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Everything posted by IAG

  1. Do you also fall into this category? Do you want to marry a virgin? Has this ever been a deal-breaker for you?
  2. If calling someone a slut hurts their feelings, then why do it? What does it say about religion when you're trying to defend the right to hurt other people's feelings? By and large, when you call someone a slut, it's going to hurt their feelings. Arguing about the times it may not is a distraction to the main issue which is we should strive not to hurt other's feelings. I think the solution is to use the word 'promiscuous' which describes having many sex partners without using a word that's loaded with negative connotations and hurts other's feelings. But, perhaps more importantly, other people's sex lives are none of our business. And the deal-breakers people have for their desired partner is also nobody else's business. When pregnancy enters the equation, this subject gets more complicated, though, since the reality is that no birth control is 100% effective. Nevertheless, I can't see any redeeming value to calling another person a slut.
  3. Religious Freedom Restoration Act

    I don't see how a homosexual pursuing another homosexual threatens family structure. The vast majority of humans are not homosexual.
  4. Religious Freedom Restoration Act

    Sex with relatives threatens the family structure which is essential for societal health. Furthermore, by and large, family members don't have a desire to get married to each other. Minor's are too young to know what they are getting themselves into. The notion that those born gay should be celibate the remainder of their life is absolute absurdity. For these people to have love in their life they must pursue who they are attracted to just as straight people do.
  5. I think everyone deserves to be respected and loved in marriage, and some would call this simple thing "true love."
  6. What is your biggest regret in life?

    I made no mention of whether they should or shouldn't regret it. Just making a very singular point is all.
  7. What is your biggest regret in life?

    Also, what if you hurt someone else? What if you say something truly mean to someone else or worse? Are you saying you shouldn't regret doing this? Again, regret is just wishing you would have made a different decision than you did. Anything I've done mean to other's I regret. If that makes me one who regrets things, then so be it.
  8. What is your biggest regret in life?

    I feel that one can be unhappy over a past choice without constantly focusing on it and letting it run their life. The former seems mature to me while the latter is certainly destructive.
  9. What is your biggest regret in life?

    For those that feel 'regret nothing' is a good position don't be disappointed if you marry a non-virgin and they don't regret their past sexual experiences.
  10. Deleted

    Since you've openly shared this on this forum, I don't think I'm in the wrong to say that... don't you have a very low sex drive? If so, then your experience doesn't reflect most guy's. I just feel that the notion that it's not that hard to not do things while sleeping in the same bed with someone may make some people feel emotionally good, but it doesn't reflect reality. It seems awfully naive and out of touch with reality to me.
  11. Deleted

    I think I'm being reasonable here when I say that most guy's will have arousing thoughts while laying in a bed next to a girl. They may be able to resist the desire to touch the girl laying next to them, but the point is that by laying next to her, those thoughts will emerge and since he is laying next to her, it's exceedingly opportunistic to do so. I can't speak for girl's, but I imagine a good portion of girl's would also experience heightened temptation while laying next to a guy. The argument that "Well, you could be tempted anywhere" doesn't seem persuasive to me, because when you are laying next to someone in a bed, there is a great deal more opportunity there than in other places.
  12. I would also like to add, that some people have studied various faiths, and while they didn't become atheists, they concluded, while striving for objectivity, that they can't be true. I still believe this universe was created by an infinite Being, but I do not buy into Christianity, for example.
  13. Should Men Give Up Porn?

    I agree with this sentiment. But I also think it's a myth that men don't know the difference between the porn they watch, and what they should expect in their future partner. I feel confident that most men know porn is contrived just as most women know that the characters in romantic novels are also contrived. Saying all porn influences all men the same is every bit as flawed as saying that romance novels influence all women the same. I do not support porn, and I do think that if one is seeking the highest spiritual heights, they will avoid it. However, many things I hear about porn strike me as dogmatic and illogical. Lastly, those who do sexual things before marriage, be it kissing, fondling, even passionate hugs, and cuddling with a REAL PERSON prior to marriage and have strong complaints against porn... I have to be honest, it does come off as a little hypocritical to complain about men watching porn. If there were no sexual component in those aforementioned activities, then I wouldn't find it hypocritical, but I think any honest person will acknowledge there is. And anyone who has been in past relationships, and done those passionate, and, yes, sexual things, is bound to compare what they experienced in the past with what they will experience in the future. I'm not equating those things with sex, because they are obviously different. What I am saying, though, is that there is a sexual component in those things, and just as someone is bound to compare future sex with past sex, someone is bound to reflect in their mind "Is my current lover as good a kisser as my past one?"
  14. Should Men Give Up Porn?

    I think many people have urges to have sex without a relationship because they are simply horny. It really can be that simple. Secondly, most people masturbate.... it's really not that much different than watching porn. Let's be honest. My qualm with porn, more than anything else, is the supporting of it, and the consequences of that. While I don't support porn, there is a difference between someone who watches it when they masturbate instead of using their imagination, and someone who is truly addicted to it. I would MUCH rather be compared to someone in porn, than to someone's actual physical experience. The former is just pixels; the latter is real experience.
  15. Pursuing a Girl/Woman

    I personally don't see it this way because I feel that in practice it's more complicated than this. Your sentiment would only hold true if the virgin girl he pursues is sensitive to him having had one partner. If she is, then I agree with your sentiment. But if she is like many girl's, and while she wouldn't be thrilled with it, it wouldn't cause her anywhere near the heartache it causes him, then what you say by definition isn't true. She may indeed see that what he brings to the table is of such significance, that she would happily overlook his past on account to what she's getting in return. Furthermore, truth of the matter is, most girl's who are virgins, but don't have virginity as a deal-breaker, are going to end up with non-virgins anyways. I totally understand where everyone's coming from that maintain's it's wrong. But I personally don't see it that way. However, I must admit, especially if he got what he was looking for, if he wasn't a truly quality boyfriend/husband... that would irritate me.
  16. Pursuing a Girl/Woman

    While I can't relate to him since I've not had partners, I honestly don't think it's wrong. If he has changed his ways, and he now determines he wants to marry a virgin, then so what? IF he's not currently holding to such values, I would personally consider it problematic. That is, if he would sleep with someone he's not fully committed to marrying maintaining the plan on marrying a virgin someday. I think too much value is put on what someone is looking for and not enough value is put on what really matters: How the person treats their significant other once they find them. That's the hard part. But one's deal-breakers say little or nothing about the quality of the person in my opinion, unless they currently sleep around and then intend on finding someone who hasn't in the future. That would speak of who they are. All that said, I do think that... as WNY has said before, that those who have had no sex in the past are more justified to pursue and have a virgin as a spouse. But I do not agree that it's morally wrong for someone who has had sex in the past to have virginity as a deal-breaker. Just like I do not see any problems with someone who isn't particularly attractive having a deal-breaker of only being with someone who is really, really hot. If that's their deal, so what? I'm just very very non-judgmental when it comes to what people want in a partner because I think it amounts to very little if anything (except for the kind of example I cited above). What I am absolutely judgmental about, and in an unapologetic way, is how the person treaters their partner once they find what they are looking for. That, I'm very judgmental of and that's the thing that's hard to do: To be a good, loving, faithful spouse.
  17. Has the church made purity an idol? (Article)

    I've seen it. On this forum (before you were here), on Christian forums, and on the net in general. There is a sliding scale, though. Sometimes it's the notion that it's unChristian. Or people try to talk you out of your deal-breaker in a very critiquing way as if their deal-breakers are somehow righteous, including the deal-breaker almost everyone has which is rejecting someone based on the face they were born with. Then it gets into the territory of people just saying your plain wrong to have that deal-breaker, and I've seen things written such as "If a guy cares if you're a virgin or not, run the other way" as if to suggest that the guy has a defect for valuing that the girl and him are each other's only's. So, while it may not always technically be a 'vilification' a lot of people, from what I've seen, seem to have a real problem with this deal-breaker, but they are very confident and supportive of their own. Regarding the guy you're speaking of, I was very active in that thread by challenging his position.
  18. Has the church made purity an idol? (Article)

    Not Christian, yet I have no problem with this article. The only thing I do have a problem with... that I've seen before... is when people want to marry a virgin and are vilified for it. While I absolutely support not shaming non-virgins, and making them feel like they have less worth, that can't be equated in any way, shape or form with someone who has virginity as a deal-breaker. A non-virgin's worth is EQUAL to a virgin's worth, but some men and women are going to want to marry a virgin anyways, and the two have no relation. It's just a feature that they want present in their relationship. And that should be honored and respected in my opinion. As they say "To each their own." Everyone knows what they want and everyone should go after what they want in a life partner and nobody is in a position to judge other's for it. Because if we're going to start judging guys and girls who want to marry virgins, we might as well say it's "not Christian" to want to marry someone who is taller, or who is physically attractive, etc. Dare I say that God didn't put any requirements for who you choose as a lover? But you can be sure as hell certain God will judge you for how you treat your lover after you find what you're looking for and commit to him or her. Nobody has any moral obligation to select a lover when they're without something that that individual highly values. It's never been this way, and it should never be this way. The only thing we have an obligation to do is to treat everyone with equal respect: But this doesn't mean we have to see them as good matches for us romantically.
  19. I'd also add... if someone wants to argue that we don't have the original Bible, and what we really have are translations after translations after translations of the original, and what the implication of this is, I would love hearing that argument. Because for one thing it's absolutely true that the original Bible is long gone, and what we have today is the result of many translations from when the original one was composed. And, as far as I understand, different parts of the Bible were written at different times, and it's kinda complex. Something I need to read up on.
  20. When someone says "Your beliefs are wrong" this doesn't, in my opinion, fall under the umbrella of: Aspersion: a damaging or derogatory remark or criticism; slander: casting aspersions on a campaign rival. 2. the act of slandering; vilification; defamation; calumniation; derogation: Such vehement aspersionscannot be ignored. If what you're saying is true, then that's like me saying "Christianity isn't true" and then someone telling me I'm casting an aspersion. Well, actually, I don't believe Christianity is true. Am I shaming someone with my belief? And is a Christian who believes another Christian is wrong in their interpretation shaming that Christian? That just doesn't add up to me. And is an atheist shaming me when they tell me I'm wrong to believe the universe has a Creator? No, of course not. "Aspersion" is a pretty potent word, and I don't agree that anyone casted aspersions by telling another Christian that their interpretation isn't aligned with what they believe the Bible actually says.
  21. The way I see it is people are having a dialogue. And both sides are arguing their point. So it's not like either side is "leaving anything at that." Both sides in this thread have felt compelled to make their point otherwise it would have ended many posts back. And I actually found this thread to be constructive and positive because it gives me an opportunity to see both sides instead of just one. I can understand you're tired of all the shaming of others, and I think shaming is dead wrong. But I haven't seen anything on this thread to demonstrate shaming of others. I seriously haven't. To argue whether something is a sin or not in the Christian religion is not equivalent to shaming others. Edit: I'm also glad nobody here is "sharing Jesus"... because that would be proselytizing and in that case I would lose all interest and wouldn't follow this thread. What's being discussed, here, is far more interesting to me.
  22. The only thing I will say is that it only takes one time for you to go too far, and you're never able to undo it. The less you put yourself in a situation where you can get your engines revved up and go further than you want to go, the better odds you will not go beyond what you are comfortable with. Thing is... in the heat of the moment when you're really horny, your mind can get clouded, and the earlier ideals you had can be swept to the wayside when your engines are in full throttle. Now, it's true you could remove yourself from a really heated situation. But just as in the same way I'd tell an alcoholic not to frequent bars even though he or she could resist the temptation, I would suggest not putting yourself in a situation that makes it really difficult to say no. Because sooner or later, you might go further than you wanted to go, and this can't be undone.
  23. I think it's important not to confuse challenging someone's viewpoints with spewing off hurtful or inconsiderate things. Because honestly, I've read this thread and I really can't find anything that was done in a mean spirited or hurtful way. If someone can point out where I'm wrong, then please do.
  24. Did you read what I wrote? I said since we can't know what's the truth, then it's simply not appropriate to smear someone's reputation in a public forum. No assumption was made on my part. Not even a little bit.
  25. I have no idea what the actual truth is (nobody does except those involved), but what I don't understand is how can you trust someone that you only know through a few posts on a forum. Or a lot of posts for that matter. Are some people of the mindset that the first person to say something is the one who is being most sincere? Really? Even if you were to hear both sides of the story, you still don't know which side is telling the truth. I'm a little disturbed by calls to action to reveal who the person is when he could be completely innocent. I find that absolutely atrocious. Would YOU want someone to reveal your name about something you didn't do? Since we can't know what's true and what's not, it's absolutely inappropriate to publicly say he did it as if it's somehow gospel. It's like saying "Tell us who it is, so we can believe you, and his reputation can be smeared. Doesn't matter whether it's true or not. That's pretty irrelevant." Rather disturbing. Now, I'm not criticizing her for expressing her experience (whether it's true or not). Just that, since there is no way for any of us to know whether it's true or not, I don't see how expressing it on a public forum is moral or good.