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About rotorgirl

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    helicopters, Basset Hounds, travel, exercising, history, cross cultural communication, ministry, and salted caramel anything!
  1. Marrying a 16 Year Old Girl?

    Why in the world would ANY sane man of 28 want to marry someone 16 years old? Does he not realize that he will essentially have to function as a parental figure, helping her navigate adulthood and grow up? A man of 28 with a 16 year old bride would have a partner who is not a fully-fledged adult and he would not have a wife who is an equal intellectual, mature individual. This man would have to shoulder all the adult responsibilities and would not have an equal partnership where both parties are contributing. Don't you realize how boring and tiring it would be to be married to someone that young and immature without any life experience? I know a 28 year old who married an 18 year old and they were divorced within 2 years. I am not certain of all the reasons why but I know that her immaturity and the big age gap was a huge problem. She had never worked full time or lived on her own before and he had to essentially parent her and take on most of the adult roles in the relationship. The only reason a man WOULD marry someone this young is because he has major control issues and wants some pliant young thing that he can domineer and mold.
  2. It's very hard to help you understand why without me knowing you and seeing how you interact with women but I am going to try to help give you some advice. Instead of asking yourself, "Why won't girls talk to me" it would be more helpful for you to ask, "What can I do to make myself into the type of guy that girls want to talk to?" This is a more positive approach that is a more constructive way to help you evaluate yourself and what you can do. If you focus a lot on "Why won't girls...." you can easily delve into a bitter, "woe is me" mentality and blame women for not being interested in you. This will really make them not want to talk to you! Okay, so here's the scoop: Women are attracted to confident men. If you don't feel confident in yourself, it is easy for women to sense that. You say you are shy so I would assume that you don't have a ton of confidence in yourself. It is tough to build up your confidence if you don't feel the best about yourself and struggle with your self-esteem. This is sometimes a Catch-22 situation, so I know that can be tough. Know this: confidence is based a LOT more in your skills and what you have to offer to this world than some touchy-feely "love yourself" mentality. So, take a good long evaluation of yourself and ask, "What skills and value can I offer to this world and to a potential girlfriend? What do I bring to the table?" Are you good with money? Can you fix a sink? Do you volunteer? Are you working towards a career as a doctor? What do you have to offer? If you can't really come up with much, then it is time to change this! If you don't really have much to contribute and you are not really going anywhere in your life, why would you feel confident in yourself and why would someone want to date you? Self-esteem comes from being a mature adult with a functional life and goals that you accomplish. Developing skills, knowledge, and ability is a great way to boost your self-esteem and prove your worth to the world. Girls and women want to be with a man who has a vision for the future, is working towards his goals, and has skills and passions for making the world a better place. Work towards becoming a man like this, and more women will want to spend time with you. Another thing to work on is your shyness. Many people are shy and I know that it can be incredibly scary to approach the opposite sex. One of the best things you can do is learn to engage with strangers in your day to day life. This will make you a lot more comfortable talking with people - the more at ease you become at talking with all sorts of people, the easier it will be to talk to girls. Make it a point to talk to five strangers a day, even if it is just a few words. Here are some ideas to try: 1) Compliment someone - maybe you see someone wearing a funny t-shirt. Tell them, "Your shirt is hilarious!" or 2) Try making jokes or being funny. Let's say you are in line at the gas station and you notice the door alarms every time someone goes in and out. Joke with the clerk, "Man I think I'd go crazy if I had to listen to that door every day." Know this: there are times you will say something awkward to a stranger and feel terribly embarrassed. Shake it off, champ, odds are you won't see that person again. Keep it up: the more you force yourself to talk with strangers, the easier it will become. Two things to remember 1) People love talking about themselves so when you are talking with someone, ask them questions about themselves and show interest in their lives 2) People spend 90% of their time thinking about themselves. They won't remember that embarrassing thing you did. (this second point was something my dad told me and it really made me a lot more comfortable speaking with people) Hope this helps - good luck!
  3. Thanks. It is good to hear from other men and see all the interaction on this site. I am glad to have found this body of like-minded individuals who are encouraging and know what it is like!
  4. So I'm 37 years old and feeling too old to find a quality man. The problem I encounter is that a lot of the single men my age have a ton of baggage (divorce, kids, bankruptcy, long history of casual flings, emotional hangups). I am not holding out for a perfect guy and certainly do my best to extend grace and kindness to all. I have seen many people who have pulled themselves out of a bad past with a lot of prayer and growth. However, it seems like most of the single guys I meet have still not resolved a lot of their past issues and continue to wade through a lot of sin or personal hangups. I want to find one who has healthy growth and maturity and is ready for a relationship. However, there are slim pickings at my age. I'm fairly open on age but realistically anyone under 30 is just in a different area of life. Marriage minded men seem to focus their attention on women under 35 so I feel I have aged out of the pool of men who are emotionally ready and prepared for marriage. I don't mean to be bashing men but in my experience, a lot of the "waiters" are people under 30 who find a spouse before 30. That leaves the rest of the dating population which is composed of people who bounce from one meaningless relationship to the other until they finally get tired of the drama and want to settle down in their late 30s but they have all this baggage dragging with them and have a long history of poor relationship choices. It just seems like I am holding out for something/someone that doesn't exist and realistically if I want to find a relationship, I'll have to lower my standards. I don't want to do that, but I honestly feel like I don't have much of a chance at this point of finding a good, godly individual who is in a healthy place in life and ready to commit.
  5. Hi all, I am a 37 year old "waiter" and I am so glad to have discovered this website. I've been abstinent my whole life and recently have been struggling a lot over whether I am archaically holding to a point tradition: I think the hard part is that for many young Christians, we are taught that our virginity is extremely valuable and precious, then we grow and interact with the world and realize that few people find it of value. It is extremely against the grain to be abstinent and the past several years I have struggled with feeling of less value because I've waited and feeling irrationally bad about myself. How refreshing to discover a community like this online! I am hoping to both be a voice of encouragement and gain encouragement on this site. Blessings!