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Tempest Desh

First Kiss?

5 posts in this topic

At moments I can understand the regret of those who did not wait...especially if they marry those who did wait. I can feel this, due to the fact that I've already had my first kiss (mind you, this doesn't count as sex, but...). I can say I regret it, due to the fact that, it at least seems that the only kind of Muslim girl that I could expect to find who has waited would be one who hadn't even kissed. I really don't know how I'd handle this one...aside from the fact that I had others pushing me into the relationship (my first and only gf...we broke up 5+ years ago and I haven't dated since), it was my decision to do such a thing...I mean, would my being a virgin at marriage make up for the fact that my wife (if I ever get married) would be the second girl I'd have kissed? I do find myself hard pressed to accept less than someone who's waited, but it seems that that would mean marrying someone who was waaaaaay better than me in that department, which would frankly speaking, make me feel like s**t. I mean, I've had my struggles, as most girls I've met are 'all or nothing' types...either ya have sex with them or you go nowhere. And it also seems like the only 'wtm' types of Muslim women HAVE to be sheltered...so they wouldn't understand how hard it's been for me to save what I have. Any thoughts? Maybe markb4 can weigh in on this, as he's Muslim and all...

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I've had kisses that I regret, but I can't change it now---just glad it didn't go any furthur. I want to stand strong that I'm waiting to lose my virginity once I'm married--even if that means less dating prospects for me. =P Sometimes it gets lonely, but at least I know I have the best in store later on ;)

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TempestDesh, you're back! Missed you around here.

would mean marrying someone who was waaaaaay better than me in that department, which would frankly speaking, make me feel like s**t

There's your first problem. :( Is Muslim guilt as strong as Catholic guilt? Because it sure sounds like it is. You shouldn't let something like that make you feel convicted. I would worry more about her not being able to loosen up like you can.

I'll leave this one for markb4 to weigh in on, but is it that rare to find a girl who's waiting and still cool in the Muslim community? They seem relatively common in the Christian community. I would think that there'd be similar odds. Do you regularly attend services?

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Well Tempest Dash,

Being a Muslim myself I can understand where you're coming from. But, I think you're stressing out a bit too much on this. It wouldn't matter that your wife would be the second girl that you kissed, she would be the first one that actually counts. What I mean is you say you regret your first kiss and you wanna move ahead in life, so best to forget it. All the regrets/mistakes/errors/sins/unhappy incidents, etc. that one has done in the past are best forgotten and to move ahead. The point of doing things we regret, or erring, etc. is that we learn from them and work to do better. So, you've regretted your first kiss and you want to do better, which is wait for your wife, so forget the past and do so. And when you do, it'll seem like your wife, although being your second kiss, will indeed be your first, or at least your first that really counts.

Forgive me all, if I don't make sense, or said something I shouldn't have, because I have a hard time w/words and putting words together to say anything. So, forgive me if I've made a mistake :) .

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I totally feel a lot of the stress lifted from my shoulders, though...it still is hard finding the kind of down-to-earth, Americanized-in-the-right-ways Muslimah, or so it seems. This last one (and I'm still working on this situation...as per the advice and insistence of another Muslim guy, who's in a similar situation). That being said, it seems, at least in my experience, I'd be a rare one for said girl to find, as most Muslim guys I've come across like to put off an aura of machismo and go along with the worst aspects of modern society, including sex outside of marriage. It seems like most Muslim girls are brought up these days, to just accept a husband who slept around. Hence, even with the kissing business, I might be a bit of shocker (in the positive sense) for a lot of Muslim girls. And yeah, shame, at least for Muslimahs, is pretty strong in the Muslim community, at least where people are more concerned with their egos, family image, and cultures...than the religion. Will all this said though, I have to say that I feel quite like Pip from Great Expectations. Anywho...

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