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Everything posted by Waitress

  1. personal introduction

    Hi all, This is a quick hello and goodbye. I've never been much into internet chats but I'll check in every now and then for replies or to voyearistically read others' conversations #standard. So glad I found this site! I'm waiting for marriage but currently experiencing a lot of self doubt about that decision. I'm a 22 year old virgin who has gone about 0.5 steps further than kissing (someone held my chest once over my clothes). I derive my beliefs about sex mostly from who I believe God is and what He intends for intimacy between people, but my beliefs are also bolstered a bit by a more pragmatic approach - I.e. I don't want to get too emotionally invested in a man because we're sleeping together and then get rose tinted vision about who he actually is and whether we'd be compatible etc. Also, I don't like the idea of sharing this most wonderfully intimate and special moment with someone and then leaving them behind me as an ex, never to be known properly again, as is what happens with most exes. Anyhow, I have a lot of church friends who are also virgins but I know no one who is waiting for non-religious reasons, and every single one of my high school friends has now experienced a 1 or 2 year long sexual relationship and I'm just feeling so left out and bleak about my decision. So I'm looking for a bit of encouragement. How does one find joy in waiting? I dont want to "succesfully wait" but just be bitter and resentful about my decision the whole time. Esp. because most of my reasoning has to do with a sense of longing to be obedient to/trust God in His ways. Christianity is about God Himself being one's joy, so I don't want to be resentful toward the God I am trying to honour with my body, and in so doing find no joy in Him. Yes? I've also realised that I have a much higher sex drive than most of my friends, at least I think I do judging by the extent to which I've struggled with porn much more than them and also the fact that the whole waiting thing bothers me a lot more than it does them. As sucky as this is, maybe I'll have a wonderful sex life one day! But I say that mostly as a shout out to anyone who feels they are "boy obsessed" or "weird" for seeming to think about sex a lot more than their friends. I take some comfort in realising that we are all different and feel things to different extents. E.g. I have never had a difficult relationship with food, and I don't have any trouble abstaining from excessive drinking or smoking etc., whereas others do. But the abstaining from premarital sex thing seems to be a particular struggle for me. Up until nowish, abstaining from sex has not been too difficult but the last few months have catapulted me into a new phase where it's becoming much harder to imagine no-sex-me being a thing. A rough road ahead, to be sure! But I don't want to be overly pessimistic (as is tempting!) and make huge statements about how I'll never meet someone or how I'll die without exploring my sexuality more. So, hang in there folks! Remember why you want to wait for marriage and then preoccupy yourself with other important things. Not helpful, in my experience, to spend too long bemoaning your sexless life. Join a cooking class or something and be positive. Don't resign yourself to a nunnery just yet. You don't know the future and when/if you might meet someone, so don't make huge statements about it. Take it one day at a time if you must, and don't do stuff which you know will just make it harder (e.g. focus so much of your mind on sex or preemptively buy sexy lingerie or something when no one is going to see it just yet - this just aggravates the frustration). And don't be too hard on yourself if you are struggling to walk the road, we're all here because we find it hard to live by our beliefs when the going gets tough. That's all from me, peace out and all the strength to you all!