Invincible

Single parents, divorcees and widows/widowers

9 posts in this topic

Would you date/marry any of these? Being in a relationship with someone of a previous marriage or with kids can be tricky. More often than not, there usually will be a lot of baggage brought into the relationship, from trust issues to the constant reminder of a deceased spouse. When kids are involved, they can get in the way because you have to get their approval as well. There's a possibility that they may resent you for trying to replace their real. mom/dad.

But despite all that, would you still date or marry any of these?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Widowed: sure, it'd be more complicated, but I guess if I really loved them, then I'd find a way to make it work.

Divorced: no. Being Catholic, I believe that when you vow to be together "till death do you part", then that means, you're married until one of you dies. That...actually seems pretty reasonable to me! It's what you promised, after all. Anyway, I wouldn't date a guy if he'd been divorced and his wife was still alive. As far as I'm concerned, when you promise before God to be with someone the rest of your lives, you sort of have to stick to that promise....

Single parent: maybe. I guess it'd depend on the person, and I can't really say I'd know what I'd do until I was in that situation...

xxx

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Would you date/marry any of these? Being in a relationship with someone of a previous marriage or with kids can be tricky. More often than not, there usually will be a lot of baggage brought into the relationship, from trust issues to the constant reminder of a deceased spouse. When kids are involved, they can get in the way because you have to get their approval as well. There's a possibility that they may resent you for trying to replace their real. mom/dad.

But despite all that, would you still date or marry any of these?

Since I require virginity before marriage, no, I would not date/marry any of these.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

for me divorced would be a no, and the other situations would really depend on the case and situation.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's a case by case thing with me.

Single parent- This would be most tricky for me. I love children, that isn't the problem with me, but I'm afraid that they wouldn't want to have any more kids with me [if we did end up getting married.] I'd also have to deal with the mother of the child [ I'd have to face it that she'd be there for the next 18+ years] and that is where it could get ugly from what I hear.

Divorced man- It would depend on the grounds for his divorce. If he cheated and that is what ended it, then most definitely no. I refuse to even date a guy that has cheated in his past- it is bound to happen again [ don't think I'm only making it look like men cheat, women are just as guilty!]

Widowed man- I doubt that any guy in the age bracket I'm looking for would be widowed, but if he was, sure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

For me... above all else, I always sought someone who had a soul and felt it. For those of you who practice your faiths, you'll hopefully see the sense of humanity and spirituality about looking for people who feel their souls. For those of you who are agnostic or not really sure, I use the word "soul" to refer to those who believe there is a higher calling, a higher purpose, and reason for being... and aim for that, sometimes staying on course, and sometimes stumbling, but always pushing forward.

guys... i'm just going to note - with sensitivities all around - that sometimes... divorce happens. I am certain we have all been touched by it - either directly (meaning your parents) or indirectly (meaning your friends or friends' parents or extended family). You also should realize we have more than one or two even here on WTM.org that have gone through that circumstance.

So... I'm only suggesting that like the question that comes up about dating or marrying non-virgins... you might be surprised at how open you may want to be on these questions when you come face to face with someone terrific... who for whatever reasons - whether their lapse of judgment in the moment and request for forgiveness - or for their husband's/wife's/boyfriend's/girlfriend's misguided choices - find themselves on the other side of those lines.

With any luck... we can each continue to have the strength and open arms to embrace all the good souls we each encounter... good souls can come in lots of forms. :-)

6 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

So... I'm only suggesting that like the question that comes up about dating or marrying non-virgins... you might be surprised at how open you may want to be on these questions when you come face to face with someone terrific... who for whatever reasons - whether their lapse of judgment in the moment and request for forgiveness - or for their husband's/wife's/boyfriend's/girlfriend's misguided choices - find themselves on the other side of those lines.

With any luck... we can each continue to have the strength and open arms to embrace all the good souls we each encounter... good souls can come in lots of forms. :-)

ian, I completely agree. I used to believe that I deserved to marry a virgin since I've waited so long and I wouldn't settle for anything "less." But we've all done things we are not proud of, maybe not sex related, but things we regret doing nonetheless. If I can't look past a mistake someone made in the past, what right do I have to expect the other person to do any different? More importantly, I could missing out on an otherwise amazing and loving relationship just because the other person just happens to not be a virgin. I would much rather marry a loving and caring non-virgin than a virgin who I have an okay relationship with.

As for the topic at hand, I would almost certainly marry a widow without kids. There is a big chance that the widow had a loving marriage with her late spouse and so I know they are capable of having a healthy relationship.

With divorcees, if she cheated on her husband than absolutely not and the same goes for other "irreconcilable differences." I would really question that person's willingness to work hard in the relationship. But if they were abused or cheated on then I might marry them.

Single parents are the trickiest because I would only go for one under very specific circumstances. First, she has to love me for me and not just looking for a guy to take care of her child. Secondly, her child and I must get along. Thirdly, until we get married, her child is her responsibility and not mine. If all those are met, then I think I could do it.

2 people like this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't know...I mean I can't really answer this any other way but by saying I'd have to be in those positions. I feel like widowed and divorced would be very unlikely scenarios at this stage of my life. Single parent...ehh definitely not a preference...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
On 5/4/2012 at 8:53 AM, Jegsy Scarr said:

 

Divorced: no. Being Catholic, I believe that when you vow to be together "till death do you part", then that means, you're married until one of you dies. That...actually seems pretty reasonable to me! It's what you promised, after all. Anyway, I wouldn't date a guy if he'd been divorced and his wife was still alive. As far as I'm concerned, when you promise before God to be with someone the rest of your lives, you sort of have to stick to that promise....

This is soooooooooo short-sighted.  I was also short-sighted at one time. 

In general, committing to marriage and staying married is a beautiful sentiment.  But the bible doesn't mention marriage/divorce on some topics such as abuse.  And what about if you are cheated on?

If you have a marriage that does not involve affairs or abuse, wonderful.  But be careful of your words.  Abuse and affairs happen.  Even in the church.  

---
My brother married a single mom who had a 6 year old son.  He became that boy's father - not by legalities but by presence and filling the role and he did so happily.  That was one of the most beautiful examples of grace I've seen. 

Sure, it is easy to marry a virgin but really check your motives.  What extraordinary love it is to marry a single parent and become a father to the fatherless (or mother to the motherless).  THAT'S an unselfish kind of love.  A true gift.  

To anyone reading this who has not found this kind of love and are a single parent.  You're not alone.  Sometimes we just learn to be strong instead. 

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now