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Everything posted by Bethe

  1. Do you want them? I'm on the fence about it. I ask because it's something I've been thinking about recently. I am an older waiter, who is open to being with a non waiter , and those things considered it's possible I could end up in a relationship where the person has a child or children. I guess if it was the "right person: it wouldn't matter. But, there is a small part of me that wants the kids thing to be shared only between us. I don't know . I guess it's a bridge I'll cross if ever I come to it. Would kids be a dealbreaker for you?
  2. I honestly don't know. I know that I'm not against. There's just so many factors to consider before I can see definite yes or no. In my eyes adopting is still " having children". So to say yes, but if I couldn't get pregnant I'd adopt seem redundant.
  3. I don't know. I'll have to meet my future kid/kids and decide then. A spank might be what's needed for one the other a loss of a privilege, or something more creative like writing an essay. As a kid spanking didn't work for me and losing a privilege I didn't always care, but I remember once my mother had me write about empathy after being a terror to my sister and that stuck with me. It all depends on the child.
  4. Lately I've been into Sara Bareilles, Hanson, and Justin Nozuka, but my taste in music in general is all over the place.
  5. I'm sorry if this is to much controversy, but some recent thing have got me thinking. But would my fellow waiters consider a person who was raped a virgin if he or she wanted to be though of as one? For me I would as I think virginity is something that can only be given not taken by force. Thoughts.
  6. I have no idea. I suppose the details will be worked out when I meet the other person. I will say lately, I've been thinking an intimate backyard wedding in the fall would be nice. I am a fan of personal touches such as writing your own vows, though I might be shy about saying my thoughts out to everyone. Not sure if it will happen at my future wedding, but I attended a wedding where the experienced couples , those married for years, spoke words of wisdom to the new couple not preachy or anything it was quite nice.
  7. For those 100% against abortion what do you think should be done for a 9 or 10 year old girl who becomes pregnant through abuse. A pregnancy at this age could kill the little girl or cause serious complications. On the other hand there is the possible emotional trauma of having an abortion in addition to everything else. What about divorce in cases of abuse? What if both parties have tried their hardest to make it work and things aren't should they stay in something toxic and raise any potential children they may have in a hateful environment? I am not as conservative or religious as I think many here might be and things aren't always so black and white. There are times I wish I lived in a perfect world where I didn't have to think about this.
  8. Divorce I hope if ever I marry that it will last till death do us part,but I know there are situations where things don't work out and divorce is the best option for everyone involved. It's my opinion that many people rush into marriage without thinking or that marriage is supposed to be some happily every after story with you and your spouse never facing any type of challenge or never needing to change or compromise. Abortion I don't think I could ever have one myself and I hope I am never in a situation where I would consider it. It's just sad all the way around. Sad for the baby that never gets to be born. Sad for the women who feels she has no other choice or in some cases is forced into it. Sad for the guy to if he wants the baby and his girl doesn't. It's just sad. Children. I think kids are amazing. I have taught and cared for some wonderful little people and feel pretty lucky that I was given the chance to be with them a little while help them grow, and I know I've grown as a person caring for them. All that said kids are tough they can make you laugh and want to rip your hair out bit by bit. There are days I smile just to keep from having a break down. I don't know if I could do it full time. Op, do you mind if I add another topic to the mix? What are your feelings on marriage? Should it only be between a man and woman? Limited to just two people? Personally, I am against polygamy and I am on the fence about same-sex marriage.
  9. Honestly, I hope I'm pretty far off. There was a period of time when i was so desperate for marriage. I'm glad it didn't happen when I wanted it to when I was younger. There is a lot I need to work on as an idvidual before I even have a small hope of being in a healthy marriage relationship or really any relationship.
  10. If I'm being honest I do sometimes rolly my eyes at huge gaps ( 15 or more years), but if everyone is legal and of sound mind and in it for the right reasons I can't judge. For me, I've found my best relationships have been with those close to my age no more than 5 years. I guess it's easier for me to relate to someone from my generation.
  11. Lots of interesting responses. I intially posted thinking of a guy that had been married before had kids with wife and wife passed away. I am actually unsure if I want to be a mother or not. I work with kids for a living and know first hand how fun they can be but also how stressful caring for a child is. I'm just not sure I could take on that responsibility full time.
  12. Sometimes I truly wonder if my future husband really exists if it's all meant to be. I have the desire to marry, but that does not mean that it will happen. Sometimes I question if marriage is really right for me at all. Perhaps, unlike other things in this life one can only exercise so much control over it. I do not know. I suppose only time will tell.
  13. I only have a problem with it when there is no other point to the story. Like the writers seem to think the only thing adults can be into is random sex and hookups. That;s why I got bored with HIMYM.
  14. Question for the Ladies

    For me finding a guy hot always involves a strong physical attraction and can involve personality attraction along with it. Cute doesn't always involve physical it's more of a personality thing. It's strange because for me it varies from guy to guy I could the same trait cute in one guy, hot in another, and no big deal in yet another, it's really all so strange to me. Finding a guy cute or hot doesn't mean I'm interested in a marriage type of relationship. There is a whole other aspect, that I'm not sure if there is a word for that would make me interested in marrying a guy more that personality and looks. I think maybe a lot of it has to do with where I am in my life and where he is and how compatible that is in the moment and in the future, almost sort of a spiritual thing I guess, in that sense I'm not sure two guys could ever be equal.
  15. What kind of music do you like?

    I like these artists as well. I'll also add Matt Wertz to my list.
  16. For me, and my beliefs I think it's important, but love for me, at least the kind of love it takes to have a healthy and lasting marriage is far more than the mushy , butterfly, lusty feelings you have early in relationships.
  17. Hmm, that's interesting. It' not for me, for many of the reasons Sally listed, but if it's your thing more power to you.
  18. How is everyone's summer?

    You can say that again. This summer just keeps getting better . I won't have a job in two more weeks due to low enrollment. Every single interview I've gone on I've come in number two. So no job means, I'll have to pull out of summer semester, and it also most likely means I won't be able to visit my grandmother in October. She's sick with dementia, and I don't know how much longer she'll be around. To top it all off, my car decided she no longer wants to work. I think I'm done with my pity party now. I honestly can't wait for summer to be over, not that the change of season will make anything better.
  19. How is everyone's summer?

    My summer has been both busy and stressful. I've been working part time trying to pay bills while looking for full time work,registering for classes, and keeping my fingers crossed that I will be able to stay enrolled in those classes. I think may be due for a hike or some sort of weekend trip.
  20. Best Tips for Waiting!

    Don't bring your date back to your dorm room. Kidding, sort of. It may not be the advice you're looking for, but have fun those years go by so quickly. I spent the first two years worrying about being a "good girl" and passed up some amazing opportunities. So hold on to what you believe in, but don't feel guilty if you find your beliefs changing,it's all about balance, and have the time of your life.
  21. Inner Martyr

    i can't relate to talking myself out of a good person. i tend to do the opposite try to talk myself into someone I shouldn't, but I'm getting better at not doing so. I do go through phases, I guess you can call it , and I have a pity party and think " whoa to me, my prince will never come, and i'm waiting in vain!" But then I remember I'm not waiting in vain, at least in my opinion, and I'm greatful I haven't met my husband, yet ,I don't think, I've got a lot more of single me to work on before I couple. You may also have to determine if marriage is really what you want, or if waiting is just a defense to cope with a sometimes difficult daiting seen. sort of scare them away with my waiting before deep feelings become involved and I may become hurt if things go wrong. But I think for all us waiters, it's important we remember we are waiting with an end goal in mind, that goal being marriage, so we need to remember to be open and available to that potential mate , because it isn't very likely they will come knock at our door and say " Baby, I'm yours for all time." There's also something to be said for good old fashioned believing in yourself. Who will want you if you don't even want yourself? Keep your chin up! You'll get throught this.
  22. I am not sure what to tell you, you seem to know what to do so I just encourage you to stick to it. I'm not a very religious person, so I don't have a built i n support, but for me if it's a guy I know will be a problem for me I don't even go there, hate to say it , but in someways I think it helps being older and having a bit more experience you just tend to know what you can handle, and feel less guilty, less doubtful of walking away from things/situations that could cause you a problem. There was a time I had to stop watching Sex & the City and similar shows, for one thing I found it made me too curious haha, and in general I don't like the way women are portrayed in that and similar programs, but that's a discussion for a different day. Just remember all the reasons you want to wait, why it's important for you and believe that you can wait. Also, don't let those guys bother you, in society today soe guys and girls have just come to expect sex so if anyone is just pilite they think that's where things are heading. Good luck.
  23. I found a quote that went something like before we became the story of us we had to write the chapters of you and I ,or something like that. I think it's easy, especially as you get older to become so consumed with waiting, that you forget that there are (hopefully) many other aspects to your life that shouldn't be forgotten about interests and goals and such. One of the things I'm doing while I wait for the other pea to my pod built for two, is going back to school for a degree in nursing. I also have a bunch of other stuff that I'd like to do , most of that stuff can be done in a relationship or not, but much of that list is easier to do when you're single or at least without the responsibilities of a marriage and you can just get up and go. What are you doing while you wait?
  24. Confidence issues. Please help!

    Jegsy. I don't have any magic words or step by step guide to boost your confidence. I'm so very sorry you have to deal with this, and it breaks my heart about the teasing. Just know you are someone very special, even if it's had to believe somedays, and someday, maybe even now, some guy is going to notice that. Lots of hugs for you.
  25. Douchebag 101 would be a great class lol. Although, I think most girls and women know the red flags a lot of times , for whatever reason, we try to rationalize them away.