KaiLi

Modesty

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My question for you guys (and girls if you want to add your thoughts) is about modesty and the way women dress. First some back story. One of my pet peeves with some of my girl friends is that when we go out some of them dress...well to say it bluntly, like sluts. But that in itself isn't what annoys me. The problem is that they dress like that and then when guys looks anywhere but their face they flip out and go on about how disgusting it is. Let me make it abundantly clear, I'm not saying guys have the right to look at girls in that way, just that, in my opinion, if you're going to dress in a way that is hard for anybody not to stare at, you really should not get mad when they do (it just seems unfair). One of my friends brought up the other day how guys always stare at her chest and I pretty much told her that there were ways to avoid that. She agreed but her argument is that she has to dress that way because there are so many other girls who do, so if she doesn't she won't even be seen.

So, my questions for you guys is as follows:

1) Do you appreciate girls who are modest (and I don't mean like wearing a potato sack modest. Just not overtly sleazy) ?

2)If you saw a girl who was dressed more modestly and one who was less-than-so which one would you be MOST attracted too (honestly)?


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The only girls I have really been attracted to dressed modestly, one girl wore jeans + hoody to school every day.

Also, you can dress modestly and sexy, which in my opinion is way more sexy and attractive than girls who choose to minimize their clothing.

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Hey! I am a girl, but i'll answer this from my perspective of one who is modest. I don't agree either with girls who don't want to be looked at or stared at by guys, but yet wear this skimpy clothes that show too much! It's like OF COURSE they're going to look at you. Girls could make it easier on guys by wearing modest clothing, and you guys could make it easier on us by not talking about that six-pack you may have! I think modesty and pure thoughts go hand-in-hand with virginity. To me, virginity is an extension of those pure thoughts. It takes strong will to be a virgin, and to me that will is supported by pure thoughts.

I wear tanks, longer shorts, decent blue jeans, plaid roll-cuff shirts, basketball shorts, a lot of things. I don't wear anything skimpy, but something that is modest. Well, I know this question is for the guys, but felt enticed to answer. Hope you don't mind :) I agree with what you said, and wish more girls could feel that they don't need to show off their body to feel beautiful. Beauty comes from the inside, and if people can't see that then I don't see why we should waste our time making them see that. Anyway, this is a great question. Can't wait to see the answers :)

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Your friends are just naive to the way how guy's brains are wired. We are visually stimulated creatures and when a girl shows a decent amount of skin, our eyes are drawn to it and our minds wander. That's just how we are. I feel like it's easy for us guys to look at a girl who dresses provocatively and label her as easy or a slut but I sometimes I don't think that's the case. I think often times, girls just don't understand how our brains work.

One of my friends brought up the other day how guys always stare at her chest and I pretty much told her that there were ways to avoid that. She agreed but her argument is that she has to dress that way because there are so many other girls who do, so if she doesn't she won't even be seen.

Okay this just blows my mind. I'm sorry, but this line of thinking is so high school. Your friend is complaining when guys stare when she is dresses in a revealing way, but she then complains if she doesn't dress that way, no one will notice her? She can't have it both ways. Honestly, I feel sorry girls who think that the only way to get a guy's attention is to flaunt their bodies. If you put out your body for all to see, then the kind of guys who will be drawn to that will only see you for your body.

But to answer your questions, yes I highly value modesty in women. To me, it shows that says she's comfortable with who she is and knows her modesty will attract the right kind of guys. A girl who dresses revealingly may catch my attention at first, but it's the modest girl who I will catch my interest :)

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I agree with you O! I ask friends to tell me honestly if something is too short, low cut or tight. Im not perfect; sometimes I wear things are not modest, but I usually try. I also find it ironic when girls complain about that with hooker heel, their boobs popping out or butts almost hanging out.

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I definitely agree with you O. I think modesty trumps sleaziness, IMHO. If I had to choose between a woman who dresses moderately vs one who doesn't dress so for a relationship, I would pick the modest one. Why? Well, for me, the modestly dressed woman appears to project confidence (she seems to care about herself by how she dresses). But, I also think this standard can apply to men too.

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Now, the girls who dress sleazy will get more attention, but IMHO it's not the quantity of attention that matters, it's the quality of attention.

Well put!

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Coming from a girl who dresses modestly pretty much all the time (I say 'pretty much' because I have a pair of vintage style high waist denim shorts which I LOOOVE and wear often but I have to say there's lots of my legs on show, and I also have a few skimpier sundresses too) I can't stand when girls pretty much have their entire bodies on show. There is no need for the girls in the year above me at school (who don't have to wear uniform, lucky things) to be wearing crop tops and tiny shorts to go and study maths or whatever! If you're at the beach or something then go for it but it's not really appropriate in school!

The same applies to the girls who still have to wear school uniform too. I'm sorry but it's just not nice to have to walk up the stairs to the English classrooms and see girls knickerlines everywhere because their skirt doesn't cover anything up. I swear I'm the only girl in my school with a knee length skirt.

I actually don't like wearing jeans/jumpers (I like feeling dressed up) so I usually wear tea dresses, palazzo pants, circle skirts, something along those lines. I was born in the wrong century when it comes to fashion sense! I actually get a lot of compliments on my dress sense/figure without have to show lots of skin (and I've hardly got the best figure in the world) so people definitely don't need to wear next to nothing to get attention! Especially younger girls.

Rant over, sorry guys :P

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I think most women know what they're doing when they dress like that -- for the same reason they pose in pictures groping each other and/or kissing/licking themselves or their body parts. This is far, far too common that I have seen, and I asked a friend once and she said it's because they think that turns guys on.

Here's the bad news. Men are going to think about sex, and possibly the way you look underneath your clothes, no matter how you dress. There's no excuse for it, it's not right, but sometimes it's just how we're hard-wired. It is our responsibility to tame and take captive those thoughts and subdue them or turn them to something cleaner.

Women make the battle atrociously harder by flaunting. It's even hard for some of us guys to walk through the bra section of Wal-Mart. Heck, it's even difficult for some of us to hear the word "bra" and not have our minds dip in that direction. (It's a virginity thing, the mind is sensitive.)

Women do have a role and do share some blame. Rape is never, ever acceptable and heaven help the man I come across who is engaged in the act, but if you leave your car unlocked and your laptop in plain view, there is an extent to which you invited the car to be broken into.

Of the two extremes (bikinis or burqas) I admire the woman who chooses the burqa that much more, if she chose it voluntarily.

It's not just about skin. Yoga pants that show every fold of the crotch, super-short shorts that show a lot of thigh, tight shirts with backpack straps that divide the bosom and make the curvature even more pronounced all make it more difficult for a guy to keep his head on his shoulders. There have been girls I have respected greatly who wore shirts or blouses that were perfectly decent...until they bent over, in which case they unwittingly revealed about 70% of what was under it. Not their fault necessarily, but it's something to be aware of.

And by the way, we're sorry. Guys were just built differently in the head. We react very strongly to sight, and women react more to touch. You're kind of lucky in that regard. (Well, that, and your "reactions" are far less visible.)

But for the women who keep this in mind and dress accordingly, thanks!!

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Coming from a girl who dresses modestly pretty much all the time (I say 'pretty much' because I have a pair of vintage style high waist denim shorts which I LOOOVE and wear often but I have to say there's lots of my legs on show, and I also have a few skimpier sundresses too) I can't stand when girls pretty much have their entire bodies on show. There is no need for the girls in the year above me at school (who don't have to wear uniform, lucky things) to be wearing crop tops and tiny shorts to go and study maths or whatever! If you're at the beach or something then go for it but it's not really appropriate in school!

The same applies to the girls who still have to wear school uniform too. I'm sorry but it's just not nice to have to walk up the stairs to the English classrooms and see girls knickerlines everywhere because their skirt doesn't cover anything up. I swear I'm the only girl in my school with a knee length skirt.

I

Solution=soffe shorts or gym shorts underneath....I started doing that and it was great! I was less self-conscious and if it showed-who cares ?! You got a good look at my old gym shorts ;) plus its super comfortable--it feels like youre wearing your pjs but you look cute!

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There have been girls I have respected greatly who wore shirts or blouses that were perfectly decent...until they bent over, in which case they unwittingly revealed about 70% of what was under it. Not their fault necessarily, but it's something to be aware of.

I feel like some girls just don't bother putting their hand on their chest to hold their shirt in while they bend over. (it's not that hard)Believe me, I have done that with friends---we'll bend over (short dress or low cut shirt) and if you can see all the way to China, well you better not be bending over or you better remember to use your hand !! Lol, a friend recently did that with tank tops for me....I love summer :P

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WHAT ?! lol sounds a bit ridiculous to me :P I always see some interesting people there...

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Women do have a role and do share some blame. Rape is never, ever acceptable and heaven help the man I come across who is engaged in the act, but if you leave your car unlocked and your laptop in plain view, there is an extent to which you invited the car to be broken into.

Alright, while I agree that women who dress provocatively are partly to blame for making it easier for guys to stumble, but saying that it can lead to rape is simply absurd. In fact, it is a little insulting to the male gender to that insinuate that decent men lose their sense of control and sanity and is more prone to rape once they see a scantily-clad woman. A person rapes because he (or she) has pre-existing violent tendencies or anti-social disorders. What a victim is wearing has no bearing on their decision to rape because contrary to popular belief, the motivation behind rape is almost always to establish control and dominance over the victim through physical and emotional force, not because they just want to get some.

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Somehow, I knew that expression would be misinterpreted, even as strongly as I phrased it.

I said nothing about losing control or even blame. All I said was, increasing access to your car and (reasons for it) to a robber makes you a little less cautious in prevention.

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Somehow, I knew that expression would be misinterpreted, even as strongly as I phrased it.

I said nothing about losing control or even blame. All I said was, increasing access to your car and (reasons for it) to a robber makes you a little less cautious in prevention.

I apologize for misinterpreting you, but you did say women share some blame followed by a comparison between rape and temptation. That is why I was confused

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To me, there's nothing better than the jeans and t-shirt type. Or a nice dress if an event calls for it. Seeing girls with their boobs hanging out of their shirt and wearing skin tight clothes is a huge turnoff for me.

I think how you dress is a huge advertisement as to what kind of person you are, but I've been surprised. I actually saw a girl on a dating site recently who was WTM, but she looked like a prostitute in all of her pictures. What a mix of signals! Not for me I'm afraid.

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I think how you dress is a huge advertisement as to what kind of person you are, but I've been surprised. I actually saw a girl on a dating site recently who was WTM, but she looked like a prostitute in all of her pictures. What a mix of signals! Not for me I'm afraid.

The pastor at my church once warned the guys about girls who dress immodestly because they do not want a man's attention, but rather men's attention. I partially agree with that statement if a girl is purposefully dressing that way with the intent of drawing attention. However, as I've said in previous threads, I think most girls these days just aren't aware of how their choice in clothes affect guys around them. Revealing clothes are kind of the norm these days so I think girls just accept that this is the modern style and don't think much of it.

It's disgusting how even 13 year old girls or younger are dressing like this these days. I remember walking into a clothing store shortly before Halloween and I over heard a mother with pre-pubescent daughter complain to the cashier who said, "Do you have any costumes that doesn't make my daughter look like a prostitute?" The cashier looked at her like she was crazy, "Ma'am, this is what's popular these days." I felt like banging my head against the wall.

I want to say that I appreciate all the girls out there who care about us guys enough to make the effort to dress modestly. I respect you for having respect for your own bodies and dignity and the right guy will seek what's in your hear rather than what's in your shirt....that will come much, much later ;)

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Totally agree with what you said about the way kids dress EB, its definitely a parents responsibility that their children arent sexualised at a young age and it always shocks me to see kids going around in high heels and mini skirts. Thankfully a group of big clothes retailers in my country have come together and committed to not selling clothes that sexualise children.

Also really like that pastor's comment about dressing to get a man's attention and not men's attention. It is so true. I have gone out so many times with girlfriends who wore ridiculously revealing clothes and ended up frustrated because I felt that they didn't want to attract a guy, they wanted all the guys in the club to be attracted to them. I used to feel so invisible especially with one particular friend who, when a guy did pay me some attention, she would be all over them like a rash because they had to like her and not me. I used to go home so annoyed at both my friend and at the fact that it worked. I couldnt understand why the guys fell for it when I was clearly the "nice" girl (I do realise that they probably did see that she was the easier "catch"). Needless to say I dont go out with her anymore.

Also, just a random side-point.....if you were just married, and were abroad on your honeymoon say, would you be okay with your wife dressing just a little more sexily during your honeymoon (with the intention of it being for you and not every other guy) or would you expect her to dress the same as usual?

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Also, just a random side-point.....if you were just married, and were abroad on your honeymoon say, would you be okay with your wife dressing just a little more sexily during your honeymoon (with the intention of it being for you and not every other guy) or would you expect her to dress the same as usual?

HELL YEAH!!! Lol. Once we get married, the restrictions of dating are void. I'll admit I'd be a little wary of other guys staring, but I'd have a cocky smile at those guys and say, "Yeah, this sexy lady is all mine." :)

And MM, you may not attract as many guys while dressing modestly, but you will attract much higher quality guys. From the sound of things it seems like you already found one :)

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So, my questions for you guys is as follows:

1) Do you appreciate girls who are modest (and I don't mean like wearing a potato sack modest. Just not overtly sleazy) ?

2)If you saw a girl who was dressed more modestly and one who was less-than-so which one would you be MOST attracted too (honestly)?

1. Absolutely. All guys, even the ones lacking in the morals department, can appreciate a girl that dresses modestly. Girls can be confident, classy, and still retain their mystery, and all guys can respect that.

2. Again, all guys, including those lacking in the morals department, are more attracted to the modest girls. Sure, there may be that instant gratification of seeing more than what others are revealing, but it doesn't make a man respect the woman. In fact, most people I know don't respect those that show off too much - yes, even the ones that sleep around.

I remember in one of my English classes in high school discussing the mystery of women. We had been reading some Shakespeare and were discussing how things were during those times. Women were practically dressed head to toe, and so pulling up the dress to flash some ankle skin was almost scandalous.

Obviously, things aren't quite as repressed today, but one thing still holds true: men value mystery. It's safe to say that men want to see more. But we also want to work at it and earn that right. It's not as exciting when it's all out there for everyone else to see.

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When I was a teenager, my attention could be gotten by what I saw on the surface. But now, I'm more attracted by what I don't see - like brains and personality. And actually, wearing things revealing like that is a turnoff for me. I'm thinking - What are the chances of her waiting? Does she not have any confidence about herself? Likewise, if I see a girl look twice at a guy dressed like "Mister Stud," I'm starting to have doubts about meeting her. And if I see her talk to him, I don't approach her. Modesty is a two way street, in my opinion.

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Modesty is so important!

Yeah, what she said! Even the most simple words can have so much meaning.

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Alright, while I agree that women who dress provocatively are partly to blame for making it easier for guys to stumble, but saying that it can lead to rape is simply absurd. In fact, it is a little insulting to the male gender to that insinuate that decent men lose their sense of control and sanity and is more prone to rape once they see a scantily-clad woman. A person rapes because he (or she) has pre-existing violent tendencies or anti-social disorders. What a victim is wearing has no bearing on their decision to rape because contrary to popular belief, the motivation behind rape is almost always to establish control and dominance over the victim through physical and emotional force, not because they just want to get some.

THANK YOU. Males who rape are not men! They are PSYCOPATHS!! No sane male, no matter how horny or sex-deprived, is going to rape a girl!!! And Saudi Arabia has more rapes than any other country in the world, and women wear BURQUAS there. Dressing provocitavely will most likely attract perverts and one-night stand guys, but rapists don't care how a woman is dressed: they just want to cause her pain and humiliation. Wrist-length sleeves, a turtleneck top, and an ankle-length skirt is not going to stop him.

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