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Everything posted by CrystalFaerie

  1. To the non virgin girls

    I'm terribly unqualified to answer the original question in this thread (complete virgin, never so much as kissed someone, longest relationship lasted something like 3-4 months) but I wanted to give a perspective on the idea that dating someone with experience is sharing them with their previous partners. I've been very close to a few people in my life - friends, family, partners. Each of them is unique in their own way, and I care about them all deeply. I view it like each of them having a little piece of my heart inside them, even the ones I'm not in touch with anymore. But that doesn't mean that my heart is diminished, and that I can't love them individually and equally. Slight tangent: take, for example, my childhood best friend, let's call her N, and my current best friend, let's call him V. N was a sweet, emotional girl who liked to dance, read and relax alone with me in nature. V is boisterous, sensitive but pragmatic, and likes to tell jokes and go to social activities. My personality is closer to N's, and sometimes I wish that V would be more willing to do the things I used to do with her. But that doesn't take away from my friendship with V, not in the least. They're both different, and there are things I do with V that N wouldn't have enjoyed either. I don't constantly compare them or wish that I was still friends with N instead of V. Yes, I still care about N and I hope that she's happy whatever she's doing. But V is my best friend now, and I'm so, so glad he is. Just because N was my best friend before him doesn't make my friendship with V any less special. What I mean to say is that the human heart is wonderfully good at loving. There's a lot more room in it for new love than we tend to think. To give another example, a lot of mothers are afraid of loving their second child as much as their first, but they quickly realise that there's enough love in them for both, because each child is their own individual person and it's like loving for the first time all over again. We give out little pieces of our heart to those we care about, but somehow, our heart stays whole and just as ready to love again. Or rather, it's like the pieces we gave out grow back every time, but differently. We don't share them. We create new ones, and we do it all the time. For friends. For family. For children. For crushes. And for romantic partners. It's true that giving your heart to your girlfriend or boyfriend isn't the same as giving it to your friend. I completely understand the romantic aspect of being the first and only person your partner has ever loved, and how exciting it is to discover everything together. But, in my opinion, it says a lot about a person's heart that they gave it to someone else, were hurt, and yet were willing to start all over again with you. It takes strength to love without fear. Honestly, I think I would rather share my partner's heart with a thousand other people than to be the only one they gave it to. Because it shows just how much they care, and how willing they are to keep caring despite things not always having worked out. I gave my heart to my ex-boyfriends and I even give it to my crushes. But that won't take away from any future relationships, because each person is unique. And for each new person I love it's like I have a whole new heart to love them with. (Finally, to get this post back on track with the topic of the thread, I'd like to add that my opinion is different when it comes to sex. (Duh, otherwise I wouldn't be here.) Sex is an actual commitment, and a physical and intimate expression of love. For me, it means opening up completely and entirely to one person - it's what separates a long-term relationship from a "forever" one. While I can understand how you can love a new partner after leaving an old one, I'm just as curious as you guys as to how people relate to new partners who aren't just romantic but also sexual.)
  2. I like physical contact, but only with my close friends, my family, and anyone I'm romantically interested in. To me, touching someone is quite a personal exchange and demands trust - I mean, the person touching you could grab you, pull you, do anything to you, not that I expect them to but on an instinctual level, you're in a vulnerable position. I love it when I'm in physical contact with people I'm close to, and I'm constantly touching them, coming up from behind to hug them, resting against them and so on, but I'm not in the least comfortable having physical contact with people I'm not close to. If I allow you to touch me, it means I like you very much I'm also not the type to initiate contact. Since I myself don't like it unless I know the person well, I'm conscious that others might be like me and so I'll wait for them to make the move. Otherwise, I tend to mirror their behaviour. If they're touchy feely and I'm comfortable with that, I'll touch them back, but if they're not, I'll keep my distance. Obviously, the problem lies in the fact that some people don't like to initiate either On one hand, it's reassuring to know that there are others like me and that we can take our time becoming comfortable around each other. But on the other hand, it makes relationships difficult if both parties are waiting for the other to make the move!
  3. Random Thoughts

    Things I wish I could say when people answer my texts one week late: Thanks for your answer but you could've said earlier, I was kind of depending on you to make plans for this week Things I say when people answer my texts one week late: There's no need to apologise, it doesn't matter, I'm a patient person anyway I'm such a pushover.
  4. Disclaimer: I'm not Christian. (I think pretty much everyone is aware of that now, but you never know :P) I think the main point of that video is to tell women to stop trying to define themselves through their love interests, which is a great thing (and something men should do too). What's she's saying is that you're a great person regardless of whether or not your crush likes you back. The thing is that if you're placing all your self-worth on one person, that person will feel it, and you will come off to them as desperate. It's better to work on your self-confidence in yourself and your beliefs first, so that your love interest will feel it and if you enter into a relationship, you will be two whole people who complement each other, not two people codependent on each other for their self-worth. As for the religion stuff, my first instinct was to wonder who this woman is? Where does she get her information from? Who told her that "the man God has for you will pursue you"? Her word isn't any more trustworthy just because it's on YouTube. To me, it sounds a little bit too much like she's encouraging complacency - it reminds me of that joke where there's a flood and a man tells all the rescuers that God will save him, but he drowns and when he asks God what happened, God tells him he sent the rescuers in the first place. What if the person who's perfect for you has been in front of you all along, but neither of you know you're perfect for each other because you've never talked? What if one or both of you is shy? Every relationship is different. Some are set in motion by the man, true, but sometimes it's the woman and things work just fine too. The woman from this video doesn't know you, she doesn't know your personality and she doesn't know your prospective love interests. Personally, I'm of the opinion that the person with the feelings should pursue. If both parties have feelings, then the bravest one -whether male or female - should initiate. I've crushed on shy guys, and on guys whom I rarely saw and who were barely aware of my existence, and if I hadn't made a move, I would never have stood a chance. On the other hand, I know that a lot of Christians believe that the man should initiate, so you may see things differently. The bottom line is that your love interest is less likely to initiate or reciprocate if they sense that you're desperate. The rest may have some Biblical basis, but as far as I can see, it's just this woman's opinion.
  5. Siblings?

    I'm the big sister. I have a little sister who is two years younger than me, and for a long time it was just the two of us. Now I have two little sisters-in-name (they're technically my stepsisters but I don't like the term, it makes me think of evil stepsisters in fairytales) who are currently 5 and 2. So now we're four sisters
  6. Hey, it's Mark...Just Checking In!

    Yep, that's basically what I've been doing too. I like talking to you guys but there comes a point where I just don't really have anything to add to the discussion that I haven't said before… I would be very much in favour of adding more general discussions, because I do love this community and it would be a shame to see it fade into inactivity!
  7. Hey, it's Mark...Just Checking In!

    Mark!!! I know we never really talked much but it's great to hear from you! I keep meaning to check your blogs but I couldn't remember the address, so I'm glad you wrote them down here Good luck with the last semesters of college! You'll do great! I started university (again) last September and it's been wonderful so far. This year I studied ancient Greek and ancient history, but next year I'm switching ancient history for Mesopotamian studies, which means I need to catch up on some of the coursework, but it'll be worth it In my free time I've been biking around the countryside, watching sunsets and skipping across rivers. You know, typical CrystalFaerie stuff! My mental/emotional health is also improving (you may remember that I have a certain diagnosis which has been causing me issues the last few years) and overall I'm really happy with my life at the moment. Like everyone on this thread so far, I'm also still single, unmarried and waiting… also there is a certain someone who I am… sort of? dating but he's leaving the country in a month's time so it probably won't lead to anything. But, well, may's well enjoy it while it lasts! I hope everything goes well with you!
  8. Songs with your name?

    I don't know of any songs with my name… There seems to be a singer who shares my name, but as for songs, I can't find any. The best I have is this: Since I live in a French-speaking place, a lot of people don't pronounce the "s" at the end of my name and call me "France". I hate it and correct them every time, but somehow there are always people who forget to say it right. My best friend found this song for me to sing whenever they do it. The title translates to "Never call me France again".
  9. Atheist women on here?

    You have no idea how much that gif just made my day
  10. Atheist women on here?

    Where's our resident atheist Steadfast Madcap when we need her?
  11. Random Thoughts

    Ooooh thank you! I did a search too but I must've been searching for the wrong terms… Lol and it was even on one of my own threads, I'm such an idiot x)
  12. Random Thoughts

    Does anybody know which thread it was where a user was talking about sending cute questions to get to know a guy? I think it was in a thread about shyness and she was saying that to get to know a shy guy they would text each other with questions or something… I thought it was really cute and I'd like to try this with someone but I can't find the post anymore
  13. The Question Game

    Ooooh lots of things. Since it's unlimited, I'd start by giving a good few billions to charities and associations I support, and to people in need. (I'm not taking into account the consequences that all this extra money would have on the world economy. Let's just say that now everyone can eat and live comfortably and have access to education and all that.) Then I would use a bit more of the money to somehow bribe world leaders to stop their wars. I'm not quite sure how but hey, they say that politicians listen to the people with money, so may's well try my best. Once that's done, I would fund all the archeological digs and help out for a while, then I would buy the nicest site (maybe Babylon?) and offer it to my crush. Hopefully, that will cause him to fall for me and we will live happily ever after. I would buy a nice house in the middle of nature, maybe in the Swiss mountains, or in Sweden, then live the rest of my life tutoring children for free, and writing novels in my spare time. What's one aspect of your personality that's changed since your childhood?
  14. Random Thoughts

    Not just on mobile, it looks completely different on the computer as well! I think this is to do with the changes Mike wrote about in the Announcements forum...
  15. Warning: Phishing site

    Okay, this is really weird. I just tried to click on the "Random Thoughts" thread and both times in a row, a warning message came up on my screen saying the page I'm trying to access is probably a phishing site. I've never seen this message before and in all my time on this site, this has never happened to me. Anybody else had this happen? Any explanation? I'm really confused
  16. Random Thoughts

    Note to self: don't try to memorise Akkadian vocabulary from a textbook in English while listening to music in Syriac Aramaic and texting a friend in French on a phone in Swedish. No wonder I was having trouble.
  17. I'm moving this topic here so as not to derail 'tis the Bearded One's thread So there's this guy I really, really like. To the point that I haven't like anyone this much before. We get on well, and I'm happy simply being in his presence - which is both a blessing and a curse, since we're both introverts - and he makes me feel comfortable and calm in a way I've never felt before. He's quiet but friendly when we do talk, and he seems to care about me, if only as a friend. I could go on for ages about how interesting and attractive he is, but I guess you get the idea Anyway, as I mentioned in the other thread, we're both very introverted. Unless there is a reason for us to talk, we won't talk. Until a few weeks ago, it seemed we were playing a game of "who can ignore the other better" - we would both work at the library a few tables from each other, we would purposefully get books from the shelves just next to each other, we would both be aware of each other's presence, and yet we would blatantly ignore each other. In my case, I was terrified of making eye contact. I was acutely aware of his presence, but it paralyzed me. We interact more now, but that's just to give you an idea of how hard it is for us to get something going. I've been chatting to him on and off about studies, because he's two years ahead of me and he knows a lot of information that I need. Most of the time, he answers my texts immediately, but he always breaks off the conversation one the subject has been dealt with. From what I know of him, he doesn't like small talk and doesn't see the point in saying something if it isn't necessary. He's of the "make your words count" type. Sometimes he also forgets to answer (he's almost as busy as he is scatterbrained) but he's told me clearly that I don't bother him and he likes talking to me, so it's not personal. However, I find it frustrating that he's so hard to reach. I myself am not the type to reach out to someone, and there's only so much of myself I'm comfortable putting out there. I feel like we could get on really well if only we climbed out of our shells, but, well, that's a scary thing to do, isn't it? The last thing is that he's leaving town in less than two months, and in September he's off to Africa to volunteer until June next year. He doesn't know what he'll do after that - he might choose to continue his studies elsewhere, and I might never see him again. I would be terribly sad if that were the case. Part of me wants to outright tell him before he leaves, so that I won't have missed my chance; part of me is too afraid; and part of me worries that even if I do tell him, he won't want to start something now, since he's leaving so soon. I almost asked him out last Wednesday. I wrote him a small letter and poem in Ancient Greek (we're both studying it) but I thought it would be too weird to give it to him, given that he's kind of my friend now. It's not like we'd never talked before, so saying "hey, want to hang out?" would be a bit redundant. On the other hand, I do want to get to know him more personally - beyond the discussions about studies we've had so far. I don't know. You're probably all going to tell me to do it, and I accept that I think what I mostly need is encouragement. I feel sick every time I think of telling him, the idea just makes me so nervous. But I would hate to miss my chance and not know what could've happened if I'd done it…
  18. Driving

    I don't drive. I don't have my permit and neither do I want to get it. I'm lucky to live in a country with numerous bike lanes and extremely ​good public transport, so it's never been a necessity for me. I'm much happier walking, biking or taking the tram Honestly I'd be happiest if he didn't drive either. But if he did, well, sure, we can drive, but he's going to be the one behind the wheel!
  19. Asking out an introvert

    Hey guys, it's been a while so I thought I would update you on this, since you asked for it Bear in mind this is going to be bittersweet. We went on that "date" together - we never officially called it a date, but it happened like one - just under three weeks ago and it was awesome. We went to a cafe-library (half books, half tables - I loved it) and talked for something like three hours. As it turns out, we have a lot more in common than I thought and we get on really well. I left really happy. The next day, he invited me to a conference by one of our teachers, and while we didn't talk much because we were in a group, he did save me a seat next to him. We talked a couple more times after that via text. At this point we were definitely friends. But by then, he was preparing to move out of town, and with exams and other end-of-year paperwork, he got really busy. I could tell he was stressed, so I respected that and contacted him less often. But on the other hand, I was hoping to hang out with him again before he left for good, which made deciding on a course of action a bit difficult In the end, I invited him to a music festival that's being held this weekend. That's when he told me that he was leaving on Friday. It was clear in the way he said it that this was goodbye. I did see him on Friday actually, because it was our association's general assembly. We didn't have time to talk outside of uni stuff, but at least I saw him, I guess. He behaved pretty much like usual, wished me happy birthday (because it was my birthday too) and let me choose first which responsibilities I wanted in the association next year, but he hardly looked me in the eye and we didn't talk one-on-one. When he left, he said goodbye quickly to the whole group and walked away without looking back. I decided not to let it get me down since it was my birthday and I was going to spend a good day regardless of him, but it was bittersweet to watch him go. So there you go. Honestly, I'm fine and I'll live with it. It's sad, but he's moving on to other things and so long as he's happy, so am I. And you know what, even if it didn't work out, I'm glad that I was brave enough to try
  20. Funny you should say that, I've just started to learn Akkadian for one of my classes! It's a great language, though pretty difficult.
  21. Warning: Phishing site

    Same here. I saw a spam message on one of the posts a while ago so I suspected this would happen again...
  22. Asking out an introvert

    Hey guys! Time for a little update After a lot of hesitation and insistence from literally everybody I know who knows I have a crush on this guy, I finally sent him a message on Sunday asking him out for coffee. I was so nervous, you have no idea but I did it! I spent the next half-day worrying that he'd say no, but as it turned out, he said yes! We don't have a date yet, but we discussed it today and it looks like it's going to happen next week. Now that it's confirmed, I thought I'd let you know! On the downside, I have no idea if it's supposed to be a date or just hanging out. One of my friends said that the message I sent made it very obvious I was interested, but then, this guy is notably absent-minded so who knows. But anyway, thanks so much for encouraging me, I can't believe I actually did it
  23. Asking out an introvert

    Hey guys! I've been reading your answers but didn't want to respond until I had time to type something more detailed than just "k thanks"… Now that I have a bit of time, I would like to thank you all for giving me such appropriate and encouraging advice. I really appreciate you all taking the time to help me out As always, you guys (and gals) are awesome! A little update first: I saw him on Tuesday and again on Wednesday, and I'm seeing him again on Friday (all in the context of uni). On Tuesday, we chatted quite a bit about our department association's activities, and he was super sweet and friendly and happy to see him. Later in the day, I texted him to say that he's the only one in our class who pronounces my name correctly, and that I appreciated it. I didn't expect him to text back (like I said, he usually won't talk if there's nothing important to say) but he did, said that it was only natural, and we got talking about that. He was nice to me again on Wednesday and he even smiled and said bye to me when he left, which he never does. I think he's starting to get the hint. I almost invited him out for lunch on Wednesday, but I decided against it in the end. I might suggest it on Friday though. We'll see. Now to get to what you said: That's what I was thinking about the letter. On one hand, it would be super sweet and I think most people would be flattered to receive one, but given our current relationship, it would be a bit weird. So far I've shown casual interest of the "I think you're really awesome and I like hanging out with you, let's hang out more" type, and a letter, whether in French or ancient Greek, would give the situation a more serious turn, I think. Apart from the cuteness factor, a letter wouldn't make that much of a difference. There's nothing I would write that I wouldn't say to his face. It was fun to write though That's pretty much what I'm thinking of doing. Casual, but clear enough that he knows I'm interested. Thank you (Hot chocolate. We drink hot chocolate Though we still call it "going out for a coffee".) Thank you both for putting things into perspective that way, it's exactly what I needed. The fear of regret is what motivates me most at the moment - I would hate never to know what could've happened if I'd taken the chance. I don't want to end up like this song. And thank you, HeWhoWaits, for the rest of your post as well. It means a lot that you took one of my interests and applied it to my situation You've given me very good advice and I feel all the more brave and prepared to do what I need to do! *deep breath* now I just need to do it… And finally: Of course I will I'll let you all know as soon as something - whatever it may be - happens!
  24. Omg you guys I'm really tempted now. On that note, I think I might create a new topic so I don't hijack this one because I could honestly do with some advice…
  25. Bahaha you're too funny! Sometimes I wonder if I should just be direct like that… It would certainly help with my current situation!