it in 'Discuss Stuff'. Do we have another name aside from 'Waiters'? I feel like we should, because to me, 'Waiters' always reminds me of the restaurant workers under the same title. If we don't have another name, is anybody else looking for a different name? Or is it just me who thinks we could have another one? I don't know-let me know what you guys think...
  23. Hi All, I just joined the site because I've recently found it nearly impossible to wait for marriage any longer. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and have yet to have sex (we're both virgins also). We decided together when we first started going out (his initial idea, actually) that we should wait until we were married. It's always been a struggle for him, but one he's willing to make, but for me it hasn't been too difficult; until the last 6 months or so. Just before I turned 20 I started to find it harder and harder to wait, and the other night while having a make-out session I felt like I just couldn't wait any longer. I feel ready, emotionally and physically, but spiritually I know I really should wait. I don't have a purity ring and never took a pledge, for this very reason, but I really want to wait as long as I can (preferably until we're married). The thing is we won't be married for another year and a half at the very earliest (he hasn't yet proposed, but we've discussed it). Any advice on how to curb the desire? I'm so conflicted and just need to support on suggestions on how to wait as long as possible. Thanks so much!