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About J.J.

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  • Birthday 10/04/1988

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    I had a dream a few nights ago where I met a young woman I had never seen or known before, that I later proposed to (in the dream of course ;). Anyways, the connection we had went beyond mere infatuation and physical attraction. We shared a depth of recognition within each other and with ourselves. We saw past our egos. We loved without condition, dependance, or reliance; almost indifference. Yet this love didn't cause us to be careless. If anything, we were drawn closer to another, and sought out the familiarity we saw within ourselves. I had never sensed such freedom in a dream before, let alone about a woman.

    I get confused about a lot of things, but I'm certain of two: I want to be completely void of ego, selfishness, and all illusion of mind (such as false identification, mostly with belief and identity). I want to identify with no idea about who I am. I want to know deeply, experientially, that who I am, who we all are, is beyond all things, even time and space.

    All of that is a fancy way of saying I don't want to be confused about who I truly am.

    The second certainty is I want to find the woman with whom to share this with.

    Those are my two greatest interests.

    All else is pretty much secondary, and basic ;)

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    Hey @Yin-Yang! Thank you so much for your encouragement, I'm glad you enjoyed my previous post. What I tend to do is youtube search most, if not all, of the help I seek. The few people I look to are people I consider 'Enlightened Beings'. Of course beware, there are some imposters on youtube, of which I seem to identify before I trust their 'wisdom'. They way I test which people I trust from youtube are mostly by natural intuition, so of course I could be wrong. They way I see it, I've been wrong about most things in life anyways, and since these people aren't harming others nor leading myself towards harm or the harming of others (in fact they help lead me away from self harm in particular by allowing me to recognize I need not identify so strongly with ego and mind), I trust their pointing. They include, but aren't limited to: Mooji Baba Eckhart Tolle Anthony DeMello Sadhguru U.G. Krishnamurti If you'd prefer to read, I enjoy books by DeMello and Tolle, as well as a book called "The Prophet" by Khalil Gibran. My Godfather bought that book at a yard sale for 25 cents and gave it to me for free, lol. I hope that helps! Let me know if there's anything else you're wondering about. Hopefully we can share our feelings about any of these findings. Lord of the Universe be forever with you (; - J.J.

    Much of my daily life involves anxiety, depression, inferiority complexes, self-doubts, self-consciousness, and all the sort. I can recognize that this happens directly as a result of vanity, pride, and praising ego. Selfishness flourishes, and still I rot. It doesn't matter what form it takes, any sort of superiority, no matter how subtle (and it becomes incredibly subtle) will eventually lead to an internal defeat. It is true that pride comes before the fall. I'm tired of hitting, only to rise again and fall again. The repetition is telling there is a way to end it, but it really does hurt after a while. While young, I thought suicide was optional. It still is, but entirely irrational, for far too many reasons to list (all of you, I'm sure already understand). Since death isn't viable, what then? Life of course. Yet, what kind of life? I cannot serve two masters; God and myself (namely my ego). How can I resolve this conflict? It has plagued me for so many years. I admit, the past few I've been learning to quiet the mind and open the space within where purity is undisturbed, unburdened, and ever-present. I'm talking about that quiet place we all know of. That place not absent of sound, but absent of self. I suppose I'm finding ways to remain more in that state of consciousness, even while going about daily life, but too often I become distracted. That's partly why I would enjoy a companion. A woman that shares this enduring quest for self awareness, realization, and everlasting freedom from thought, mind, and false identity. She would have to be a woman much like my own attentiveness. She will have seen the vanities and embarrassments/failures/uselessness of serving selfish desires within. Not to say that ego is entirely useless. It is a part of consciousness, and serves a role, but for me that role is too stagnant for me to find fulfillment. The same will be for her. I hope we find another, to help greater serve ourselves and those around in whatever way the Glorious Creator will have us.

    Hey, you all are amazing people. Every one of you is a beautiful piece of love and light that the Almighty Creator is so grateful to share life with. Thanks to everyone here! I'm glad we can share all we have on our hearts

    @Yin-Yang I've only had a dream about having a relationship with someone that I felt so alive with that all selfishness/self-centeredness faded, and I proposed to her. It was as if we were each other's spiritual guides, and there was no enslavement present, as there seems to be with so many relationships around us. Maybe that dream will never come true, but that's okay. Usually the best way to be rid of a mosquito is to stop scratching it, lest it bleed. Eventually it will stop itching. Perhaps the same is true with desiring a soulmate. I agree with you @BlackRose, God will work things out. There's no need to obsess. Becoming aware of one's own existence is valuable to me. I'm tired of being selfish. Thoughts and repetitive behaviors always continue, with no lasting gratification. Opening to the sheer depth and space that is 'being' is of higher altitude than any pesky thought can reach. True meaning is only found when one goes beyond meaning, into eternity, where we all reside already. The problem I find is I too often attach to worldly things and miss all that God and the universe long for me to experience. I wonder, "who is this 'I' that attaches?" "Who is this 'I' that finds problems?" "Who is this 'I' that wonders?" "Who is this 'I' at all?" Basically, what is it about 'me' that remains when all else passes (thought, fear, desire, attention, belief, identity, etc.)? What ever 'I' am is where 'I' am, and that's where I silently rest. This meditative state is progressively easy to be constant with, and is where I truly 'belong'. To share this with another would be lovely, but not entirely necessary. I long for a her, but I understand it's okay to be told no.

    There is definitely something special about two forming as one, knowing no other. I'm a bit saddened that it's so rare in contemporary society. Sexual activity has become so common it's everywhere, all the time, and incredibly easy to engage in. I certainly see it as morally wrong to have sex before marriage, but I find no fault with people that already have. It's more so wrong for me to have sex before marriage, since I know better. Many people were too young to know better, didn't care, or really didn't have a choice. Anyway it has turned out, I don't feel superior to non-virgins. I could say I was too insecure, weak, shy, or whatever, but I feel I was blessed and guided with a strong sense of moral rectitude to wait. It also helps that I am not a natural leader. That has taken me out of the 'spotlight' for many women. Finding the woman I long to be with is difficult, even though I'm not really seeking. I suppose I am, but not with any urgency. There is wisdom to be found in patience, and I'm still learning from how to remain at peace with all things.

    lol, 'hiding' is such a strong word @BlackRose. I'm jk, but it's actually true, for me anyways. I don't know with any certainty how many of my friends haven't had sex, but it's not something that surfaces in conversation. I try to avoid those conversations anyways. Of course my family knows, and they support me, but by no means will I tell someone I see often but don't trust. It really is sensitive information, because of the possible jeopardy. I've had two good friends try to sway my virginity with blatant offerings of sex. I wasn't angry but wiser about who I tell; almost no one now. After turning those advanced down, repeatedly, I'm more confident and also more cautious. That's why I 'hide'. It's not important to tell people, but it is important to remain a virgin. Not for pride, not for vanity, but for her. I don't know her name, the sound of her voice, or what she can tell me by simply looking into my eyes, but I trust the Universe of love will bring us together. And if not, at least it's a cool idea. Yes, it is extremely important to have an amazing sex life with a lover, but that's more a consequence of having true love as the focal point. I rarely seek out women for courtship/dating/companionship-beyond-friends. In my life, I've maybe done it 5 times or so, always ending before anything real began. I'm 28 now, and the reason I still don't is because I trust God more than my drive for intimacy. The drive for sex, which has been incredibly difficult to control throughout the years, isn't as much a priority as my hope. My hope is for one woman, to love without measure; to love without the care to measure. I want her to be someone I look at beyond flesh, beyond mind, and beyond all illusion. I want to see in her what is indescribable, but is still experienceable; something so true and empirical that it's undeniable. Something more than desire, something that is absolutely pure to who we all are. It may be called spirituality, non-duality, or what have you, but I have sensed it within myself. I long to sense this within my future woman. I'm open to any inquisition, this is cool to talk about.