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Posts posted by Yin-Yang

  1. I was cheated on by my only friend. I feel disgusted by everyone and isolated from the world. I've been trying to hold on for weeks, but even though I'm strongly christian, I just see nothing here of any value or virtue.

    Any strangers like me who'd like to talk for a while?

  2. Also I should clarify, I am definitely not attributing my suicidal ideation to his past. It's not like he did anything to me. It's more like, the conflict of staying and being unhappy vs leaving and being unhappy that I don't want to deal with, becomes overwhelming, causes me to think of other issues causing me to be depressed and suicidal, THAT is what starts the spiral. It's not his pasts fault, but I just recognize that it starts this whirlwind and I don't know how to remove myself from it.

    Hopefully that makes more sense. I can see how I left my original post unclear

  3. 1 hour ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    Your social isolation is worrying. Do you want more than one friend? Do you have pets? Some people are reclusive but it doesn't sound like it is something you're enjoying. 

    I do enjoy being alone. I really do. I dislike people a lot. That's why I have as few contacts as possible. I only like to socialize as much as necessary to not go insane. Its just that that sometimes leads to the problem of me not letting someone go because that means I have to go socialize with new people again which is always a nightmare. Or that I won't have the energy to and I will just isolate myself and rot in my head until I go mad and do something stupid.

    1 person likes this

  4. 2 hours ago, 'tis the Bearded One said:

    @CrystalFaerie beat me to it: if you know what you need from them tell them specifically what and maybe even why you need that to hopefully get them thinking of how they can fill that need in other ways as well. As the previous posters pointed out, people frequently lack the skills. I don't know how it is in the USA but in Australia mental health skills are sorely neglected. You may be able to find some resources that they can read/watch if they are willing or go together to a workshop that addresses the issue. If you can't find a sufficient support person in you friends/family I encourage you to look for a support group and consider using a telephone service. In Australia we have Lifeline which is a crisis support phone line people can call 24/7 for short-term support (e.g. panic attack, depressive episodes, psychosis, suicidal thoughts, suicide in progress, just needing to vent/chat, domestic violence etc etc) and referrals to other services. You probably (hopefully) have something similar in the USA. They can be a big help also in finding local supports/schemes that can help you more long-term.  

    Here is a clip that can help some people: 


    God, I really love that short. Thank you for sharing that. I think that might help. 

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  5. 3 minutes ago, Invincible said:

    Hey Yin-Yang,

    First off, I think the most important thing to do before anything else is to seek professional help for your depression and suicidal thoughts. There are people who genuinely want to help you and there is no shame in asking for help. I resisted counseling for a long time for certain issues I had, but when I finally came around, I wondered why I didn't do it sooner. Seeking help is a sign of strength because you acknowledge that you have an issue and want to correct it. 

    I completely understand why you would feel devastated about this guy's sexual history. I would be too if I was in your shoes. I'm sure you like him a lot and vice versa. That must make it a huge dilemma over whether you should end things or not. But I think for the time being, it is best to take a step back and address your depression first. It is possible that your depression is making it difficult for you to discern what is the right course of action for the both of you. You should never be with someone out of fear of being alone. That will only cause a lot more problems in the future. Everyone should be with someone who accepts the good and bad about them without any resentment. Once you are in a place where you feel like your depression isn't hindering you from making a well balanced decision, then you can decide whether his past is something you can truly be okay with or not. It's not wrong if you can't deal with it.

    I wish you the best and don't be afraid to reach out for help.

    I have already been assessed. I take medication and go to therapy. It's been like this for some time now. I am in a place where I am the best I can be. Trust me, I give the same advice to other people. I am not shy about help. I want to do what I can to not be suicidal. Unfortunately despite all of this, despite the fact that I am mentally stable and calm, and that I even go to school, have a job, and have a friend, and that I am by all accounts normal and healthy, I still think about death every day. I just feel lost here.

    Thanks very much anyway 

  6. On 9/22/2013 at 0:44 AM, WanderingWashingtonian said:

    Great question, wny! This is a topic that has been on my mind a lot lately.

    I'm teetotal, and I really, really, really would prefer to marry someone who doesn't drink. But finding someone who does not consume alcohol at least occasionally is truly proving harder than finding someone who is waiting until marriage for sex. I am currently trying to decide whether this is a standard I could relax, at least a little bit, but it is very hard for me, because it has been a dealbreaker for the longest time. It is hard to imagine letting go of this issue. So this is an area in which I am very picky, and I wish my feelings were not as strong as they are. If I could dial down the amount that I care about this, I would, because it is not making my life easy.

    I totally agree. I'm a teetotaler and I am against smoking.  Completely impossible seeming to find someone who never does either. 

  7. I've been talking with a boy for some time now. We aren't in a defined relationship, but we may as well be. 

    I'm a virgin waiter. He's a non virgin waiter. And it hurts. 

    Sometimes this pain gets out of hand. I have panick attacks, I feel alone, I become emotionally distant from him. Obviously I can't always discuss my depression about this with him. I have already, but it's something that at some point you have to stop talking about or it just becomes hurtful to him. He doesn't say so, but I know. So I pretend like nothings wrong, but there seriously is.

    I don't know what to do. I don't have the strength to leave. I'm the sort of person who only has enough social contacts as necessary to not go insane. One. I'm a recluse with no friends but him. Part of me also very much does like him, genuinely, even if the other part feels disdain, and beyond emotional connection. But sometimes I doubt if I could take this relationship any further with him, because of my secret depression about this, depression that has many times caused me to think of suicide. I feel like I am probably just wasting his time, either because eventually I will have to end the relationship, or we would get married and someday my secret depression would get the better of me and I would kill myself, leaving him alone and confused.

    I don't think anyone will be able to help me. I hate people anyway.







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  8. On 10/19/2017 at 0:14 AM, XD005 said:

    Your right, it is important to believe similar things.
    Ironically, I've actually never met a girl who really repented for having sex or chose to recommit herself for marriage.
    Maybe that is why I don't seem to ever feel any different. None of the women I've met feel the same way about sex that I do. But, It is indeed an emotional thing. With these women, I always hold back a part of myself I've noticed so it's hard to really develop any deep feelings.
    Probably because what happened with my first girlfriend... But thats not fair to any of these women at all. I've always tried to force myself to accept that partners have a past cause I've heard nothing but "get over it" from everyone aside from the people on here. It is best to find someone likeminded. Thanks though for the advice.

    I feel your pain so bad. Seriously. I've heard nothing but "get over it" too. I think it's completely absurd. Especially because a lot of those same people telling me to get over it, also are always saying things like "oh I don't wait til marriage to have sex because sex is one of my emotional needs and I need to make sure it will be satisfied." It's hypocrisy, and needlessly cruel. I don't get why people get irritated when someone confesses they have an emotional/spiritual/physical desire to wait to have sex. I'm like, why do you care. They're being virtuous and pure. Why are you encouraging them not to be.

  9. 19 hours ago, XD005 said:

    I was not clear in my original post. I'm fine with a girl who has done other types of sex. Vaginal sex would not be okay for me.
    But I can say I haven't done that with complete confidence. That's always been my hard limit/boundary. I just ask that my mate not have gone all the way.
    I could care less about other things.

    Anyway, I'm back with this woman. I need to break up with her because she is completely toxic for me.
    She isn't trying to wait and tries constantly to get me to go all the way with her. If I stay, one day I'm probably going to go all the way
    and totally burn my bridge. Thanks for the advice, Innocence. I found your answer the most helpful, not to say any of the other advice wasn't good either.
    I know what I have to do and I need to do it quick.

    Why not just tell her that you think your beliefs clash and you don't think a relationship with her will give either of you what you really want? She wants one thing, you want another. Break up and you will both be free to go do what you want. 

  10. On 4/25/2017 at 5:03 PM, XD005 said:

    So, I think I may have made a topic a bit ago about a slip up I had.

    I was going through a serious lack of faith and had a case of the eff-its.

    In a previous relationship, my partner had a sexual past and in contrast to my lack of one,

    It tore me up inside. Fast forward, we're not longer together and I met this girl who I ended

    Up doing a lot more than I wanted to with. In my lack of faith and belief I would find someone who was on the same level as me, I didn't say no, she was a bit manipulative but yeah. Long story short, I ended up doing everything but the dictionary definition of actual intercourse, but yeah, hit pretty much all the other bases and I felt horrible when we broke up. Although we never had actual sex, it's a Grey area if I can even still call myself a virgin. But the whole thing is, I did have some feelings for her. I found out she had a one night stand after we broke up and then I learned that my mate having a past is still something I can't handle emotionally but now with me debatably still being a virgin, is something I may have to deal with which worries me. How can I demand my mate be a virgin when I might not be one in her eyes. So yeah, advice please guys?

    Personally I don't think wanting to be with a virgin, even if you arent one yourself, is a demand. I think it's an emotional preference, and maybe one that you need to be secure and happy. If it hurts you to be with people who have a past, you're not a bad or judgemental person for wanting to wait for a virgin. I still believe you can repent for the experience you had and strive to be closer to your original plan to stay a virgin and be with a virgin. I'll let you in on my personal experience:

    I am a female virgin. I never wanted to be with a man who wasnt a virgin. But I met a man in exactly your situation, only he decided that he deeply regretted what he had done and wanted to repent for what he did. And immediately, his past didn't matter to me any more, entirely because of the fact that he regretted what he did. Maybe this is just me, but I want to say that what matters most for a girl is what you WANT to be, not necessarily what you've done in the past. As long as, yknow, you're not an abuser who takes that for granted and continually relapses on things you said you didn't want to do. 

  11. This is sort of odd, I don't think anybody can help or will have thoughts to add to this, but here goes:

    You feel like you're dying inside, so you decide to open up to someone. You spill all of the horrible things going on in your head, which is something you hate doing and takes a lot of guts and energy and a LOT of agonizing grief to do.

    And they just sort of remain quiet or distant. They say they don't know what to say.

    Maybe they say "aw I'm here for you" or something equally shallow, but then they just go right back to being happy or distracted and no matter how much you sit there and try to explain what's going on, no matter how intense or dire the situation is, you're always met with the same response. This can be a person who is your absolute closest most understanding friend or relative. They can be insisting that they care, but it just doesn't feel like it. It doesn't feel like they're even trying. It's just silence. They don't know what to say.

    This is after you've already pulled literally every stop you can. It might even be at the point where you're about to completely lose it over their lack of a serious response, that you feel like you're going insane and that you're all alone, and you've told them that. And still they just repeat that they don't know what to say. 

    ...What do you do?



  12. I think Lonely Knight gave the most detailed and well rounded answer possible. I would just like to add one thing. You mentioned he is suicidal. I would suggest that before moving on with any of these attempts, you FIRMLY SOLIDIFY A MENTALLY STABLE PLACE for him. This is a very emotional hurdle to jump, and you need to make sure he is in a right mind to attempt this. 

    I've known of waiters who really killed themselves over this exact situation.

    Please do not take it lightly and remember that his emotions, while different from yours, and maybe even irrational or psychotic, are not invalid. They exist and may be causing very real pain. I suggest you do whatever you can to lower the stakes at this moment, even if it means breaking up or taking a pause in the relationship. Or if this is a REALLY serious situation, if you see signs of self harm or destructive mentality, please encourage him to seek counseling or more serious help before coming back to this. It's hard, but keep in mind what is best for him. 

    I may be over reacting, I don't know the situation, but I know that even loved ones of a suicidal person can be taken by surprise when it really happens.

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  13. On 6/26/2017 at 11:50 PM, J.J. said:

    Hey, you all are amazing people.

    Every one of you is a beautiful piece of love and light that the Almighty Creator is so grateful to share life with.

    Thanks to everyone here!

    I'm glad we can share all we have on our hearts ;)


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  14. On 6/28/2017 at 7:46 PM, J.J. said:

    Much of my daily life involves anxiety, depression, inferiority complexes, self-doubts, self-consciousness, and all the sort.

    I can recognize that this happens directly as a result of vanity, pride, and praising ego. Selfishness flourishes, and still I rot.

    It doesn't matter what form it takes, any sort of superiority, no matter how subtle (and it becomes incredibly subtle) will eventually lead to an internal defeat.

    It is true that pride comes before the fall.

    I'm tired of hitting, only to rise again and fall again. The repetition is telling there is a way to end it, but it really does hurt after a while. While young, I thought suicide was optional. It still is, but entirely irrational, for far too many reasons to list (all of you, I'm sure already understand).

    Since death isn't viable, what then?

    Life of course. Yet, what kind of life?

    I cannot serve two masters; God and myself (namely my ego).

    How can I resolve this conflict? It has plagued me for so many years.

    I admit, the past few I've been learning to quiet the mind and open the space within where purity is undisturbed, unburdened, and ever-present. I'm talking about that quiet place we all know of. That place not absent of sound, but absent of self.

    I suppose I'm finding ways to remain more in that state of consciousness, even while going about daily life, but too often I become distracted.

    That's partly why I would enjoy a companion. A woman that shares this enduring quest for self awareness, realization, and everlasting freedom from thought, mind, and false identity. She would have to be a woman much like my own attentiveness. She will have seen the vanities and embarrassments/failures/uselessness of serving selfish desires within. Not to say that ego is entirely useless. It is a part of consciousness, and serves a role, but for me that role is too stagnant for me to find fulfillment. The same will be for her.

    I hope we find another, to help greater serve ourselves and those around in whatever way the Glorious Creator will have us.

    You use such a fascinating and relatable way of speaking. Particularly here, I deeply understand the desire to enter the headspace of being far away from your own self. I always refer to it as "being sick with myself", I always want to get away from things inside me. Painful memories. Absurd, unnecessary or stupid thoughts. Vanity. Self hatred. Temptations. General garbage and distractions that my head is crammed full of. 

    But, especially with my increasing work schedule, I find it much more difficult to enter that meditative and soothing headspace where I am far away from myself. The only ways I have been able to do so are by watching or reading stories, or coming to this site. I'd be quite grateful if you could tip me off on those ways you say you've found to remain more in that state of consciousness. 

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