Belle Femme

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Everything posted by Belle Femme

  1. Last names?

    Like Steadfast said, I've answered elsewhere, but not here. I'm married, and I kept my last name. My entire name is a huge part of my identity. My first and middle names are for both of my grandmothers. My last name is the same as my dad's side of the family, who have been in my hometown for over 100 years and have a street named after us. My entire name is connected to so many important people in my life, and I wouldn't want to change any of it. I spent almost 27 years with my name. Why would I want to change it? Even as a kid, I never doodled Mrs. Johnathon Taylor Thomas or anything like that. (First celebrity crush--we all have them!) Plus there's also a galaxy with my first and last name. Not just a star. A whole galaxy shares my name. Also my name flows really prettily. It would not flow as nicely with Beau's last name. Our names sound good together, though (not all names hyphenate well), so our kids will have our hyphenated names. Or we might give them a blended name, since we've also come up with both a joke blended name and a real one that's pretty good. I also don't really understand the reasoning that people need to share a name to feel like family. If you need that, fine, whatever works for you. But I feel much more connected and closer to my mom's side of the family, despite all of them having one name and me having my dad's name. I also feel incredibly close to my in-laws, who have totally embraced me as one of their own, even though I didn't take Beau's name. I mean, we spend a lot of time with his mom's side of the family, and I feel close to them too, even though my own husband doesn't share their name. Family is about love and commitment and the constant choice to make those people a priority. It's not about sharing a name.
  2. A 35-year-old man looking to date a woman in her mid-to-late 20s doesn't necessarily have any baggage, which is probably why waitingforcats said she'd date 9 years older, or 35. A 40-year-old man looking to date a woman in her mid-to-late 20s probably DOES have emotional baggage. Either he is single after having had some serious relationship, marriage or otherwise, or he is single because his values/goals as a younger man didn't include marriage, or he is single because of some personal problem that has prevented him from being in a relationship. While not all people would qualify those three potential reasons for singledom as "baggage," I certainly do. In regards to the age thing with online dating, I know both men and women (myself included) who have admitted to putting a smaller age range than their actual preferred one. I was on OKCupid when I was 23-24. At the time, my actual range for dating was 20-29. After tons of men in their 30s AND 40s contacted me, I edited my range to 20-27. I still received messages from men aged 28-32, but I was no longer getting contacted by guys 15+ years older than I was. Which is a long way of saying that if you see a woman's profile who puts 32 as her highest age, but you think you two have a lot in common, send her a message anyway. She might be willing to budge on a few years if she's interested.
  3. I met my husband when I was 24, on OKCupid. I realize you don't want to make the first move, but at 29, sitting passively and waiting to be noticed won't help you find a significant other. Are you involved in other activities with single people, besides church? Like an art class, or sports team, or even volunteer work? (Not that I'm advocating volunteer work as a way to meet men... But we've all done it, right?) The first step in finding a significant other is just meeting more people, period. I also don't know what online dating options are available in London, but you might want to look into them. Having talked to a LOT of people who have tried different forms of online dating, success varies wildly depending on location. Some cities have tons of interesting people with all sorts of backgrounds and values on online dating; others are just a cesspool of people looking for sex. But you won't know what's available until you try!
  4. I'm married, but I'll answer hypothetically. I'm 27, for the record. Youngest would be 25. Oldest would be 30. I understand that some people are okay with wide age gaps, but I'm creeped out by the guys who always want to date younger.
  5. Or get your wingperson to say, "Have you met Ted?"
  6. In love

    Beau and I weren't even "official" yet when I started having feelings I'd never had before. Like a proper nerd, I googled "how to know you're in love" and "signs you're in love." After reading several informative articles, I deduced I was in love with him. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few weeks later. We had to wait a month after that until we finally saw each other again to finally say it to each other.
  7. Valentine's Day

    Beau and I have never really done anything big for Valentine's Day. We're more likely to celebrate in a way that's unique to us, like watching Star Trek, drinking beer, and eating boneless wings. So that would be my recommendation, do something special for y'all, not something generically romantic (unless you like that! we love candles!). Get tickets to something special, or cook your favorite meal, or do your favorite activity. Whatever y'all really like.
  8. My basilisk wants to Slytherin your Chamber of Secrets Platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements Is that a wand in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me? Yes, I'm a huge Harry Potter geek.
  9. I'm religious, but I married an atheist. He's asleep right now, so you'll have to wait for him to respond.
  10. YESSSSSS, my favorite kind of libertarian. One who genuinely understands the differences between private/personal preferences and laws inflicting those preferences on all people. One who still believes in individual generosity and understands privilege! You can be friends with my libertarian husband and me. Not to brag, but we totally met Gary Johnson earlier this year.
  11. New Years Resolution

    I don't make New Year's resolutions. A goal for just a single year doesn't work well for me. I've started setting small, monthly goals. I don't always accomplish them, but I do always end up improving myself at the end of each month. My biggest December goal will roll over into the new year, though. My Crohn's has gotten worse this year, and I've lost 12 pounds since June. I was already underweight by 5 pounds in June. So my goal has been to improve my health and gain weight. One of my Christmas presents was a digital scale to help me track my weight.
  12. Non-Fundamentalist Religions and Chastity

    Not all Christians believe that premarital sex is a sin. I would posit that more tolerant Christian denominations would be more likely not to think premarital sex is a sin, but I don't have any specific experience to support that theory.
  13. Not to make a broad statement about most men and women. It's an anecdote, not data.
  14. Like the vast majority of my comments in this thread with multiple links to scientific studies?
  15. Based on the timing of his comment, and the mirrored language to the previous comments, it was a fair extrapolation to assume he was chiming in with the previous scientifically inaccurate statements. Vince, if I hurt your feelings by drawing the wrong conclusion from your statement, I apologize. We're seriously continuing with the massive generalizations with zero supporting evidence?
  16. I just needed to vent.

    Yeah, you're EVIL, Vince.
  17. If someone states their opinion, even without clarifying it's their opinion (cats are better than dogs vs. IMHO cats are better than dogs), that's totally cool. As I stated previously, I have no problems with that, and as I stated previously, if you look in this thread, I haven't disagreed with anything like that. But if you make a SCIENTIFIC CLAIM in your "opinion," then you're not stating an opinion; you're trying to state a fact. And I won't apologize for pointing out your facts are wrong.
  18. If you could have one wish...

    I'd wish for a cure for all cancer, and for that cure not to have any side effects.
  19. I just needed to vent.

    I have no idea what you're talking about. Yeah, I call out all the sexist bullshit I see on this website, but I do so with facts and scientific sources. And I call out men and women equally. That's a far cry from "picking on men."
  20. Higher Education

    I would be interested to see everyone's responses alongside their ideal working situation within marriage. That is, how do your ideas about your spouse's education line up with your desire for a housewife or SAHM, number of kids, etc. If you anticipate being the sole breadwinner, I imagine your spouse's education--and career potential--is less important. If you anticipate taking time off work to raise kids, your spouse's education--and earning potential--is more important.
  21. Your thoughts on this article.

    Eh, it's interesting, and I agree with his criticism of abstinence-only education, and his understanding of the Bible is pretty good. His history needs some work, though, as does his interpretation of statistics. Oh, and dude needs to stop with the MASS generalizations. I'm pretty sure that most American men aren't trying their hardest to avoid marriage. I call bullshit. Flappers were women with financial means, so hardly the entire population of women in the 20s, so their sexual activity doesn't reflect that of all women. Older societies often took an engagement much more seriously than we do today, like it was basically the marriage before God, and so having sex after a formal betrothal, but before the wedding, was okay. That wasn't considered fornication. And the reason 40% of women today aren't pregnant on their wedding day is because of a little thing I like to call birth control. And the divorce rate has never actually been 50%. I'm only working a half-day, so I need to get a lot done this morning. Otherwise I'd pull up some precise sources on the flappers and engagement. I also regret not having more time to pick this article apart. Pretty much the only thing he says that's not dripping with sexism is that women have needs and desires too.
  22. This paper is a fairly short overview of the two main theories regarding rape, being biological or cultural. It's from 2001, so the studies cited are a bit older, but it is important to consider changing scientific theories over time and how they affect subsequent research and even the legal system. You can also look at summaries and reviews of the controversial book A Natural History of Rape, which argues an evolutionary theory for male rape. The fact that some cultures have a very low occurrence of rape, while other cultures (including America) have a relatively high occurrence of rape, indicates cultural causes and not biological ones. This study only has the abstract available for free. There's another article by the same anthropologist comparing rape-prone and rape-free college campuses. In short, more modern theories and studies as to why people rape indicate cultural or sociological factors, not biological ones. Oh, and while I concur that men are more prone to committing sexual violence than women are, in America, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 7 men are victims of Intimate Partner Violence. That link is to the CDC, who conducted their first widespread IPV survey in 2010, looking at forms of sexual violence including but not limited to rape.
  23. If you could freeze one moment in time...

    My answer would have to be under VDA...
  24. Calling myself intelligent is now the equivalent of calling other people stupid? Your last several posts have added nothing further to this discussion except to misconstrue a discussion as an attack, question my character, and deliberately twist my words. If you don't have anything constructive to say, maybe consider saying nothing at all.
  25. Actually, I'm just intelligent enough to differentiate between fact and opinion. As I stated above, I have no problem with people's personal opinions regarding gender roles within their own marriages. However, as evidenced by the multiple scientific studies I provided, plus observations of one published parent and historical chronicles of women, it is not factual to state that men are more logical or better equipped to lead due to biological sex differences.