redgrapes

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Everything posted by redgrapes

  1. Hello everyone!

    Hi arabella. Welcome to the forum. I understand you are very young, so I'd like to caution you to be careful what you say. Rape is very real and existent to those who experience it. Even in the United States, the statistics are still depressing in my opinion, especially considering any number above zero is too high. It's a far cry from "non-existent." I knew a girl in college who was brutally raped in a parking garage (in America). There are people (from America) reading your words on this forum who have been raped. Individual trauma is the same regardless where it occurs. Suffering of one does not diminish the suffering of another in supposed comparison. Anyway, I promise I'm not trying to be negative; clearly your post has been well received. I think it's inspiring to see young people committed to waiting.
  2. Me

    Hi CosmicClass. Welcome. To. The. Forum
  3. Values your parents taught you

    Welcome back, @CrystalFaerie! Now for my answers... Values or beliefs my parents have passed on to me which I intend to keep and pass on: Highest regard for telling the truth, honesty Loyalty Belief in equality of all people Prioritizing education, reading and engagement in life-long learning Love of nature and the outdoors, and gentle treatment of animals Financially living within one's means and supporting family members No alcohol consumption, smoking or recreational drug use Respect for the law Vulgar language is unbecoming and a bad attitude is ugly Philanthropy (more from grandparents) Punctuality and discipline Values and approaches I discovered independently and would also like to pass on: Christian values and not taking any of it for granted Critical and independent thinking Humility and tolerance Waiting until marriage Nonviolent world view Simple living, non-consumerism, minimalist mindset Loving without expectation and demonstrating love through external actions, words, and behavior Gracious manners, not to impress but to put others at ease Modest dress and only viewing materials that uphold this standard Appreciation of the classics and great people; exposure to good role models I never had Prioritizing health above other forms of success It seems I want to pass on these values because I want my children, if I have any, to be better than I am and have a significantly higher quality of life than I did. I think my parents wanted the same for myself and my sibling but more in outward, academic accomplishments and intellectual development whereas my emphasis would first be on uncompromising good character combined with critical thinking.
  4. I am not waiting because I am single. I am waiting until marriage and will wait through every relationship until that point. I would let go of any relationship in which I felt my partner was seriously pressuring me to have sex because they "cannot wait." I would not give in. I am waiting until marriage.
  5. New here

    Hi Tee. Welcome to the forum!
  6. What does your purity ring look like?

    The closest thing I've had to a purity ring are key-chains my friend and I swiped from hidden storage in the back of health class. I put it on my bag for the duration of high school but I don't think anyone noticed. It looked really outdated even at the time. Here it is, front and back, in all its glory:
  7. Hey everyone

    Hi inhizeyez. Welcome to the forum!
  8. I suppose part of my response came from things I already know from chat (like how DHZ wants to get married, advice people give him, etc) and not entirely from the content of this thread. I get the impression most members of the forum take relationships quite seriously compared to non-waiters and consider dating a trial as a potential spouse, like a pre-engagement stage. For myself, I would only have a boyfriend if I could imagine marrying them some day, otherwise I would feel I was using them or wasting their time, so for me the processes are the same. Thank you. My post wasn't supposed to be about you personally (if anything I was thinking more about my own former beliefs) or your work, as I'm sure it is both intelligent and an asset to your future family, but against the recommendation that @DHZ adopt a certain attitude himself. I think an assumption was made that certain traits are universally attractive- they're not- and I was merely using an example of my own personal taste to address the point. I doubt I am alone in my sentiment of not finding a man with an attitude of indifference or whom behaved disinterested as attractive. A girl who is interested in DHZ probably won't also be attracted to the guy who is barreling past people. Some advice given (on chat as well) could actually decrease his odds of finding the right person if he is no longer genuine; or make him feel insufficient or undeserving of a girlfriend presently, thus decreasing his confidence and leading him into a perpetual state of "self improvement" when he is already enough. Nobody should have to conform to some supposed ideal to find a mate. I don't think anyone should force unnatural qualities or be more like someone else in order to find someone. And it seems like DHZ is already magnetic by your definition.
  9. I was raised non-religious and waited despite never hearing religious reasoning for waiting. Now I wait for many reasons including religious. I know I would have still waited from my previous perspective, but I am strengthened and more confident in my conviction than if I had remained agnostic.
  10. I think there are separate categories of goals and one category is not necessarily "bigger" than the other. I also believe @DHZ is ultimately looking for a wife and not just getting a date, which is a respectable goal in my humble opinion. Yes, and I wouldn't want to marry one in 99% of cases. The work they are so intent on doing is usually quite insignificant in the grand scheme, and their behavior signifies they may not make an attentive husband or father. Most of the time they are just fooling themselves and the following type who want to see where they're going, which is usually nowhere. “God never hurries." - A.W. Tozer Anyway, to my main point: I don't think @DHZ needs to change in order to find someone fitting for him. Self improvement is always beneficial, but we can miss a once in a lifetime opportunity by thinking we need to become something better or achieve more before advancing in other areas of our life. Not everything will proceed in perfect order nor does it have to.
  11. Hey

    Hi seabutterfly. Welcome to the forum! I'm relieved there are still teenagers such as yourself committed to waiting.
  12. I'm glad to have found this site!

    Hi rotorgirl. Welcome to the forum! It is encouraging just having you on the forum.
  13. One that glorifies something immoral (premarital sex, murder, drug trade, etc) by misrepresenting it to impressionable audiences. I guess there are other complexities I could have mentioned, like characters and content, but I couldn't think of a better overarching umbrella term than "plot." For example, I would avoid anything that used the protagonist to demonstrate being mean and selfish as "cooler" than being kind to others. Regarding content, I would avoid any that makes me feel violated as a viewer. Many shows and movies try to push the envelope to be "edgy" and viewers mistake their discomfort with the material as being entertained, mentally stimulated, or emotionally excited. Anyway, I just find my life more enjoyable without subjecting myself to influences that don't suit me.
  14. I abstain from the same things as you, @Yin-Yang. In addition to those, I don't have any social networking accounts or even a smart phone yet (though I might soon because my old 2010 phone is having issues with texting ). In recent years I started abstaining from excess consumerism and from owning too many objects I don't need. I also refrain from anything I think will have a bad influence on me, has an immoral plot line or violent theme (I don't watch the news or television, and avoid advertisements). I never watch anything with nudity. It seems like I abstain from a lot, but it's just a natural result of striving to live a good, simple, and healthy life. Abstention extends beyond the physical realm. "Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things." - Philippians 4:8 Yes, I believe waiters are more inclined towards consciously avoiding certain commonly accepted, "enjoyable" behaviors. We generally want to live well and don't fear going against the grain.
  15. Random Thoughts

    Hi Thomist. Unfortunately the "official" chat room has been down for months now. However, a temporary chat room has been set up on Discord by @Skald: I hope everyone will consider joining!
  16. Hello, WTM

    Hi Thomist. Welcome to the forum!
  17. I think his behavior is inappropriate and very inconsiderate of you. I wouldn't tolerate it myself. Would he be bothered if you complimented other men on Facebook, the equivalent of what he is doing? Honestly, I've always thought "that guy" flattering other women looked incredibly pathetic, and did a disservice to his girlfriend if he even had one. Don't get too absorbed into the shallow side of things: Facebook reinforces a false view of reality (which is why I don't have a Facebook and prefer to be with someone who also doesn't, or at least doesn't spend much time on there and uses it correctly). Also, he should never prioritize his ex over you, not any day of the year, and definitely not your birthday. This lack of relational maturity or empathy leads me to believe it would be in your best interest to move on from him. I think the issue is his not desiring to be as great of a man as you deserve, and not the other way around. Did you have self esteem issues before this relationship?
  18. HI^_^

    Hi NotTheOne. Welcome to the forum! You're not doing anything wrong at all! I think getting away from Facebook is a great idea- perhaps you should deactivate it entirely.
  19. Set Apart Girl Conference 2017 ! I was there ! :D

    I meant to get back to you on this post, @Geraldine. Fortunately, you mentioned home schooling in a recent post and it reminded me of this one. Thank you for sharing your experiences, and telling us about the unpopular message to deny yourself and follow Jesus. I already know you were a "special guest," hehe. To answer your question about home schooling: I like the idea of it for myself, if I have children. I actually asked my mother to home school me but she went to work instead (both my parents worked while my sister and I attended public school). However, I think public school should still exist in some fashion for many students because their parents may be unprepared to teach and incompetent in certain essential subjects. Some home schooled students actually attended our high school for relatively difficult courses such as calculus and to take classes for early college credit. In the rural town I live in, I am terrified to think of how illiteracy might climb within 100% home schooling conditions, though I had teachers who were definitely inferior to a random person selected off the street (which is why my knowledge of world history is abysmally lacking). One reason I like home schooling is that I value people with diverse backgrounds and disciplined self study. I personally have excelled post-college in terms of educating myself and developing my interests. I was mostly stifled in the average classroom, and even under my parent's direction- ideally an individual would be able to independently explore and reach their own conclusions. Oh, and there are also bad influences and experiences to be found in public school. I pretend public school made me tough and gave me social and situational experience, but I believe public school isn't necessary to acquire "street smarts" or any of the aforementioned skills. I am interested to hear your thoughts on homeschooling, Geraldine, if you would like to share sometime.
  20. Marrying a 16 Year Old Girl?

    This is kind of off topic, and I don't know anything about these people; but I imagine her husband has a strong influence on her choice of attire, especially if she married at such an impressionable age. It may be more a matter of her husband wanting to "show her off" than her choosing to dress like a "whore." Her husband may also have been her only partner for all we know. She may have presented herself differently before his presence in her life. I'm just hesitant to draw any conclusions about anything aside from an inappropriate marriage and potentially a desire for attention.
  21. I'm sorry to hear you're depressed, DHZ. I miss the chat room, too- it was much more personable for me than posting on the forum. It's a shame that many recent newcomers did not get to experience that.... Seems like it's been down for months now... Anyway, just know you have my support. I know you're already doing this, but keep putting in a little effort each day. I hope to see you in chat sometime.
  22. Not new but still waiting.

    We've never met but congratulations on getting married soon! I hope you have a wonderful marriage, and thanks for the encouraging update. It's always nice to see when waiting "works" for someone.
  23. Saving your first kiss too?

    @Adam I am glad you did open up and that my words contributed to boosting your morale. You deserve the recognition! I can tell a conscientious person when I come across one. Thank you for your encouraging words as well. @BlackRose (Responding to your earlier post:) I definitely agree that our individual experiences shape what we value and our preferences in a partner. My life has strangely included both extremes of the spectrum you mentioned, so I'm hesitant to use it as a defining factor for anything. It's true I made friends readily and effortlessly, despite being shy, even in brief periods of time. I never had a "community" (no church attendance or relatives nearby) but did have a few long term friends around my age. The process of getting to know people can be enjoyable to me, so I never thought of befriending others as pointless; even if I would only know them for a day, that would be a special moment we shared. While I did have plenty of socializing during certain periods of my life, I've also spent significant time in an isolated location (the home I grew up in is very secluded). Both suited me just fine. I have gone over two weeks without seeing another human- not a one. I know how to live in extreme solitude without any form of intimacy whatsoever. My thoughts seemingly come from my eclectic life experiences and my contemplative nature. From the posts I've read, it appears many waiters want someone similar in experience, both type and extent, because they believe it will be easier to relate with them or there will be a sense of balance or equality in the relationship. And those experiences seem to be greatly affected by upbringing. @Geraldine Thank you. I am flattered if I said anything you agree with! Also, I'm always happy to see your participation on the forum.
  24. Saving your first kiss too?

    @Adam Aw, thank you. I don't think you worded your post harshly at all. Honestly, it was one of the few times I think someone has handled the subject gracefully such that I didn't feel uncomfortable about certain aspects or feel judged for feeling the way I do- I think that demonstrates a lot of maturity, humility and awareness on your part. I should have said in my previous post that it does not undermine how you have intentionally physically and emotionally preserved yourself for your future wife. Not at all. The fact you have quit is also very significant and (to me) indicates your desire for purity and willingness to do the right thing. I can relate about the media issue. My family is quite liberal, nonreligious, and just follows along with the unchanging narrative provided by certain news sources. They don't challenge their convictions with alternative points of view but continue on with the same, which I guess I did to an extent before I had adequate time to explore ideas on my own (seems like school keeps you busy so you cannot think, haha). That is when my real education began. Before that, my ignorance came from blindly trusting my parents, believing they had it all figured out and knew what was best for me. My sister and I have turned out very different in our beliefs: she has mostly adopted my parent's while I'm more of a black sheep. Truthfully I even feel like a "WTM misfit" sometimes because of my background, upbringing, and experiences. It means a lot to me that you would contemplate further on the mental exposure issue I brought up. I was beginning to feel like my participation on the forum held no meaning, or worse, that it had discouraged others in their waiting. I wouldn't worry too much about the past; you cannot change that, and I believe you are on the right path now. Whether or not you can expect anything, well, I think that's too individual to concern yourself with- everyone is going to have a different opinion on what is acceptable. I have my own past with its own complexities and I know the right person will understand while others may overlook me for it, and that's alright.
  25. Saving your first kiss too?

    @Adam No need to apologize to me at least. I didn't feel like you were making excuses. By the way, there is a thread on this topic in the VDA section of the forum. Since you wrote a long post, it will be easier to respond to small quotes. This has been my exact experience as a woman openly against porn, which has given me greater trials than waiting (though I see it as a form of true waiting, which honors your future spouse), especially since people defend their bad habits vehemently. Oh, I have considered this. I am about as completely out of the clutches of those as a person can possibly be: don't watch movies or television but academic lectures, read classics and nonfiction materials, not a gamer at all, and I hardly see any ads (no TV, ad blocker on web browser, live in an isolated location, etc). I was not exposed to much while growing up either (ironically my worst exposures were probably in school or university classrooms). I never felt like I was missing out or bored because my best times and memories were simply from spending time with people I enjoyed being around and my dog. I'd regret it if I had wasted much of my youth in front of a screen- so glad I was the active type. My preference is for a man who also doesn't surrender his mind to the mainstream media or mainstream entertainment. That would be exceedingly attractive to me. I think this puts even more value on mental inexperience- it is rarer and a relatively new form of abstention, historically speaking. There is a lot of value in completely avoiding any influence that reinforces sex as a joke. These statements could be said about dating and kissing and such as well, for some upbringings. While I disagree depending on the circumstances, I actually find this to be irrelevant. For me, it's not about forgiveness or unforgiveness, but about understanding and feeling understood, and also feeling comfortable and secure in my future marriage- and I am very confident in knowing what that looks like to me. Anyway, I've already shared a lot of my thoughts on this subject in another thread, so I'm trying to tread lightly here.