Married Waiters
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About ian

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  1. Regrets

    you know what? I have never regretted waiting. Never. I have WONDERED what it would have been like to have done otherwise - i don't mean to have slept with lots of women before getting married - but i have WONDERED what it would have been like in total in terms of my thoughts about dating, my confidence, my sense of self-esteem, any of those things that probably are rooting around in you when you WONDER about something. But I always knew that the mere act of WONDERING was simply ... human. though i was not having sex, i have been a sexual being since becoming a teenager - as we all do. I had sexual thoughts, sexual urges. and that never stopped - hasn't stopped LOL. but that never meant - for me - that i had to act on that with someone until i was fully ready. for me... that was my wedding night. i fully understand that is not everyone's "i waited/i'm ready" moment... and i think that's what sometimes drives the question of regret... or wondering... in any of us... because we are not merely sexual beings, we are thoughtful and purposeful and wanting of certain relationship parameters and commitments, not just the sexual play and satisfaction. so... long answer for you... but i never regretted it :-) I was never after some accumulation of sexual partners, nor was i in some rush to claim to be sexually active (and to be transparent, we explored a lot of physical affection and love, we just did not take it to those levels). i found what i wanted, who i wanted, and the circumstances for that... in my wonderful wife :-).
  2. My wife and i are big fans of the IUD :-)
  3. and talking about it is WAY better at making everybody feel loved/respected/'wanted' in the right ways... as opposed to the quiet frustrations of either wanting to have sex noticeably more than your partner or the quiet pressures and anxieties of noticing that your partner would like sex noticeably more than you do... remember... there are affections and intimacies that can be constant and very affirming and loving that are not just about sex.
  4. and to add to that... that is how i live my relationships broadly - with my best friends, confidantes, allies and mentors. unflinching and trusting belief in one another.
  5. i think in the end that is a very personal and individual question - about the nature of your relationships in total... do they fill needs or do they help you be less alone - and i think it's a tremendous question (and different than the previous threads). For me - there is no question my wife makes my life better and makes me better - and i know, without ego here, that she says the same about her life with me. I can no more imagine the person i would have become without her - maybe because when she came into my life i was a bit of an uncertainty... maybe as we all are. I thought i had my footing in life - good education and the earnestness of thinking i knew what i wanted to do with job and career, an optimistic outlook with gobs of wondering how on earth i would figure things out... and the wounds of early loves and the anxieties and frustrations of how on earth i would date and hopefully marry and the rest of things so many people think about. and that's how she entered my life. and that's where she continues to enter my life every day. as someone who believes in me - and laughs at my stupidness or my obstinacies - as someone who unflinchingly knows we make each other better and have simply encouraged one another not dared one another to be a good human being.
  6. an extraordinary comment for all of us to keep in mind. We're not here to compare. We're here to improve, enhance, support, strengthen, make impacts small and large. and along the way, we get the extraordinary opportunity to be with people who are different than we are... vs all the same. The journey IS the point... and mine is different than Natureboys's and everyone else's... which is makes it interesting over backyard barbeques, drinks out with friends, at church, late at night, early in the morning, over coffee, in a meeting, on a random street corner, with friends, with strangers, with those we hae not yet met, and with anticipating what'a ahead of us and what's for us to tackle next. :-)
  7. i think this is true of ALL social media ... you need to pace/balance/manage the tempo of it. "Hiatus" is a good idea from time to time... stepping away from the laptop or phone for a short bit :-). I do it here - as well as all my other social channels - regularly - just... short breaks... that give you a teensy bit more perspective vs constaintly in the throes.
  8. Falling in love all over again

    i'll be curious what the other Married's say here.... but YES i do fall in love again and again with my wife. it's not that you fall out of love with your spouse in between, it's that life sort of runs the rhythm and you sort of lapse your eyesight a bit... and then one day, something completely inconsequential, something utterly mundane or "regular" just hits you a little differently. it's a quiet sunday morning before church. or it's the middle of the night and you can't sleep and you're just lying there but you're very aware of her and how she looks and feels next to you. or she's just in another room absentmindedly working on the computer or puttering in the kitchen. and she looks different. she just hits the right note inside you. or she raises just that ONE eyebrow at you... a bit mischievously. or she smiles at you from across the room at a cocktail party or someone's house for dinner. and it all just rushes. i never fall out of love with my wife. i never forget i love my wife. but there are times when other things are so distracting or consuming that you forget to see just exactly how fortunate you are. and then something easy and natural like a smile from across a room triggers it all back in you.
  9. How many…?

    and I knew with my wife early on that she was something special... but did not say I love you for a while - being cautious about it and what it meant - and did not truly KNOW she was the one for a while after that... she would tell you of course that she knew very quickly... and then WAITED. in literally all senses of the word haha. she knew i would get there eventually :-)
  10. How many…?

    I dated two girls in high school - one of whom I had a bad crush on, and one of whom liked me way more than i liked her. In college, I had my first serious love (and she was open/suggesting we love our virginities together and then respected that i wasn't wanting that)... it was an awful breakup (not about sex - it was a bad dynamic)... then i dated someone who again was more into me than i was them (and that was an "easy" breakup in the sense that i knew it wasn't a true full match)... she called me a prude bec i did not want to do much of anything (bec i didn't love her) even tho she wasn't trying for full sex... then i dated someone casually... and fell hard for someone who was taken... and then found my wife-to-be. :-) i answered this question broadly - meaning I really only consider that i had two "loves" before my wife - but you asked about GFs, and i would consider all of the others GFs although we were in varying stages of "love".
  11. Was it really worth it?

    I'll add to that chorus. :-) and perhaps i'll even up the ante slightly... it was definitely worth it to ME to wait. ...and to HER. (slight chuckle encouraged :-) ).
  12. Why

    you know she's right.... :-) and by the way... Ask The Guys is not gender-specific for who's ASKING.... only who's DISCUSSING :-) on the other hand Jazmine.... as a guy... I will tell you one of our gender secrets... we tend to ask the vulnerable or "am i the only one" questions 1:1... not in a pack LOL...
  13. extremely well said :-)
  14. “In dating, purity isn’t a synopsis of where you’ve been, it’s a declaration of where you are going.†— Michael Lathrop