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About twosoaringswallows

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  1. So my best friend in this entire galaxy is this boy. He's my same age, 17 (or will be in like a week), we have the same interests, same thoughts, we have talked all day every day for about the past 6 months. And of course we hang out tons and do exciting things, and teach each other new things. I have never met anyone like him, I'm definitely in love with him. I'm his best friend too, I'm one of the very few people he is close with. But, yeah, he has a girlfriend. It hasn't been long, just a couple months, and before that we were a thing. And when I found out that he had eyes for this other girl, of course I made him choose. And he wanted to be with her in that way. Two weeks later, he confesses that he regrets his decision entirely and that he's way more compatible with me than his girlfriend. They disagree on some important religious things, and their hangouts/dates are usually very routine and he didn't like it. But she is very attached to him. It's been a months since then and he's still with her. He says he couldn't bring himself to break up with her, that he didn't give it enough of a chance. He says that she feels like the right choice right now. But he says that he sees a future with me. And he's reiterated that so many time that he truly sees something for us in the future. He knows how unfair he is being and he knows how much of a jerk he seems and he apologizes and says he deserves no pity and that he just feels so awful. I told him a week ago that I have to leave. He means so much to me, he's my best friend, that is SO much to leave. But I tried very hard to make it work, to put my feelings aside and wait a while. But I'm drowning over here, it's devastating. So I told him I have to leave. Let him go completely, so I can move on. That's the only way I'm going to. He begged, pleaded for me to stay. He said he "could not f***ing live without me" and that he'd "fall apart". He said I mean so much to him and he knows this is selfish but he needs me...I do not feel obligated to stay because of this, but what I do feel is that I need him too. He said he knows 2 things: 1) He's not in love with her. But he "likes her a lot" 2) It would be so hard if not impossible to be happy without me in his life. He said that it's ultimately not her. But he never said that means it's ultimately me. He won't tell me why it's not ultimately her, he says it's too hard to say right now and it makes him feel terrible and that he'll tell me soon enough but he didn't want to talk about it right then. He said that he wants me to hold on to the hope that we'll be together at some point and to wait for the time when him and his girlfriend are no more. He didn't mention when that would happen, if it was soon or months from now. But what I do know is that I'm hanging on by not even a thread - but a single fiber of that thread. He realizes and I realize that he sounds so terrible, which is hard to accept because he cares so much about others and he is a very guilt-stricken individual who HATES hurting people. And that guilt makes him do stupid things. Being patient is hard. And I don't know if it is right. I change my mind a lot. Does anyone have advice on what I should do? I'm sorry I know that was a long story. Any personal experiences that relate? I want to be with him so much, but not as a friend forever. I just can't.