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Everything posted by emily1030

  1. Sleeping in the Same Bed

    That illustration is actually super true, haha. My fiancé and I do sleep in the same bed a few times a week, and I can say from experience that that describes it perfectly. When you first start sleeping in a bed with someone, you are hyper-aware of all of your movements and sounds and all of theirs, which makes it difficult to sleep soundly. But after a few weeks/months, you sort of fall into a routine and feel much more comfortable. We're lucky in the fact that neither of us snores, or tosses and turns, and we're both pretty light sleepers. But one big difference in our sleeping habits that took us awhile to compromise on is that, before we were together, he used to always sleep with his tv/computer on (playing youtube videos, etc) to help him fall asleep. And I have always fallen asleep in silence. It took us awhile to find a solution to this issue, but we discovered Sleep Phones, which are tiny headphones built into a soft headband that he can wear when he sleeps. So we can both sleep the way we want now. From my experience, it takes awhile to get used to sleeping with someone but once you've got it figured out, it feels just as natural as when you were sleeping by yourself. Plus you've got someone to snuggle up to whenever the urge arises
  2. I generally agree with this, but don't think its the "rule" for all relationships where the man wasn't originally waiting. In other words, I don't believe this kind of thinking should completely deter you from considering someone who isn't waiting in the same way that you are. Here is my reason: My fiancé wasn't planning on waiting until marriage before he met me. But, he was planning on waiting until he was truly in love and committed to someone (which he hadn't been yet). As he got to know me, first as friends and then as a significant other, I was able to explain to him why I valued the idea of waiting the extra step of marriage. Really, our ideals were similar but mine were just a bit more strict and spiritually/religiously based. And he now sees and understands that. While I don't think he'll ever feel AS strongly about it as I do, I know that he is 100% committed to these beliefs and the benefits it will bring to our marriage. I don't feel like he's waiting for me. I feel like he's waiting WITH me. We discuss frequently why this path will do good for us, and I know that he believes this now too. So yeah, if you meet someone who's slept around and doesn't originally see any benefit to waiting, but then agrees to wait for you even though he doesn't agree, that might pose some issues. But if you meet someone who has similar beliefs on the subject and can see themselves shifting your way a bit, then it becomes more of a partner effort. You're in it together, encouraging each other and you both understand why you're making the decisions you make.
  3. I haven't read the other comments yet, so I apologize if I'm repeating what anyone else already said. I just want to give my initial thoughts. I don't think that your desires are at all irrational. I think MANY of us feel the same way. The idea of knowing that you and your spouse have only ever loved each other is a very emotionally intimate thing, and something you'd be lucky to have. However, I think you should look at it as a bonus, rather than a quality to search for. If you spend your efforts looking for that girl who has zero baggage, you may pass by someone else who has been in love before, but has SO MUCH more love and compatibility to give to you. More than the girl who hasn't been in love yet. There are so many other aspects to a relationship that will contribute even more to a wonderful life together. If you meet someone who has loved before, yes, they will have those memories, but that does not mean that they cannot fully commit to you and love you even more than they loved before. They are no longer with that other person for a reason. If you and she are truly compatible, you'll view your love for each other as magical. On the other hand, you could pass up opportunities to girls who have a history, and instead meet someone who has never loved before, have a decent relationship, but never feel fully appreciated. You could hold onto that relationship, clinging to the sweet fact that you are each other's "only loves" and feel like its enough, but never really know the magic you had the potential to experience.I have a bit of experience with this. My first relationship was with someone who had never been in love, kissed, been sexually intimate, held hands, etc. I was 21 and he was 24. It was wonderful for us to experience some of those firsts together. It felt like we really had a bond and connection because of that. For awhile, it did feel amazing. Eventually, we questioned some of our compatibility. I struggled with those feelings, because I felt so connected to him with our firsts, and probably would have stayed in the relationship because of that, but he pushed just slightly harder for a breakup, so we did. I mourned the loss of that connection we had as firsts. I knew that I would never be able to have that connection with someone else since I would never have another first relationship. But then I met my current boyfriend. He was 27 and I was 23 when we started our relationship. He'd been in love before. He even had a small sexual history. But he also has more love to give me than probably anyone could. He cares and loves so, and I mean SO SO much more than my first relationship. We don't have the bond of being each other's first loves and relationships, but we are a million times more compatible in other areas, and that means so much more. And we both view our relationship as much healthier than the other's we've had. So we are definitely each other's first in that. We've been together for over 2 years and it honestly feels like we complete each other. It really feels magical. We look at our pasts and realize that they have shaped who we are and brought us together. I look back at my first relationship and realize I wouldn't be nearly as happy if I'd stayed with him. Things just feel "right" now. We may not be each other's first in some areas, but we are confident we will be each other's ONLY from now, until eternity, and you might realize that thats even more special So what I'm saying is that, yes it is special to be with your first love, but don't list it as a prerequisite, but rather a bonus if you happen to find it. You could miss out on something truly amazing if you hold onto that dream that could lead to something just "good" but not really "great."You'll find her. She's out there looking for you too.
  4. I have dated 3 men in my life. The first was a waiter when I met him and we both came from a similar religious background. We met randomly on a site that had nothing to do with waiting or religion. We broke up for reasons not related to waiting. The second was not a waiter. I met him at work, and we ended things literally because he could not agree to wait. That was tough knowing that was the reason. Be sure to bring up a life decision as important as that early in a relationship. Thats a mistake we made. We only dated 2 months, but I wish I would have brought it up earlier. The third is my current boyfriend. Before meeting me, he was not strictly a waiter, but he had opinions about waiting for sex longer than the average person, so it was an easy transition for him to respect my desires to wait until marriage and even understand and agree with my reasoning. We met on OkCupid, and because of the questions the site asks you, he already knew going into our first date, that I felt that way. We've been together 2 years and we have a very respectful and understanding relationship with each other. We try to always get on the same page. So, in summary. You can find waiters everywhere. But if you find someone and you're not sure if they are, your best bet is to make sure that lifestyle choice is on the table early on in the relationship (not necessarily the first few dates, but early). That way, you won't set yourself up for disappointment if you figure out later on that he can't deal with it and respect you.
  5. Warning: Phishing site

    I've been unable to get on the site for the last few weeks due to this. If I clicked "ignore warning" it would still not allow me to visit the site. Discovered today that on Safari, you can go to "Preferences" then "Security" and then uncheck "Warn when visiting fraudulent website." The browser let me through after that.
  6. I was baptized Lutheran but I would now call myself a non-denominational or interdenominational Christian, meaning I don't adhere to one specific denomination. I used to date someone who was Catholic, and when we would talk about marriage, we would realize the issues that might arise. He really wanted me to convert if we were to get married, but I really wasn't feeling like that was something I wanted to do. Also, the issue of raising children with parents who practiced different versions of Christianity was worrisome to me. Our relationship ended for other reasons, but looking back, I'm not sure how we would have dealt with all of that. I am now dating someone who is on the same page as I am with his beliefs and I feel much more calm about our future. I think marrying someone outside of your denomination is possible and could be successful, but only if you could completely accept the fact that you will never fully agree on some aspects of your faith. For many, it would probably be best to be with someone on the same page.
  7. I have a weird thing about forearms and hands, especially the bone that connects the thumb to the hand. I like it when its really pronounced. Always have, and I don't know why, haha.
  8. 50 Shades of Gray

    I'm going to see it with my boyfriend. I read the books and enjoyed them. Honestly, I don't see the story as being violent. I see it as a story of a broken man who is taught to really love. I hope the movie portrays that well. Now thats not to say that the sexual aspect of the story isn't an intrigue, but in regards to many of the arguments made against it lately, I see the story in a whole different way.
  9. Last names?

    I agree that family is about love and commitment and making each other a priority, but I believe that in the case of some couples, sharing a name is a symbol of that bond. In my case, I can't wait to take my husband's last name. I come from a family where everyone has done that. As a child, I've really seen the last name as a way to show the unity of two people who were previously unrelated and now share a lifetime bond. But taking his last name will not make us a family. We will be a family because of those things you mentioned. The shared last name is just a traditional symbol, and I'm excited to keep that tradition alive.
  10. Amy & Danny

    Amy and Danny were absolutely the most inspiring couple of this season. I enjoyed listening to them talk about their reasons for waiting. If only his brothers wouldn't have been so creepy about the sex stuff... They went wayy over the top.
  11. I saw this article on Thought Catalog the other day and had to share. Its actually laughable how this author interpreted the original article she's referring to. I absolutely agree with her that you shouldn't be forced into sex when you're married, but she misunderstood the original article. That wife was speaking about her journey to enjoy sex more rather than to just endure it. Anyone have thoughts on either of the articles? It makes me sad when I see opinions like this. (please move to viewer discretion if needed)
  12. Deleted

    Friendship doesn't HAVE to come first. But I can tell you from experience that it absolutely 100% is better that way. My boyfriend and I were close friends for a year and a half (accepting that was all we'd be) before we started a relationship. Best thing that ever happened to us. We're closer than we every would have been, and we KNOW how to be friends, which is a huge part of a relationship. We were able to solidify that part of our relationship before adding the relationship-y aspects. To those of you who feel like you're in the "friendzone, just know that it might not always be that way, and if eventually you do end up together, the friendship you had first may have been the best thing for your relationship. So so happy we were just friends first.
  13. Favorite eye colors?

    I agree with this completely. Any color can be great, but I especially like lighter eyes because I feel like I can just see into them and see emotion. I really think I believe that the eyes are the window to the soul.
  14. troubling article

    I see what you mean by the fact that the article is talking about just the "purity culture" which I did not realize before. While I do think that purity culture does hold some good opinions and beliefs, it does take some things too far and the way it is taught in some circumstances damages the feelings of the young girls who are part of it. I wouldn't want to send my daughter to "Purity Balls" or tell her that she's worth nothing if she were to give up her virginity before marriage, but i do believe there is something to be said about not dressing provocatively, the idea that a husband and wife's bodies kind of belong to each other and the act of refusing sex to your husband (or vice versa) frequently is not something God wants of us. I absolutely agree that boundaries can be set and instances will happen when one spouse is not in the mood, but I also believe in being there sexually for your spouse and actually putting forth effort rather than just enduring it.
  15. troubling article

    I agree that the original article goes a bit far. When she starts talking about sex being the only form of love that a husband can actually appreciate, that bothered me a bit. But I think she's on the right track trying to be a wife who can be there for her husband in a sexual way and doing what she can to enjoy it when she hadn't been previously. Its the Thought Catalog article that bothers me because it seems like the author makes all of us females who are waiting until marriage seem like we will have no say in anything once we're married and that we'll let our husbands have their way with us no matter what. There are marriage relationships out there that include abuse in that way, but this author makes a huge generalization by putting down all of the "purity culture" and believing we'll all fall into this situation because we've waited.
  16. 1st date

    It completely depends on the relationship with the person before that date. For example, if he's like your best friend and the two of you decide you have feelings and go on a date, it could be perfect and wonderful to have that kiss at the end of that date. But if you just met someone, a first date kiss might be a bit more rare and uncomfortable.
  17. 1. I just want to know what inspired you to wait? Ever since as long as I can remember, I've felt that waiting until marriage was the correct choice. When I was in my early teen years (I'm 24 now) I read the series, "Diary of a Teenage Girl" by Melody Carlson. It follows the stories of teenage girls and their relationships with God and struggles as teenagers. This series really showed me what it meant to save myself for marriage. I am inspired by a few things, but mainly because I believe that God intends for us to save ourselves for only one person within the covenant of marriage, and also because I think one of the greatest gifts I can give to my husband is all of myself. 2. How do people react when you tell them that you want to save yourself for marriage? Usually it is kind of an awkward "oh ok thats very cool," but sometimes I'll get a response that really shows me that the person thinks I'm making a great choice. I've never really gotten a negative reaction except with one boyfriend. 3. Is it easier to date someone who wants to wait also? USUALLY yes. I've dated 1 waiter who had a bit of trouble with controlling himself, but he really did want to wait, and so we were able to talk through things. I am currently dating someone who was previously on the fence about waiting, but had never been with anyone and has agreed that it is the right choice now that he is dating me. He's great and respects all of the boundaries we've set. Its absolutely easier when you're on the same page as your significant other and are able to truly agree and understand the reasons for this life decision. It brings you much closer together. 4. What is the relationship like when you're dating someone who hasn't taken the pledger? Were they willing to wait? I've dated one person who did not wait. It was pretty awful when we split. Basically, we didn't communicate about it enough, and when we finally had the "boundaries" conversation, I found out that he wasn't willing to wait. So it was a mutual but very hurtful breakup.
  18. Men Making Decisions

    Its absolutely dependent on the woman. I would love for my husband to be the head of the household but I don't want a dictatorship. I want to be part of decision making processes. The "head of the household" part comes when the difficult decisions or the one's I don't have an opinion on come up. I want him to be confident enough to make that decision in the best interest of the two of us. Then there are women who cringe at the thought of men being the decision makers. I'm old fashioned, so I usually defer to traditional gender roles.
  19. My boyfriend and I are long distance, so when he comes to visit me at my place, he stays over. We sleep in the same bed, and we're fine. I know that some couples may have stricter boundaries or may not trust themselves enough, but we are comfortable with our self control and our decision to wait. I love sleeping with him and feeling close and intimate while knowing we're confident at our ability to control ourselves. My advice would be to just talk about it and decide if you trust yourselves and whether you would feel comfortable being that intimate before marriage.
  20. First one that came to mind: Jack Dawson from Titanic
  21. Childhood pets/current pets

    This is my Audrey
  22. I've always felt that the minimum for me would be 2 years (including engagement). When I was younger, I expected it to be longer, but now that I'm nearing my mid-twenties, I feel like I've got my head on straight and can make a big life decision like that with more knowledge and maturity. It really all depends on the situation besides that. Some couples are going to know sooner than others.
  23. What do you do for work?

    I'm a graphic designer.
  24. I can't wait. First of all, I don't care for my current last name, so I don't mind losing it. Secondly, I love the idea of feeling like you've become family and you're part of one unit together when you have the same last name. It feels like such a bond.
  25. Is Virginity Really Attractive?

    YES. POSITIVE. The idea that he would save himself for me is so wonderful. I would love to experience sex with him and only him, and have him do the same. What a special bond to have only experienced that with each other. I'd love to know that he felt it was special enough to wait for.