this is not really a "waiting" question but something has been haunting me for a long time now. I was in ROTC in college and also majoring in Neuroscience which was a heavy major. In ROTC I injured my right hand and had to take a medical leave. I also had a lot of personal/family problems that compounded during that semester. I didn't return back to ROTC mainly due to the stress of the heavy science course load from neuroscience.
The thing that bothers me is that I feel a little shame for technically dropping out of ROTC. I remember talking to one of the leaders about my injury and then he stated "Oh so you are too weak", and I can tell myself over and over again that he was a jackbag but I've always been bothered with the idea of being weak whether physically or mentally. I can tell myself repeatedly that in general women don't have the same upper body strength than men do and that the military is not right for me but the idea of being too weak to handle it still bothers me. I tie it back to some heavy feminist ideology in college (no offense to feminist I just don't think the actions of most feminist (at least in america) match the definition of feminism so I'm not the most accepting of it) it was the ideology that women can and should do the same as men with the assumption that there are no gender differences. So ROTC was almost like a challenge to show that I could handle the stakes but yet it felt like I failed.
Has any other female felt this odd "competitive/ashamed" feeling with not being able to compete against men? Does anything that I'm saying make sense?
P.S- I am a woman and I'm in grad school now in a Neuroscience grad program.