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Tempest Desh

Inner Martyr

3 posts in this topic

So, I've heard the term 'inner martyr', thanks to Mike and Bethe. I kinda feel like I have one (if my understanding is correct). Seems like this last situation with myself was the result of this entity, so to speak, acting out it's function. Since I've had more than enough situations that I had to sabotage (being a wait-till-marriage type and dealing with girls pushing themselves on me for sex, etc.), I've kind of gotten used to this part of me taking over after a point. Hence, when I finally ran into a girl fitting my description of someone as close to my ideal as possible...I kicked into sabotage mode, this time believing it 'too good to be true'...and really mucked things up. Guess my inner martyr feels that I need to suffer the pangs of loneliness and bachelorhood...trying to undo the effects, but we'll see how things go. Any thoughts on the topic?

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i can't relate to talking myself out of a good person. i tend to do the opposite try to talk myself into someone I shouldn't, but I'm getting better at not doing so.

I do go through phases, I guess you can call it , and I have a pity party and think " whoa to me, my prince will never come, and i'm waiting in vain!"

But then I remember I'm not waiting in vain, at least in my opinion, and I'm greatful I haven't met my husband, yet ,I don't think, I've got a lot more of single me to work on before I couple.

You may also have to determine if marriage is really what you want, or if waiting is just a defense to cope with a sometimes difficult daiting seen. sort of scare them away with my waiting before deep feelings become involved and I may become hurt if things go wrong.

But I think for all us waiters, it's important we remember we are waiting with an end goal in mind, that goal being marriage, so we need to remember to be open and available to that potential mate , because it isn't very likely they will come knock at our door and say " Baby, I'm yours for all time."

There's also something to be said for good old fashioned believing in yourself. Who will want you if you don't even want yourself?

Keep your chin up! You'll get throught this.

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i tend to do the opposite try to talk myself into someone I shouldn't. Nut I'm getting better at not doing so.

:lol: Oh yeah. I'm definitely all about overly-optimistic rationalization. Like you though I'm getting better at it. Well, I'm not sure I'm getting wiser so much as getting older and not being able to BS myself as easily anymore.

@Tempest Desh: Kind of. Your inner martyr (as I meant it) doesn't feel that you need to suffer the pangs of loneliness and bachelorhood....your inner martyr is the part of you that lets you convince yourself that such suffering is a noble thing, rather than a thing to be avoided.

Self-sabotage is a bit different, but probably related. Your inner martyr helps you rationalize self-sabotage, but does not always produce it (but sometimes it does).

Don't know if that helped at all. I feel for you, man. You really seem like you're having a rough time of it. Buck up! Find some other fun stuff to bring into your life and focus on.

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