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Sriram

Personality Traits

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Do you guys feel your significant other needs to have a the same personality in order to have successful relationship or would you be okay to the personality differences? Like for example I am atheletic, straightforward, and not very spirtual and my significant other is artistic, spiritual, and not straighforward but our values are the same. For me personally I dont know if it would work because i would spend half of relationship trying to figure out what i did wrong if i dont get a straighforward answer. This maybe similar to the thread "similar interests".

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I would like some personality differences. If she is anything like me, both of us will probably be sitting down to a nice dinner, and the two of us probably wouldn't say much. Plus, I am kinda cerebral, and sometimes serious; so it would be nice if she is a little dorky and friendly. Although, if she does possess similar personality traits like me (kindness, not too loud) I wouldn't mind.

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For me personally I dont know if it would work because i would spend half of relationship trying to figure out what i did wrong if i dont get a straighforward answer. This maybe similar to the thread "similar interests".

Well, IMHO, I think that's a reason why God created women - to have that mystique/mystery surround them. I think women do a good job of figuring out us guys, but I think guys need to work on figuring out women (e.g., what did she just say to me, what did that look mean?). Unless, of course, you're married to your wife for more than 10 years or so, than "maybe" you figured her out. Although, nowadays, you can go to your local book store, pick up a book about women psychology, and some of the answers might be in there.

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Well, IMHO, I think that's a reason why God created women - to have that mystique/mystery surround them. I think women do a good job of figuring out us guys, but I think guys need to work on figuring out women (e.g., what did she just say to me, what did that look mean?). Unless, of course, you're married to your wife for more than 10 years or so, than "maybe" you figured her out. Although, nowadays, you can go to your local book store, pick up a book about women psychology, and some of the answers might be in there.

Very Good Point....I think as long you can respect each others differences it will work out but my concern is there will eventually be a point where shes just like" ahhh i wish he was more artistic" i definitly think its bound to happend sometime like your spouse might not openly tell you to avoid hurting your feelings but inside i bet it happends.

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I don't necessarily think it's about having the same personality as much as its about having compatible personalities. For instance, having good chemistry, getting each other's humor, understanding each other, etc regardless of specific traits. Some differences in personalities keeps things interesting, kinda keeps you guessing, but in a good way! IMO. Although on the flipside of that, I do think that similar traits are helpful too. Like if you're both easy-going, or down to earth, or have similar sensibilities, etc.

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I dont think there's one universal formula....sometimes you hear that opposites attract and then you hear that similar people attract. In my opinion, having similar values is more important than having identical personalities.

To illustrate my point, I was dating a guy in college who turned out to have a very lazy attitude to his studies and to work in general. He didnt value education. He didnt have the belief that I had that whatever you do you should always strive to do your personal best. (You dont have the be the best, just the best that you can do, whatever level that is). Anyway this really grated with me. I envisaged myself married to this guy and trying to raise kids with him.....and it wasnt a pretty picture. I saw him sabotaging any kind of value I would try to instil in my children e.g. if I would try to teach them about the importance of doing homework he would probably tell them to watch TV etc.

Needless to say that relationship ended very quickly. We had no common values although we did get on and have fun times together, there was that foundation of common beliefs missing.

So I think that while common values are essential, common personalities are optional. I mean everyone will have certain traits that they are looking for in a S/O but other than that I think different personalities and quirks can add a good flavour and dynamic to a relationship. As long as a core compatability is there I wouldnt worry too much about being somewhat different....Variety is the spice of life after all!!!! :)

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I'd like for him to have the same values, beliefs, etc, as I have. Personality? I would prefer him to be somewhat active, as I'd like to be with someone who would urge me to push my boundaries a little. I would prefer him to be outgoing, because I'm so reserved and would like to have a balance between us, but the important thing in that is that he wants balance, too. I'd prefer if we enjoy similar, but not exact, forms of humor. I don't get dry humor too often, but sarcasm is appreciated, and I enjoy sophisticated humor to slapstick. What I'm getting at is this, I'd rather us be relatively polar opposites than be with someone like myself. I enjoy differences.

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