Sophie

Why DO we always dig the bad boys?

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A lot of women just find "good" men too stable and boring. I put it in scare quotes because the meaning of the word tends to be subjective theses days.

 

If this is true, then can I reach the conclusion that those women who feel this way have a serious character flaw? What if the good guy has a great sense of humor, is highly intelligent, but is a very considerate and respectful human being? 

 

Perhaps I have no interest in a girl who digs the bad boy because she lacks discernment and has the wrong priorities when pursuing someone to be in a relationship with.

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If this is true, then can I reach the conclusion that those women who feel this way have a serious character flaw? What if the good guy has a great sense of humor, is highly intelligent, but is a very considerate and respectful human being? 

 

Perhaps I have no interest in a girl who digs the bad boy because she lacks discernment and has the wrong priorities when pursuing someone to be in a relationship with.

 

Of course its true, I've seen it first hand. This is what I call a lower denominator; like if someone is used to be on the run from the law, they wake up one day and find that that's the only thing that excites him. Or this one girl I heard from on YouTube who was only with (do I dare say "attracted to"?) a man because he'd murdered someone. Most good guys do have everything you mentioned and more, but generally speaking, women find the wild, dangerous guy infinitely more interesting.Not saying its right. Just what it is.

 

And no, you do not want these toxic wretches within ten feet of your financial assets or more importantly, your heart.

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A lot of women just find "good" men too stable and boring. I put it in scare quotes because the meaning of the word tends to be subjective theses days.

Then again, these women are not looking for true husbands.  And with a subjective definition, it is hard to talk about, because it wold mean that we don't all mean the same things, which would make it difficult to have a discussion.

 

By "bad boys," I assumed that what was meant was someone who broke the law, was on drugs, didn't respect women or their boundaries, didn't try to guard a woman's heart, and wanted to get physical with her before she was ready, or wanted to influence her in that direction....basically someone who is a bad influence in general.   That kind of image is what comes to mind when I think about the "bad boy" concept.

 

By "good boys," the image I think about is someone who is just an all around great person.  Someone who is for the woman he is with, and won't try to push the boundaries, someone who treats his woman well, someone who helps out and is a great friend, and certainly would be future husband material.  Someone who was a great influence on others.

 

Now, I don't know, maybe some people don't view it like that.  Maybe some people equate "bad boy" with being adventurous and fun, and equates "good boy" with being someone who doesn't like taking risks, and who is just nice but is nothing special, etc.  But to me, those definitions aren't what I think, and if that is what is meant, then different titles should be used.  Things like "Risk Taker" and "Non-risk Taker."   That would be more descriptive.  Just my thoughts here.

 

So if we are talking about Risk Taking, then it is all on a continuum, rather than being one or the other.   I don't think I would be attracted to someone one either extreme of the scale.   I would tend to go for guys who were closer to the Non-risk Taker than Risk Taker, but I wouldn't want him not to be willing to take any kind of risks at all. 

 

A complete non-risk taker would be boring, yes, but they also probably would not be willing to take any risks for God, either -- such as sharing his faith with others, approaching people in social situations where he might be rejected, or just going for a walk for fear that something might happen, etc.  So I do think that some risk is good, but not reckless risk.  

 

But, according to my definition of "good guys" and "bad guys," I would not find "good guys" boring in the least.  Rather, I would find them interesting.

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Of course its true, I've seen it first hand. This is what I call a lower denominator; like if someone is used to be on the run from the law, they wake up one day and find that that's the only thing that excites him. Or this one girl I heard from on YouTube who was only with (do I dare say "attracted to"?) a man because he'd murdered someone. Most good guys do have everything you mentioned and more, but generally speaking, women find the wild, dangerous guy infinitely more interesting.Not saying its right. Just what it is.

 

And no, you do not want these toxic wretches within ten feet of your financial assets or more importantly, your heart.

When dealing with people, especially on the Internet, there are always going to be extremes, and it is the extremes that seem more memorable to people.

 

Honestly, if you talked to the average woman who wants to get married, she probably will tell you she would prefer the "good guy" to the "bad one."  Of course this will depend on what your sample is....maybe I'm just a weird woman who prefers men who are considered "good guys."  But I know that I'm not alone.   

 

Another problem might be that some of these "good guys" are not attracted to the "good girls," but instead have their eyes on the "bad girls," finding "good girls" to be boring.   I have seen this myself.  But I personally would not be interested in a guy who found "bad girls" attractive.

 

So....it is clear to me that there are some "good guys" who are only interested in "bad girls," and there are some "good girls" who are only interested in "bad guys."  I am unconvinced that either is representative of the general population.   It just might seem like it is to you because that's what you happen to be seeing.

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When dealing with people, especially on the Internet, there are always going to be extremes, and it is the extremes that seem more memorable to people.

 

Honestly, if you talked to the average woman who wants to get married, she probably will tell you she would prefer the "good guy" to the "bad one."  Of course this will depend on what your sample is....maybe I'm just a weird woman who prefers men who are considered "good guys."  But I know that I'm not alone.   

 

Another problem might be that some of these "good guys" are not attracted to the "good girls," but instead have their eyes on the "bad girls," finding "good girls" to be boring.   I have seen this myself.  But I personally would not be interested in a guy who found "bad girls" attractive.

 

So....it is clear to me that there are some "good guys" who are only interested in "bad girls," and there are some "good girls" who are only interested in "bad guys."  I am unconvinced that either is representative of the general population.   It just might seem like it is to you because that's what you happen to be seeing.

 

"A lot of women just find "good" men too stable and boring."

 

^^ Where did I ever state that it is representative of the general population? I said it happens, and that I know for a fact. And yes, people who generalize and lump others into one sweeping box are not people you want to really associate or get intimate with.

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"A lot of women just find "good" men too stable and boring."

 

^^ Where did I ever state that it is representative of the general population? I said it happens, and that I know for a fact. And yes, people who generalize and lump others into one sweeping box are not people you want to really associate or get intimate with.

I'm sorry....I misunderstood...It just seemed like you were suggesting that most women tend to go for the "bad guys." 

 

 

You wrote this earlier:

 

Of course its true, I've seen it first hand. This is what I call a lower denominator; like if someone is used to be on the run from the law, they wake up one day and find that that's the only thing that excites him. Or this one girl I heard from on YouTube who was only with (do I dare say "attracted to"?) a man because he'd murdered someone. Most good guys do have everything you mentioned and more, but generally speaking, women find the wild, dangerous guy infinitely more interesting.Not saying its right. Just what it is.

 

And no, you do not want these toxic wretches within ten feet of your financial assets or more importantly, your heart.

 

So to me, the part I bolded -- it sounded like you were suggesting that most women preferred "bad guys" to "good guys."

 

I'm sorry if I misunderstood your comment.  I wasn't trying to put words in your mouth.  I was trying to understand what you had written.

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I think that women are generally into guys who are confident, and who seem like leaders. I've always been drawn in by guys who appear confident , whether they live a good or bad lifestyle. However, with the bad boys, my intellect serves as a stop sign to my hormonal butterflies :P , and I start thinking 'what are his priorities in life?' 'Would he accept me for who I am?'

And if the answers to those questions aren't satisfactory, then my attraction would start to reduce drastically :)

The problem is, the 'nice guys' are rarely the ones who have the high self esteem(dont start yelling at me, im not talking about guys on this website! ) A lot of 'nice guys' would like to live a more bad boy lifestyle but as they dont know how, they get labelled 'the nice guy'. And girls can see right through low self esteem.

But when we do find a nice guy who also seems confident... We get attracted pretty easily!

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The problem is, the 'nice guys' are rarely the ones who have the high self esteem(dont start yelling at me, im not talking about guys on this website! ) A lot of 'nice guys' would like to live a more bad boy lifestyle but as they dont know how, they get labelled 'the nice guy'. And girls can see right through low self esteem.

But when we do find a nice guy who also seems confident... We get attracted pretty easily!

 

The bad boys may be confident but they are also inherently weak minded. They are a slave to their animal instincts. 

 

You see.... Nice guys have all the same temptations and pulls that the "bad boys" do. The difference is that the nice guys fight an internal war to overcome these tendencies where the bad boys simply give in because their internal game is weak.

 

A person can have all the trappings of strength on the outside, but if you look a little deeper, you will see the reality of the situation: They are slaves to the whims of their emotions. They have little control over their mind. As a result, they can become very problematic morally. Morals, patience, and virtue requires sustained strength. Anger, bitterness, and the need to be seen as strong even if it costs others their well-being only demands you give into your lower instincts.

 

Speaking for myself... I consider myself a nice guy and also very confident. 

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Iag... I don't know, I agree with you in part about the qualities of a nice guy, to refrain from temptation... but I would say that those are the qualities of a true confident nice guy, a guy who is exposed to temptation, who has opportunities but doesnt take them. I think those kinds of guys are confident, and do get attention from girls, because of their confidence and self esteem.. I also think there are more of those people on this website, because this website is for people who want to cling on to their values despite having opportunities to do other things. A guy that is not easy to date, because he is confident and picky, is also more attractive. It takes a certain amount of confidence to wait for marriage in a world where society is pressuring you to do otherwise.

But there are plenty of other ways to further improve confidence and attraction level , by acting well within your conscience, by dressing well, by taking on leadership roles, and by trying to approach others without worrying what the other person is thinking etc. These endeavours both increase ones confidence and show confidence, and they also show a woman that you have value as a leader, you can be leaned on, and you are not easy to get... and hence simultaneously increase ones attraction level. A guy who is WTM and who wants to develop on his attraction level, could also compete the above personal development,

The kind of people I was talking about earlier, and the ones who are most often labelled 'nice guys', are not the ones you would find on a website like this. These are people who dont have confidence, and who also don't have that many opportunities for sexual release yet. They are the guys who complain that they want sexual release, they want the one night stands, but they always get friend zoned, and always get labelled 'the nice guy', and then they go to people like pickup artists for advice of how to get women into bed :) These guys think that its their 'niceness' that brings them down, but it is actually their lack of confidence. I'm talking about 'nice guys' like the average highschool male wanting to lose his virginity before prom, Howard and Rajesh from Big Bang theory or Ross and Chandler from friends, genuinely good people, but who can't get girls because of their low self esteem, and who wouldn't resist temptation if it came to them at all :P

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I've found that many "nice guys" just want the same thing as "bad boys", they just lack the drive and confidence to get it.

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I think some of it is the mind games.  Guys who are inconsistant with their attitude towards you will send you on a roller coaster of emotions and the ups and downs sort of give you an exciting high.  Then it goads the girls into wanting to chase the guys because they dont want to be the one who is being rejected.  A man who really cares about a woman is not going to allow her to be on a confusing emotional ride though.  If he wants her he is usually pretty direct. Agressiveness is alway attractive in a man to me but I try not to get too attached to someone who is being wishy washy about what he wants with me.  That usually means that he isnt that into me anyway. 

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Go up to a guy and say 'hey mate i've got this girl for you, she'll definitely cheat, will be either physically/mentally abusive or maybe both, will treat you like crap and degrade you, talk about you behind her back to her mates... but she's a 'bad girl'. What do you think the male reaction would be?!  A bad boy sleeps around to impress his mates/because he can. Women think they're better in bed because of it. Most guys I know couldn't give two shits about the woman's satisfaction. It's funny for them to screw a girl, degrade her and leave, why would you want a guy like that?!! For me when I get married etc It'll be with the woman I love which means her satisfaction comes first. Every guy can learn and become good and if your sole aim is the other persons satisfaction... that's the basis for a great relationship.

 

Girls don't see what guys say/do behind their back. The nicest guy I know and who is very nice and respectful with women still filmed himself at it with his girlfriend. Girls if you're unsure about a guy (will he cheat?) ask a guy, i'm always stunned when girls are shocked the jerk they've been seeing has been seeing many more on the side.

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I've found that many "nice guys" just want the same thing as "bad boys", they just lack the drive and confidence to get it.

All men want sex, it's whether they want it quick and with no strings attached or whether they want it as part of a loving relationship. I'm very confident and flirty around women, but flings vs that one special person? No contest. Oh and women are to men what goals are like for strikers, score one and then they're off and flying.

 

Confidence breeds confidence

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Iag... I don't know, I agree with you in part about the qualities of a nice guy, to refrain from temptation... but I would say that those are the qualities of a true confident nice guy, a guy who is exposed to temptation, who has opportunities but doesnt take them. I think those kinds of guys are confident, and do get attention from girls, because of their confidence and self esteem.. I also think there are more of those people on this website, because this website is for people who want to cling on to their values despite having opportunities to do other things. A guy that is not easy to date, because he is confident and picky, is also more attractive. It takes a certain amount of confidence to wait for marriage in a world where society is pressuring you to do otherwise.

But there are plenty of other ways to further improve confidence and attraction level , by acting well within your conscience, by dressing well, by taking on leadership roles, and by trying to approach others without worrying what the other person is thinking etc. These endeavours both increase ones confidence and show confidence, and they also show a woman that you have value as a leader, you can be leaned on, and you are not easy to get... and hence simultaneously increase ones attraction level. A guy who is WTM and who wants to develop on his attraction level, could also compete the above personal development,

The kind of people I was talking about earlier, and the ones who are most often labelled 'nice guys', are not the ones you would find on a website like this. These are people who dont have confidence, and who also don't have that many opportunities for sexual release yet. They are the guys who complain that they want sexual release, they want the one night stands, but they always get friend zoned, and always get labelled 'the nice guy', and then they go to people like pickup artists for advice of how to get women into bed :) These guys think that its their 'niceness' that brings them down, but it is actually their lack of confidence. I'm talking about 'nice guys' like the average highschool male wanting to lose his virginity before prom, Howard and Rajesh from Big Bang theory or Ross and Chandler from friends, genuinely good people, but who can't get girls because of their low self esteem, and who wouldn't resist temptation if it came to them at all :P

Hey thanks for saying that. It's really hard sometime to say no (for obvious reasons!) and my mates give me plenty of shit for it but resisting temptation feels great. It's the same feeling as ignoring a food craving and not giving in, shitty at first but then you start feeling proud of yourself!

 

I mean i'm 22, my mates and i go clubbing and stuff and you do of course get the occasional offer to go home with a girl. To me though that's just sex on it's own, but the romantic idea of having one partner for life keeps me going.

Until I end up 60 and alone and then i'll probably start desperately dialling hookers!

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All men want sex, it's whether they want it quick and with no strings attached or whether they want it as part of a loving relationship. I'm very confident and flirty around women, but flings vs that one special person? No contest. Oh and women are to men what goals are like for strikers, score one and then they're off and flying.

 

Confidence breeds confidence

 

You say this like it was completely unheard of until recently. My points was was that a guy appearing "nice" doesn't necessarily mean he has honorable intentions.

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You say this like it was completely unheard of until recently. My points was was that a guy appearing "nice" doesn't necessarily mean he has honorable intentions.

It didn't seem that way, you sounded like you were saying nice guys want sex but can't get laid due to lack of confidence etc as opposed to a wolf in sheep's clothing analogy. But the point you've made more clearly I agree with.

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