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About Novelist

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    Advanced Member

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  • Gender
  • Location
    Southern USA
  • Interests
    Writing, original fiction, fanfiction, sketching, painting, psychology, lipstick, clothes, feminist issues, cryptozoology, interesting people who are probably a little eccentric even if they don't know it.

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  1. If you could date/marry one celebrity...

    All the celeb men I crush on eventually come out of the closet, so I don't think it would work out. Also, I tend to like the guys nobody else likes, so I always feel strange confiding my celebrity crushes. Also, some of them are dead. Or cartoons. I think I'm defective.
  2. Gamer Guys, Hot or Not??

    Ehhh . . . I game casually, mostly on devices like Kindle or ds. It wouldn't bother me if he just, you know, liked gaming. But I do find it to be a turnoff when a guy identifies as a Gamer. I've had too many male friends who were gamers and were very immature, and frankly, I think a lot of the most popular games are just gratuitous and gross (GTA, for example). My best friend is an avid gamer. It's, like, all he does. Which is his business, but sometimes I have to kind of hold myself back from eyerolling all over the the place when he tells me about the drama going on in his guild. Some people take it waaaaaaaaay too seriously, and it seems like online gaming is the place guys go to stay 13-years-old forever. Turnoff for me.
  3. Hello from Italy!

  4. Other things you miss

    Ugh, samaye, I know how that feels. Once, when I was a teen, I went to see the 4th of July fireworks with a female relative, as we had done for years. We always left our parents to go and mingle in the big crowd with the booths and musicians. I was unpleasantly surprised to find out she and her boyfriend had planned ahead to meet. Idk why I didn't expect it. We had always just stayed together before, and she was a year younger than me! Lol. As an introvert, I didn't do much the rest of the night but stand by awkwardly while she and her bf giggled and kissed. I can still remember how abandoned and alone I felt. Ouch. I learned to handle it a little better, but these days I still feel like I'm trying to disappear into the wallpaper when it happens.
  5. Maybe there's already a topic like this. If so, sorry. Obviously, most of us would like to have regular sex some day, and WTM delays that. But I wanted to ask if anyone feels like they're missing out on anything else while they're waiting. There are some things, aside from sex or even kissing, which you don't really do outside of a relationship. Not just physical stuff, but even activities that seem couple-oriented. Waiters who are in relationships probably won't experience this as much. For me, it's dancing. Not the club kind. I took a ballroom dance class while in college. Aside from it being interesting and fun, I was really attracted to one of my classmates. Dancing with him, whether it was tango or waltz or whatever, was especially pleasant. I haven't danced since and have forgotten most of the moves for want of practice. I sometimes think I'll never be in a relationship and, thus, never marry. Part of me is just as sad that I might never be able to slow-dance with my hand on a man's shoulder and his on the small of my back. As an adult, I wouldn't want to take another class. Even in college, I was one of the few singles. Hard to practice without a partner. I know most guys are not avid dancers, but every now and then on a date-night wouldn't hurt. Does anyone else have something like that which comes to mind?
  6. Hello!

    Welcome! Ooh, what did you write? I love writing.
  7. "The One God Has for You" vs. Free Will

    I don't believe in the idea of soulmates as in, "There's one person for you, and God picked him out from the moment of your birth, and his name is George or whatever, good luck finding him without a map." But I do believe in prayer and that God knows people well enough to take a look around and see who might fit with whom. I have to believe that, anyway. I'm such a misfit, it's gonna take a miracle.
  8. My feelings on this matter are kind of ambivalent. On the one hand, it would be highly hypocritical of me to say a flat-out "No." I am heterosexual. I do NOT identify as bisexual, in that, beyond choosing heterosexuality, I am really put off by the idea of sleeping with a woman. In addition, it is a lifestyle I cannot totally reconcile with my morals and religious beliefs. But I will confess I have experienced "girl crushes" before, and the thought of kissing a woman is actually kind of appealing to me. So obviously the potential for same-sex attraction is there, even if it is not wholly sexual. I think this has to do with me being something of a demi-sexual. Too, my best friend is a male who identifies as homosexual. I have to be honest, since I do not judge him and he does not judge me, the dynamic of hanging out with a gay man is way more comfortable than hanging out with the typical hetero man. Bisexual does not equal gay, obviously, but I feel like there would still be less chest-pounding adherence to the stereotypical macho-man persona. Hearing guys score girls' breasts on a 1-10 and crack rape jokes got old quick for me. If a man is in touch with his feminine side, even a little, that's probably a good thing for our dynamic. My favorite flirtation partner to date was a man who was, quite honestly, so bisexual that he felt compelled to reassure me he was NOT bisexual during conversation. Maybe he was just not bisexual in the same way that I'm not bisexual, Idk. But flirting with him was very creative and fluid and not stilted at all. It was a kind of uninhibition that was appealing, I suppose (which is maybe a laugh coming from a waiter . . .? Lol, I hope not). BUT . . . but . . . but . . . I gotta be honest. As a waiter, it would be absolutely DEVASTATING to me to accept a bisexual partner--expecting, obviously, that he gets to be heterosexual with me for the rest of his life and LIKE IT, DAMN IT--and then find out that what I had really wound up with was a homosexual husband. I feel that is a real concern for waiters, women especially. I have heard more than one anecdote about a woman being "blessed" enough to find that man of her dreams, only to find out after the fact (and after many awkward and humiliating bedroom attempts) that he found it so easy to abstain because he was gay. Other cons, for me: I don't wanna do with my man what most gay men do with each other (you know). I also don't wanna hear him whine and pine about it. Someone who identifies as bisexual is probably going to be a bit more sexually experienced than I would be comfortable with in terms of having multiple partners. I like a certain conservativeness. There is a difference to me, just having an appreciation of one's own sex versus a real desire to be sexual with them. Hetero- or homo- or bi-sexual, I'm really not about the free-wheeling free-love attitude. At all.
  9. Singlehood

    I have to be honest, and this is a sore spot on my self-esteem, but the reason I'm not actively LOOKING for a relationship is that, despite my age and a college degree, I'm currently living with the folks and my only income is a very erratic and meagre dribble from book sales. It's insignificant, tbh. I might as well be totally unemployed and video gaming all day from a financial standpoint. But I don't necessarily think that would change if I got a "real" job, moved out, and started looking. It certainly wasn't different when I was at college and pretty much aching for some romantic company. WTM is a factor, probably the primary one. There aren't that many men WTM to begin with, and fewer still looking for a woman my age. Nothing like WTM to make a girl feel old before she's 30! Lol, I know I speak for myself only. To echo what some others have said, I'm a weirdo. Ha. And an enigma. I sometimes think I suffer from "attractive introvert" syndrome, though I'm no VS model. A lot of men look right through me, and I suspect the ones that don't think I'm too stuck-up for them. I'm not really shy, but chit-chat causes me to freeze up and become awkward. I have Christian religious beliefs which do not line up with the Christian norm, but at the same time they do not entirely line up with my religion! I'm a square peg, for sure. Finally, I don't connect on a deep level with many people, and that's what I need in a relationship. I don't just want a nice, decently attractive man who respects my beliefs (and they're hard enough to come by). I want my best friend. I don't see the point in settling for less.
  10. Hello from Toronto, Canada!

    Welcome, welcome, welcome.
  11. I'm not much for weddings. I do agree with bethreny's point about wedding gifts being a big help to couples just starting out, but as for me, I'd far prefer just going to a justice of the peace. I don't mind using secondhand dishes or appliances, anyway, but I know it would bother some people. I guess in the end, I'm just a pretty private person and probably wouldn't even bother making a Facebook announcement.
  12. If you could be anything in the world...

    I just want to be able to pay my bills with my writing. I'd love to learn Italian, but I always quit studying. Oh!!! And fencing! I took a fencing class in college, and I think it might have been the ONE athletic activity at which I could have excelled. I would love to learn to fence.
  13. What do you LIKE about WTM ?

    I've read more into a couple guys than was actually there . . . seeing what I wanted to see, I suppose. That's not to say we didn't have mad chemistry, but clearly the real affection was all on my side. I had the most profound crush of my life on a young man at college. It lasted nearly 3 years and was a total infatuation. Once I left, I thought about him for at least a year. Looking back, I'm pretty sure he never gave me a second thought when I wasn't right in front of him. WTM has allowed me to hold onto my dignity, at least where men are concerned. I don't want to be some DudeBro's high-five the morning after. I'm more than that. I'm sure I made a fool of myself getting so attached to nothing, but at least the foolishness took place mostly in my head.
  14. Favorite thing about being here...

    Before I found this place, I felt like I was fighting an inherently losing battle. I even had meltdowns just thinking about the impossible position I had put myself in as an adult waiter. I would think, "This is impossible. This is ridiculous. How does anyone do this? I'm going to be alone forever. It's not them, it's me. I have chosen loneliness by choosing to wait." Not that I regretted my decision--I was just convinced that it amounted to taking a lifelong vow of celibacy. End of story, what else can I get into while I'm waiting to die? Now I feel completely different. Now that I know there are other people, and diverse people no less, I find I am not even as anxious to find a relationship as I used to be. It's as if realizing it was possible took the edge off. I almost feel as if I could wait forever now. My view on my own life has changed.
  15. Are you worth it?

    I don't think people fall in love because of some check list. I mean if I were beautiful, wealthy, perfectly zen, a bikini model and world-famous chef who donated all my profits to charity, I'm sure I'd be on more men's radar. But does that mean it would work? That among all those men, I would find one who made me feel something warm and comfortable and right? Maybe it's because I get along with people but don't connect with very many. I don't want to be worth it. I don't want him to be worth it. I want to meet that person who has some indefinable thing in his soul that makes him feel like he's found home when he gets to know me. I want to feel that way about him. I don't want to get caught up in "am I good enough, is this good enough," because that's how people write resumes. It's not how they fall in love. Love is unpredictable, lightning in a bottle.