Belle Femme

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Everything posted by Belle Femme

  1. This is what we call an ad hominem.
  2. Red or Blue?

    Je veux parler toutes les langues!!!!
  3. Uh, yeah, with my background in history and knowledge in analyzing primary sources I'd challenge the authenticity of it. Asking people to stop making scientific claims with zero supporting evidence is not an attack. You'll notice I haven't challenged or dismissed a single comment regarding personal preferences in regards to marriage. I just think it's wrong to state something unequivocally as scientific fact when it's not.
  4. Here's the bio of the author of the "blog" I cited. You linked to a website that teaches men how to bed women. I think there's a slight difference in caliber here.
  5. A WordPress blog that provides dating advice? Yeah, okay, let's pretend to take the pseudo-science that someone left in the comments seriously for a second. Google any lines from the scientific mumbo-jumbo and find me a legitimate source to back it up. What I found did not. Source Source Yes, female brains have a larger limbic system, but science does not take that and conclude, "The combined over influence from irrational, emotional centers of the brain together with the propensity to bounce around frenetically between hemispheres, leads to a less rational, more emotional product." WSJ requires a subscription, so I can't even access an abstract. Steadfast already quoted from the BBC. That leaves The Guardian, which is a summary of a scientific study. I read the entire scientific study instead. I'll quote from the conclusion. (Emphasis mine) Yes, this study concludes there are brain differences between men and women and behavioral differences between men and women. It does NOT conclude causation between the two. Furthermore, none of the significant sex differences have anything to do with one sex being better suited to leadership, the workforce, or parenting. Also, the one complementary behavioral study that can be accessed concluded that sex differences were eliminated once factoring in self-perception of skill, aka socialized thoughts/behavior. In fact, considering the behavioral sex differences were greatest in the 12-14 age set, when peer pressure is often at its worst and self-selected friend groups are largely one sex, one could argue their experiences impact both their brain differences and behavioral differences. It's scientific fact that our experiences impact our brains, even from infancy.
  6. Higher Education

    I think it's obvious at this point that I read quite often, I stay informed on current events, I speak two languages, I argue with supporting evidence, I'm interested in the historical context of the Bible, and I can easily read a scientific study and tear apart an inaccurate conclusion. While it's certainly possible to have comparable interests and skill sets without a college degree, my experience indicates that there is a correlation between intelligent conversation and a four-year degree. I am happy to "dumb myself down" in social situations to make people of lesser intelligence feel comfortable, but I could never do that with a partner. In fact, Beau told me when he got home from our first date that he couldn't remember the last time he'd had such an interesting and intelligent conversation. If money were no object, and it were easy to find the right program in the right geographical region, I would be in grad school pursuing my Ph.D. in feminist theology. I read my friends' theses for their grad degrees for fun. For that matter, I used to edit college and grad papers for fun.
  7. I agree that any desire that doesn't have to be forced is a desire that feels comfortable to that person, is a desire that would be easy for that person to live out. But if "natural" means "existing in or caused by nature; not made or caused by humankind" or "a person regarded as having an innate gift or talent for a particular task or activity," then I disagree that certain desires are natural. I think they are socialized. I think they are taught. For example, it would be easy for a person to just say they're not good at cooking, that it doesn't come "naturally." I wasn't born with an ability to cook. I observed my parents cooking, and I wanted to learn. I started off helping, moved to cooking alone with supervision, and eventually cooked entire meals by myself. I was also given the freedom to screw up in the kitchen, without fear of repercussions. The first time I made chili, it was awful. I felt guilty because I wasted two pounds of ground beef, but my parents very kindly told me it was okay, and I was learning, and I would do better next time. For a long time, my twin brother had no interest in cooking. He learned to cook at a much older age than I did. And then he became an excellent cook because he practiced. My younger brother is probably the best cook, not because he's had more practice or he has more talent, but because he has the most passion for it. He's watched so many cooking shows, read gourmet cook books, and even learned how to "plate" things nicely. None of that is natural--it's all learned. Yes, I concur with this sentiment. I disagree with the previous comments in this thread that these complementary behaviors are dictated by biology.
  8. Oh, and to address the initial question, Beau and I have an egalitarian marriage. I could lead if necessary--I AM the breadwinner at the moment--but I married him because his skill sets complement my own. Yeah, he does car stuff and woodworking, so I guess that's "masculine," but he's also taken over all the grocery shopping and cooking, plus more than half of the cleaning, while he's been unemployed the last ten weeks or so. He's also even more cuddly and affectionate than I am. He's also better at taking care of me when I'm sick than I am at taking care of him when he's sick. And despite all of his lack of experience with kids/babies, he's done very well baby-sitting our friends' 1-year-old on two occasions, one of which was by himself. We're both incredibly rational, to the point that when I find myself irrationally emotional, I know I'm being irrational and just wait for the tide of emotions to stop before I do anything. And I get really annoyed when people behave in irrational ways, even if I understand the emotional impetus behind their behavior. Oh, and when I still just had my learning permit, I was driving with my mom around a curve on the highway, and an 18-wheeler had decided to illegally pass about four cars. If I hadn't slammed on my brakes and swerved to the right, my mom and I would have been killed. You really don't know what you would do until you're the one behind the wheel, so I'd hardly cite that as an example of logic vs. emotion.
  9. [Citation needed] [Citation needed] [Citation needed] [Citation needed] Sorry, y'all, but science doesn't exactly agree with the "it's biology!" argument. Neither does history. Or reality. While there are some biological and evolutionary arguments to be made regarding "innate" gender differences, they are heavily criticized in multiple ways by other scientists. Oh, and if you REALLY think "biology" is what makes men "more rational" and "better equipped to lead," just know that the biological argument that supports that theory simultaneously supports the theory that men are "biologically" inclined to rape. To read an overview of the biological arguments and the many criticisms of them, with sources galore to scientific studies, check out this free online chapter called Understanding Sex and Gender. It also includes some fascinating summaries of cultures across the globe who do NOT follow what we would call traditional gender roles. This academic study has to be purchased, but you can read the abstract for free, which includes the conclusion that sex differences are cultural rather than biological. Another academic study where only the summary is available for free. For a perspective that is not scientific, but observational and relational, I recommend the parenting blog Pigtail Pals and Ballcap Buddies. The author published her first book last year called Redefining Girly. Her blog chronicles her experiences with her children--one girl, one boy--and the challenges parents face in raising kids in a media-saturated world that tries to box in girls and boys. There's a lot on the early sexualization of girls and on toxic masculinity for boys. Aka she examines how boys and girls are socialized to act a certain way that has nothing to do with biology. If you're more interested in history, Rejected Princesses is an AWESOME blog that chronicles badass (sometimes scarily evil) women throughout history, along with cool illustrations for each one. If you read EVERYTHING I've linked here, and you STILL think biology is the cause of "sex differences," which, again, are not present across all cultures, then we'll have to agree to disagree. I'd be interested in your sources, though, since no one has bothered citing any yet.
  10. The Official Shout-out Thread

    I'm blushing! You're too kind.
  11. Chivalry: Appreciated or sexist?

    One time in Paris, I was on the metro when a man carrying his baby got on. All the men sitting down ignored him, but a woman immediately jumped up and offered him her seat. Only then did the other men react and try to offer her their seat, but she politely turned them all down. One man refused to sit back down, so there was just an empty seat as they both stood, which I thought was a little ridiculous. The whole thing came across as a ridiculous power play at that point, when the woman was just trying to make a nice gesture to a person with a baby.
  12. How do you feel about Miss, Ms, and Mrs?

    Yeah, in the South they all sound exactly the same. It's very much a Mizzz sound. At 27, the only people who should be calling me Miss are old. The vast majority of people, friends and strangers alike, have called me/addressed formal mail with Ms. since I entered college. I'm not sure the exact age according to formal etiquette that it changes, but I definitely started receiving the respect and courtesy of adulthood when I started undergrad at 18. And when I was still in the South, the "ma'am"ing started at about 18 too. I didn't change my name when I got married, so I'm still Ms. Femme. And it frustrates me to no end when people who know me call me Mrs. Mari. My name has a lot of significance to me, and it's hurtful when people can't care enough about me to use my name.
  13. Alcohol??

    It was my first Christmas without my family because I couldn't afford to fly home. My friend and I traveled together and treated ourselves to one perfect, expensive meal. It's easily the most expensive meal I've ever purchased (90 euros for everything; set price and menu). It's also the only meal I had with official wine pairings. It was truly one of the highlights of my two years living in France. One day I hope to do something like that again!
  14. Alcohol??

    Maybe the reason that basically every consumer of alcohol in this forum listed for drinking? We like the way it tastes. I spent 2 1/2 hours last night slowly sipping and greatly savoring 1 1/2 glasses of Haut Médoc, my favorite French wine. Drinking Haut Médoc is easily one of the top most exquisite flavor sensations I've ever had. In fact, the only other tasting experiences I've had that were better were expensive meals at nice restaurants. And the best of those meals, in Bordeaux on Christmas Eve 2010, involved eight courses over three hours accompanied by four different kinds of wine described to us by the sommelier. It's fine that you think the four reasons you listed to drink alcohol are stupid. But you're ignoring what everyone else has said about why we drink, and I find that very haughty and dismissive.
  15. Chivalry. Dead or Dormant?

    Dave, I say this as kindly and genuinely as possible, but have you considered seeing a therapist? The posts in this thread are not the first time you have exhibited low self-esteem, and I wonder if that is interfering with your ability to meet or attract women. Vince wrote some great stuff about not allowing yourself to be taken advantage of, and also not getting too jaded by your negative experiences. I just think that maybe talking to a therapist could help you feel more confident and also less pessimistic.
  16. OK, girls. Weddings...

    My younger brother got ordained online! He co-officiated our wedding ceremony. The only reason we also had the regular church minister was so he could help with the organization and the flow of the ceremony. My little brother did our secular readings and said some really nice stuff about us. He also concluded the ceremony with the official, legal statement declaring us married. He's been the officiant of a few of his friend's weddings now, and apparently he's even been approached by wedding guests to find out which church is his! They were disappointed to find out he's not the minister of a church.
  17. Alcohol??

    There is nothing quite as delectable as a glass of French red wine in the fall/winter or an icy cold beer in the spring/summer. I'm also partial to sparkling wine and beverages mixed with sparkling wine. And you haven't really lived until you've had that glass of French red wine with a crusty baguette and creamy cheese picked up at local boulangerie and market.
  18. Beau's proposal was just between the two of us, but I had told him in advance I wanted it filmed. I think I've watched the video several dozen times over the last 13 months or so. I like being able to share it with our friends and family, and I like being able to relive it. What's important to remember is that people are individuals. Just because you have a certain preference in a proposal doesn't mean that yours is better or more sincere than someone else's. An acquaintance of mine recently shared her proposal story to Facebook, and while I thought it was over-the-top, she was obviously thrilled with the thought her fiancé put into the whole thing. My best friends had a very private proposal, just the two of them, no video or pictures or anything. The right proposal depends on the couple.
  19. Kissing Under the Mistletoe?

    If I were under the mistletoe with someone other than my husband, I'd go for a peck on the cheek, or if that person were taller than I am, s/he could kiss the top of my head.
  20. Chivalry. Dead or Dormant?

    Chivalry is dead. Long live politeness for everyone!
  21. Social Media Accounts!

    Are any of y'all on Twitter or Tumblr, Pinterest, or Instagram? I'm always looking for new, interesting accounts to follow. Here are mine! Twitter: @SaBelleFemme Tumblr: BelleVierge Pinterest: BelleVierge Instagram: bellefille87 Share your links below! I could use some diversity in my feeds.
  22. Introductions

  23. Men's Physical Attractiveness

    In regards to online dating, just keep in mind that the women you're contacting are quite possibly bombarded with messages. The summer I met my husband, I had 12 or more NEW guys contact me almost every day. Add them into the conversations I'd already started and attempted to continue... I simply didn't have enough hours in the day to reply to everyone, no matter how interesting and/or attractive.
  24. Compliments....

    Men on this website (for anyone not paying attention, this entire website is focused on the concept of saving sex for marriage, which is a statistical anomaly worldwide) have also said that the women here are "different" and "give them hope." Statements said on this website cannot be removed from the context that a bunch of minority intentional virgins are suddenly discovering that other intentional virgins exist. When (straight) men and women say on this website that the opposite sex here are "different," the context is that the people here are WTM, which is statistically different from most of the world's population. This comment has a very specific meaning. Context is everything. Like Sio said, the general application of "you're not like other girls" is to 1) buy into generalized, sexist assumptions about women and 2) reject traditionally "feminine" traits. Furthermore, look at the two lines you quoted. You yourself said that women will tell you "you're different from all the jerks out there" which is NOT the opposite of "you're not like other girls." Saying that you're different from jerks is not saying that all men are jerks, but saying you're different from all other girls is saying that something is wrong with all other girls. Also, when you criticize half the world's population all at once by making a broad, sexist generalization about them, you ARE being a misogynist. Vince, you're an Asian man, right? Anytime you want to make a generalization about all women, ask yourself first if you'd be okay with someone making the same generalization about all Asians. If it would be racist to say about all Asians, then it's sexist to say about all women.
  25. Need some Advice...

    Sure, if any of the examples she provided were abusive. I don't understand how his parents saying "they're too young" and they "need to enjoy life and not rush into things" can be considered rude and sarcastic. Out of all the examples she quoted of rude comments they made, the only one that sounds even close to rude is the one about the grass, which doesn't even make sense to me. If OP is leaving out worse details, then I might change my opinion of her situation. But right now she sounds like she's completely given up on any relationship with her SO's parents solely because they disagree with their son getting married so young.