Will H

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Everything posted by Will H

  1. Guys I need an advise

    Glad to hear that everything is going well!
  2. Best Friends?

    I really hope that having him at the wedding goes well for you. Sounds like a lot of fun! I hope that spending some time with him will help you decide if you want to tell him how you feel about him. It's been really interesting reading this whole thread and I wish all the best with whatever you feel is right!
  3. Can you just be friends with a woman??

    Many of my friends are women and I see our relationships as platonic. While some of them have had elements of attraction for a time, they all pretty much settled into a comfortable "just friends". So at least one guy says it's possible.
  4. Hi Everyone

    Hi Ingrid! Glad you found us and I hope you'll stick around!
  5. 50 Shades of Gray

    It's unfortunate that in the first article you linked to, the trial resulted in the act not being found to be rape. I understand that in a court of law, you have to prove non-consent or it can't be legally classified as rape. It's just unfortunate when those who rape get off scot free because their victims can't prove it was non-consensual. But that doesn't mean that rape didn't occur, even if there isn't sufficient evidence to prove it in court. Pretty sure that you meant sarcasm that the last two links "sounds reallly consensual here". It's pretty clear from reading them that they were not. And even if it was consensual, that doesn't mean that it wasn't abusive. The website I linked to earlier has a Talking Points section that argues against the idea that "If it’s consenting, it is not abuse." It's worth reading. Violence is still violence even if another person says it's okay.
  6. 50 Shades of Gray

    The biggest thing that I hate about it is that it's an abusive relationship. Christian abuses Anna virtually every time they are together and takes advantage of her verbally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. It really sickens me to hear people say that they love Christian Gray or they wish that men in their life would act more like him. Honestly, the fact that the books and movies make an abusive relationship seem desirable (and going to end happily ever after) bothers me far more than the kinky sex. Many organizations devoted to combating sexual assault and domestic violence have banded together to boycott the movie and book. Since they work every day with thousands of women (and men) who have suffered from the sort of abusive relationship that Christian has over Anna, I'm inclined to trust their judgement on this.
  7. The Island game

    3 books —The Bible, The Complete Works of Socrates, a survival guide on how to live on a desert island 3 films —Star Wars: A New Hope, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, Gandhi 3 songs —Dona Nobis Pacem from Bach's Mass in B Minor, Baba Yetu from Civilization IV, The Impossible Dream from Man of La Mancha 3 TV shows —Stargate SG-1, Awake, Avatar: The Last Airbender (can I take The Legend of Korra too?) 1 meal —Chicken parmesan 1 drink —Chocolate milk 1 luxury item —A laptop with a bunch of games and an offline copy of Wikipedia
  8. Guys I need an advise

    Thanks for clarifying about ladies being able to join fraternities to help out with events and such. I didn't know such a thing was done. I suppose the question you would have to ask yourself is why they are pressuring you to do this. Do they not know that these are your values? Are they not aware of how seriously committed you are to them? Do they respect them as much as you hope they would? While I don't know your frat brothers, I would like to think that they do respect you enough to respect your values if you make it clear. Since they think so highly of you and think you are going to be president, perhaps it is an opportunity to lead by example if you make your values more highly known. I don't know about your situation, so I don't know for sure. Hopefully someone who is more familiar with the frat scene can answer better than I can.
  9. Greetings from Denmark!

    Glad that you found us, Peter! There are a lot of us who are right where you are with being ready to meet someone and being willing to wait for marriage with him or her. You're in good company! Hopefully this community can help you through so that you don't get so desperate you fall in love with one of your robots!
  10. Hello....new here

    Hi Dee! Yep, we exist! And we're glad to have you be a part of us too! Don't be a stranger!
  11. Great to meet you! You are definitely not alone in your pursuit to wait until marriage; there are a lot of 20-something guys like us who are committed to that for a variety of reasons. Funny that your hobbies are pretty similar to mine: I enjoy cycling, video games, and have played tournament chess before (used to be rated before I stopped doing it). So you have many things in common with folks here!
  12. Hi everyone! My name is Will and I'm a guy in Minnesota who is 25 and waiting till marriage! Initially, my reason for waiting was because of my religious faith, which has always been an important part of me. It still is an important reason, but as I've gotten older, it is now not my only one. I've learned that I'm a hopeless romantic and marriage is important to me. I've made the decision that I want to give everything about me to my future wife, and to have no regrets about my past. I want her to know that I will always be faithful for her and for her to never have any doubts about it. Sex is a powerful thing and is too precious to me to waste on someone who I won't give that commitment to. Two weeks ago, I found out that some close friends were not waiting, and I realized that I didn't know a single person who still was. That hit me like a ton of bricks and I had some sort of an anxiety attack, making it hard to eat or work. I wasn't so naïve as to believe that there weren't people in my life who were not waiting, but realizing that I didn't know a single other person who was waiting really did it for me. While searching online, I found this site, a whole community of people who are waiting just like me. It's helpful to know that I'm not alone at all. Although I wish that I knew people personally who were waiting, I'm happy to know that there are so many here online that share the same belief and that I'm not alone at all. It's just a matter of finding people who believe the same. After waiting over a week for my account to get validated, I'm finally able to post this. I'm looking forward to being active in the forums and getting to know some other waiters!
  13. Guys I need an advise

    So if I'm understanding correctly, your frat brothers are totally respectful of you being religious and think very highly of you, but you feel like they aren't respecting your decision to not want to have sex with a "party girl"? And it's gotten to the point where the thought has crossed your mind to drop out because of this, but you don't want to do that because you care about your brothers a lot and want to stay with them. Is that correct? I'm a bit confused about the part about how "I got almost 20 names for the fraternity, so I kinda have a legacy. That's why some members kinda expect me to be a little bit more playful in parties". I wasn't part of a fraternity, so maybe I don't get it, but doesn't "getting names" mean recruiting guys to join? Why would that create an expectation to make you playful in parties?
  14. Virginity and Purity

    I think that this author is spot on. Virginity is a gift, purity is a lifestyle. I think that Christians, and waiters of all faiths, can sometimes focus too much on the former while ignoring the latter. And it's an important thing for guys too.
  15. Halloween

    My birthday is on Halloween (or Reformation Day, if you are Protestant), so this has been an important thing for me. Growing up, I lived in an area where it was nothing more than kids dressing up as Power Rangers and Disney princesses to get candy (and I soon found out that I could get even more if I told people that it was my birthday!) I remember when I was older asking my pastor about whether it was okay to celebrate Halloween given its origins. His response was that dressing up to get candy was more a mockery of the original origins. We were turning it into a holiday of fun, especially centered around kids. I've come to agree with the advice of my pastor. To me, it is more important what Halloween is than what it was. It's a time for fun, kids wearing costumes, and candy. I do not see anything religiously objectionable about that. And one way or another, I still get extra candy on my birthday!
  16. Tattoos& Piercings

    Would you ever get a tattoo of your wife's name or wedding date/day you met/fell in love etc I see the appeal of having a permanent sign of our permanent love, but I really don't think that I'd be comfortable with a tattoo. Our hearts are marked, I don't really have a desire to mark my body too. Plus it'd be really awkward if my wife died and I wanted to get remarried. What, do I cross off first wife's name and write the second? Do you like a girl with tattoos and/ or piercings? I don't find tattoos very attractive. I don't mind ear piercings, but I find other types of piercings to be really unnatural. Would you ever consider getting a tattoo or piercing if someone suggested it to you? Nope. I wouldn't want to tattoo my body. I can't imagine being 80 and having a tattoo. That thought alone shoots down any ideas of getting one.
  17. Hola!

    Welcome Javier! It can be tough keeping your decision to be a waiter, especially when you feel like everyone around you isn't following it. But you are not alone and I'm glad that you've found a community of people who support your decision!
  18. I think that there may be some confusion about the terminology for "couple's therapy". Searching for the term on Wikipedia redirects to relationship counseling, which is defined as: The page does define couple's therapy as a subset of this, which it distinguishes by saying: So according to Wikipedia, couple's therapy is more about getting through problems in the relationship. What you are describing with keeping relationships on track sounds more like a "life coaching" to me in that you are trying to work together to find your goals. For me, the difference between the two is important. I would definitely consider some sort of couple's therapy if we are having a problem that we feel we need help with. I've been to therapy in the past (I struggle with depression) and it has helped me immensely. If spending some time with a therapist would help us get through the troubles in our relationship, that would be totally worth it. But I'm not sure that I necessarily need a sort of "life coaching" checkin to make sure that we are on the right path for our relationship goals. I would like to think that we would be communicating with each other what we want with our life and that this sort of thing would be unnecessary (not to mention, unlikely to be covered by insurance). Also, I worry that if someone I was serious with felt they couldn't share their concerns with me, but wanted to bring them out when we were with a life coach, then it would mean we probably have more underlying issues because she wouldn't feel she could bring them to me in private. I suppose if someone I was serious with wanted to do it, I wouldn't object, but I just don't know that it would be a necessary or helpful thing to do. I would totally do premarital counseling though. Most everyone I've known who has gotten married was required to do that by the religious leader officiating it and I think that would absolutely be helpful so that we can be sure that we are okay making this big life decision.
  19. I'm worried about how much this affecting you. You're constantly thinking about it, you're having trouble sleeping, you're even having a hard time working a job. I'm concerned that this might turn into a negative spiral, continuing to make things worse for you if something doesn't change. Another way to put it: if the right person were to walk up to you tomorrow, someone who is marriage material and would be the person who you would share your life with and end your time waiting, would you be too depressed to see them? Definitely talk to some of the folks on here who have been through what you are going through. You're not alone in your struggles. Also, have you ever thought about talking with a spiritual leader or a counselor about this? When I felt like my life was falling apart in much the same way (constant thoughts, trouble sleeping, hard to work or even get out of bed), they really helped me to get my life back to a better place. Perhaps they could do the same for you?
  20. New Member

    Welcome vammm! I'm glad that you've come to peace with what you feel was a mistake and that you're proudly pledging yourself to continue to wait till marriage! It can be a lonely lifestyle, but it certainly becomes a blessing, as many of the successful (married) waiters can attest. Hope to see you around!
  21. Hello WTM!

    Welcome Wanderer! Glad that you're joining the forums! Hope to see you around more often!
  22. Not sure if you are serious or not, but I hope that you would not commit suicide. Yes, it would be extremely heartbreaking to find that out. I would certainly question whether or not I would continue my marriage with that person. But I believe that a lie that someone else told me, even one as huge as that, is not worth as much as my life.
  23. Welcome! It's absolutely important to adhere to your convictions. It can be tough to find a woman who will respect your decision, but you are on the right path. Since this part of the forum is mostly for welcoming folks, you might try the Ask a Successful (Married) Waiter section. There are some there who were men and women virgins who did what you are wanting and met their match, perhaps they would have a lot of wisdom to share.
  24. A bit late to the party here, but the "Facebook chat" at the bottom of the screen has been on every day that I've been on for the last week. So it's not just the Sunday 6 EST timeframe. I've also had some good luck talking with people in the group chat at other times, but you have to wait out for them. Generally, I'll just log in, do other stuff in another tab, and then just wait for someone else to stumble in. It's nice that the link to the chat has a red number showing how many people are there, so if you see a number, just stumble in.
  25. Hello, WTM!

    Welcome Skylark! I think that you have a very healthy view of sexuality, especially what you said about a person's value not being attached to your sexuality. Your reasons for waiting make a lot of sense and I'm glad to hear that you feel your decision to wait honors God, others, and yourself. We'd love to hear more from you, but lurking is good too (does that make you Skylurk? ). Welcome again!