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Everything posted by bethreny

  1. Last Meal?

    Ethiopian food. Beef, lamb, chicken tibs, gomen wot and tons of labneh with my kitfo. Then after I'm done eating all that, I'll eat the injera soaked in all the sauces Mmm I want some now...
  2. Engagement rings?

    It did not matter the size of the ring. I like unique rings, and I like the idea of having one that has a different type of gemstone on it, especially if it had meaning for my husband. Definitely would have worn the wedding band first to save money. I agree with the video that 'tis the Bearded One posted, I really do think the whole thing is somewhat of a scam. That being said, my ring is quite large, especially for me. It really sparkles. Add the wedding band and it's pretty extravagant; much fancier than I would have picked myself. But that's what makes it special. I'm not going to lie: I think it's beautiful, and I love wearing it. But I would have been happy with a much smaller one. I can't even wear mine to work anyways
  3. NYC pastor's list of men/women to avoid marrying

    One more thing I want to add about choosing a partner is that you can try to pick the most perfect person, but people can change. It can be just basic life circumstance that changes them, or even accident and illness. Most young women, especially sheltered women, don't know what to look for in order to avoid an abuser. Dating is the greatest time of deception in a relationship as well, for both parties. To tell them that they should have chosen someone better to marry...isn't that just yet another example of blaming the victim? I would say almost all of them would not choose to be in their position if they could see clearly into the future. I definitely think marriage is for keeps, and I don't take it lightly. But how come adultery is the only sin that suddenly gives someone a free pass to divorce? What about all the sins that lead up to the eventual adultery? I just don't understand how a person could be unfaithful in a million different ways, but as long as they don't put P in V, then their spouse will be doomed to a sexless, loveless marriage and/or life. Sin is sin. We all do it. Sinning against someone repeatedly and without remorse is what is the problem here. Whoops that wasn't one more thing, more like three or four.
  4. NYC pastor's list of men/women to avoid marrying

    'Tis the Bearded One, Yup, I have seen both sides. But in regards to those who I think gave up just because they weren't "happy", I really can't comment on, because I think unless you are in the marriage you don't know the whole story. In regards to Jesus dealing with divorce in the book of Matthew, I don't think I understand what you mean. He addressed it and explained to the people that God gave them that allowance because their hearts were hardened. That doesn't mean that divorce is good, but it was allowed for the protection of a woman and her not being tossed aside with no hope. Sure times are different, but a man who is an abuser has effectively tossed aside his wife. (I could argue that an abuser is worse, because not only does he treat his wife with contempt, but tries to keep her under his thumb of oppression. I have very little sympathy for the abuser.I should mention also that women can be abusers too, but the most extreme cases I have personally encountered have been men) It is extremely rare for an abuser to change his ways. The whole reason that a person would stick it out for that long is because she thinks things will get better. That or she believes it is a mortal sin to divorce. I also reject the idea of comparing suffering an abusive marriage to suffering for Christ. My husband is not my god, and neither should he be Satan himself. I don't think it necessary to wait for adultery to break a union with such a person. I am a direct relative of someone who broke away from her abusive husband for the protection of her children. After enduring his physical and emotional abuse for years, she finally left when he went after the kids directly. Let's not forget there are children involved in most of these situations. These kids have every right to the possibility of a father who is not an a-hole, whether there has been proof of adultery or not. Unfortunately in this situation the woman ended up with an abusive leech later on, but that's her story. And someone who has been in an abusive marriage definitely has to lay in their bed. They have years of garbage to deal with after the fact and often their lives are in danger. God is the God of the oppressed and He sees every tear that the oppressed spouse cries at night when no one else can see. Leaving an abusive marriage does not mean that you don't take marriage seriously, but that sometimes your life and the life of your children are important enough to save. Getting married again and providing for you and yours is not wrong.
  5. NYC pastor's list of men/women to avoid marrying

    " Marrying an older man shortens a woman’s lifespan, but having a younger husband reduces it even more, the study found. The findings, drawn from the medical records of two million Danish couples, suggest that the best a woman can do is marry a man of about the same age. Health records have shown previously that men live longer if they have a younger wife, an effect researchers expected to see mirrored in women who married younger men. However, a woman who is between seven and nine years older than her husband has a 20% greater mortality rate than if she were with a man the same age.†" Um so basically if a woman marries at all, her life will be shortened. But if a man marries a woman his life in lengthened (presumably even if he is younger than her, as that tidbit is conveniently absent). Maybe God does not want women to marry at all, seeing as it's bad for our health. But it makes a man's life maybe God hates women? Of course I don't believe that, just using it to point out that I think cherry picking any study or statistical analysis to prove that a certain decision is wrong (but not quite a *sin*) is not the best idea. Sure, I have done it myself, but it's not the best way to prove a point and way too easy to poke holes in. And he completely disregards the biblical allowance for a certificate of divorce for a woman whose husband has rejected her. No mention of adultery there, and it was intended to release the woman to be married again freely with no adultery accusations. I've known more than one woman who were terribly emotionally abused by their husbands. They had every right to leave, and God has the grace and mercy to pull these women out of abuse into healthy relationships and restoration. I disagree with a lot of what this guy had to say. Basically, do this exactly right. Oh, you did it wrong? Well you made your bed, now lay down. I'll be over here with the favored ones who did it right and don't have God's anger burning against them. I follow the letter, not the spirit.
  6. I have to ask...Orgasms

    I hear what you're saying, cookiemonster. Personally, I think masturbation is much different than the experience of sex, and I don't think you have to do it in order to figure out what you like. Really what it would do is let you know how you orgasm (how much pressure, movement, how long etc). But there is no requirement to figure that out beforehand. It might or might not take a little time for you and your partner to figure out what works if you haven't figured it out for yourself. The excitement would be more if someone else is touching you, and their movements would be different that yours, but your body will still be the same, and will feel the same(though more excited, and I would say more aroused depending on your situation. At least that is my experience.)
  7. How much does money matter?

    Nothing wrong with your car. If it still works? 👠You're good
  8. To christian guys

    I know I'm not a guy, but just wanted to say, the story of this girl breaks my heart. To have gone through such horrible things that I can't even imagine, and still have the ability to tell her story...she sounds like a very strong person to me. That she is going through healing and working through her hopelessness, and able to break free from her past...she sounds amazingly strong. I pray that she finds the kind of man that she is looking for!
  9. Random Thoughts

    I think that is actually a religious dress (possibly some Christian sect, though I don't know which, maybe someone will correct me on that one!). It may be that the KKK ripped off the idea from them initially. It's like the Nazis taking the swastika for their own use. You will see that symbol all over India, but I think it's supposed to represent peace (haha but someone might need to correct me on that too, as I am too lazy to check up on it right now ) That being said, I don't know anyone who would buy those either...
  10. How do you feel about being called "hot?"

    I like being called hot, or sexy. But only one person is allowed to do it as often as he likes 😀 I don't mind someone telling me that, as long as it's not done in a creepy way...Hasn't happened very often, but I have been told I was hot, more in a passing or conversational way, and it made me feel good. It's all in how it's done, I think
  11. PaulJustPaul, Thanks for this post, great insight. This sums up much of how I feel on the subject, just worded and laid out much better than I would have done! I don't expect others to feel the same way as me on this subject, everyone has the right to choose who they want to be with. But I have always thought of it in terms of me being in the other person's shoes. I would hope that I could be given a new beginning also.
  12. Random Thoughts

    Thanks, JesSea! I know there are worse things, but we really liked our bikes...on the upside I'm learning a lot about bike theft prevention technology We'll be prepared next time! (Not that my bike wasn't locked to a rack, in a gated parkade, surrounded by barbed wire😞😛)
  13. Random Thoughts

    Two different bikes. Two different cities. Both bikes stolen over the weekend. Thanks for the $1300 hit. Next time someone tries to steal my bike, I'll be prepared. They will feel my wrath 😡😠Or iust be scared off. Either one will do!
  14. I have to ask...Orgasms

    I think they're pretty important, and I get at least one every time, but I try my best not to keep score or live up to someone else's standard. I know people who can get 5 per session, but I am unable to do that. Every woman is different. If I don't get to orgasm, or not enough times, it takes much longer for me to reach a resting state where I still don't want to keep going. That would be why I think it's important. Otherwise I could keep going to the point of exhaustion...would sex still be good? Of course! But if I didn't have one then my body would feel like I didn't get the full satisfaction. Also, effort always has to be put into it for me, orgasms don't just happen. But I can get one during foreplay because I need a lot of it for sex to not be painful. Also, it's good to have a man who is a combination of patient and determined. Being sexually experienced does not magically give the knowledge to make every woman orgasm. I have to put in effort to make it happen (I don't agree with the woman laying there and making the man put in all the effort), but without my husband's cooperation it would probably not happen. Ok, this got a little more in detailed than I planned...I'm just going to hit post and hope for the best 😶
  15. How do you Men control yourselves?

    I have a problem with everything from air fresheners, to personal cosmetics, to dish soap. Even some "natural" ones. Deodorants are usually ok, but only because I don't have to stick my head in people's armpits I was very fortunate to find a guy who had no problem ditching all of that stuff, and did not complain about it once 😊 Actually the more time he spends with me, the more he dislikes the scents that seem to be absolutely everywhere. Neither of us wear deodorant, and I have a good deodorant recipe for if I need some (i tend to only need it if I'm sick and/or very stressed). Oh yes, on the very few dates I had ever been on, I made sure to let them know of my condition. I tried to give all those guys a chance, and that might have made me real set against them right off the bat. Ok, getting OT here, but the right girl is out there for you (yeah sounds trite, but I mean you will find someone who is more than fine with it!) I don't think it's something that would scare me off at all
  16. Just as a note, at Bible studies, I always noticed the guys who seemed to have a gentle spirit, who liked to discuss scripture, and gave of a general feeling that they were not just there to meet girls. I tended to be turned off by the guys who just came to flirt... hmm maybe that was my problem? But I bet there are girls there who feel like you do
  17. I spent many years going to young adult meetings, bible studies, concerts, etc etc, and feel I had a similar experience. I am pretty shy, but I would usually know someone there, so its not like I sat in the corner not saying anything. I can kind of understand how you feel, but from a girl's perspective. Guys rarely remembered my name, and usually were pretty disinterested in me in general. Or at least that's how it felt. I always felt like an outsider. My husband has asked me many times how it was possible that I never ended up with any of those guys, and stayed single until I was 28...I have no good answer. It still brings up emotions and feelings of rejection when I think about it, but I bet that I was not the only one in the room who felt that way.(I also don't think it reflects on how attractive I am; becasue I know that I am attractive, and it didn't make sense to me that no one was interested, or that they couldn't seem to remember my name at all) I don't know how old you are, DHZ, but you can't let the fact that you are single control your life and every thought. You moght end up looking back at your 20s wishing you had spent your time doing something else, because there was no way you would have been able to meet you wife until the time comes, and all your worrying did not help.
  18. Hey voulaki726 (and Noga!), I was a virgin, married someone who wasn't, so I understand your feelings. There were things about my husband's sexual past I did not time goes on, however, I think about it much less. It would only be a concern if he thought there was nothing wrong with what he did before. I'm not saying that I think he should walk around in shame, but that it shouldn't be something that he looks at as just something great he did one night... I don't think it feels like they are having sex for the first time (that would just be wishful thinking on my part!), but it would be the first time with you, with the intention that you will be the last. That is what would make it special. I don't probe for sexual comparisons from my husband because I don't want the thought of any previous partner to taint the sex that I enjoy. Also, I think I'm a pretty great wife! I'm not trying to sound full of myself, but I don't feel insecure of my 'abilities', sexual or otherwise. I don't even think about it most of the time,what consumes my thoughts more is "why do you keep drinking directly out of the cream container!?l" and "please, for the love of all that is good, eat more vegetables while you are working out of town..." If your standard is virgin...then you would be lowering your standards, so it would be normal to feel that way. But it's important to remember that sex isn't a competition. You aren't trying one-up anyone, and they definitely should not treat it that way either. Also, if a man is acting like your teacher, and not letting you figure it out for yourself...well yeah that should bother you. Mostly because: he can't tell you what you like. Only you can tell him that. In the same way, you can't tell what he likes either, unless he lets you know. So in a sense, you will teach each other, whether you are a virgin or not. If a man acts like a know-it-all about what you will like....he does not know it all. And what a turn-off that would be!
  19. Dances With Wolves bluray extended edition technically still watching it!
  20. Adultery and Restrictions on Freedoms

    'tis the Bearded One Even being someone who would be open to reconciliation, I think the spouse who has been cheated on has very right to not take the person back, no matter how repentant they are. As for the spouse who did not have "actual sex", it would depend on what they did. Was it just emotional, or was it gross sexual talk and/or cyber sex? If it's the latter, you're toast, unless you can change that behaviour. If you are talking about how the kids would react, it depends on the kids, the reason why, and their age. They might not understand when they're younger, but maybe when they grow up. Either way it would be tough on them. :/
  21. Adultery and Restrictions on Freedoms

    @Noga (my phone wouldn't let me quote you right now, oh well!) I understand you not wanting to make a plan b. My friend never planned on her husband cheating on her either, and she was a waiter. I think knowing what you would do helps, but either way, you're lost when it happens to you. You would never expect someone you give your life to to treat you that way. My husband and I have talked about it, before we started dating and after, but it's probably because he has been cheated on before, so it was something we needed to discuss openly. I think talking about it is something good to do, though I know it makes people feel uncomfortable. It was another way for us to become closer I guess. Even though I have thought about what I would do, if that ever happened, I don't know how it would be implemented, especially if I had kids. I have seen people become completely different from what you knew ( I'm sure we all have), and the shock is enough to make you question your own judgement so much that it's hard to make decisions. You're right though, having to keep an eye on a man for what might be the rest of my thanks!
  22. Adultery and Restrictions on Freedoms

    This issue hits very close to home, as someone very close to me had her life torn apart by her husband's adultery, so going from what I have learned from her, I would have very strict guidelines if a cheating husband wanted to win me back. I would want to know about every person he had cheated with, because that is my right. I would want him to cut out friends who were enablers and encouraged what he did. He would be off social media. I would want access to his email and phone and any other communication that he uses. (I am not controlling like this normally, I don't check out my husband's phone or emails because he gets my trust. Once that trust is broken though, look out) If he worked with anyone he cheated with, or the nature of work facilitated his cheating, he'd be getting a new job, even if he had to make less money. He would go into therapy by himself first and then with me if he made it far enough. I would seek out my own counsellor. I would even move to a new house/neighborhood. Basically life would be very different from then on, and I would consider reconciliation as starting "fresh", at least as much as possible. So that means no sex, back to square one. If he's not going to respect the marriage vows that he made, he can consider himself not married to me. I think only time can determine whether a turnaround is genuine. People are good actors, and can do it for quite a while. I would expect anyone to tell me if a spouse that I was considering taking back was still doing things behind my back, and I would hope I had the guts to let them know also.
  23. How do you Men control yourselves?

    That sucks. I have a really bad perfume allergy, which makes almost anywhere there are people a potentially bad place to be, and prevents me leaving the house when it's very bad. I'm sure it helped to keep me single for most of my 20s Sorry to hear that, Daz
  24. My wedding was immediate family only (16 people including kids), was performed outside with a commissioner, and we did skeet shooting out on my uncle's property to celebrate. Then we had a BBQ. it was the best wedding had ever been to, because it was what we wanted. I have a massive extended family, so we are planning on having a reception later on. There are also many people that I would have loved to share the day with but couldn't because I didn't have the budget or time to put it together I'll be honest, having a larger wedding is good, especially if you're starting out as a couple who is not living together. It would have been helpful for us to have had a gift registry and been helped out with getting dishes for our kitchen. We bought a small set from value village and are using some mason jars to drink out of, not that I'm complaining. But the wedding gifts would have been helpful, so I can definitely see how a person would like that aspect of it, as well as having more friends and family to share the day witg
  25. Am I virgin or not?

    Hey, trying, just wanted to give you some insight from my perspective. I had my first kiss when I was 28, and 7.5 months later was married to the same person. He was not a virgin. Honestly, what bothered me about him not being a virgin isn't that his penis had been inside anyone's vagina but mine, bit that he had shared that intimate connection with anyone but me. The kind of connection that i only ever wanted to share with one person, sometimes on more casual terms than i would have liked. I even considered anyone that he had just "fooled around" with as someone he had been with. I'll be honest. I screwed up a bit. After we had decided to get married, we went farther physically than I wanted. And honestly, in many ways i didn't consider myself a virgin, because I had shared a special connection with someone that I had with no other. We didn't have penetrative sex, but man did it get close. He still considered me a complete virgin, but by my standards, i did not feel that way. You have to understand that a woman who has remained a virgin well into her 20s (I'm assuming that would be your age range ) would most likely consider what you have done as having sex. So though you may find your virgin, she may not view your virgin status in the same way. If this is something that is a big deal for you, please have this discussion in your relationships as soon as you can.